I hate to be a poo-pooer, but are the Disney Princess love interests really all that? If I may be so bold as to answer my own question, no, no they are not. Henceforth this article. I mean we're always busting on the 'love story' in Twilight but are the Disney romances any better? Why are the Disney Princesses all gaga over these dudes? Here's a look at 6 Disney Princes that would make horrible boyfriends.
Who: Aladdin is a common street rat with a criminal record, until Princess Jasmine saves him from his horrible life of marketplace thievery.
Why they would make a horrible boyfriend: Guys can be bitter if they're with a woman who is more successful than they are.
Sure Aladdin is a nice guy, but we all know Jasmine is kind of a spoiled beeyotch. It's only a matter of time before she starts rubbing her wealth into his face and even a good guy can only take so much. Soon he'll be rubbing his lamp in every harem in the kingdom, just to prove he's got some power. After Jasmine dumps him, he'll always feel the need to have the upper hand, even if you're the one paying the bills. Also his pet monkey, Abu, looks like he'd be a pain in the a** to deal with.
Who: Prince Eric loves the sea so much he marries a half-fish.He is also famous for being incredibly dumb.
Why they would make a horrible boyfriend: You'd have to dumb yourself down to be with him.
Is it any wonder that he fell in love with a mute girl on a beach? Sure he's brave and all, but perhaps he's just too dumb to assess the danger of a task? I couldn't take those sad dumb eyes looking at me every time a brought up a subject he couldn't comprehend. Although if you love having a guy that you can manipulate the hell out of, Prince Eric is the one for you. But prepare yourself for heart break because this guy is a Darwin Award Winner if I've ever seen one.
Who: Prince Charming is most famous for having his daddy throw him a ball so he can find a wife. Kind of like the reality show The Bachelor, only more successful.
Why they would make a horrible boyfriend: Forgetful
Best case scenario, you get married and he forgets every anniversary, birthday and the fact that you've asked him numerous times to clean the toothpaste out of the sink. Worst case scenario you do the walk of shame after a night with him, only to have him try and pick you up again the next night as if you were a complete stranger.
Prince Adam/The Beast
Who: Prince Adam is a total jerk who gets turned into a Beast because he's too snooty to accept a rose from a woman he finds repulsive. Too bad she was an Enchantress testing him!! FAIL.
Why they would make a horrible boyfriend: Hot-tempered
Who needs to live with someone who might constantly go psycho at any moment?? I know we all wanna believe that the Beast has changed...but has he?? I mean I'm not saying he's a Chris Brown or anything. Oh crap. Now Chris Brown fans are gonna send me death threats for insinuating that Chris Brown is a violent beast. Let me just clarify something... I'm not insinuating that. I'm declaring it proudly.
Who: Prince Naveen is sexy and he knows it. Yeah he marries good girl Tiana, but not until after he tries to mack on her BFF Charlotte.
Why they would make a horrible boyfriend: Total player.
Prince Naveen is so damn good-looking, even if he doesn't want to cheat, he'll have women throwing themselves at him constantly. It's only a matter of time before you catch him in bed with some toad he picked up at a bar. "It just happened..." he'll say. Rage explosion. Do you really need to go to jail for committing a crime of passion??
Who:Li Shang is the cocky warrior who falls for his best friend Mulan. Who he thought was a dude.
Why they would make a horrible boyfriend: Constantly questioning his sexuality.
I'm fine with guys liking guys, guys liking girls or guys liking guys and girls. But I don't wanna be with a guy who is confused about what he likes in the least bit. It's gotta be a trip if you think you're straight and you fall in love with a girl you thought had a penis. I'm sure that would leave us all confused! Also I'm counting him as a prince, suckas! Because Disney counts Mulan as a Princess. So don't go there with me! Pretty please?
Who do you think is the worst Disney boyfriend? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!