I’m neither a hater nor a lover of the Twilight books. Like a good school marm I’m just happy kids are reading. The films however are an increasingly deranged teal hued CG nightmare where everyone looks like they’re the middle person in the Human Centipede and the first person just had chili. But nobody, I mean nobody hates these films more than Robert Pattinson.
And it’s not like he’s been subtle. As various
you. This has been going on for quite some time. But let’s look at the facts scientifically:
1. His Irreverent Twilight Commentary
Twihard or no I sincerely think you owe it to yourself to listen to a few moments of Pattinson in the DVD commentary. He’s this close to making farting noises at any given moment.
2. His Dislike of His Own Character
But wait, there’s more! In his own words from a Q&A in Brussels: "Girls often say that Edward's 'sooo perfect,' but he's not. I do not like people who try to exert control in a relationship, when there is an imbalance. This is very wrong and very strange." Good thing he doesn’t have a PR team to prevent him from spinning gold like a dashing Rumplestilskin.
3. His Disdain For Stephanie Meyer
You know, I’m going to go get a sandwich for the next few and let him riff. Miss you! : “When I read it ... I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and ... It was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her - her sort of sexual fantasy about some - especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, 'Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy' and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that ... I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation.” - 2008 video interview with E!Online.
4. His Breaking Dawn Book Review
"Have sex, demon baby. No, they get married first, demon baby, Jacob falls in love with the little baby [laughs], then everyone tries to kill each other, but nothing happens. Oh, that's the second one [laughs even harder]." - July, at ComicCon.
5. His Own Acting In The Movies
"...The more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself." – Empire Magazine.
6. His Fan Appreciation
Oh hey guys! That sandwich was boss. So anyways, when Pattinson was on Late Night, Jimmy Fallon asked: “Millions of Twilight fans out there just cannot wait to see this. It’s almost heartbreaking because they don’t want it to be over. It’s a little bittersweet, isn’t it?”. His response:
Classic. And finally…
7. His Reaction To News of a Possible New Twilight Book
Do you hate Twilight more than Robert Pattinson? Let me know in a haiku on Twitter or leave a comment below!