We did it you guys! We made it to the final Twilight film. I don’t know if we made it for the better, but by the grace of all that’s sparkly and constipated, we’re here. For some, the journey has been more treacherous. And by treacherous I’m clearly talking about Kristen Stewart and her foray into dry hump homewrecking. A foray that was in no way a publicity tool or at all the fault of the married man with kids. Nope. All her. Now that they’re, “back together” there are ways to make the premiere a little less awkward than it’s clearly going to be. And if these don’t work, meet me in LA - I’ll bring the popcorn.
1. Skype The Whole Thing
If the entire premiere was done with an assistant carrying them around via iPad, nobody has to be in the room and deal with the awkwardness! It’s Kristen Stewarts dream!
2. Nobody Is Allowed To Say The Words “Snow” or “White”
It’s best for everyone if there was no mention of the film that led to the infidelity by anyone within an earshot of the couple during the premiere. Not using these two words, however, may make the after party a little less…festive. And by festive I mean in a Robert Downey Jr. in the 80s way.
3. Ab Distractions (Abs-tractions)
Lautner could be outfitted with tear away clothing to pull focus should there be a fight or silences that last longer than a couple seconds or if there’s a red carpet…
4. Everyone Hides In Their Own Hair
I hear that Kristen Stewart has an original Atari system installed under her hair when she goes into, “Hide From Paparazzi” mode. It’s the entire reason she goes out at all anymore.
5. Remind Them That It’s Almost Over
And if all else fails, remind the poor bastards that once the movie is out of theatres and the death threats have died down they are free to break-up for real and date the first lanky, unwashed hanger on they come across. That is, until the DVD release.
What would you do if you had to be in the same room with someone who done you wrong? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!
