There have been rumors recently that Carly Rae Jepsen, singer of this summer's best and somehow simultaneously worst song "Call Me Maybe", had nude pictures of herself stolen from her computer. And now it sounds like, where there's smoke there's fire, because TMZ is reporting that police are confirming the pictures do exist and that Jepsen is working frantically to get them back. It doesn't say specifically how she's working to get them back, but I like to think she's hitting the streets, old grizzled detective-style, talking to anyone and everyone, hoping to find a lead.
"Well, if you do hear anything, here's my number. Do the
thing you can guess I would want you to do in this situation."
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According to TMZ, if the hacker who stole the photos is caught, they'll face some serious jail time. You know, I always feel weird using the word "hacker" when we talk about this stuff. What does "hacking" actually mean? It's like the catch-all term for "doing something mean on the internet". Like, did somebody just guess her password? Because honestly, I suspect anyone with a free afternoon could guess her password.
She just seems like someone whose password is "password".
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Let's be honest. This is a terrible thing to happen to Carly Rae Jepsen. I feel like we should be thinking of her as a professional singer, someone whose job it is to sing fun songs about calling her maybe. Are we, as a society, saying that the cost of fulfilling that dream is the most public and extreme of embarrassments? What if every job worked like that?
"Well Bob, you're clearly the best architect, but I'm afraid if
we're going to bring you aboard you're going to need to literally
take a sh*t in front of everyone in the office."
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But at the same time, when these pictures come out, what am I gonna do? Ignore them? Tweet about the harm they're doing to my fellow human being? Write an angry letter to the editors of popular internet blogs? No! I'm gonna look at them. Because I'm an animal with an animal brain and I want to see attractive women naked. That's how human beings are wired. This underlying primal thinking is the worst part of mankind—it leads us to kill, to covet, to dehumanize. And I think the only thing we can do is be aware of it and try to be better.
But no one is going to be able to say no to nude pictures of Carly Rae Jeppsen. It's too high a mountain to climb our first time out. We've got to ease into it. Maybe we could get used to saying no to this kind of exploitation if, say, nude photos came out of Seth Rogen.
Who am I kidding? I'd look anyway.
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What do you think about what happened to Carly are Jepsen? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
