Nintendo really set the world on fire with its Wii, a console that brought motion gaming to the forefront and therefore featured some of the most insipid, broken of this generation. But despite them all, the Wii had about the same number of good games as any other Nintendo console, and, just like any other Nintendo console, they were all made by Nintendo. But the toxicity of motion control seeped into every nook and cranny of the Wii, including Nintendo's gems. Here are the worst instances of motion control in amazing Nintendo games.
This stupid ball crap in Super Mario Galaxy
Super Mario Galaxy plays better than almost any game ever made — simply running around on these worlds feels fun and intuitive. So how come towards the end of the game they stick you on top of a ball and make you balance for an hour and a half? Now, I know that the course is ultimately very short and shouldn't take an hour and a half to beat it, but that time accounts for the trip I had to make to GameStop to buy a new Wii Remote after I smashed the first one with a hammer and then smashed that hammer with my fists.
Anything in Metroid Prime 3 that involved pulling or pushing away from the screen
Aiming the blaster and pulling wih the grappling hook in Metroid Prime 3 were no problem, but activating computer consoles. Man, I haven't stressed more about the angle I was pushing something forwad at since I lost my virginity. Wait, let me rephrase that. Losing my virginity? Man, I haven't stressed more about the angle I was pushing something forwad at since I activated computer consoles in Metroid Prime 3. See, I lost my virginity after I played Metroid Prime 3. LONG after.
The waggling in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
The motion control in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess was clearly tacked on at the last minute, as waggling your arms around does the exact same thing as pressing a button. Now, usually, when motion control seems unnecessary, you can't tell because you've never actually TRIED the game with buttons. But in Twilight Princess' case, a much more intuitive Gamecube version came out on the same day.
I get it, the Wii version was brand new and had features the Gamecube version didn't, but picking the Wii version over the GameCube would be like eating a hamburger with four buns. Remember, more is not always better. Sometimes you just want to eat a hamburger like an adult.
Rolling in Donkey Kong Country
It's not that activating the moption sensor to roll in Donkey Kong Country is bad, pre se. In fact, the mechanic functions quite well. It's just that when you actually make the jerking motion it looks like you're having a sharp, sudden, nervous tick. And nervous ticks make you look suspicious. This all comes together to make playing Donkey Kong Country Returns after you've taken your roommates' last cookie or murdered a homeless man extremely uncomfortable.
Boxing in Wii Sports
When you play Wii Boxing, there's a short delay between your real-life punches and the punches of your on-screen boxing avatar. It's just long enough that you notice something's off subconciously. It's like when your grandmother's eyes used to be blue and now you notice they're green. Something's wrong, but it's hard to put your finger on just what it is. Of course, when you're murdered by an alternate universe version of your grandmother looking for her universe to become the strongest of universes, it starts to make sense. I'll admit that that simile got away form me a little bit there, but the point is WE MIUST BECOME THE STRONGEST UNIVERSE.
Which use of motion control did you find most offensive? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
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