rights to the Star Wars franchise. It's a huge deal, one that impacts one of the biggest movie franchises in history. But it can really only be for the better — here's why Disney's purchase of Star Wars is the best news in history.
Episode 7 will be basically George Lucas-free
Listen, Everyone knew the problems with Star Wars besides George Lucas. Episode One was a great movie on paper. Anakin Skywalker, chosen one, hero of the Republic, falls victim to hate and murders his wife and his friends. That is an awesome, tragic story. But George Lucas got in there with his shotty script and complete inability to direct actors and turned it into a goddamn farce. Literally anyone else in the world could have directed a better movie than the Star Wars prequels. Honestly, you put Natalie Portman in an old warehouse with the director of Ice Cube's Are We Done Yet and an iPhone 3GS to film with and you'll get a better movie than Attack of the Clones.
More Star Wars movies mean more Star Wars toys
Great, now I'm going to have to have TWO rooms in my house that I never let girls see.
Star Wars in Kingdom Hearts 3
A lot of people on the internet seem to be excited that Goofy and Donald Duck and anime sword key kid can go to Tatooine now, and while I've never played Kingdom Hearts, I'm happy when other people are happy. It's what makes me a good person. You should try it sometime, DONALD TRUMP. Nah, he's a good guy, just tryin' to make it in the world. Anyway, hooray for things!
Disney gets that acclaimed filmmakers make good movies
After Joss Wedon's The Avengers performed spectacularly at the box office, it would be fair to say that Disney sees the value in getting an accomplished directort to helm the Star Wars franchise. So who might direct 2015's upcoming Episode 7? The Social Network's David Fincher? The Incredibles' Brad Bird? The Shining's Stanley Kubrick? I know he's dead, but I wouldn't underestimate the power of the Disney media empire.
Pixar could get its hands on Star Wars
Just the notion that the people who Toy Story and Wall-E could give notes on a Star Wars movie makes me so happy that I've literally spent the morning on my back wiggling my legs like a baby puppy.
Star Wars characters could end up in the Marvel universe
Can Wolverine's audamantium skeleton withstand a lightsaber? Now that Marvel and Star Wars are under the same Disney umbrealla, we could see a comic book crossover that has the potential answers this long-standing question. And then I can FINALLY get some sleep.
More Star Wars characters at Disneyland
I remember going to Disneyland as a kid, and for some reason, I was ALL ABOUT meeting Pluto. I guess he was my favorite Disney character? But now, the next time I go to Disneyland, I'm not gonna give one single sh*t about Pluto — I'm gonna be straight-up looking for Chewbacca. And while the thought of a lonely Pluto slumped in a corner, head in hands, is depressing, it doesnt outweigh the overwhelming joy I get thinking about having an autograph from a guy in a Chewbacca costume.
SERIOUSLY THOUGH SOMEONE WHO ISN'T GEORGE LUCAS IS GOING TO DIRECT A STAR WARS MOVIE
DO YOU KNOW HOW INSANE THAT IS EVERY ITEM ON THIS LIST SHOULD BE THAT SOMEONE WHO ISN'T GEORGE LUCAS IS GOING TO DIRECT A STAR WARS MOVIE.
Princess Leia now becomes a Disney princess
And thank goodness. We don't have NEARLY enough white Disney princesses.
We're going to see more of Han Solo
Disney paid 4 billion dollars for Star Wars, yes, but along with it they got Han Solo. Han Solo. Unquestionably the coolest character in history. If the whole Greedo Shot First controversy hadn't driven down Han's value, there's no way Disney would have gotten Star Wars away with only 4 billion dollars — they would have had to offer up not only would Walt Disney's frozen head, but also his frozen d*ck.
What's your favorite part of the Disney/ Star Wars announcement? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!