Every town has its pluses and minuses. But while the following cartoon cities may look like nice places to live, it would only be a matter of time before you were dying to get the hell out.
Springfield
Minor Draws: Everybody knows each other, including mobsters. Unidentified location means far fewer embarrassing Google Earth photos for community. The city’s first ten Halloweens were a lot of fun.
Major Drawbacks: City can erupt in massive rioting or looting in a heartbeat. One clown seems to control almost all viewing choices, merchandising, and food options. Grocery shopping confined to a single 7-11 knockoff. Your entire life will revolve around a bald idiot and his curiously coiffed family.
Bedrock
Minor Draws: Being made entirely of stone means town will never catch on fire. Currency is based on clams, which can be earned or simply plucked out of the ocean.
Major Drawbacks: Almost all appliances are uncaged or unleashed animals, meaning there are as many fatal maulings as there are clean dishes. All transportation is by foot, including cars, trains, and rapidly sinking boats. Given combination of humans and dinosaurs the entire city resembles a bad diorama from a creationist museum.
Land of Ooo
Minor Draws: If you have to live in a post-apocalyptic future landscape, you could do worse than one with a talking dog voiced by Bender and a boy whose choice of headgear surprisingly does not signify severe mental deficiency.
Major Drawbacks: Ooo is like Candyland if it had been repeatedly nuked. There is only one human, but plenty of human remains scattered about. Magic is everywhere, but in a form that would make you vomit things you ate as a baby out of overwhelming fear if it were not colorfully animated.
Arlen, Texas
Minor Draws: Easygoing vibe. Access to great Mexican soap opera featuring an assassin priest. Warm weather means you can apparently still get away with only a white T-shirt during Christmas festivities.
Major Drawbacks: Entire city’s economy—and social life—seems to revolve around propane tanks and middle school football, meaning instead of attracting tourist dollars or big business Arlen is a magnet for lovers of charred meat and very low-level sports gambling.
Dimmsdale
Minor Draws: Rather clean. Clearly did something right to warrant such a huge sign proudly proclaiming its name. People aren’t too bright so it doesn’t take much to be an intellectual giant here.
Major Drawbacks: Parents seems absolutely indifferent to the welfare of their kids. You don’t get called “Dim” because everyone in town knows how to act well in a crisis. The city seems to be coping with magical, accidentally destructive forces on such a regular basis that one would think they simply paved over Hellmouth.
Gotham City
Minor Draws: The most famous, bustling city in America if you ignore places like New York or Chicago or the like. Seems to be under the watchful eye of an ever-vigilant guardian of the night.
Major Drawbacks: City is at the mercy of every evil lunatic with an expense account at Party City. The previously mentioned guardian is also the head of the city’s main corporation and economic lifeline, so you can imagine how well that’s going between heavy beatings. If the bridges don’t blow up the hospital will.
Any other cartoon towns you'd hate to live in? Let us know in the comments!
