Little children have been a nutritional staple/pastime of monsters and boogeymen before there were closets or beds to lurk under. Parents have cleverly used this fact to their advantage, often bargaining with their brats for good behavior lest they get forked over. Cross culturally many specific types of fiends appear over and over again. Here is a list of the 8 most common types (with plenty of crossover) that the mostly under 18 set need to watch out for. OR ELSE.
Collectors (Slender Man, Tooth Fairy)
Whether it’s whole kids or body parts, the Collectors are the hoarders of the underworld. They just can’t help themselves! To your organs! Eh? Eh? This commenter knows what I’m talking about.
Sins Of The Father (Freddy Kruger, Jason Vorhees)
These types are usually created through reckless behavior or well meaning mobs. Revenge is the order of the day, and it’s best served with sequels.
Old Ladies (Baba Yaga, Black Anis, Hansel and Gretel’s Witch)
The next time you hear an old lady say they want to eat those cute wittle baby waby feet, you should probably take them a little more seriously. No child deserves to be gummed to death.
Just For The Hell Of It (Michael Myers, Pennywise)
Sometimes I watch Halloween and I realize I have never committed to anything as much as Michael Myers has committed to killing horny teenagers. Respect.
Yum In The Tum (Krampus, Cuco, Pale Man)
In the monster’s defense, because of all the fattening foods and inactivity, you children do look delicious. Just keep your eyes glued to Ian or Anthony’s dreamy haircuts and don’t worry about the BBQ sau- I mean savory lotion being applied to your hindquarters.
But I Am Your Daughter (Changelings, Cuckoos, Damien)
This type isn’t exactly in it for the child murder per se. It’s just a means to an end to steal their life and get all the toys and love they aren’t appreciating anyways. I’ve had similar thoughts whenever I hear about Suri Cruises’ birthdays.
Ladies Who Want Babies (The Woman in Black, La Llorona, Lilith)
These terrifying ladies just want a baby, their baby, your baby to call their own. Which leads me to believe that even hell has US Weekly’s with Jennifer Aniston’s sad womb on the cover.
Jerry Sandusky
This one is by far the scariest!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Get googling if you’ve never heard of some on the list and you’ll be in for a treat! Which type of monster scares you the most? Any you want to feed, I don’t know, a younger sibling to? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below! OR ELSE!
