This merchandise is so bizarre that it proves one thing. Directioners will buy any and all kinds of crap that helps them express their love for One Direction. Including One Direction music! I kid, I kid, Directioners. You know I love you! Here's a look at 11 of the strangest pieces of 1D merch around!
These are like Crocs-colored Uggs, which I'm pretty sure is kind of like being the poopiest crap. What does Uggs have to do with 1D? The only connection I can think of is that I said Ugh when I found out how much my Directioner cuz spent on VIP tickets to a 1D concert in Summer 2013. Hope she doesn't mature into a rational teenager by then!
Bieber Bashing Necklace
The worst thing about this necklace is it makes me wanna defend Bieber. The second worst thing is the idea of One Direction infecting me. I don't want Koala Chlamydia no matter how cute it sounds.
What Directioner would buy these creepy little things? They're WAY too small to practice French kissing on! Although they would be the perfect little voodoo dolls...Beliebers everywhere are scrambling at this very moment to buy them.
Custom Platform Shoes
I have a feeling whatever non-jailbait lady is wearing these will for sure be getting backstage. Don't forget your cab fare home and low self esteem!
These are such a fail. Everyone knows that 8 out of 10 Directioners prefer Harry on their crotch.
I can only assume that if you like 1D these nails make sense. Btw the glue is included. So get your nails on! And then scratch some tweener's eyes out when they block your view of the 1D tour bus pulling out.
I don't wanna squeeze a tube of anything 1D related and then put it in my mouth. JUST SAYING!
The saddest thing about this 'art' is something the seller says in the description. "Face it, old dictionaries are useless. Nobody really uses them anymore either, since looking up a word is as simple as typing it into Google." It's true but it just makes me sad. Like sadder than seeing this 'art' hanging in someone's house.
I guess I could see a Tweet pillow being cool if you were memorializing a RT you got from Niall...nah that wouldn't make it cooler. Nevermind.
The crafter who is selling these seems super sweet so I'm not going to diss these 1D clothespins. In fact I'll probably buy them as stocking stuffers for my cousin, because I feel so guilty for just thinking mean things about them.
Sure I could write a joke about tweeners sucking on these phallic, rock hard 1D ice pops, but that would just be a cheap shot. And I would never make a tasteless joke like that! These pops are completely innocent.
And if you prefer your completely innocent 1D treats soft and cream-filled, the Tiny Idols brand has got you covered! I'm a bad, bad person I think.
Which merch do you think is the strangest? Do you wanna call me a hater? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!