It’s no secret that college freshmen are prone to gaining weight, but in spite of this knowledge, 18-year-olds across the country are starting to develop potbellies and fleshy underarms. Maybe they thought they were immune. Maybe they thought they could work it off. Maybe they thought it was all just another Diet Industry Conspiracy (along with Mars Rover, sponsored by Mars Bars). Freshmen, whatever lies you’ve been telling yourselves, it’s time to face the Fried Everything. Here are some indicators you’re on your way to the Freshman 15.
You Have More Ramen Packets Than Books
If you need a packet of ramen in order to get you through your assigned reading, you have a sodium addiction. Monitor the number of ramen packets you’re buying at once… if you’re that concerned about not having ramen accessible at all times, people are probably already starting to talk about how bloated you are.
You Have Been Banned From The Local Gourmet Deli
If you got kicked out for eating buffet food with your fingers, that means you now consider “meal-planning” to be “whatever fits in my fist, until my fist gets tired.” Actually, if you’ve inspired any kind of food-related animosity from anyone, you should probably get on that scale and check yo’self.
Peanut Butter And Cereal is A Thing
I get it. Dining halls = fun time. You sit for hours talking to your new friends, not doing work, and eating food. There will come a time, however, when you’re going to get bored with the same foods being available every day. You’re going to want to get creative, pair different foods together, figure out which foods trigger endorphins... Don’t. Creativity = not fitting into your pants come Thanksgiving.
The Burrito Cart Guy Is Your Boi
It’s good to be friendly to everyone, sure. But sometimes your friends really just want to make money off you. And your friends will usually not tell you when you’re starting to resemble breakdown Britney Spears. If you genuinely want to befriend the Burrito Cart Guy, try buying him a burrito for every 1.5 times you think about buying yourself one.
You Fight The Homeless Over EOD Bakery Bread
You know how sometimes bakeries will give away whatever pastries/bread they didn’t sell by the end of the day? Yeah, I know you know. You probably don’t need that bread as much as the homeless guy you just fought. If your evenings are starting to resemble The Hunger Games, you might want to cut out stale carbs from your diet.
You Wake Up Wondering If You’re Pregnant, Knowing You Haven’t Had Sex
I distinctly remember a point in my college career when I woke up cradling my new junk-food stomach. At first, it was interesting. So THIS is what my body would look like preggers. Not bad. But then no one was interested in doing anything remotely related to impregnating me, and it became less fun. Just maintain a healthy lifestyle, and you’ll be fine!
What are some other indicators that you’re on your way to the Freshman 15? Let us know in the comments!
