How many of you guys got a new toy last week? That’s cool. Can I play with it? For the rest of us mere mortals, here are some reasons NOT to buy the iPhone 5.
Those Samsung Commercials
If you’ve been watching TV at all this fall, chances are you’ve seen some pretty intense attack ads. No, not Romney vs. Obama (what channel are YOU watching?); I’m talking about Samsung vs. Apple! So mean! Who knew Samsung wanted to throw down? I’m still not going to buy a Samsung, but you have to give them points for trying.
You Prefer Hardcover Books To Softcover Books
The same people who are still shelling out the mega-bucks for hardcover books will be the ones who don’t like the iPhone 5’s lighter design. “I need to feel like I’m holding something,” they’ll sniff. Then we’ll all laugh at them because they’re still buying paper books.
You Don’t Like People Looking At You
The iPhone 5 is not for those with social anxiety. Once you whip out this adult-version-of-the-royal-blue-elephant-Beanie-Baby, everyone’s going to want a piece. If the idea of people watching you have a phone conversation makes you nauseated/light-headed, you should probably go buy a Samsung Galaxy (Droids make that equally conspicuous alien “Droid” noise).
You Won’t Have Money Left Over For A GPS
Have you been reading up on the colossal failure that is the new Apple maps? If you buy the iPhone 5, be prepared to say “goodbye” to Google maps and “hello” to being late for things because Apple maps got you lost. Unless you can afford to buy an additional stand-alone GPS (or, er, have the wherewithal to download the Waze app), stay away!
You’re Going To Die Soon
Nobody ever lay on their death bed and said, “My only regret is not having bought the newest Apple product.” Except maybe someone who could’ve used an iPhone 5 to text for rescue.
You Already Possess A Working Smart Phone And Some Self-Confidence
I mean, is everyone else due for an upgrade? How are so many people needing new phones right now? Would you still be my friend if I used a Palm Pilot and a Razr? I will trade you a tag-intact royal blue elephant Beanie Baby! Or a Silly Band! Please let me eat with you.
Are you guys getting an iPhone 5? Why or why not? Let us know in the comments!