Another school year is upon us, and many of you are dragging your feet back into high school. Chin up, I say! High school gets a bad rep (you’ve been watching John Hughes movies, haven’t you?), but you know the saying, “You don’t know what you got til it’s gone?” It doesn’t just apply to the existence of good teen movies. Some parts of high school are way better than college. For starters:
Your Parents Cook You Dinner
Or if your parents don’t cook, they’re at least leaving their leftover takeout in the fridge. Point is, something will be there when you arrive home from school/sports/rehearsal exhausted and ready to eat a human. There are far fewer acts of cannibalism in high school than in college.
Discernible Social Hierarchy
According to Miley, it’s all about “The Climb.” You should listen to her because she managed to snag Liam Hemsworth, a social climbing feat of the highest order. If popularity is important to you (jeah!), high school cliques are easily distinguishable, so you know who you need to be focusing your energy on. College is more of a clusterf$^% of Facebook friend acquisition; you’ll be stumbling from frat party to a cappella group jam until you learn who’s worth it and who’s nice-but-not. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Crush Confinement
Two words: free period. If you’re lucky enough to have a built in block of time in which to stalk, dawdle, and flirt, chances are you’ll be able to figure out where your love interest/victim prefers to hang (the smaller cafeteria, by the window facing the East Lot). This is so much easier than what you’ll be going through in college, when he/she will have the option of returning to his/her domicile and shutting the door. Nothing more frustrating than being relegated to Twitter, Foursquare, Instagram, and Facebook check-ins to be able to track where they are, amirite?
Locker Organization
Once your dorm is set up, there are just not as many opportunities to patronize The Container Store in college. If The Container Store is your happy place (as it is mine), this presents a MAJOR drawback. A high school locker is the best kind of logic puzzle: how can you efficiently utilize a tiny amount of space to the greatest aesthetic effect possible, so that everyone walking by will be jealous of your mirror-that-is-also-a-magnet holding up your schedule? You’ll also have the honor of employing those removable shelves that can hold up a bunch of heavy hardcovers - the daily reminder of how far we’ve come as a human race.
Presence Of Children
You’re going to go four years without seeing a child. College towns only contain people your age, grad students a little bit older than you, and old people who teach everyone. I encourage you to run out and eat a baby while you still can.
Bosco Sticks
I don’t really care if Bosco Sticks were a universal. This garlicky goodness was the highlight of my high school experience, and when I went to college, the dining halls didn’t serve them and didn’t want to serve them. If I could eat a Bosco Stick every day for the rest of my life… I would have a very short life. Forget the babies, EAT ALL THE BOSCO STICKS!
High school kids – what do you anticipate missing when you go to college? College-and-beyond kids – were these things true for you? What would you add? Let us know in the comments!
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