For a big, and ever growing, segment of the population, anime is a totally normal thing, a part of pop culture and not a big deal. But to an even bigger (though, logic demands, ever shrinking) segment of the population, it’s referred to as things like “Japanime” or “Japanese cartoons”. However, there is some anime that is so ingrained in popular culture that people may not know it’s called “anime”, but they know what it is. Here now, after much careful (hahaha) research, are 8 Anime That Average People Are Most Likely Familiar With:

Robotech

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This was my jam! Combining three different pieces of anime (Macross, which became the first series, being the most enduring popular) into one series with three “chapters”, Robotec was on in the 80s and was beloved by young boys despite (also, because of) it’s stories very much focusing on the melodrama that is so prominent in so much anime. But the main characters drove jets/tanks/motorcycles that turned into mechs that they fought aliens with. So, that could really get you to look past even the cheesiest of love stories.

Ninja Scroll

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A late-night staple for years on channels that predominantly/entirely featured cartoon programming, there was a reason this was a “late-night” staple. It was one of the most graphically violent and sexual things most people who were staying up late, yet still watching a network dedicated to animated programming (teenagers), had ever seen. Bootlegged copies of this were passed around my high school every year I went, which was annoying because I never got my copy back.

Dragon Ball Z

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Do you like watching characters scream with the expectation that they will eventually shoot balls of energy at each other? Than brother, this was the series for you and millions of other Americans. Even though it had all the references to death and sex taken out for the American localization, it still managed to be a big hit with the youngsters here.

Akira

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The first huge success of the current generation of anime, Akira is not only well known in America, but is also considered hugely important and influential in Japan. It’s so good you can pretty easily get past the fact that it kind of doesn’t make sense. Also, after seeing it with friends you will spend weeks screaming “TETSUO!!!!!” and “KANAEDA!!!!!” at each other.

Voltron

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Pretty much everyone is familiar with idea of robot lions turning into a giant robot person, but that is about the end of their knowledge of Voltron. Which is good, because the show has aged about as well as mayonnaise left out in the sun.

Yu-Gi-Oh!

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The common theme with most of these shows is that the easiest way to reach a broad spectrum of pop culture is by making your product a Saturday morning cartoon. Also, I think Yu-Gi-Oh! had a promotional deal with Burger King, or something. As a show about characters battling each other with cards, it was pretty much thought up as a way to sell as much crap as possible to kids. And guess what? It worked!

Samurai Pizza Cats

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Okay, fine. This one was a cult hit during it’s day, but it’s hardly a recognizable property for anyone who wasn’t obsessed with it in the early 90s (and if they weren’t familiar with it, they probably thought you were making fun of them by making up fake television shows). But this was the best. THE BEST! It actually had a sense of humor, a good one, not just loud and obnoxious. Think of this as the “Bonus” entry before the final, and most obvious, one…

Pokemon

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Seriously, if you thought this final entry would be anything but Pokemon, you are on all the drugs. This show was such a hit when it came over the North America, my parents know what it is. MY PARENTS. I don’t think they know who Michael Jordan is, but they can correctly identify at least a few entries in the pokedex. Not that I has to point out what a giant success this show has been, you ding-dongs eat this stuff up.

Seriously, Samurai Pizza Cats, the best right? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out These Anime Motivators!

Sometimes it feels like certain things you were never meant to hold on to for more than five minutes.

Keys

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Common Reactions to Losing Them:“They were just right here! Right over here! Or maybe over there…” “Every time! This happens every time I toss them blindly on to some random surface without looking!” “Why did I put my keys, wallet, and pincode information all on the same chain?”

Most Likely Places You Will Find Them: In your other pocket of your other jeans you left at that other place you swore you’d never go back to. Still outside in your front door lock up until about five seconds before you thought to look there. In midair as they fall gracefully through a sewer grate into the murky depths below.

Phone

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Common Reactions to Losing It:“That makes it twice in one week I’ve lost it four times!” “Well, can’t afford to buy a new phone. Guess it’s back to shouting.” “Man, I hope the people at the Verizon store don’t point, laugh and say, ‘Sucks to be you!’ again.”

Most Likely Places You Will Find It: On the table of the restaurant you just left where you forgot to leave a tip. In the car of the person you just broke up with right before they drove back across country. In the toilet of one of 14 bars after a late night of drunk dialing only to leave the sound of sobbing and vomiting on people’s voicemail.

Piece of Paper with Crucial Information on It

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Common Reactions to Losing It:“Okay, think, think, think! What was the name of that life-saving medication again?” “Oh man, I hope my friend will frantically call back and scream where he needs to be picked up again.” “Oh great, I lost the piece of paper with the info on it, the pen I wrote it with, and the table I wrote it on. What WON’T I bet in poker?!”

Most Likely Places You Will Find It: In the trash bag that you just had to chase down the garbage truck for five blocks to pick up. Being used to clean up what your dog just did on the street. Years later when you find it stuffed in a drawer and think, “Who’s Johnny and why did I have to pay some ransom for him?”

Sense of Direction

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Common Reactions to Losing It:“Why don’t I recognize the language on the street signs anymore?” “For a place that’s supposedly only an hour away we’ve sure seen the sun rise and set a few times.” “This is everyone’s fault in this car but mine.”

Most Likely Places You Will Find It: After cursing out your GPS for six hours only to realize that next time you input a town, make sure you also choose the right state. After cursing out Google Maps for eight hours only to realize you unfortunately used Apple Maps and are now driving in a river. After cursing yourself out for eight hours for writing down as your only direction “Just over the horizon.”

Train of Thought

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Common Reactions to Losing It:“It begins with a ‘P’…or a number…or one of those Zapf Dingbat symbols…” “Wow, I just…I just…Listen, can we start these wedding vows from the top again?” “Wait, wait, wait…Nope, it’s gone. Completely gone. Guess I better get back to diffusing this time bomb again, huh?”

Most Likely Places You Will Find It: After retracing every single conversation topic you’ve had since you were five. Right in the middle of an entirely different conversation, only to then lose the train of thought to that one. In the middle of the night but you can’t tell the person you were telling it to because you lost your phone and the piece of paper with that person’s phone number on it.

Your Damn Mind

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Common Reactions to Losing It:“AAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Most Likely Places You Will Find It: Kiss it goodbye. Again.

What's something that you always lose? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out 17 Ridiculous Lost Pet Signs!

Look, arguments on the internet happen. I know we all try to be above that, and not get suckered into literally screaming at our computers (the 2012 equivalent of lifting up your Nintendo controller to make Mario jump), but nobody’s perfect. Sometimes jerks just draw you in. And then, the goal is no longer correct, but it’s winning. And people will stoop to some pretty low things in order to win an argument. So, after much “research” (that’s how I tried to justify my many angry message board posts) I have compiled what I believe are the 7 Worst Ways People Try To Win Arguments On The Internet:

Comparing You To Hitler

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The old classic! Nothing signals the end of an actual conversation like dropping the “You know who else thought ________? Hitler!” Ironically enough, you know who else was so unstable they would compare any slightest thing to one of history’s greatest monsters? Hitler!

Quitting the Conversation

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”And that’s all I’m going to say about. Y’all have a nice night.” First of all, I know you don’t mean that “have a nice night”. Second, disengaging from the conversation doesn’t mean you’ve won! It just means I hate you and will continue posting more and more inflammatory statements in a desperate bid to get you to come back to the conversation. Oh wait, I guess that means you won.

Posting My Personal Information

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I know technically I’m the idiot who recorded their phone number somewhere on the internet a savvy enough person could find it, but that doesn’t mean you’re not garbage for going and posting it in a much easier to find place. Good thing you only have 30 Twitter followers, so it doesn’t matter anyway.

Posting Your Personal Information

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Maybe that isn’t your real home address, I can’t actually tell right this moment. But even if it is, I am not coming to your home so we can “Settle this like men” (men from what time period, Ancient Rome?)

Referencing Bad Sources

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Here’s a tip: When you are totally and unabashedly full of crap, posting an article from a website that is ALSO totally and unabashedly full of crap as evidence of why you’re correct is… well, it’s in totally fitting with your character. But still, knock it off!

Denying Reality

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You cannot convince me evolution is not real for the same reason you cannot convince me 2+2=5. Those are both empirically, provably true, and your arguments to the contrary are MAKING ME SO MAD WHY CAN’T I JUST SETTLE DOWN AND REALIZE YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST TROLLING ME?!?!

Giant Comments

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You know how sports are great, and fun, and not that important? Well, if you know that, why are you posting multiple paragraph comments in a discussion about how many goals Wayne Gretzky would score if he was playing today. If your comment is so long it requires the server to break it up into two different comments, bad news; no one is finishing your comment.

Why won’t people just accept that we’re right? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out These Reasons Why You Got Defriended On Facebook!

You like nerdy clocks? Whether it's a pop culture reference, DIY project, or a wonderous creation of medern science, I've got that clock in my grand collection. They call me The Clockmaster. Well, I call me The Clockmaster. One day I will own every clock in the world and synchronize them all! No more will we be held down by the oppression of time zones. When a new episode of The Walking Dead airs, it will air everywhere at the exact same time! Never again will an episode be ruined by someone's carelessly posted spoiler on Facebook. Oh, what a wonderful world.

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Will you join my fight to end global television spoilers? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

Check Out 24 Geeky Awesome Backpacks!!

As you're likely aware, yesterday saw the release of Call of Duty: Black Ops II. And while the game was always going to have a huge launch, this year's Call of Duty release may be bigger even than the American workforce. According to a recent IGN poll, 1 in 4 respondents said they planned to skip work on Call of Duty's launch day to play.

"Today, my only job is earning XP and bein' racist."
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With both Amazon and GameStop expecting to set company records with the title, 1 in 4 people calling in is a big deal. There are going to be a lot of jobs that simply don't get done because the employee in charge of them is at home with his X-Box.

"The pilot called in sick!"
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But there might be even more people shirking their responsibilities on Call of Duty day. Remember, not everyone who bought the game goes to work. How many people are skipping school to play? Avoiding girlfriends? Rescheduling book clubs? The point is, there are a ton of things people could be cancelling for Black Ops II.

"Eh, I can start the chemo next week."
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I totally understand the appeal of skipping work for a game, but those of you skipping work for Call of Duty are going to have a lot more work to do the rest of the week. Dodging responsibility has consequences. And I can speak from experience — I did stay up all night to play Halo 4 last week, and basically ignored EVERYTHING else I had to do that next day, including grocery shopping, voting, even feeding my dog. And do you know what happened? I'm still hungry, Barack Obama is president, and my dog died.

I'll throw him in the trash as soon as I level up.
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Did you get Black Ops 2? And if so, are you even going to school/ work/ doctor's appointments? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

Angry Birds is more than a video game and merchandising empire. It's a thoughtful exploration of the blind, all-consuming rage that birds are well-known for. What's ruffling their feathers? Why do they hate pigs and all other life forms? Check out these furious beasts and find out!

This Dinosaur-Looking Thing

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Why it is angry: This bird is angry because he is being photographed by paparazzi. He's a famous bird actor, and when this photo was taken he was trying to enjoy the one weekend per month he gets with his chicks by buying them extravagant gifts at the bird mall. Though this bird is screaming at the photographer, most of his anger comes from his realization that his chicks prefer their mother and he can't buy their love.

This Blackbird On a Log

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Why it is angry: This blackbird voted for Mitt Romney. She is cawing about how Obama will steal worms from honest, hard-working birds and spit them into the mouths of lazy birds. This bird is angry because America's values have changed a lot since her eggs hatched and she's uncertain of her place.

These Fighting Water Fowl

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Why it is angry: These birds are roommates and the bird on the right didn't do the dishes (which are twigs). You may think the bird on the left is overreacting, but this is after he asked like fifty times and the dishes smell super bad now.

This Baby Owl

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Why it is angry: This baby owl just learned that you can't trust anyone. Most birds don't learn this until after they leave the nest and get into a few unhealthy mate pairs, but this baby owl just got betrayed by someone really close to her and does NOT want to talk about it. If you need this baby owl for anything you can find her absent-mindedly picking at mouse carcasses.

This Alive Bird Next To This Dead Bird

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Why it is angry: You might think that this bird is crying his anguish to the skies because he is sad about the bird next to him being dead. WRONG! Birds are heartless. He is angry because the dead bird owed him a slice of bread and now he knows he'll never get it.

This Caged Bird Photographed By Some Emo Kid

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Why it is angry: This bird hates being used as a lazy metaphor in college art projects. If someone freed this bird, it wouldn't soar up into the skies as a symbol of rebellion, but would instead furiously peck out the eyes of anyone paying $40,000 a year to learn how to take pictures.

This Goose With Fashion Sense

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Why it is angry: This is being totally reasonable. Look at that guy's shirt. It's gross.

What causes you to burn with undying hate? Let us know in the comments!

Check out Angry Birds Mashups!

There’s no avoiding it – in order to sustain life, you’ve gotta eat food. For some people, though, food is more than a necessity – it’s basically their reason for living. These wackos will drive across county lines just to eat a sandwich. They’ll hoard discontinued sodas in their basement. They’ll yammer on about “limited time only” milkshakes on message boards. In short, they probably love every damn thing on this list.

The McRib

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McDonald’s McRib sandwich, a (possibly pork) patty slathered in high fructose corn syrup-laden “BBQ” sauce and covered in onions, is only available at Mickey D’s "for a limited time!" every three years or so. Whenever the Golden Arches brings it back out, people (that is, if you can call fans of the McRib people) inevitably lose their damn minds. The sandwich is for a limited time. But the obesity? Baby, that's forever.

In-n-Out

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Ah, In-n-Out. Have you ever been in one that wasn’t packed? Morning, noon, and night, no matter when you hit the popular West Coast burger chain up, there's always a big-ass line. People talk about In-n-Out like it's better than steak – sorry to burst your bubble, dude, but it's just a hamburger. And those Animal-style fries people go ape over are just regular fries covered in Thousand Island dressing. Barf.

The Doritos Locos Taco

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The Doritos Locos taco was, in a very literal sense, concocted in a lab to be the ultimate cult fast food. The loco mofos down at Taco Bell HQ made a horrifically delicious Frankenstein’s monster out of nondescript meat and a Doritos-infused shell; an entire generation of degenerates celebrated by joyfully getting orange dust all over their fingers.

Shamrock Shake

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Now, don’t let its disgusting appearance dissuade you from sipping its majesty. McDonald’s St. Patrick’s Day tradition might look like ooze, but it tastes like heaven. Why this isn’t on the menu year round is a mystery – I’m glad it isn’t, though, because otherwise I’d probably have diabetes by now.

Chick-fil-A

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Chick-fil-A found themselves in a bit of hot water recently, what with their whole "gay people aren't people" thing. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google it.) Chances are, though, that they won't lose TOO much money as a result of the whole ordeal – after all, people still need their chicken biscuits (the restaurant claims to be the home of the “original” chicken biscuit, and people can’t get enough of ‘em). Also, they totally have God on their side – all Chick-fil-A’s are closed on Sundays, which the divine creator really appreciates.

KFC Double Down

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When the Double Down came out, people acted like KFC had started selling the American public pure, undiluted cancer. Lots of folks thought the mere presence of a sandwich that uses fried chicken as a bun signified the coming of end times. But then they tried it. And, well, it was pretty good. The sandwich, which was supposed to only be available for a limited time, stayed on the menu.

Mc10:35

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OK, so here’s how to get your grubby little hands on a Mc10:35, a.k.a. the hottest cult sandwich of last year: Go to your local McDonald's right when they're switching the menu over from breakfast to lunch. Buy an Egg McMuffin and a McDouble. Take a deep breath. Take the egg and Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble. The non-officially sanctioned sandwich is called a Mc10:35 'cause that's the only time you can pull it off. Personally, however, I don’t understand how people can eat ham AND two hamburger patties that early in the morning and not hurl.

What’s your favorite diabetes-inducing delicacy? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out Totally Real Fast Food Products from Overseas!

So I recently saw Tiffani Amber Thiessen at Whole Foods. So I did a quick mirror check in the produce section and walked over to confidently ask her to go to the Marine Corp Ball with me, cause celebrities have to say yes to that even if you’re not in the Marines. However when I got closer I realized it wasn’t Tiffani Amber Thiessen, but instead a small, old Japanese man debating with himself over which brand of cream cheese to buy. THEN I realized, I have little to no memory of what ANY of these 90s stars look like. And that the many of them could be really popular if they returned to the game today. So I decided to put together a list of 9 90s celebs who need to make a comeback. Let me know what you think in the comments below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli

8. DANNY TAMBERELLI

Pete & Pete, the original hipsters. This show never seems to die, which is fantastic. I just hope that my grandkids are watching this in the future on their iGlasses from their Mars summer home (I have no idea how science works). But Danny T shold make a comeback. Despite the fact that he did NOT age well (google it) it would still be fun to watch. I could totally see him hosting one of those online pop culture shows that they advertise on Hulu that makes you think “Who actually watches that?” Well if Danny T was hosting I’d watch it, that’s for damn sure.

7. MARC SUMMERS

Oh Marc Summers…you so charmin’ and stuff. I miss that dude. He is totally primed for a comeback. With all the obnoxious TV hosts and political pundits out there it would be refreshing to have Mr. Summers back in our living rooms. I could totally see him hosting anything from a fast talking nightly news show to Dance/fighting with the Stars. It’d be a nice touch of nostalgia to all of these already rely on bringing back celebrities we’ve never heard of.

6. KEL MITCHELL

Battle OF Los Angeles doesn’t count. Although I’m a big fan of any action movie shot like a porno (SEE: Komodo vs. Cobra). What bugs me is that Kel was always the funnier of the two in the Keenan and Kel sketches. For the most part, Kenan was the straight man. It’s rare that that member of the duo goes on to have more success. I don’t remember Greg from Dharma and Greg going on to too much success. The fact of the matter is we need a K & K reunion now!

5. ELIZABETH BERKLEY

Aside from starring in the video that nearly broke the internet, Elizabeth Berkley was the least likely sex symbol of the 90s. Playing both the awkwardly attractive girl in both SBTB and Showgirls. She’s primed for a comeback as the saucy older Aunt of some younger star on a sitcom. And Amurrca is ready for her as well.

4. CANDACE CAMERON

I have no idea who made the above video, but I would like to thank them from the bottom of my 90s heart. Candace Cameron was the mom of the show even at age 16, how has she not had a career as an adult? She’s finally at the age we all saw her to be years ago. I get that she has a family and a life and has probably made more money than most small countries; but come on! We need you CC! Who am I supposed to look to for maternal guidance these days? Julie Bowen!? The chick from Happy Gilmore!? F that!

3. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG

For YEARS this guy was everywhere; video games, television, my pajama pants… And where is he now? Failed comeback games and greatest hits collections? We need a full reboot here, an origins story. Jeremy Renner can play him in the movie where we learn exactly HOW Sonic came to be. Spoiler alert…ALIENS! #MichaelBayIsAGenius

2. GIRARDO

Riiiico…Suuuuaveeee… It’s amazing. It’s catchy, it’s powerful, it’s political. I don’t really remember this song from when it came out. I was pretty young (early 30s) but I do remember how nostalgic people have been over it for the last 21 years. And isn’t that really what the 90s are about? COMPLETE nostalgia of a time where Amurrcans got together and decided to take a break from history by having a peaceful and prosperous country. Rico Suave embodied that spirit better than anyone. It was I’m Too Sexy meets the Macarana and we need that now. A sexy Psy. Yeah…that’s what Amurrca needs… #Ryan/Suave2016

1. BEN SAVAGE

With the recent announcement of “Girl Meets World” coming to Disney nobody is more primed for a return than Sir Ben Savage (played by actor Cory Matthews). I could totally see Savage (Matthews) as the take-no-crap principle at this new school, filling in where Mr. Feeny left off (since, let’s be honest, he’s probably dead). And that’s what the whole point of a comeback is about for the audience. It’s a way to connect the generations. It’s a way for parents to share the characters they loved in a story with characters their kids love. Pop culture is powerful, and it doesn’t always have ot be negative. Sometimes it can be magical, like Sean’s hair…or that episode where his dad comes back! Onions you guys…cutting onions…

What celeb from the 90s do you want to come back? Let me know in the comments below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli

Check Out These Amazing Harry Potter Motivators!

Hey you with the ombre hair! No, the other you with the ombre hair. Time to look towards the weaves of tomorrow, today! Here is a small list of follicular trends that you can do right now because you’re young and bored and that’s a good reason to just about anything.

Chalking

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For those of you who can’t commit to a fun color and hate looking like you clean your clothes, there’s the fun world of chalking. The benefit of going this route is that it’s temporary and you don’t need to bleach your hair for the color to be vibrant.

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So the next time your art teacher pulls you aside for creating Lisa Frank level zebra stripes in your hair remind her you many not be on task, but you are on trend. And then kiss her. And then film it.

Here’s a great youtube tutorial to get you started…with the chalking.

Snake Braid

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I think you should do this trend one better and just put snakes in your hair, call it the Medusa and then phone Ke$ha who will buy your stupid idea for a mint. Tutorial below if you want to try it for realsies:

Bald/Buzzed

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Scoff all you want but the best hair year of my life was when I went buzzed-pixie cut. Easy upkeep and you really get acquainted with the magical world of cranial accessories.

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And with the end of the word coming, nothing says dystopia like unisex chrome domes. Dystopias love bald bitches.

Hair Bow

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Yeah, yeah Gaga did this YEARS ago. You probably did it at your prom. But I had no idea how you wizards did it before researching this article and will now be making hair bows everywhere. Every. Where. Anthony actually has one in his bikini area, true story.

Here’s a great mariachi tuned guide:

Haircopter

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London. Paris. Milan. The word on everyone’s lips is, “haircopter”. Some ergonomic designs can also throw barrels.

Which one do you think you’ll try? Know of any great tutorials. Well stop being so selfish and share them with me on Twitter or leave a comment below!

Check out the best of the Drunken Baby meme!

Every year, the Oxford Dictionary chooses one word to be the official American word of the year. Now, I've always thought of the Oxford Dictionary as a book, so it's an interesting mental exercise to try and figure out what kind of people are making these choices. I like to assume its a group of bald men with white beards and who smell like a book that was left in the rain and opened for the first time thrity years later — both crisp and stale.

I don't know whether to throw it away or make out with it.
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In any event, these brilliant, weird-smelling men convene once a year to decide what one word exemplifies a country. They must decide what is the American word of the year. And this year, they chose...

"Gif."

Yes, "gif." The animated file format used on Tumblr to prove the Supernatural guys look like characters from Tangled and to archive the best moments from Boy Meets World was chosen by most respected dictionary, a purveyor of language, as the word that best sums up American culture.

We've got to try a little harder. We've got to be a little better.
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Apparently, gif was chosen because it can alternate from noun to verb — you can both HAVE an animated image of Jennifer Lawrence making a goofy face and you can also CREATE an animated image of Jennifer Lawrence making a goofy face — but honestly, I think Oxford is messing with us. I can't imagine there aren't better American words than "gif". Literally any word Hemingway ever wrote is better than "gif".

How about, like, "bed"?

Some solid evidence for the "Oxford is just d*ckin' around" theory comes from their selections for British word of the year. "Omnishambles" won, which is basically an arbitrary collection of syllables, and the shortlisted words included the phrase "mummy porn", refering to the 50-Shades-of-Grey-kind of porn your mom can read on the bus. Keep in mind, it's called "mummy porn" because the British use the word "mummy" instead of "mommy".

So I guess I still haven't found anyone who shares my fetish.
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Do you think "gif" deserves to be called the American word of the year? Tell me on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

In these hard economic times (I hate that phrase), finding a decent job can be tough. Lots of us are scraping by with part-time work, hoping our elders don’t bring up topics like “opportunities for growth,” “intentional career trajectory,” or “who’s paying for your health insurance?” As long as you’re still figuring things out, might as well get your love life in order; invest in a part-time job that’ll make you more attractive to the opposite sex. Here are some of the best shifts to pick up if you’re hoping to pick up (the OTHER kind. get it?).

Lifeguard

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Obviously. Who doesn’t have a Wendy Peffercorn complex? And people will be more willing to approach you because they’ll always be able to rationalize your interaction. So if you completely blow them off, it’s because someone was drowning or something. Had to be.

Trader Joe’s Cashier

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Announcing that you work at Trader Joe’s means someone has vetted you as having an awesome personality. You probably make everyone around you feel good about themselves and their food-choosing abilities. Just don’t bring those nacho-flavored kale chips on a first date, and you’re golden.

Gym Receptionist

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People are excited to get to know you because your facial recognition means they’ve been following through on some New Year’s resolutions. Also, most people think it’s a rule that only physically fit people can hang out in a gym. So even if you look out of shape, it’s just an optical illusion and/or you have the resources to fix yourself.

Hostel Employee

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The people you interact with are usually on vacation from a foreign country, which makes you and your-proximity-to-their-bed the ideal exotic fling. Combine that with your cultivated knowledge of the local party scene, and bam, you should have a stable flow of commitment free hookups for the duration of your employment.

Apple Store Employee

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You got that Genius Bar swag. You’re all up in her computer like, is this desktop pic of you and your boyfriend? Oh? Well can he do this? And then RAM her and make all her processor problems go away. And if she actually needs a new laptop, she might date you for the employee discount alone.

EMT

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”Emergency medical technician” is the ideal thing to be able to say you do. You get the props for being a “caring,” “intelligent,” and “capable” person, but you’re not as busy as, like, a doctor-doctor. Plus, when it comes down to it, everyone’s worried about whether or not they’ll die a choking death living alone (see 30 Rock), which makes dating you more attractive than remaining single. And when all’s said and done, that’s all we’re asking for, isn’t it?

What other part-time jobs do you think make a person more attractive? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out People Robert Pattinson Should Go Out With Now!

I've had some pretty bad bosses in my life, but at least they've never shot fireballs or threw hammers at me. But I don't think it would be fair to say that all video game bosses would make bad real-life bosses — quite the opposite, in fact! Here are some video game bosses that I think could be really great at managing any office.

The Hydra

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They may not be obvious, but all managers have a ton of different responsibilities, and the three-headed Hydra from God of War, I would imagine, would be inately good at delegating those responsibilities to himself. One head can do all the hiring, one head can handle the day-to-day scheduling, and one head can the killing and eationg of beligerent employees. Also finances. That third head would have to handle the killing and eating of belligerent employees and the finances.

Fatman

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If the bomb-making expert from Metal Gear Solid 2 were your boss, you just know he'd bring donuts into the office, like, every day. And yes, some of them might explode. But some of them might NOT explode. So.

The Nemesis

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If Resident Evil 3's The Nemesis is half as persistent with employee developement as he was catching and murdering S.T.A.R.S, corporate can expect big things from his department.

Mother Brain

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Whenever I'm at work, trying to file reports on time and do other work-things, my boss is always looming over my shoulder, double checking everything, asking me questions. It's like, how about you just stay one lava pit away from me behind a sheet of glass so thick it can only be penetrated by missles, all right Phil?

Mike Tyson

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With Mike Tyson as a boss, I would know what I'm gonna get — if I do well, I get a compliment. If I screw up, I get an uppercut. And even though the resulting spinal damage from said uppercut would make me unable to walk or eat or even breathe on my own ever again, I'll take that over office politics any day.

Robot Hitler

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Listen, you've got an internet connection. You know that whenever you're arguing with someone and they bring up Hitler, that person's contention is instantly seen as hyperbolic and they lose the debate. Now imagine you have a disagreement with your boss, Wolfenstein 3D's Robot Hitler:

"Oh thanks SOOO much for taking my position seriously, boss."
"I am taking your position seriously! I think you're a valuable employee —"
"Then why do you keep bringing up ROBOT HITLER?"
"I'm not bringing up Robot Hitler! I AM ROBOT HITLER! Those are different things!"

But it won't matter because corporate will give you a raise and Robot Hitler will get a stern talking to about running his office like an internet forum.

Which boss would you most want running your office? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

Check out 6 Inappropriate Pieces Of Video Game Merchandise!

We did it you guys! We made it to the final Twilight film. I don’t know if we made it for the better, but by the grace of all that’s sparkly and constipated, we’re here. For some, the journey has been more treacherous. And by treacherous I’m clearly talking about Kristen Stewart and her foray into dry hump homewrecking. A foray that was in no way a publicity tool or at all the fault of the married man with kids. Nope. All her. Now that they’re, “back together” there are ways to make the premiere a little less awkward than it’s clearly going to be. And if these don’t work, meet me in LA - I’ll bring the popcorn.

1. Skype The Whole Thing

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If the entire premiere was done with an assistant carrying them around via iPad, nobody has to be in the room and deal with the awkwardness! It’s Kristen Stewarts dream!

2. Nobody Is Allowed To Say The Words “Snow” or “White”

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It’s best for everyone if there was no mention of the film that led to the infidelity by anyone within an earshot of the couple during the premiere. Not using these two words, however, may make the after party a little less…festive. And by festive I mean in a Robert Downey Jr. in the 80s way.

3. Ab Distractions (Abs-tractions)

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Lautner could be outfitted with tear away clothing to pull focus should there be a fight or silences that last longer than a couple seconds or if there’s a red carpet…

4. Everyone Hides In Their Own Hair

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I hear that Kristen Stewart has an original Atari system installed under her hair when she goes into, “Hide From Paparazzi” mode. It’s the entire reason she goes out at all anymore.

5. Remind Them That It’s Almost Over

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And if all else fails, remind the poor bastards that once the movie is out of theatres and the death threats have died down they are free to break-up for real and date the first lanky, unwashed hanger on they come across. That is, until the DVD release.

What would you do if you had to be in the same room with someone who done you wrong? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!

Check out the best of the Drunken Baby meme!

So as we all know it's Movember! The awesomest cancer awareness campaign ever, because honestly, who doesn't love rad facial hair? Well except maybe the women who have to kiss those hairy faces and walk around with flaming red patches all over their mugs. And apparently the Priory Academy in the UK. A student there, 13-year-old Gus Hooker, was told by the school that he must shave off the 'stache he was growing to honor his grandfather's battle with cancer, because it was unfair that other student couldn't participate in Movember.  Guess what? Life isn't fair peach fuzz lips! It's not Gus's fault he's been shaving since he was nine! 

Gus 'stacheless and apparently with a cat claw scratch.

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Even though the school recognizes Gus's totally legit cause of raising money for Prostate Cancer UK, the school claims that it could only back fundraising events that include all students.  Although the school does not have any specific rules against sporting facial hair, it does have the authority to ban any hair fashion it deems inappropriate. WHERE WAS THE SCHOOL WHEN THIS GUY LEFT THE HOUSE?? HMMMM?

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It seems like a silly thing to make a fuss over, considering that the kid is raising money and awareness for a charity. Also is it his fault he's so prematurely awesomely hairy? Don't worry Gus! Your day will come!

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The school did allow Gus do organize a one day fundraiser that allowed students to pay a pound to wear a fake mustache for the day. But Gus is still bummed about it. "It's a shame because my mustache would've raised a lot of money," he said. "Everyone wanted me to go for it."  Well at least the money is still being raised and now everyone can participate. Even girls!

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What do you think? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out 21 Most Awesome Mustaches Of All Time!

We here at Smosh have extensively covered the lazy names pokemon are given, but I'd like to rethink that a little. I mean, it's easy to judge whoever is naming Pokemon when we see that, for the love of Christ, the mime Pokemon is named "Mr. Mime", but A LOT of Pokemon games are released. Can you imagine having to come up with 150 Pokemon names every year or two? That job is basically impossible! Here, I'll try it right now. New grass-type Pokemon. Kind of looks like a rhinoserous. I would name him, uh, "Hornadillion".

Okay, turns out that gig is SUPER easy. Let's make fun of some more lazily named Pokemon!

Mankey

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You can't just replace one letter — an "o" for an "a" — and expect us to call you creative, Pokemon-namers. I'm not an artist just because I painted a moustache on the Mona Lisa. But I am a merry prankster! Tee hee!

Nine Tails

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"You want to call him Nine tails, you say? Well, let me just count them up here... yep. Yep. That checks out. Solid effort, tem."

Abra, Kadabra, and Alakazam

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Just f*ckin' go to Hell, Pokemon.

Muk

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Yup, Muk sure is muck, all right. That's absolutely what he is. If the guy who named Muk took a rorshak test he would say every slide was an ink blot.

Pidgey

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Hey, idiots? We don't name humans "Humey".

Butterfree

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The guy who pitched this name would later say, from a hospital bed, that he wanted to name it "butterfly", but was thankful that it helped him identify the stroke he was having.

Lickitung

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"If there's ONE thing I know about Lickitung, it's that he licks with his tung." This is just effective Pokemon naming, guys. It's effective.

Happiny

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So, the Pokemon-namers were AWARE that they couldn't simply name a happy Pokemon "happy", but after that, put zero effort into changing it. Hey, it's a step forward, at least.

Torchic

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When you mash two words together, like "torch" and "chic", you get the name of a chick that torches. These f*ckin' Pokemon-naming guys. THESE guys. They must make sandwiches by punching turkey into a loaf of brad.

Buneary

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The word is "ear" was stuffed in the middle of the word "bunny", making "ear" the cheese and bacon and whipped cream and chile beans and peanute butter and cupcakes and jelly to "bunny's" jalapeno.

What do you mean that's disgusting? What do you put in jalapeno poppers?

Which name was so obvious YOU could have written it? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

Check out these Celebrity Pokemon Evolutions!

Just when I was starting to wonder what had happened to Rebecca Black, I was reminded why I should be happy that her and her singing have been dormant the past few months. Her creator, evil scientist, Patrice Wilson, is back. And this time he's created an even bigger turd of a song being sung by a poor naive teen - THANKSGIVING. Her name is Nicole Westbrook and she's being called the new Rebecca Black, which seems like pretty much the meanest thing you can say to a young aspiring singer. I don't blame her, I mean she's just a girl whose parents are willing to blow money on buying her a recording contract. I blame this turkey:

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Here's the 10 worst things I saw in what is definitely the worst video of the year.

The turkey leg mic

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Because the best way to end a sincere prayer of thanks is to goofily grab a turkey leg and caterwaul into it. I mean,  I do this every year too, BUT I'M DRUNK.  I'm not proud of this fact, but it's the only way to enjoy time with my family.

When he creepily shows up for the first time

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He's like the college-aged dude always trolling high school parties, only way older and trolling junior high school parties. If Pedobear considers you a mentor, you might need to consider a life change.

The moment they made mashed potatoes unappealing

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It takes a lot to make mashed potatoes unappealing, but somehow they've managed it. I don't wanna agree with these dorks on anything! I'll just have to find another way to ingest 4 cups of cream and a pound of butter.

The cranberry sauce bitch face

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Okay so this dork brought canned cranberry sauce!?! Yes, the only thing good about canned cranberry sauce is the satisfying sound it makes when it finally slithers out of the can.We all agree it's repulsive.  But instead of being grateful, Nicole gets hateful.  

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LIVE WHAT YOU 'RAP', NICOLE!!

The dancing

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Okay, Girl in Pink from the Friday video, you've been replaced as the whitest dancer on the planet. By a black dude in a turkey costume.  

The holiday countdown 

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Does this guy have to have a countdown of days or months in every egg he lays?  What is he Elmo?Also 'April was Easter. And the Fourth of July'???   It's hard to stand out in a song made of completely crappy lyrics, but that one is for sure the dominant turd.

The 'rapping'

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I think that girl's face says it best, "Guuuuurl, don't even!"  Leave the lameass rapping to Patrice. Some things are best left to 'professionals'. 

The moment when Patrice ate like a pig

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I can't even. This is like cannibalism or something.

Ribs at Thanksgiving

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At first I thought that they had some ribs on the set, leftover from the Fourth of July scene and just decided to use them because, I mean what the hell? The more WTF the better...amirite? But the song actually has the lyric 'I got ribs smelling up my neighbor’s cribs'.  Okay Imma take a moment from being hateful and admit that I'll probably be saying that line A LOT this summer. BUT NOT AT THANKSGIVING!  No matter how happy Thanksgiving ribs make Nicole.

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The moment you realize there might be such a thing as 'the new Nicole Westbrook'

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It could happen people.

What do you think of the video? Tell me what you think @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out The New Rebecca Black? 'It's Thanksgiving' !

I’m neither a hater nor a lover of the Twilight books. Like a good school marm I’m just happy kids are reading. The films however are an increasingly deranged teal hued CG nightmare where everyone looks like they’re the middle person in the Human Centipede and the first person just had chili. But nobody, I mean nobody hates these films more than Robert Pattinson.

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And it’s not like he’s been subtle. As various

(tumblrs)

will

(tell)

you. This has been going on for quite some time. But let’s look at the facts scientifically:

1. His Irreverent Twilight Commentary

Twihard or no I sincerely think you owe it to yourself to listen to a few moments of Pattinson in the DVD commentary. He’s this close to making farting noises at any given moment.

2. His Dislike of His Own Character

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But wait, there’s more! In his own words from a Q&A in Brussels: "Girls often say that Edward's 'sooo perfect,' but he's not. I do not like people who try to exert control in a relationship, when there is an imbalance. This is very wrong and very strange." Good thing he doesn’t have a PR team to prevent him from spinning gold like a dashing Rumplestilskin.

3. His Disdain For Stephanie Meyer

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You know, I’m going to go get a sandwich for the next few and let him riff. Miss you! : “When I read it ... I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and ... It was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her - her sort of sexual fantasy about some - especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, 'Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy' and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that ... I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation.” - 2008 video interview with E!Online.

4. His Breaking Dawn Book Review

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"Have sex, demon baby. No, they get married first, demon baby, Jacob falls in love with the little baby [laughs], then everyone tries to kill each other, but nothing happens. Oh, that's the second one [laughs even harder]." - July, at ComicCon.

5. His Own Acting In The Movies

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"...The more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself." – Empire Magazine.

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6. His Fan Appreciation

Oh hey guys! That sandwich was boss. So anyways, when Pattinson was on Late Night, Jimmy Fallon asked: “Millions of Twilight fans out there just cannot wait to see this. It’s almost heartbreaking because they don’t want it to be over. It’s a little bittersweet, isn’t it?”. His response:

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Classic. And finally…

7. His Reaction To News of a Possible New Twilight Book

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Case. Closed.

Do you hate Twilight more than Robert Pattinson? Let me know in a haiku on Twitter or leave a comment below!

Check out the best of the Drunken Baby meme!

This lady has got it GOING ON! It takes some serious moxie to rock this look and I'd say she's working it HARD! The only thing missing is the perfect caption.  Give us a funny caption for this funny picture and if we unscientifically pick yours as the best, you could win a FREE Smosh t-shirt. They're comfy!

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If two people come up with the same caption, the first one to comment will be the winner. We will announce the winner Monday and suggestions received after 12:01 AM PST on 11/19/12 will not be considered. Good luck! 

CAN'T WAIT? You can buy a shirt HERE!

Navigating Facebook is like navigating a minefield filled with annoying crap. Pictures, videos, and status updates from people you kinda sorta know are constantly up in your grill, reminding you that: A) they exist and B) they loooove shows like “Glee.” Because the people posting them are, on the whole, not that bright, the vast majority of these infuriating posts fall into one of the following eight categories. Unless you’re the one wasting everyone else’s time with this hogwash, it’s damn near impossible to “like” anything on this list.

Politics

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Let me get this straight. I've seen pictures of you mooning somebody – pictures you tagged yourself in, might I add – and you're telling ME who to vote for? Thank God the election’s finally over...if I had to see another link to a Huffington Post article about how this or that candidate's the Antichrist, I would have lost my mind and driven my car through a polling place.

Asking for Things

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Everyone has at least one Facebook friend who’s solely capable of posting pleas. Does anyone know of any job openings available? Can someone give me a ride from the airport to another, farther airport? Anyone want to go to a movie, any movie, with me? Please? I’m lonely...so, desperately, lonely. And cold. So very, very cold...does anyone have a blanket I could borrow?

Their Pets

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OK, I get it, you have nothing else going on in your life. But do I really need to see another picture of your dumbass dog wearing a sweater? And please, for the love of God, don’t act like it can talk. It can’t. It’s a dog. Though, in fairness, I’d probably rather hear it speak than you.

Other People’s Kids

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It (kinda) makes sense when parents show their kids some love online – after all, they’re proud of their progeny. Some folks, however, incessantly talk about and post pictures of kids that aren't even theirs. And that’s, well, sad. Aw, are you the best auntie in the world? Let me know when you’re the best spinster in the world; maybe then I’ll throw you a “like.”

Self-Shot Photographs

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OK, so most people on Facebook (and Twitter, and Tumblr, and in real life) are narcissists – that’s just par for the course. Said narcissists really go above and beyond the call of duty, though, when they upload a butt-ton of pictures of themselves clearly taken with Apple Photo Booth. These people might occasionally look cool, but what’s cool about spending your Saturday night alone, taking pictures of yourself? Nuttin’.

Checking In

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The concept of "checking in" anywhere befuddles me – who the hell cares what chain restaurant you’re currently eating at? The only thing worse than having to scroll through other people’s “check-ins” is when they check you in without consulting you. Dude! I told you I didn’t want my mom knowing I eat Del Taco! She’s a Taco Bell purist!

Spotify

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Every Spotify Facebook post should read, “Such-and-such is listening to some completely embarrassing garbage on Spotify. Like, super embarrassing. I’m talking Katy Perry embarrassing.”

Love

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Whenever someone posts about how much they love their friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, mom, dog, car, some crappy band, a “bomb-ass” sandwich, or whatever, it reminds me of how much I’d love to exorcise them from my friends list.

What drives you wild on The Facebook? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out 8 Facebook 'Likes' That Should Make You Question Your Friendships!

Now that Hostess is going out of business the law of supply and demand has hit, and hit hard. Twinkies, which may not exist after Hostess shuts down, are going on sale on Ebay at staggering prices.

Did you know that Twinkies are made by pouring milk and sugar into Justin Bieber's mouth, shaking his head, and then opening his mouth to extract the finished product?
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Yes, the searingly political Huffington Post is shouting across the country a dire warning that Twinkie-pocalypse is afoot. Buyers desperate to procure a Twinkie from the last batch that may ever exist are racing to Ebay to pay anywhere from $89.95 to $21,000,000 for a box of Twinkies.

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I've worked very hard most of my adult life not to eat Twinkies. Considering they are basically made out of depleted uranium and gun powder, I don't see any reason why I should try to force my body to process them. I'm also unnerved by the box, which features a Twinkie in a cowboy hat raising his hand to spank another Twinkie that he is forcing to subjugate itself to his ghastly pleasures.

Clearly the Twinkie he is riding is bitten in half, and therefore has been dead for some time. Making the unrelenting joy on his face as he rides it that much more shocking.
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Things on Ebay that you can buy for less than the $21,000,000 Twinkies include an aircraft carrier, the city of Bridgeville, California, or an entire year of getting to sleep in Keanu Reeve's bathtub.

THE RUMORS ARE TRUE
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How are you going to go on living without Twinkies in the world? Let us know in the comments below!