Anyone who loves anime knows it’s not just about hyper cute, ocularly engorged, school children in short skirts fighting demons with the power of cleavage (nobody at Smosh has ever even heard about such a thing. WINK…oh no, I typed wink instead of winking. I hope nobody noticed). But the good stuff has a lot to teach us in between the awesome Engrish tunes in the credits.

To Get You Have to Give (Fullmetal Alchemist)

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We all know the law of equivalent exchange: in order to obtain or create something, something of equal value must be lost or destroyed. This even applies to our normal, non-sibling in a suit of armor, lives as well. Nobody gets anything for free. The lottery comes with taxes, that puppy comes with responsibility and that reality show stardom comes with syphilis.

You’re Not Ageing, You’re Evolving (Pokémon)

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There is nothing scarier than the thought of getting older and one day dying in a home unloved surrounded by disgruntled nurses from the Philippines. But think of it this way: you’re not getting older, you’re evolving! I know when I evolve I’m going to have so many tails!

Life is Better With A Fuzzy Best Friend (Every Anime Ever)

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You’re never alone when you’ve got something that needs you to clean up their poop <3

Intimacy Can Lead to Changes, Good and Bad (Fruits Basket)

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When the members of the Sohma family are touched by the opposite sex they turn into the animal members of the Chinese Zodiac. Just like when I touch boys, they turn into not calling me back members of the douche-iac. You hear that Evan!?

Sometimes, You Have to Let It Go (Cowboy Bebop)

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People get so wrapped up in past loves and losses, petty vengeances and slights that they don’t see that there is so much more to life. You may think that going into a heavily armed facility for the love of a fickle dream woman who couldn’t treat you half as well as I could Spike! Julia is a fool, a damn fool! Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Words Can Kill (Death Note)

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I don’t have to remind any of you what the effects of bullying can lead to, that’s what horribly depressing news items are for on your Facebook newsfeed. So instead of thinking about the poor souls who can’t see a brighter tomorrow because of the words set down by cruel hands, let’s look at these baby sloths being bathed:

Don’t Live For Your Parents (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

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Parents can’t help but have high expectations for the kind of person you’ll turn out to be. They shaked and baked you and are praying you don’t burn…someone’s house down. But there comes a point when you’ve got to live your own life and make your own choices and not get into that plug suit. My plugsuit was law school. Your plugsuit may vary.

What has anime taught you? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!

Check out the best of the Drunken Baby meme!

Celebrities pretty much only date other celebrities. Or strippers. Or their non-celebrity childhood sweetheart until they dump them for another celebrity. They even get fancy names like Bennifer and Brangelina and Kimye. But as much as these publicity stunts, I mean relationships, seem to be in the public eye, there are some celebs I was truly shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, to find out dated each other. Here's a look at 10 surprising pairings . 

Rihanna and Shia Labeouf

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Rihanna apparently has a thing for d-bags! These two only went on one date, but that was enough to tell that the sparks just weren't there. Perhaps Rihanna just wasn't sexy enough. According to Shia the sexiest woman he knows is his mother. "If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds."  Um, okay.

Seth MacFarlane and Amanda Bynes

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Back in 2008, these two were spotted all over Hollywood getting 'cozy with each other'. Which is how you make a 13 year age difference sound less yucky. But alas! The couple parted ways. Now Bynes spends her time crashing into parked cars and giving Lindsay Lohan someone to look down upon.

Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong

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Speaking of creepy age differences...WTF?  Yup! These two were WTFly hooking up in 2007. I'm thinking Armstrong should be stripped of his dignity along with his 7 Tour de France titles.

Moby and Natalie Portman

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Wait..wha?? These two make no sense. I guess they're both vegan?? Is that a strong relationship foundation? I mean I prefer dating guys who like hamburgers...so maybe.  But the relationship was doomed from the start. No couple can survive fanboy hate. Moby said at the time, "It’s made me a target of a lot of nerd wrath. You don’t date Luke Skywalker’s mom and not have them hate your guts.” You'd think seeing that she dated a nerd like you would've given them A New Hope! ZING!

Fergie and Justin Timberlake

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These two dated when Timberlake was 16 and Fergie was 23. I guess this is legal in Disney World. But only for Disney stars!!!!  Don't get any ideas Pedobear!

Pete Wentz and Michelle Trachtenberg

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These two were dating before Wentz dumped her to so stupidly marry Ashlee Simpson. Total downgrade amirite? It was rumored that the two hooked up again after Wentz and Simpson divorced. I'm sure Ashlee was NOT happy about that. In fact I'm pretty sure when she heard the news she danced an awkward little jig to distract from what was really going on. How's that for a super old reference?

Jay Z and Rosario Dawson

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Just think! If it had worked out with these two there would be no BLUE IVY! And I don't wanna live in a world without a baby who wears an 800 dollar pair of shoes when she can't even friggin' walk yet. 

Nicky Hilton and Ian Somerhalder

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Wait...I wanna fantasy date Damon or whatever his real name is!!  I don't wanna have Hilton sloppy seconds, even in my dream world! GAAAHH!!! Nicky's less herpe-covered than Paris, right? Cause I don't know if I can give up Damon dreaming.

Josh Hutcherson and Victoria Justice

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Before he was pining away for Katniss as Peeta in The Hunger Games, Hutcherson was smitten with Victorious star Victoria Justice.  They broke up and it was recently rumored that Hutcherson was hooking up with another Victorious star, Ariana Grande. Obsessed with Nickelodeon much, Josh? You better watch out Miranda Cosgrove!

Sandra Bullock and Ryan Gosling

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Awww... America's sweetheart and Canada's finest import! How sweet! I can't even be mad at her for dating my one true love. She's Sandra Bullock! I can be mad at her for making one of the most colossal downgrades in world history though. How you gonna go from Ryan Gosling to Jesse James!?! Talk about your blind side.

Which couple were you most surprised by? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out 10 Pairs Of Celebrities That Look Creepily Similar!

In the movie “Wreck-It Ralph,” the title character decides after years of playing the same role he no longer wants to be the bad guy, opting to be a the good guy instead. Which of course leads one to wonder what other long-time villains have what it takes to flip the switch and become a hero?

Pac-Man’s Ghosts

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Why They Would Make Good Heroes: Work well as a team, like a rainbow-colored Avengers or an occasionally frightened and fleeing Justice League. Like most superhero teams they have a place to reconvene (although only after they have been consumed). Like Superman they can’t really be killed, like Aquaman they can’t really do much of anything.

Bowser

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Why He Would  Make a Good Hero: Willingness to participate in countless good-natured car races and other sporting events with Mario indicate Bowser may be experiencing a change of heart (marred greatly by his constant kidnapping of women). Throwing hammers reminiscent of Thor. Hurling fire reminiscent of Human Torch. Fighting alongside son Bowser Jr. reminiscent of Batman fighting alongside ward Robin, although without the creepy undertone of a grown man inviting a teenage boy to live with him.

Kano

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Why He Would  Make a Good Hero: The leader of an international cartel, Kano could head a superhero group like the Fantastic Four (though he’d probably use The Thing to break into banks and out of jails). Ability to rip out vital organs from opponents could save people in desperate need of a still-beating heart, two very fresh livers, or entire intact skeleton.

Sephiroth

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Why He Would  Make a Good Hero: Was already a war hero until he kinda jumped to conclusions and believed himself to be a god (as you do). Having been injected with extraterrestrial cells as a fetus, Sephiroth could have very well joined Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters…or, alas, Magneto’s School for Freakass Juvenile Delinquents. Was voiced by an NSYNC member in “Kingdom Hearts,” so his level of menace has already dropped more than a few notches.

Coily

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Why He Would  Make a Good Hero: Given that the game “Qbert” takes place on a multidimensional pyramid floating in space, it’s actually hard to tell if Coily is hunting the title character or actually being chased by him instead, meaning he may have been the hero all the long. Also, as far as villain names go, “Coily” is about as menacing as “Timmy” or “Gonna-Hug-And-Kiss-You.”

Ganondorf

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Why He Would  Make a Good Hero: Sure, Ganondorf may be the king of all evil, possess an unquenchable thirst for world domination, and be the embodiment of unrelenting pure hatred in “The Legend of Zelda” but...uh...he has a cape, just like Batman. Or, well, Darth Vader. The point is sometimes you have to look past a character’s cruel exterior and horrible reputation and stare straight into their soul to find that, alas, they are so bad they probably juggle kittens in their free time.

Any you can think of? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out 22 Examples Of Video Game Logic!

This past weekend we asked you to come up with a funny caption for this friendly bear. After thousands of entries, we've unscientifically picked a winner!

So congrats to qmonster0122, for coming up with the caption for this picture!

I GOT ALL 8 PAGES!

Thanks for all you funny submissions! Look for another contest later in the week!

Didn't win? You can still buy a shirt HERE!

The devastation Hurricane Sandy has wrought thus far has been tremendous. Houses along the seaboard have been throttled. Cars float through Manhattan. The human toll has been very real. Thank God Lindsay Lohan and the cast of Jersey Shore exist to lend their tweets to our collective narrative. Calming us with their empathy, and intelligence.

Empathy. Intelligence.
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The world's #1 news network MTV Thankfully collected many of the tweets from the subhumans they've given us to denigrate at the Jersey Shore. Bearing in mind the extraordinary, life changing destruction Snooki gave us this tweet. "Waiting for the storm! Slumber party with my boys." It was shortly thereafter, as if in direct response to Snooki's tweet, as if God had finally had enough of us actually giving someone like her fame, that Hurricane Sandy touched down on the Jersey Shore, demolishing it and leaving nothing in it's wake. Vinny, ever defiant, stood tall with this tweet in response. "#Sandy stop blowing the Jersey Shore you dirty b*tch."

God's wrath has come to the Jersey Shore. Who's next? If you live next to Honey Boo Boo, you should evacuate immediately.
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Lindsay Lohan showed as much or more complete dissociation from what was actually happening in the real world with her tweet “WHY is everyone in SUCH a panic about hurricane (i’m calling it Sally)..? Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace.” Why is she calling it Sally? No one knows. We we do know is that while she was writing this tweet she was almost surely nude from the waste down, holding a beer can she had refilled with store brand Tequila, and urinating in the parking lot of a KFC.

Lindsay Lohan, pictured here getting ready to make a powerful enough burp that it sends Hurricane Sandy back out into the ocean for good.
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Probably my favorite Hurricane Sandy tweet so far though came from Bette Midler, otherwise known by your generation as, "Who is Bette Midler?" whose tweet makes absolutely no sense but is awesome: "Batten down the hatches!! I'm baking macaroons for the duration. Hope it's over before Hulaween!!!! Eeeeeeekkkk!!" I don't know what that means. And I never will. Well done Miss Midler, well done.

This is what celebrities were allowed to look like if they got famous before 1985.
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What would you tweet about Hurricane Sandy if you were a celebrity? Let us know in the comments below!

On November 16, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 will be released in theaters and the young women of America will have to find their abusive relationship fiction elsewhere. Let me be the first person to ever say this: The relationships in the Twilight movies set horrible examples for what women should expect from men. Female readers (readettes?), it is not not your fault if you have been brainwashed into enjoying Twilight. I sincerely hope that mocking these insane Twihards will make you realize that the media is doing bad things to your heads. Here are the strangest Twilight fans:

This Woman Who Sleeps With An Edward Cullen Pillow

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Short of murdering Robert Pattinson and bedding with his corpse, this pillow is the closest you can come to sleeping next to Edward Cullen: it is cold, bloodless, and incapable of showing love. Oh, right, and it's creepy as hell. I get it, lady, sometimes we all get lonely. But why can't you do what other people do and go out with someone you don't like? It worked for every girl I've ever dated!

This Overweight Person With a Bad Tattoo

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Far be it from me to make fun of someone for being overweight- my body type could be charitably described as "an oil tanker packed with pumpkin pie filling." I see two problems here. #1: tattoos are supposed to highlight your best features. If cottage cheese thighs are this genderless person's best features, I recommend bringing Athena's mirrored gorgon shield. #2 is this tattoo sucks.

Whoever Made This Terrifying Maze

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Thanks for bringing a whole new sad meaning to "getting lost in Edward's eyes", scary person with access to maze-cutting equipment! You need to own lots and lots of sharp things to cut a garden maze of this size. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

These Adults

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I am a full grown adult human male. If I were to scream with excitement over a movie about shirtless teen girls, I would be taken to jail and touched a lot. I realize that men complaining about gender double standards is infuriatingly backward. I also realize that full grown adult human females screaming about shirtless teen boys IS STILL NOT OKAY. This is especially true because the books' depiction of gender relations is sexist and centuries out of date. Young women haven't learned a lot of things yet, and so can be forgiven for not getting this. Adults can't.

Whomever's Blood This Is

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Granted: I have no evidence that this is real blood. But someone was definitely trying to make it look like blood, which is almost as bad. Here is a list of jokes I wrote about this image because I dislike it too much to think about it anymore:

-Last time someone cared this much about a book, John Lennon died.

-Saying a dead character is your life is another way of saying you don't have one.

-When she said Edward was inside of her, this is NOT what I had in mind.

You, Probably

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Please don't hurt me.

Do you believe that the young women of America deserve better? Let us know in the comments!

Check out our Breakdown of the Breaking Dawn Part 2 Trailer!

We love cartoon kids. We tune in every week to see what wacky adventures they'll get in to next. If you really think about it though, the lives that these kids live are kind of horrific. I would never wish these sort of "adventures" on any real child. Here are cartoon kids that should be taken in to protective custody.

Dora The Explorer

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Dora does exactly what the title of the shows says that she does. She explores. The problem is that she is way too young to be going off by herself every day with only a monkey to protect her from the evils of the world. To be honest, I'm kind of surprised that monkey hasn't tried to rip her limbs off yet. Sometimes she has to baby sit he even younger cousin Diego. I'm pretty sure that they're both going to get eaten by that fox.

Gohan (Dragonball Z)

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After his father dies, he enters the custody of Piccolo so that he can be trained. Of course, this training involves being stranded in the wilderness for six months and left to fight dinosaurs by himself. That's some pretty blatent child abuse. If any real guardian did that, they'd be locked away in jail for the rest of their life.

Huey, Dewey, and Louie (Ducktales)

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It seemed like a really nice thing for rich Uncle Scrooge McDuck to take in his three wayward nephews. Surely with his wealth, he would be able to provide a safe and happy home for the trio to grow up in. Unfortunately, Scrooge was obsessed with treasure hunting and used the three young ducks as his adventuring companions. This put them in constant iminent danger ranger from mummies to evil witches. Oh, yeah. And when they weren't seeking out danger, robbers were trying to murder them for their money. HIRE SOMEONE TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK, SCROOGE. You're not being very good at being rich.

Jonny Quest

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Jonny Quest is one of the old school action cartoons. That doesn't justify how this kid lives his life. His father takes him all over the world to solve incredibly dangerous mysteries. I'm still a little suspicious of exactly why Race Bannon was around and what kind of relationship he had with Jonny off screen. It seemed a little creepy.

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie (The Simpsons)

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These three might be the most famous cartoon kids that ever existed. The good thing about this series is that they at least acknowledge how bad Homer and Marge are at parenting. There have been multiple episodes where one or more of the kids were taken away from them only to be returned by the end of the episode. It's a shame too. Lisa might really have a future if she wasn't so saddled down by the rest of the Simpson clan. Oh well, who needs a cure for cancer anyway?

Too Much (Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos)

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Too Much is basically bait that Chuck Norris personally oversees. Chuck Norris constantly fights an evil organaization that is totally not COBRA from G.I. Joe. Those guys tend to kidnap Too Much since he's a kid that can't defend himself against someone as scary as "Super Ninja". They never really explain why exactly Too Much is around. I personally think that Chuck Norris must have kidnapped him as a baby. After seeing this show, I don't think Chuck Norris should ever be allowed around children again.

Dumb Donald (Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids)

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You could probably say that any of the Cosby Kids should be taken in to protective custody. Most of them are homeless and they spend every day hanging out in a junkyard. Of all of them, Dumd Donald needs the most help. He is slower than the rest of the kids, and rather than get enrolled in special classes that could really help him, everyone just calls him dumb and makes fun of him. They better be careful because one of these days Donald is going to fly in to an uncontrollable rage and probably take down a few of the Cosby Kids in the process. Who's laughing now?

What cartoon kids do you think deserve a better life? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

Check Out Real People Who Look Like Cartoons!

High school is a stressful time. Everyone’s trying to be everything at once: the cool kid, the student, the athlete, the governor (?), but really, it’s just Fake Life. So many things that seem important in grades 9-12 are totally insignificant the minute you hit college or trade school or your cabin in the woods or whatever. Here are some lessons you can throw away immediately upon graduating high school.

You Have To Turn Things In On Time

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You don’t. If it would screw someone else over, then by all means, git ‘er done. But in Life After High School, it’s more important that you learn how to deal with people so that you’re able to serve all your needs, not just your need to people-please. For instance, if I’m unable to turn in a Smosh blog by deadline, I can email my kind editors in advance and they’ll oh-so-kindly grant me an extension because they’re the nicest people ever (Hi, guys!). You can do the same with [whatever job you have unless it’s saving the world]. And if you’re not granted any leeway… well… that’s what tear ducts are for.

Being Popular Matters

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Nope. Having money matters. If you have money, you’ll be popular, so let’s focus on one thing at a time. Popularity is so arbitrary; it has little to do with how charismatic or sweet you are. Most of the time it’s determined by what one influential person thinks of you. The plan is: make a lot of money, buy the affections of the coolest person you know, and voila – you just filled up your mansion party with Swifts and Biebers.

Math Is A Thing

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Okay, maybe you’re going to study something like “MATH” or “SCIENCE” in college, but the rest of us liberal-arts-types should feel free to forget where we stored our graphing calculators (until the day rapper TI comes to campus and everyone waves their TI-83+’s in the air; best day of my life). Just learn how to quickly calculate a tip (double the tax, heyyo) and no one will ever care that you completely forgot what a stoichiometry is.

The More Clubs You’re Involved In, The Awesomer

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In high school, your self-worth is determined by the number of pages you appear on in the yearbook. In college, that just can’t be. I tried doing All The Things my freshman year at Yale, and I died in October. When I came back to life, I realized that college clubs require you to fully dedicate yourself to whatever it is they’re asking of you (in my case, the cult of a cappella), and one simply cannot accommodate as many masters as one did back when “club membership” meant “putting your name on the list at the start-of-school fair.” Spare yourself the angst and pare down how many times you’re willing to be hazed.

Homework Should Take Precedence Over Parties

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I meannnnn, don’t flunk out. Beyond that, figure out the minimum amount of work necessary to allow you to still achieve your goals, and do just that. Going out at night and getting to know your classmates can be equally as valuable as finishing that problem set. I’ve gotten every job I’ve ever had through people I’ve met while socializing. Yeah, you want to learn stuff and knowledge is power and everything, but don’t let it ruin your time!

You Should Know What You Want To Do With Your Life By Age 18

How can you POSSIBLY know for-sure-for-certain-no-take-backs what you want to do with your life before you’ve even heard about all the fields that are available to you? There are many ways to make yourself happy, and most of them can still be accessed late into your twenties, if not at any point in your life. My mom was a social worker and is now a YouTube talk show host. Go figure. Your success in life will be determined by your ability to listen to your gut and reinvent yourself if necessary. The moral of the story is: everyone should be a ballerina, whether or not you think you have the feet for it.

What are some other lessons you believe should be thrown away after high school? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out 20 Hilarious Back To School Motivators!

Whatever your opinion of Justin Bieber, give the kid some credit: he's worked very hard to get to his current level of success. If you are a staunch Republican like myself you will agree that he should not be shamed for being successful. On the contrary, we should mock those who have less money than him and are therefore lazy and stupid. Since I'm both older and poorer than Bieber, I deserve my wrath as much as anyone. Here are the biggest differences between his 6.5 million dollar house and my cheapo apartment in Suck City.

His Kitchen is Clean And Free of Insects

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While doing the dishes last night I found a large earwig living comfortably in a mixing bowl I made pancake batter in a few days ago. I screamed like I had never been trained by society that men are not supposed to scream, then closed my eyes and crushed it with my rubber dish gloves. Justin Bieber doesn't have to deal with this, as he has both a staff of domestic servants to keep his sink clear and way more masculinity than myself.

Bieber Has Nice Neighbors

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Biebs lives near the Kardashians in Calabasas, CA, one of LA's wealthiest suburbs. I live within a five minute walk of six liquor stores whose owners do not speak English. Last week, my neighbor screamed through my American Apparel model-thin walls that she would call the police on my roommate and me for talking quietly at 11 pm. Since Bieber lives in a giant compound, he is free to make as much noise as he pleases.

My Cinema Room Is Just My Computer And a Couch

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If you are planning on being poor, I recommend adopting a political stance that will make people think you don't own a TV because of some deeply-held belief. That way, I can say "I don't trust the liberal media!" instead of the far more accurate "I can't afford anything other than my rent and edible sawdust bricks." Justin Bieber is rich enough to use one of his rooms as a movie theater, complete with antique popcorn cart. I hope I can meet him someday so I can ask him if popcorn tastes even better than Uncle Barry's Mesquite BBQ Flavored DustBrixx.

His Pool Is There on Purpose

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I have a pool in my apartment building. It is a deep puddle of stagnant water above a clogged drain in the courtyard, which, as you all know, is the perfect breeding ground for kitchen insects. (In unrelated news, it hasn't rained here in over a week.) Bieber's pool is way cooler, because it has hot water jets, scantily-clad attractive people, and almost zero lice eggs (except when The Situation visits).

We Both Eat Outdoors (But For Different Reasons)

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Justin has himself a fantastic al fresco dining area surrounded by palm trees. After last night's bug scare shattered my consciousness into a thousand irreparable pieces, I decided to eat breakfast at the taco truck across the street rather than risk further insect contamination. The taco truck has no chairs and is popular among Hispanic day laborers; Bieber's al fresco dining area, on the other hand, has six chairs and is popular among women of all ethnicities who are paid to wear bikinis.

Hugely Different Game Rooms

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My pool table has green felt instead of red felt. They are otherwise identical.

Do you feel entitled to wealth you haven't earned? Comment about it!

Check out Bieber Throwing Up On Stage!

So, the day after Halloween, there’s this OTHER holiday that’s also about ghosts and the underworld. El Dia de los Muertos (aka Day of the Dead) is Mexico’s answer to combining native traditions with a Christian holiday, and it is actually pretty awesome. Don’t believe me? Here are six hardcore facts that make Day of the Dead cooler than Halloween!

Its Bread Comes With A Skeleton Inside

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You might have tried “pan de los muertos” delicioso-ness in Spanish class. It’s basically the sugar content of candy plus the irresistibleness of carbs. No, I won’t stop. And sometimes there’s a little skeleton toy inside to reward you for stuffing your face. Also, “dead bread” rhymes; what does “candy corn” do?

It Serves A Purpose

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On the Day of the Dead, families gather to spruce up the graves of their loved ones. I think we can all agree that this is something that probably should be done from time to time. On Halloween, hooligans egg houses and adults choose to get lost in mazes made of corn stalks. Which holiday is more productive?

It Came First

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El Dia de los Muertos originated from an ancient Aztec celebration that dates back 3000 years. Halloween stems from a Pagan ritual that’s about 2000 years old. By hipster standards, Day of the Dead definitely wins. “Honestly, I’ve been donning skeleton masks since before it became New World.”

You Don’t Have To Worry About Choosing A Costume

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It can be seriously stressful trying to come up with a clever, topical, original Halloween costume year after year. With El Dia de los Muertos, there’s no pressure! Sure, you have the option of doing something elaborate, but it’s also totally legit to just slap on some face paint in a standardized pattern and call it a day…er, dia.

Three Days Instead Of One

There’s a little bit of dissent about this one on the Internet (Mexican Smoshers, help me out!) but according to some sources, Day of the Dead actually consists of three (3!) days of partying. Halloween is technically just the one. Waiting for the Adam Sandler song about this one.

It’ll Help Us Prepare For The Zombie Apocalypse

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El Dia de los Muertos is about honoring and celebrating death. Halloween is all like, booo, death is scary. In the event of the inevitable zombie apocalypse, from a strictly strategic standpoint, el Dia de los Muertos sounds like the more diplomatic approach in dealing with our new overlords.

Which do you prefer, Halloween or el Dia de los Muertos? Why? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out 10 Costumes You Should Avoid On Halloween!

So last week I did a list of 10 badass fictional gingers and let's just say that you guys had a lot to say about it.Thanks for gently nudging me on the ones you felt were left off of the list and not calling me a failing idiot loser or something more NSFW.  It was a very mature discussion regarding the subject of badass gingers. Yay to mature comment discussions on the internet!  Apparently there are just so many badass fictional gingers out there, that a list of ten isn't nearly enough. So by popular demand here's a look at a few more! 

Kyle

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I know! How could I so stupidly have forgotten Kyle!?! I guess it's easy to do since his luscious locks are always hidden beneath a hat and he's a 'daywalker', but STILL!  It takes a real badass to bitch slap bully Cartman and make him cry for his mommy. A proud moment for gingers everywhere. F*#king ginger hater!

Foxface

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Okay, admittedly being taken out by some berries doesn't sound very badass, but girl was HUNGRY! Before her death though, Foxface was one of the tributes Katniss feared most. Remember when she so badass-ly hid in the cornucopia pre-feast? Sly as a fox is a common idiom for a reason. Plus she's kind of foxy. 

Dexter

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I think we can all agree, that nerds are friggin' badass. In fact, Dexter so proudly wears his nerdiness on his sleeve, that the Neil Degrasse Tyson Meme actually said "Watch out guys, we’re dealing with a badass over here." about him and meant it. Now that's some verified badass!

Joan Holloway

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Joan is more than just a huge pair of boobies with the butt of Sir Mix-A-Lot's dreams. She's got a brain too. And she uses that brain to figure out ways to use her boobs and butt to get what she wants from the dumbass guys in charge. Hey it was the olden days!

Kim Possible

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Um, hello? Teen crime fighter?  'Nuff said! And my cousin always complains about all the homework she has to do and the fact that she's the only one of her friends who doesn't have an iPhone. So NOT badass! Kim has all of that teen BS and she has to deal with Dr. Drakken. Now that's some drama!

Amy Pond

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So many of you were miffed that I left Amy Pond off of the last list, that I just had to include her on this one.  But now I have to make an awkward confession...I've yet to watch Doctor Who. I SWEAR I'M GONNA!  So Imma just have to trust you guys on this one, because I don't wanna do any research for fear of spoilers.  You guys better not have led me astray!!

Ganondorf

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He's got the triforce of power, yo! According to Wikipedia, Ganon's hatred is "so intense that he can survive even the total obliteration of his body and be conscious". That's some serious sh*t! Maybe my extreme  Kardashian hate will finally lead to something cool! A girl can dream!

Misty

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Misty proves that you don't have to give up your femininity to be a badass fighter. She's tough and cute!  Plus she gives geek girls everywhere an easy sexy cosplay costume option. 

Natasha Romanova (Black Widow)

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Natasha Romanova is so badass that even her love of Hawkeye doesn't diminish her cool factor. Actually when you're able to rock that black vinyl suit, I don't think anything could diminish your cool factor. Maybe I should start working out? Imma put that on my to do list. When I find it.

George and Fred Weasley

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Okay, Ron was on my last list, but truth be told, Fred and George just might be my favorite Weasleys. I love Ron too! And pretty much all of the Weasleys, well maybe not Percy, I mean I'm slowly forgiving him I guess, but I digress!  Fred and George? LOVE. They're funny and fun and I totally wanna hang with them. Yes, I'm ignoring the fact that Fred died, because that makes me snot cry harder than when Snape died. Damn, why'd I have to think of Snape dying?

Any other gingers I missed? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out 10 Badass Fictional Gingers!

rights to the Star Wars franchise. It's a huge deal, one that impacts one of the biggest movie franchises in history. But it can really only be for the better — here's why Disney's purchase of Star Wars is the best news in history.

Episode 7 will be basically George Lucas-free

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Listen, Everyone knew the problems with Star Wars besides George Lucas. Episode One was a great movie on paper. Anakin Skywalker, chosen one, hero of the Republic, falls victim to hate and murders his wife and his friends. That is an awesome, tragic story. But George Lucas got in there with his shotty script and complete inability to direct actors and turned it into a goddamn farce. Literally anyone else in the world could have directed a better movie than the Star Wars prequels. Honestly, you put Natalie Portman in an old warehouse with the director of Ice Cube's Are We Done Yet and an iPhone 3GS to film with and you'll get a better movie than Attack of the Clones.

More Star Wars movies mean more Star Wars toys

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Great, now I'm going to have to have TWO rooms in my house that I never let girls see.

Star Wars in Kingdom Hearts 3

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A lot of people on the internet seem to be excited that Goofy and Donald Duck and anime sword key kid can go to Tatooine now, and while I've never played Kingdom Hearts, I'm happy when other people are happy. It's what makes me a good person. You should try it sometime, DONALD TRUMP. Nah, he's a good guy, just tryin' to make it in the world. Anyway, hooray for things!

Disney gets that acclaimed filmmakers make good movies

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After Joss Wedon's The Avengers performed spectacularly at the box office, it would be fair to say that Disney sees the value in getting an accomplished directort to helm the Star Wars franchise. So who might direct 2015's upcoming Episode 7? The Social Network's David Fincher? The Incredibles' Brad Bird? The Shining's Stanley Kubrick? I know he's dead, but I wouldn't underestimate the power of the Disney media empire.

Pixar could get its hands on Star Wars

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Just the notion that the people who Toy Story and Wall-E could give notes on a Star Wars movie makes me so happy that I've literally spent the morning on my back wiggling my legs like a baby puppy.

Star Wars characters could end up in the Marvel universe

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Can Wolverine's audamantium skeleton withstand a lightsaber? Now that Marvel and Star Wars are under the same Disney umbrealla, we could see a comic book crossover that has the potential answers this long-standing question. And then I can FINALLY get some sleep.

More Star Wars characters at Disneyland

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I remember going to Disneyland as a kid, and for some reason, I was ALL ABOUT meeting Pluto. I guess he was my favorite Disney character? But now, the next time I go to Disneyland, I'm not gonna give one single sh*t about Pluto — I'm gonna be straight-up looking for Chewbacca. And while the thought of a lonely Pluto slumped in a corner, head in hands, is depressing, it doesnt outweigh the overwhelming joy I get thinking about having an autograph from a guy in a Chewbacca costume.

SERIOUSLY THOUGH SOMEONE WHO ISN'T GEORGE LUCAS IS GOING TO DIRECT A STAR WARS MOVIE

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DO YOU KNOW HOW INSANE THAT IS EVERY ITEM ON THIS LIST SHOULD BE THAT SOMEONE WHO ISN'T GEORGE LUCAS IS GOING TO DIRECT A STAR WARS MOVIE.

Princess Leia now becomes a Disney princess

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And thank goodness. We don't have NEARLY enough white Disney princesses.

We're going to see more of Han Solo

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Disney paid 4 billion dollars for Star Wars, yes, but along with it they got Han Solo. Han Solo. Unquestionably the coolest character in history. If the whole Greedo Shot First controversy hadn't driven down Han's value, there's no way Disney would have gotten Star Wars away with only 4 billion dollars — they would have had to offer up not only would Walt Disney's frozen head, but also his frozen d*ck.

What's your favorite part of the Disney/ Star Wars announcement? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

Check out 28 Badass Disney/Star Wars Mashups!

As I get older and some of my friends begin to have kids of their own, I think about what kind of parent I want to be. Then I realize, at the end of the day there are certain patterns all parents fall into, for better or worse. It’s just the way it is. And that I, your humble narrator, @danborrelli, will also fall into those patterns. The most crucial universal parenting technique, lying. So here is my list of the 9 biggest lies all parents tell their kids.

9. BEAUTY IS ON THE INSIDE

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Of course we'd all like to think that. But the fact of the matter is physical attraction wins. And before you start blaming society and television and Hollywood. Let's think about this for a minute... Is that really such a bad thing? I mean more often than not all the beautiful people have to offer this world is their physical beauty. If you took that away they'd have NOTHING. And sure it makes the rest of us feel bad for like a minute, but then it's fine. Because when it comes to relationships, you never wanna marry the beautiful woman and actually spend time with her. That would be a nightmare! I'd marry Rachel Dratch over Kim Kardashian any day.

8. PARENTS KNOW BEST

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College is a scary time because it's the age where you start to realize your parents are no longer the smartest people you know. Not to take a dig at your parents! I'm sure they rock. But college is a bizarre place where some dude has spent the last 40 years studying JUST art in the time of the Renaissance. You can't top that. Sure he probably lives with 9 birds and is unfit to raise a child but if I have a question about Titian's early work, I'm going to him over my parents any day.

7. GOING TO COLLEGE GUARANTEES SUCCESS

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The fine print on this lie ALMOST makes it true. If you go to a (good) college and have a (practical) major your chances of getting a job after graduation increase. But at this point in our culture, too many people are going to college. Which isn't right, it shouldn't be for everyone. Trade schools and apprenticeships used to lead to plenty of middle class jobs. And not just in the blue collar world. Look at the old Hollywood system. Writers would work sometimes right out of high school, or even after the army, as apprentices in the studio system. WRITERS, who don't spend 10 years at college! I spent 4 years studying that crap and you can probably find like 6 typos in this paragraph alone. I'll take the old school route over an expensive degree any day.

6. IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE I'LL CALL SANTA AND TELL HIM NOT TO COME TO OUR HOUSE THIS YEAR

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This is crap. I through the challenge flag on this one every time. There was NO way those guys were ever going to call Santa and tell him not to come. First of all, Santa has to reach like a bazillion houses, so you probably can't just get him on the phone. You have to send an email and then they schedule you a time to talk with a Santa representative and if you miss the call it could affect you getting your benefits and all that crap... Plus, imagine the social backlash of being the one house to CANCEL CHRISTMAS! Good luck not looking like a jerk at the next PTA lunch after that snafu. I'll take social standing over strong discipline any day.

5. YOU'RE GOING TO GET SICK IF...

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What they will make you sick... Dirt, cold, eating things that fell on the ground, not washing your hands, weird animals that show up in your backyard who you're convinced are magical and have come to you for help but you can't seem to communicate properly, , picking gum off the sidewalk... What they don't tell warn you about... Staying up till 3am working on a paper and forgetting to eat anything except Orbit gum and Red Bull for two days. I'll take dirt over that any day.

4. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE...

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This is a big one. They'll constantly brag about being the model child you should strive to be. But here's a fun game, talk to your grandparents about this. It turns out, 10 times out of 10, your parents were way crazier than you. And that's reassuring, especially if they turned out well. I'd take that over perfect parents any day.

3. YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE

False. I can not be a hip hop dancer. It's just not going to happen. Ever. Which is fine, I'm cool with it. But god forbid I WANTED to be a hip hop dancer and my parents supported that decision. I'd rather have realistic expectations over a life full of failure any day.

2. YOU NEED TO BE HEALTHY AND FINISH YOUR DINNER

No you do not. If you're full, STOP EATING. It's predicted that in the next 20 years 50% of the population will have diabetes. 50%!!! That's like...half! So maybe we should try NOT finishing our dinner. Especially when half of it is fried and probably not all that great for you. Maybe instead we should all run a mile before dinner. Then we'll have no problem finishing OR getting to bed on time any day.

1. YOU'RE SPECIAL

Not really... I mean sure, you might be different, good at a few things most people aren't, bad at a few things most people aren't. But special!? The only special thing I've done all day is manage to end every item on this list with the words "any day". And you know what, I don't want to be special. Special is hard, and it's tragic, and it's not all that rewarding. Sure there's good special. Michael Jordan special. But most "special" just lands you a crappy reality show or a stay in a mental hospital. Give me the return to normalcy that the kids in the 90s rebelled against. Give me mundane Sundays. Give me boring. Give me AVERAGE! I'd take that over special any day.

What parental myths did your parents perpetuate? Let me know in the comments below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli

Check Out These Amazing Harry Potter Motivators!

Xbox Live's Major Nelson is reporting that Minecraft, the weird pixelated exploration game, is the most played game on Xbox Live. And that doesn't take into account the game's PC player base, which is certainly even larger. Minecraft is really on its way to becoming a thing, crossing over into the mass market in a big way. Who knows how big Minecraft is going to get?

I'll be excited for the Minecraft tribute episode.
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Conventional wisdom would have said that spot belonged to Call of Duty, the biggest, brawniest series in video games today. The idea that Minecraft can dethrone Modern Warfare 3, if only for a little while, hopefully implies that some Call of Duty players gave Minecraft a chance. And what they discovered must have been breathtaking.

"Since when are games allowed to use color?"
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As games become more expensive and challenging to develop, it's amazing to see a fun, quirky little title with simple graphics and fun gameplay make such an impact. It really challenges some base assumptions about game developement — that they need competetive multiplayer, mind-blowing graphics, and an M for Mature rating to be sucessful. Turns out, all a game needs to be successful is to be fun — it doesn't necessarily have to be about killing people who are different than you.

And you know what? I've been playing a lot of Modern Warfare 3 lately, and I'm starting to think that maybe games shouldn't be about killing people who are different than you.

Anone else feeling a little bit overwhelmingly depressed lately?
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This whole scenario reminds me a lot of presidential politics, as long as we think of the top spot on Xbox Live like the presidency. In 2008, when a young upstart (Barack Obama/ Minecraft), took on the establishment (Hillary Clinton/ Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3) and shocked EVERYONE by coming away with the win. Of course, said upstart is about to be clobbered by an undeserving challenger (Mitt Romney/ Halo 4), leading us to the next battle which is just going to be won by the establishment we thought was going to win all along (Hillary Clinton/ Call of Duty Black Ops 2).

In other words, if Hillary Clinton becomes president in 2016 your time
playing Minecraft will have been for nothing.
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Which are you more into, Call of Duty or Minecraft? And how come? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

You ever try and play Mario Party with just yourself? More like SADNESS PARTY, right? You need FRIENDS in your life, bro. But what if you have no friends? Or your friends kind of suck and you want to upgrade? Then it’s time to start looking for NEW friends, and since people you know already probably have decided if they like you or not, it’s time to make friends with strangers. Scope has an ad campaign where a guy tries this in public.

But what if you are NOT a curly haired comedian? Here are some friend tips for the rest of us.

Show them your collection of things

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Do you collect Batman action figures? Minerals (they are NOT rocks)? Rare postage stamps of 1940s pin-up gals? Maybe someone walking down the street might collect the very same thing! I mean, the odds that the interest you specifically choose to show them is shared by a random stranger are astronomical — basically 1 in infinity — but I don't think you should let the ODDS tell you what to do. I mean, what are the odds that, in a world with 6 billion people in it, you'd end up as lonely as you are? See, you've already beaten the odds! Hooray!

Make fun of whatever's around you together

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Most people sitting by themselves at a public place are secretly hoping another person will start talking to them. And since you're so desperately, desperately lonely, this is a great way to convert a stranger into a friend. But what do you say? Try pointing out something in your shared environment you can laugh at. For instance, if you're at the library, you might point to the bookshelf and say "Look at this bookshelf over here. Nice books, bookshelf. You're really HOLDING UP your end of the bargain". Or, if you're at the coffee shop, try "Look at this here half and half. It's really HOLDING UP its end of the bargain".

Carry a cane

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For many people, it's weird if a guy just walks up and starts talking. But if that guy has a cane, our natural instinct to help those weaker than us kicks in, and we're willing to give them whatever they want, be it a hand opening the door, a seat on the bus, or even another pal to invite to a birthday party. Remember, you don't NEED an injury to walk around with a cane — you can just get one from a thrift store or deceased grandpa! 

Get a dog

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Being out in public with a dog is the world's best ice-breaker — if you'ere walking around with a cute little schnauser, suddenly EVERYONE wants to come up and talk to you! For some reason, we as a society have decided it's okay to go up to a dog and tell it it how cute it is and rub its belly and give it kisses. But if I were to go up and do that to a girl suddenly I'M the bad guy and I'M in jail and I'M on the hook for 400 dollars in bail money that I swear I'm going to pay you back Jerry honest to God.

Sing them a song

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The truth is, most people are sad about something. Maybe their grandmother is sick. Maybe their dog ran away. Maybe this season of Fringe isn't really doing it for them. Whatever the reason, the quickest way to chase away the blues is to hear a jaunty tune, and that's something YOU can provide them! And once you start making people happy by singing to them, they're gonna want to have you around as a friend to do it wthe next time they get blue. Just make sure the initial song you sing them is a happy one, like Jonathan Coulton's The World Belongs to You, and not one that's depressing like The Verve Pipe's The Freshman because that song is about sad and no one wins friends singing sad songs from the 90's.

How do you turn strangers into friends? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

Check out The 6 Biggest Friendship Offenses!

It used to be that if you were a sad, lonely man, you had to make a person-esque body out of hay and burlap sacks to keep you company. But why create a vaugely human-shaped partner when you could make a real life woman feel like she's vaugely human? Well, like any uncomfortable idea, it's happening in Japan. We're about to see A LOT of jilted scarecrow-lovers.

"Y'all goin' be back. You think that new girl gonna keep away yo crows like I do?"
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At the Soine-ya cafe you can sleep with a real-life lady! And when I say "sleep", I literally mean "sleep". You just go lie down with a girl and nap.

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AND NO IT'S NOT SEXUAL. No one is allowed to do anything too weird.

That said, because you can't do anything weird, the whole thing paradoxically
becomes more weird.
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The base sleeping-with-another-human price is 3,00 yen, or about 38 American dollars. There are add-ons you can pay for as well, in case you want your sleeping girl to do specific things while sleeping. AND NO IT'S STILL NOT SEXUAL. For a price, you can get your purchased sleep-lady to lie on your arm or rest your head in her lap. Heck, for an extra 1,000 yen you can even look her in the eye.

You know, you could make eye contact with a female at Starbucks
for free if you just acted like a goddamn human being for thirty seconds.
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Hey, anyone who thinks this is in any way a good idea? Listen up, I'm about to save you THOUSANDS of Yen. You ready? Buy a stuffed animal. They're soft, they cost less than a dollar at garage sales, and best of all, some of them are lions.

You can't objectify a stuffed lion.
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Would you patronize a cuddle cafe? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

People are the worst. And I’d know, I’m a people. But people are not uniformly the worst, some of them are more worse than the rest of the people, who are also the worst. Confusing? I know, and confusion is the worst. All I’m trying to say is that, while all people are jerks, some people are the biggest jerks. Being an expert on jerks (this comes from being a quarter jerk, on my Mother’s side) I have conveniently categorized their existence for you. Here now, are the 7 Biggest Jerks You Know:

The Eater

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You know why eating off of someone else’s plate without asking is rude? For the same reason living in someone’s house without permission, or taking their kids to live with you without permission is rude: YOU ARE TAKING SOMETHING THAT IS NOT YOURS. As a bonus reason why these people are the worst, sometimes they get mad if you tell them not to eat off your plate. “Someone didn’t learn to share” they’ll say to you, at which point you can reply “Yes I did, right after I learned to ask before I take something from someone.” Then, flip the table over.

Loud Neighbors

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Not only is your ridiculously loud party keeping everyone on the street up, you’re also rubbing it in our faces that we were we not invited to said party (seriously? How dare you, I am a GREAT neighbor!) and that we’re at home trying to sleep during prime fun hours! Thanks for reminding me how unfun my existence is, you jerks.

Dog Owners

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I love dogs, like a lot. I feel like most of us do. That’s extra remarkable when you remember that the people who own dogs are the worst! Don’t feel like picking up your dog’s crap? Interesting choice, considering that something you own just had stuff come out of it’s butt on someone else’s property. For me, that feels like a “clean that up” sort of situation.

Fanboys

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It’s totally fine to not just be a fan of something, but to REALLY love that thing, even if it is totally stupid (*cough*most YA fiction*cough*). But it is incredibly irritating when you no longer make a distinction between “People who are also a fan of that thing” and “any person within ear shot”. We don’t care about that thing you love! In fact, most people don’t, that’s why you feel so special for seeing it’s beauty.

People Who Are Older/Younger Than You

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If you are young, everyone who’s older than you thinks they’re so knowledgeable, like they’ve got all the answers. But if they have all the answers, why is the planet so screwed up, MAN?! As for people who are younger than you, whoo-boy. They just won’t respect your many years of accumulated wisdom! How do they expect to keep the Earth in it’s currently excellent shape if they don’t listen to the people who’ve made it great?

Murderers

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Seems pretty self-explanatory…

You

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When you get right down to it, you are a total jerk. You sit around labeling everyone else, coming up with reasons not to like them, but who made you Mr Perfect? Nobody did (and he was already a wrestler in the WWF in the 80s.) You’re just some guy at his computer, calling other people names, and- *bursts into tears*

That was emotional. Am I the only one who found that cathartic? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out These Things That Can Ruin A Relationship (Other Than Sex)!

If God didn't want us to see each other's junk, he wouldn't have made everything in the world look like it.

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What’s up with our weird faces? Let us know in the comments!

Click here for Incredibly Awkward Kisses!

So a few weeks ago we brought you the story of Justin Jedlica, a totally delusional guy who transformed himself into a human Ken Doll. Because apparently looking like Keanu Reeves' baby brother wasn't good enough for him! I get it. I mean who doesn't want a bloated anus for lips? 

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Well now this dude is making news again. This man, who has spent over 100 grand to transform himself into something no one finds attractive, is rejecting Valeria Lukyanova AKA the 'Real Life Barbie'. Why you might be asking?? Why would he be crushing all of our dreams to have 'Human Ken Doll' and 'Real Life Barbie' make unsexy times together? Because apparently he finds her...wait for it... too fake. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  So says the man who had ab implants. 

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"I do find her beautiful," he said in an interview with the Huffington Post. "[But] it appears to me that much of her look is added makeup, fake hair and 'slimming' corsets ... Drag queens have put on the same illusions with makeup and costumes for years."  Apparently Lukyanova has spent over 800 grand on her look, but she has never confirmed that she has had plastic surgery. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hmmmm...I wonder if she's had any work done? Let's see here...

I'm personally confirming that she has has plastic surgery. SOURCE: My Eyeballs.

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I'm sure Valeria is like whatevs! I mean why would she wanna kiss anus lips when she can totally be getting some from an 85 -year-old millionaire Russian business man with questionable ties to organized crime? She can get any grody guy she wants Human Ken Doll!  She didn't get ribs removed in order to create an unaturally tiny waistline, just to date some buttface like you!

Besides I'm pretty sure there's another reason Jedlica isn't interested in Lukyanova. I have a sneaking suspicion he's looking for a Real Life Allan doll! Watch out Real Life Midge!

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What do you think of this rejection? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out Man Transforms Himself Into Human Ken Doll!

Celebrities always seem so larger than life...perhaps it's because we always see them on the big screen, or the jumbotron. Or maybe it's the fact that they always wear lifts in their shoes.  Yeah, it's probably that last one. Because some of these dudes are short, yo! 

Daniel Radcliffe

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Height-5'5''

This one surprised the crap out of me! I guess those wizard robes really give you that long and lean look. Which leads me to wonder why my snuggie doesn't do the same? I always feel kind of Mama June-ish when I sport it.

Prince

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Height-5'2''

The hell? No wonder he risks breaking his neck by wearing 8 inch high platform shoes! I'll give him credit though, he is 5' 2'' of pure swag.  Pimps look understated next to him. 

Justin Bieber

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Height-5'6''

Dude, when the hell are you gonna go through puberty?  I'm seriously just concerned. The good news is you can always stand on your piles of money and laugh at all of your haters. The bad news is your haters will laugh right back at you and say you look like Scrooge McDuck.

Lil Wayne

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Height-5' 5 1/2''

I mean I know he technically has Lil in his name, but I thought it was kind of like the 500 pound dudes who are nicknamed Tiny. But no. He's actually Lil.  But he lives LARGE!  When he's not incarcerated. Then he just tries not to be someone's bitch.

Elijah Wood

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Height-5' 6''

So I guess they didn't have to CGI Wood too much as Frodo.  Maybe they can take the extra CGI they didn't have to use for that purpose and CGI me into an Aragorn/Boromir sandwich...wha?? That's how CGI works, right?

Bruno Mars

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Height-5' 5''

Okay, we get it!  You're short but you wanna prove you're tough. Now I get all this grenade-catching braggadocio. It's like the guy with the small wang who needs the huge Hummer. Wait that sounds really wrong. Moving on...

Jon Stewart

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Height-5' 6''

It's okay. All your height clearly went into your brains. And into your funny bone. Cause you got a really long funny bone. Again with the wrongness!?! What is up with me today?

Mark Wahlberg

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Height-5' 7''

I guess 5' 7" is almost not short.  Can't believe I already blew all my long wang jokes, because hello?? Dirk Diggler?  Anyway... it's probably a good thing I'm calling Wahlberg almost short. He looks like he'd punch a girl. I mean he'd be mortified after the fact, but the damage would be done. JK he wouldn't punch a girl. Please don't punch me for saying you'd punch a girl, Marky Mark.

Aziz Ansari

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Height-5' 6''

So one of the stars of Human Giant is NOT a giant??  What does that title even mean?  Whatever it means, MTV should totally bring it back.  Oh yeah they can't because Ansari is too busy with other obligations!!  The return of Human Giant would be the only good thing to come out of a Parks and Recreation cancelation.

Josh Hutcherson

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Height-5' 7''

So there is some contention on the internet regarding Hutcherson's height. Some say he is really only 5' 5''!  Whatever his height, I think we can all agree that he is not how we pictured Peeta in the books. Just saying!

Which one were you most surprised by? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out 10 Surprising Celebrity Coupling Moments!