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    Most celebrities have no right to exist – just because you had sex with someone’s brother or were the millionth person to passionately belt that Whitney Houston song out on American Idol doesn’t mean you’ve earned the right to be loved by millions. The only thing more worthless than celebrities are the products they slap their names on – especially when it comes to star-centric action figures. We’d all be better off living in a world where the following toys did not.


    The Nanny

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist the nanny


    As in, from the inexplicably popular sitcom of the same name, starring Fran “Yes, that is her real voice” Drescher. It talks. The back of the box features the doll satanically looking at the camera with a word bubble that read, "The Nanny Will Talk To You Forever Uh Haaannnnnhhhh" Truly terrifying – not recommended for children 14 and under.


    Vanilla Ice

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist vanilla ice


    Ah, was, indeed, a simpler time. How simple, you ask? Simple enough that multiple dolls and gold lamé outfits honoring one-hit-wonder Vanilla Ice existed. Heck – even MC Hammer had multiple dolls, again with multiple outfits. But who the hell needed to collect 'em all?


    Whoopi Goldberg

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist whoopi goldberg


    Sure, Whoopi’s action figure came about because she played Guinan on Star Trek: The Next Generation, but the argument can be made that a Whoopster action figure should never, regardless of reason, exist. The woman was in Theodore Rex, for cripes’ sake. And is STILL on The View. She does not deserve to be honored in any way.


    Joseph Kony

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist joseph kony


    As in, the head of the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), the Ugandan guerrilla group that made all those hipsters cry earlier this year. ThatsMyFace, the utterly insane company that created Kony’s doll, also sells plastic versions of VP hopeful Paul Ryan, Kate Middleton (which, for some reason, costs $169) and Attorney General Eric Holder. If you’re worried that some of the $99 you drop on My Little Kony goes to the man himself, don’t worry – according to the company, "Part of the proceeds of the sales of Kony's action figure ($25 per figure) will be donated to the Invisible Children for their Stop Kony initiative. Note that ThatsMyFace is in no way associated with or endorsed by Invisible Children or Joseph Kony. ThatsMyFace does do not condone the actions of Joseph Kony or of any other figurine of a public figure or fictional character we may carry." Phew. For a minute there, I thought those folks were exploitative monsters.


    Winona Ryder

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist winona ryder


    Actually, two Winona Ryder action figures exist – Call, her charcter from Alien Resurrection, and the animated version of Lydia Deetz, her character from Beetlejuice (which was given away in Burger King kids meals in the early 90’s). When one thinks of Winona Ryder, one thinks of many things – Heathers, Johnny Depp’s “Winona Forever” tattoo, her shoplifting conviction, etc. What one does NOT think of, however, is how nice it would be to own an action figure of her likeness.


    Dennis Hopper

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist dennis hopper


    Dennis Hopper was a legendary actor and director. Don’t believe me? Peep all them Oscar nominations he got, son. Just because he was a legend, though, didn’t mean he was infallible. The 90’s were a rough time for the guy – not only did he play King Koopa in the Super Mario Brothers movie, but he was also in Waterworld (a.k.a. one of the biggest box office bombs of all time). His characters from both films were turned into action figures, thus insuring a generation of kids would never respect him.


    Master P

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist master p


    Master P is best known as the founder of No Limit Records – he’s also known for his platinum-selling single "Make 'Em Say Uhh!" After "Make 'Em Say Uhh!" blew up, P did what any sensible businessman would do – he founded “No Limit Toys” and turned himself into a talking doll. Squeeze said doll’s tummy and it’ll say, "Uhhh….na na na na. Uhhh…na na na na." Wait...why did No Limit Records go bankrupt again?


    Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson

    celebrity action figures that shouldn’t exist nick lachey jessica simpson


    These creepy, dead-eyed Cabbage Patch Kids dolls date back from the salad days of 2004, when Lachey and Simpson were the dimwitted protagonists of MTV’s Newlyweds. The twisted monsters at Cabbage Patch Kids HQ have gone on to also make Cabbage Patch versions of Ellen Degeneres, Steven Tyler and weatherman Al Roker. Shudder.


    What other celebrity action figures are wastes of good, Chinese, plastic? Let me know in the comments!


    Check Out 10 Dolls That You Won't Want For Christmas!

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  • 10/17/12--13:35: 8 WTF REAL School Mascots
  • The whole point of a Mascot is to instill fear in the hearts of your opponents. I don't care what you're doing. Whether it's football, mock trial, or the jump rope team, you need to have a really badass scary mascot if you have any hopes of beating your rivals and winning the support of your school. Here are the worst school mascots.


    Purple Pounders (Chattanooga Central High)

    central high logo


    This first one is on the list because it is my actual alma mater and also one of the worst mascots in the history of bad mascots. A Purple Pounder is a disembodied arm holding a hammer hitting an anvil. Also, it's something on Urban Dictionary that I don't want to repeat here because we're in polite company. They used to be called The Purple Warriors, but then changed their name because their football team was so good that they "pounded" all of the competition. And then they never won another football game. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be in a marching band for a team that goes 0-10? I do.


    Morty The Eutectic (St. Louis College Of Pharmacy)

    dog scientist


    This angry looking science dude is named after a chemical process where something and something mix together to do somet... zzzzzzz... I JUST WANTED TO WATCH A BASKETBALL GAME! I DIDN'T WANT TO LEARN ANYTHING! I LOVE LIVING IN IGNORANCE!!!


    The Anchorman (Rhode Island College)

    ron burgundy fire flute


    If they're going to pick someone who works on a boat as their mascot, why didn't they pick someone cool like the Captains or the gun shooters. I don't really know nautical terms. I think what they should do is keep The Anchorman as their mascot, but then get Will Ferrell dressed as Ron Burgundy to show up to all of their games. They would never lose another game.


    Verona Hillbilly (Verona High School)

    wrestler hillbilly jim


    A hillbilly in and of itself could be a pretty badass mascot. When they aren't beating up city folk, they spend the rest of their time getting drunk and shooting stuff. I'm from east Tennessee so I know how terrifying hillbillies could be. It totally makes sense for a school in the south to have this as their mascot, but Verona High School is located in New Jersey. Pick something more appropriate to your region. They should change their name to the Fightin' Snookis.


    The Fighting Artichokes (Scottsdale Community College)

    fighting artichokes logo


    In the 70's, the student body of Scottsdale Community College voted to change their mascot to The Fighting Artichokes and their colors to pink and white. This college is located in the same county that famous racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio rules with his iron fist. I think it's time for a name change. They should be called the Running Immigrants.


    Wonder Boys (Arkansas Tech)

    This would be an awesome mascot if it was named after Tenacious D's Wonder Boy. Unfortunately it was named after "The Original Wonder Boy" John Tucker that had a monster game in 1919. At least it isn't named after the movie Wonder Boys. If that were the case, this list would just be Wonder Boys over and over.


    Billiken (St. Louis University)

    billiken statue


    A billiken is a chubby little elf statue that you rub for luck. Everybody run! The billikens are coming to give us good luck! This team is called the Billiken's because it was said that one of their early football coaches looked like a billiken. They should have just named them The Fat Ugly Slobs.


    Nathan Bedford Forrest (MTSU)

    Forrest Gump on a bench


    This might be the single most inappropriate mascot that has ever existed. Citizens of Murfreesboro may know of Nathan Bedford Forrest as the guy that saved their town from getting burned to the ground in the Civil War. Pretty much everyone else in the country knows him as the guy who Forrest Gump is named after that started a dumb club where rednecks dress up in white sheets. To be fair, MTSU changed the mascot to a dog in the 70's and then a Pegasus named Lightning in the 90's because there is no way a pegasus could ever be a racist. Right guys?


    Do you think your school has a worse mascot than these? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!


    Check Out 14 Hilarious Mascot Fail Gifs!

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    Most cartoon characters don’t have jobs or seem to live in a world in which you can drive around endlessly in your Mystery Machine van foiling ghosts while stealing food from the kitchens of long abandoned mansions. But some characters do indeed manage to score steady employment…only to never, ever advance in their field.


    Spongebob Squarepants (Undersea Fry Cook)

    cartoon dead end job spongebob fry cook


    Sure, Spongebob is insanely happy to be toiling behind the grill, but that’s only because he may be a manic-depressive whose low-points are edited out of the cartoons since no child wants to see a yellow rectangle convulsively sob in a fetal position for six hours straight. But given that his cheap boss would convert the restaurant into a mandatory work prison if he could and the only other job at The Krusty Krab is a cashier position that’s slowly killing Squidward from the inside, Spongebob will still be flipping burgers until he drops dead and Mr. Krab uses his corpse to clean the counter tops.


    Fred Flintstone (Quarry Crane Operator)

    cartoon dead end job fred flintstone quarry


    Let’s imagine that every day you woke up in a house made of rock, worked at a job in which you dug up nothing but rock, and then drove home through a town made entirely or rock called “Bedrock.” Then let’s imagine that every job you ever apply for has something to do with rock and every single person’s surname has something to do with rock because it’s the prehistoric era (or at least the version of prehistory they teach in school systems where the textbooks consist of 400 censored pages and a psalm). Eventually you, too, would lose your freaking mind from the monotony of it all and believe you were talking to a floating tiny alien only you can see named “Gazoo” while your wife runs off with Cary Granite or Stony Curtis or Wilma Rubble.


    Todd Turner (Pencil Factory Employee)

    cartoon dead end job todd turner fairly oddparents


    Many of you may be reading this and saying, “Wait, that’s what he does for a living?” (Followed immediately by “Wait, that’s Timmy’s dad’s first name?”) Naturally, not knowing what someone does for a living is the first sign that either he has absolutely no career hopes whatsoever or, well, he makes pencils. (Perhaps mixing the pink dye for the little erasers at the end.) And perhaps a life toiling in an industry that’s about as cutting-edge as “town pewtersmith” is the reason Mr. Turner spends his days in drag or chasing ghosts or being “Nog-Man,” all of which helps him deal with his miserable job as he keeps taking the family one step closer to moving into the fishbowl with the fairy godparents for financial reasons.


    Seymour Skinner (Elementary School Principal)

    cartoon dead end job principal skinner work


    While Homer Simpson is able to find work in almost every professional field imaginable, from country music manager to astronaut to fake Krusty, Principal Skinner has been doing the same job, in the same suit, with the same kids, for almost 23 years, only finding sweet release in the occasional Vietnam War flashback and those moments when his mom goes out on a date so he can have the house to himself. If only he had gone through with his marriage to fellow educator Edna Krabappel, then at least the two of them could have driven glumly to work together every morning…or driven right past the school and then off a cliff to freedom.


    George Jetson (Digital Index Operator)

    cartoon dead end job george jetson work


    As an employee (or perhaps the only employee) of Spacely’s Space Sprockets, George Jetson has only one job—to press a red button once a day. That’s because everything in the future will be done by robots, meaning either George’s sleeping body is being harvested for bioelectrical energy like in “The Matrix” or Skynet took over only to realize it needed to keep a few humans on the payroll for tax purposes. Add to that the fact George doesn’t even seem to have the slightest idea what pushing the button does (though maybe if the camera panned left we would see nuclear missiles being launched in the distance) and you have a man who will never get a promotion unless he takes the red pill or overthrows the robots alongside John Connor.


    Superman/Clark Kent (Newspaper Reporter)

    cartoon dead end job clark kent reporter


    Thanks to breaking news emails, Twitter, and even the occasional panicky Facebook status update, Superman doesn’t need to work at a newspaper anymore to hear about the latest calamity requiring his help. Which is good, because given the current status of print media there’s a very likely chance the Daily Planet will go bankrupt by the time you reach the end of this sentence. Unfortunately, the downside is that without a job Superman won’t be able to afford a smartphone, Internet, or cable to hear what is happening around the world. Meaning he will have to do most of his superhero research on the free computer at the local library, by which time the asteroid would have already collided with Earth.

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    Every great thing has its dark side. For every NFL game we enjoy, an offensive lineman takes a few months off his overall life expectancy. For every Dove™ brand chocolate bar, there is a wrapper left to clutter up our Earth, eventually bringing about Global Warming, somehow. And with pizza, we of course must contend with pizza mouth burns. Sometimes, our pizza is too hot, and we have no choice but our hunger is such that we HAVE to bite into it right then and there. And not a lot of people realize this, but pizza mouth burns can be DANGEROUS.

    kid eating pizza
    This little girl DIED from this pizza's temperature, okay? She DIED.

    But thankfully, science is here to help. Scientists from the University of Texas at Autin have crafted a dissolvabnle oral strip to combat pizza burns. Like the Listerine Pocketpacks that have saved so many a first date, these strips dissolve in your mouth, but instead of freshening your breath, these strips provide instant pain relief.

    scientist holding strip
    Well, physical pain, at least. Your girlfriend's still not coming back.

    Wow, dissolvable oral strips have now cured us of bad breath AND pizza mouth burns. What other horrendous mouth problems might they solve next? I hope it's bad teeth. I really, REALLY can't get into a girl with bad teeth. Hey, we all have our hangups, okay? I'm sure there are plenty of wonderful girls who happen to have bad teeth.

    bad teeth
    I can't look at her without thinking of cows on a conveyor belt
    being slaughtered by machines.


    To me, this is one of the most impressive things science has ever done. Sure, we've been to the moon and cured Polio or whatever, but we all KNEW those were problems and were EXPECTING a solution. Curing pizza burns? Why, that's an uptick in quality of life NO ONE was expecting. It's why Christmas presents are always just a LITTLE bit of a let down...

    bad christmas present
    Even if they're PERFECTLY suited to your gender.

    .. while presents you get on any old random day are always awesome.

    excited about weird gift
    Even if it's whatever this is.

    Are you excited to finally be free of pizza burns? Is that a term you've heard before? Pizza burns? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!


    Check out 20 'Special Request' Pizza Box Drawings!

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    Borderlands 2 is in stores and if you are not playing it right now, you either have a level of willpower I cannot comprehend or you are poor. In the likely event that you have immersed yourself in the world of Borderlands so long that you don't know what's real anymore, I am here to remind you that there are types of people that would never survive on Pandora, and their continued existence is proof that you live on Earth. Take 20 minutes to equip your weapons, then read about them here:


    Branded Entertainment Integration Specialists

    Borderlands Brands


    To everyone's relief, the last person in charge of forcing hip lifestyle brands into entertainment will be gunned down while trying to supply VitaminWater to a band of mercenaries engaged in a thrilling, action-packed firefight with the Murder Murder Murder Murder Murder Murder Gang.


    Car Salesmen

    Borderlands Car Salesman


    It's hard enough to make a living on Pandora when most car buyers die before they can pay off an auto loan. But car salesmen would be doomed in real life Borderlands, because there's that one guy who gives away thousands of tanks and armored jeeps for free. Not even Crazy Louie off of I-90 can beat that!


    Slam Poets

    Borderlands Slam Poets


    Earth already has far too many people who believe, for whatever reason, that all poems should be shouted and about how rape is bad. In a place as lawless as Pandora, people would be shouting about rape so often that slam poets would be redundant. Plus, hair product would be so scarce that no one would be able to afford to twist white people hair into dreadlocks.



    Borderlands Hoarders


    Hoarders on Earth manage to bury themselves in garbage, even though Earth garbage doesn't respawn when you leave the area and re-enter. Borderlands hoarders would choke on ammo in minutes.


    People With Depression

    Borderlands Depression


    Unmedicated depressives would actually be all right most of the time in Borderlands, as there are fewer homicidal maniacs to be found in the well-trod space between their refrigerators and couches than in the rest of the world. But when they run out of cheese puffs and have to venture outdoors, the sunlight will startle them enough that they'll be unable to dodge the bullet volleys that are a part of everyone else's daily lives. It's a shame, too-- I heard all of them were about to get started on that screenplay.


    Your Mom

    Borderlands Mom


    Your mother's generous servings of peanut butter and jelly on sandwiches will throw off her compound's carefully planned rationing. They will starve to death.


    Do you think you'd survive? Tell us about it, you crazy badass!


    Check out the Dumbest Video Game Accessories of All Time!

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    Everybody needs a hobby — something that, when they wake up in the morning with nothing to do, will always be there for them. For some people, it's kite-flying. For others it's following celebrity gossip. For Justin Jedlica, it's plastic surgery. A LOT of plastic surgery. This guy gets plastic surgery like you or I bring home McDonald's after a long day of work.

    justin jedlica

    human ken doll
    In that it's embarrassing when his roommates notice he did it AGAIN.

    After 90 elective operations, Jedlica has had multiple nose jobs; put in plastic pectoral, biceps, triceps, and abdominal muscles; had colligen injections in his lips; and sculpted his ass to make it abnormally, unsettlingly large.


    justin jedlica

    After all this work, Jedlica looks less like a guy and more like a Playstation 2-era video game character.

    silent hill character
    Look at those smooth, nearly human-like features!

    So far, Jedlica has spent over 100,000 dollars on cosmetic operations. And here's what I don't understand — where is that money coming from? I mean, at the very least, he has to take time off work for these operations, right? It's not like he's making money FROM being this weird sculpture of a man, is he?

    worlds largest breast implants
    At least the woman with the largest breast implants can make a ton of money waitressing.

    Jedlica told ABC news that he didnt want to work out to improve his physique because “that is so not exciting, not glamorous or fabulous". But unfourtunately, it's HOW YOU GET MUSCULAR. No one ever truly got ahead through shortcuts, as we learned when Prometheus went to the heavens to retrieve fire for man, only to be burned from within by it, because he hadn't gone through the proper trials.

    prometheus movie
    We also learned this from the MOVIE Proetheus, which made
    no sense because it's script was written in, like, 40 minutes.


    What do you think of Justin Jedlica's transformation? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!


    Check out Bad Plastic Surgery or Robotic Clones?

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    You only live once! And if you’re anything like the rest of us, you’ll waste the majority of your too-brief life on mundane, non-productive tasks. Even extreme sports aficionados who live ON THE EDGE aren’t immune from time sucks like sleeping, eating and driving. Have you ever actually sat down and thought about how many minutes, hours and days you’ve wasted over your lifetime? If not, dig this. SPOILER ALERT: It’s truly terrifying.


    Watching TV

    time-wasters watching tv


    Everyone, and I mean everyone, watches TV, even those idiots with “Kill Your TV” bumper stickers. (The stickers themselves are a diversion tactic – the people who slap ‘em on their cars don’t want people to know how sweet their top-of-the-line TVs/surround sound systems are for risk of people exploding from jealousy.) In fact, we love TV so much, we treat it like it’s our second job. Men watch 29 and ladies watch 34 hours worth of it each week – if we were making minimum wage for doing so, we’d be up $928 and $1088 respectively every month. (Finally, a job where women can make more than men!)



    time-wasters eating


    Over the average person’s lifetime, six years are spent – sorry, wasted – eating. Six years, dude. Just chewing up stuff that goes down your gullet and out of your butthole (crass, I know, but true). Here’s a question for you: Is it worth it? (NOTE: This question meant to be rhetorical – it’s obviously worth it, since without food you would die within days.)



    time-wasters sleeping


    If you sleep seven hours a night, you’ll have slept a total of 22 years by the time you die. If you sleep eight hours, that number increases to 25 years. The numbers themselves, however, are a mere formality – knowing that you will waste almost a third of your life asleep is the take away message from these statistics. Wiki Answers, which is infallible, is where I found this information. And if you can’t trust Wiki Answers, who can you trust?


    Watching YouTube

    time-wasters watching youtube


    Are you ready to hear something that’s gonna make you break down in sobs? The average American spends 22 hours per month watching videos online. That’s 267 hours per year. That’s over 11 solid days spent watching people fall off skateboards and monkeys smelling their own asses. (Oh, and dude? I put a spycam in your room; I totally just taped you sobbing and I’m gonna get, like, hella hits off it.)


    Sitting in Traffic

    time-wasters sitting in traffic


    Just when it seemed like traffic couldn’t suck any worse, I showed up and told you that the average American spends 45 hours a year in it. Sawwee. Hope your car has an AM/FM radio.



    time-wasters using facebook


    According to the interwebs, most people spend eight hours per month (or 15 minutes a day) on Facebook. That doesn’t sound right, though – it’s gotta be much, much more than that. After all, people have gotta keep up with all those cat memes their dumbass friends are constantly posting. Thank God for Smart Phones!



    time-wasters working


    If you work 40 hours a week, you work 2,080 hours a year – that means roughly 87 days outta each year’s measly 365 is spent workin' for the man. Assuming you stay in the labor force for 50 or so years, you'll have squandered 4,350 days – almost 12 years – toiling away. Too bad you weren't born rich, buddy.



    time-wasters texting


    Hell, even your grandma texts now – young folks, however, are still the most egregious offenders. A recent study found that students send and receive about 100 messages per day; assuming they spend 30 seconds reading and sending each message, that means they spend a total of 100 minutes a day reading things like “cu l8r lol.” Let me remind you that each day only has 1,440 minutes in it.


    What other activities squander the precious time we have on Earth? Let me know in the comments!


    Check Out Texting is Bad for Your Health!

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    A substitute teacher for Cosby High School in Virginia was recently fired after allegations were made that she had an affair with former student, Justin Foster. And by allegations I mean Justin totally took her down on Twitter, by posting texts and nude pics the teacher, Michelle Walters, had sent him. Have we not learned our lesson regarding sexting yet, people? Is it so damn important to send someone a pic of you with your girly bits hanging out? Surely there are other ways of showing your affection for someone, amirite?

     substitute teacher sex scandal twitter  substitute teacher sex scandal twitter

    The unhappy couple


    Justin started his Twitter expose by promising his followers that some 'sh*t was going down tonight, then he got wasted and started posting the incriminating pics and texts. Funnily enough they all make him look like an uber-stud. I guess he left out the ones where she comforted him after he got a little too excited and embarrassed himself. Just guessing!

     substitute teacher sex scandal twitter


    The school and the police are both launching an investigation into the allegations. Walters has remained silent on the matter, although she has unfollowed Foster on Twitter. That'll show him! Oh...actually it won't.

     substitute teacher sex scandal twitter


    What we don't yet know is why Foster has exposed his affair with Walters, although some claim it may be a fraternity initiation. And this being the internet, Foster is now some sort of hero. I'm not  saying what Walters did wasn't wrong, but Foster seems like a total dumbass. And people are seriously giving him props!?! Can you even imagine if this were a female student and a male teacher?  

     substitute teacher sex scandal twitter


    I hope the teacher gets what's coming to her, but you know what? I hope Foster does too. Imma save my sympathy for those who deserve it.

     substitute teacher sex scandal twitter


    What do you think of this story? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out 7 Signs Your Teacher Might Be A Porn Star! 

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    I don't know about you, but I had some terrible Halloween neighbors growing up. A lot of the time, my pillow case would be over half full of stuff that was either inedible or not even food. That could really ruin a night. Why do people got to be like that? Here are Halloween treats that deserve a trick.


    Easter Candy

    zombie easter bunny


    There is no excuse for giving out Easter candy on Halloween. It is a little spookier than regular candy because you never know what could be growing on it after sitting on store shelves for the past 7 months. I don't care how awesome it is to bite the head off of a rabbit while you're dressed like a monster. No thanks.


    Miniature Candy Bars

    miniature snickers


    I know that it isn't economically viable for every house to give out full size candy bars. But at least give out fun size candy bars. The Miniature Candy Bar is just a tease. It doesn't even have the right proportions of stuff. If you throw like five in your mouth, they don't taste anything like the candy that they claim to be a miniature version of.



    game of thrones coupon meme


    You may think that coupons are the worst treat you could receive on Halloween, but last year this lady gave out old Big Mac boxes and the year before just tried to give every cat turds. Maybe it's time to just avoid this house all together. They might have dementia.



    little shop of horrors dentist


    Congratulations! You live near a Dentist. I think it's foolish for a Dentist to give out toothbrushes. He should be giving out multiple full size candy bars so all of the neighborhood kids will get rotten teeth.. The return on that investment is nearly immeasurable. I really should probably be a financial advisor or something.


    Christmas Candy

    robot santa from futurama


    The only thing worse than Easter Candy is Christmas Candy. At least, Easter has the whole zombie thing so it's kind of appropriate. Plus, with Easter candy, there's a good chance that it is from this past Easter. With Christmas candy, there is no telling how old it is. Maybe you'll get lucky and get a really old one that you can take on Antiques Roadshow and sell for a forklift full of money.



    army men on phone


    What are kids today going to do with a little green army man or bouncy ball. They have better army men and bouncy ball apps on their iPhone in their pocket.



    lady razor apple


    Luckily, with parents' ridiculous unfounded fears that fruits and veggies may be poisoned or have razor blades inside, people rarely give these out anymore. Some crazy people are still holding on to this tradition. I seriously got some celery one year in my bag. I forgot to take it out before I got home so my mom saw it in the pile when I plopped it all on the living room floor. She wanted me to eat it so I just told my mom that it was given to me by a hippie who looked like he was high. It went right in the trash. To be fair, that old lady probably was super high on pills.


    Chick Tracts

    halloween chick tract


    Halloween is about going out and getting in to silly mischeif with your friends. It is one of the biggest secular holidays next to New Year's Eve. Unfortunately, some people don't know how to have fun and want to try to guilt you in to not having fun. Fortunately, these things are hilarious and make great rabbit beds. If you're giving out Chick Tracts, you're not doing Halloween right.


    After Dinner Mints

    bowl of dinner mints


    This person has been ruining the economy by stealing pocket fulls of mints from their supposedly favorite local restaurant for months. That makes them a criminal and if they get caught then you could also find yourself in trouble if the police find any of them in your bag. Seriously, I had an friend who's Uncle was a cop and he told us so that's probably the law.


    Vampire Teeth

    shatner vampire teeth


    Sure there are probably good quality ones, but those definitely aren't being given out for free. Cheap vampire teeth are the worst. They feel like wearing an ill fitting retainer that constantly cuts your gums, and they make you talk like Sling Blade. I don't think I've ever had a pair of these in my mouth for more than thirty seconds at a time. The worst thing about them is that they make it naerly impossible to eat any candy while you have them in. Why would you ever want to put anything between you and the candy? It's foolish.


    What's the worst thing you've ever gotten as a Halloween treat? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!


    Check Out 8 Best Lunchroom Foods In The History Of Food Or Lunchrooms!

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    One of the great things about the internet is that it totally levels the playing field when it comes to getting your 15 minutes of fame. If you're captured on video being funny or weird and not at all FAKE! then you could be looking at internet infamy. Unfortunately the internet is a fickle mistress and you will be old news the minute the next meme rolls around, tossed in a virtual landfill alongside The Evolution of Dance Dude and Binders Full of Women. Yeah, that's already old. Here's a look at 5 of our favorite internet celebs and what they are up to now!


    Gary Brolsma (Numa Numa Guy)

     internet stars where are they now


    Gary Brolsma, better know as the Numa Numa guy, took the internet by storm with his fantastically spazzy lipdub of  the techno earworm  "Dragostea din tei" by O-Zone. He is such an internet icon in fact,  that he was voted number one on VH1's list of the Top 40 Internet Superstars. NUMBER ONE! That's like the Nobel Prize of YouTube or something, but not really. So what's he been up to since flailing aorund in front of his webcam for all of our enjoyment?

     internet stars where are they now


    Gary is trying to expand his Numa fame and has a website devoted to all his post-Numa web activities. He also runs a computer repair and web design company and sings for a band called Nonetheless, who have an album coming out. I can only hope it is not Numa-esque, because I don't think I can take having a single musical phrase stuck in my head for years and years again.


    Antoine Dodson

     internet stars where are they now


    When I first saw the clip of Antoine Dodson, I'm not kidding, it was for real my favorite thing I ever saw EVER! And the songified version?? I still sing that jam. It's MY JAM, yo! But what is up with Mr. Dodson lately? 

     internet stars where are they now


    When not getting arrested for smoking  weed, Antoine has been trying to extend his 15 minutes with multiple television appearances and he even recently released a song, Lovesick Lullaby. He is currently filming the pilot episode to a reality show that will feature his family, where Antoine will for sure out-honey boo boo, honey boo boo child. I'll drink a go go juice to that!


    Chris Crocker

     internet stars where are they now


    Crocker gained his fame when he posted a video of himself crying as he defended his idol, Britney Spears. And it actually helped, because Briteny looked WAY less crazy compared to her number one fan.  The 'LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!'  video became one of the most annoying viral videos of all time.  Sorry, that's just how I feel. Please don't tell me to leave Chris alone. I'm sure he's a very nice person.

     internet stars where are they now


    Chris has been continuing to perform and even had a documentery made about his life! A totally legit documentary too, like it debuted at Sundance and appeared on HBO legit. He most recently made his adult film debut, a film that did not debut at Sundance and will be lucky if it appears on Cinemax After Dark. Major downgrade. At least his drag persona got prettier..

     internet stars where are they now



    Paul "Bear" Vasquez (Double Rainbow Guy)

     internet stars where are they now


    In 1985 YouTuber Paul Vasquez, aka hungrybear9562 moved to Yosemite with his wife and kids. 25 years later he saw the elusive double rainbow. Fortunately he saw it after smoking a huge blunt and had just enough sense to record his experience. I'm pretty sure nothing will blow my mind as much as the sight of a double rainbow blew Paul's. So what's life like after seeing a double rainbow? Is it all downhill after that?

     internet stars where are they now


    Vasquez has been using his fame to spread a message of spirituality and faith. So yeah,  pretty much what you might expect from someone who cries at the sight of a rainbow. Sadly, there has been no news of a Lisa Frank sticker collaboration. Also, as you can see above in a recent photo, he's sexy and he knows it.


    Tay Zonday

     internet stars where are they now


    Tay Zonday gained fame with his awesomely so-bad-it's-good song about institutional racism, Chocolate Rain. Many parodies followed, but only Tay's had the bonus awesomeness of the lowest singing voice in the history of man. I'm pretty sure that's true. So is Tay still singing?

    Yes, yes he is. Zonday is back to updating his YouTube account, and has even collaborated with MikeDiva. His most recent cover is the summer's biggest hit, Call Me Maybe. Is there anything better than 2 pop culture moments colliding? I think not.

    Are there any internet stars you've been wondering about? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out MORE Real People Behind Your Favortie Memes!

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    The most dangerous thing most people do every day is drive a car. Thankfully, we are moving towards a future where humans have robots to take risks for us. Just because my prototype GamblerBot has a crippling addiction that got his children robo-napped doesn't mean that post-human highways are a bad idea. Driverless cars will change our idiot lives and here is how:


    Horrible Comedians Will Have To Talk About Something Else

    Driverless Cars Comedy


    You know how men never ask for directions, Asians can't drive, and Arabs drive cabs? Chances are good that millions of people who say "my friends are always telling me how funny I am" have beaten these stereotypes into your brains with the insistent fury of a sexually frustrated Energizer Bunny. Soon, these guys will have to find other observations to be overly confident about making. (I suggest talking about how women and people of other races are bad.)


    Drunks Will Stop Removing Themselves From The Gene Pool, Dooming Humanity

    Driverless Cars Drunks


    You'd think that taking drunk drivers out of cars would cut down on accidents, right? Wrong. Drunks usually have children who become drunks. If they stop dying in cars, I predict that in 100 years our species will be too intoxicated to manage the global economy, plunging us into a new Dark Age. Historians will later comment, "Man, where were we last century?"


    Action Movies Will Need New Climaxes

    Driverless Cars Chase


    Every Hollywood movie climaxes with a car chase. The first time someone tries to work a driverless chase into a movie will also be the last. Oh, Jason Bourne's computer car is better programmed than the bad guy's? Fun. Soon, you may see action movies with radically different climaxes, such as: on-foot chase, plane chase, boat chase, and dogsled chase.


    Fear Of Flying Will Make More Sense

    Driverless Cars Comedy


    Being afraid to fly is usually the result of a serious anxiety disorder. That means when you tell the person next to you on the plane who keeps doing breathing exercises that "flying is the safest way to travel", all you're really doing is lording your logical superiority over their disease. When robots drive all our cars, you'd better believe these people will throw the fact that flying is NOT the safest way to travel back in your mean faces.


    Tacos Everywhere

    Driverless Cars Comedy


    The only thing I love more than elaborately faking my own death to avoid social obligations is tacos. Unfortunately, proper taco consumption requires tilting your head to an angle that turns driving into murder. Full disclosure: my taco lust has killed thousands of innocent motorists. The driverless car revolution cannot come soon enough.


    Got any better ideas? Let us know in the comments!


    Check out Super Cool Geeky Custom Cars!

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    Why does the guy look so bored? Because the lady seems like she is really experiencing something out of this world!  Can you explain this situation? Give us a funny caption for this funny picture and if we unscientifically pick yours as the best, you could win a FREE Smosh t-shirt. They're comfy!

    derp face couple

    If two people come up with the same caption, the first one to comment will be the winner. We will announce the winner Monday and suggestions received after 12:01 AM PST on 10/22/12 will not be considered. Good luck! 

    CAN'T WAIT? You can buy a shirt HERE!

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  • 10/21/12--09:33: Punday: Donut Vs. Egg Roll
  • Donut and eggoll puns are BOTH winners!


    punday food battle homer doh peanut


    punday food battle dunkin donuts beer drinking


    punday food battle egg roll jelly


    punday food battle phantom opera egg roll


    punday food battle meg griffin egg rolls


    punday food battle krispy kreme krusty hair

    Check Out Last Week's Punday!

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    There are a lot of strange jobs here in Los Angeles. Sign spinner, graffiti artists, and of course the dreaded personal assistant. Every celebrity has one, so I decided to put together a list of the 10 worst celebrities to be the assistant of. Let me know what you think in the comments below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli


    10. ANDY DICK

    Aside from his current irrelevance in the world of entertainment, this “comedic” actor would be a nightmare to work for. He is constantly finding new ways to piss people off and get punched in the face. Not much of a role model for a budding young actor. Plus his legal troubles alone are enough for this position to require a law school pre requisite.

    Daily Tasks Include: Buying illegal fireworks from a kiosk in Chinatown, explaining how computers work, and posting bail money.



    Kim Kardashian Duck Face


    She may be nice to look at but that voice… So much of being an assistant is having a close relationship with you’re boss. You’re essentially married. Could you imagine marrying Kim Kardashian!? Dragging her Coach luggage through LAX while she whines about how the waiter at STK was totally rude to her last night. You know that “kill me now” look some husbands/wives get when they’ve just quit on life? Yeah you have that now.

    Daily Tasks Include: Pricing gaudy jewelry, fending off paparazzi, and sexting Kanye.



    This would just be fun. Like raising a small, Oscar nominated, insane baby. Aside from having to explain to him that having a “smart phone” doesn’t mean the government can track his brain waves, you’d have to manage this guy’s public image. Really, you could tweet/facebook/say anything as this guy and you couldn’t go wrong. The crazier the better.

    Daily Tasks Include: Learning how to start a fire with two sticks and learning all the lyrics to Steal My Sunshine by Len. Knowing how to drive stick is a plus.



    Betty White with a crazy laugh


    It’s hard caring for the elderly. It’s even harder when that elderly person is off making millions starring in TV shows. The only problem with this gig, aside from explain what email is, is that it has no job security. Not to get dark here but we’re talking 2-3 years TOPS. Which could parlay into a lovely career assisting a younger star, somebody up and coming, like Joan Rivers.

    Daily Tasks: Checking the battery in her Life Alert™, updating her facebook page, and mashing up various vegetables.


    6. TIM TEBOW

    Tim Tebow sticking his tongue out


    His creepy religious convictions aside, this guy has be super annoying. He plays three downs of football a year, the rest of his day is downtime. You’d probably spend a majority of your time looking at cat pictures on Reddit.

    Daily Tasks Include: Surfing Reddit for cat pictures, prayer, and drawing pictures in crayon of Mark Sanchez looking stupid. 




    Yeah I don’t…just…that’d be terrible. 

    Daily Tasks Include: Picking up Carl’s Jr., uploading videos from a Flipcam, and being a friend of Bill.


    Michael Bay holding camera like a gun


    The tasks wouldn’t be too bad, and the career opportunities would be amazing. But you’d have to spend the next year of your life sitting there, watching somebody ruin your childhood. Although you would have the opportunity to soil the whole thing.

    Daily Tasks Include: Repairing and replacing megaphones, pricing flights to Europe, and sexting Megan Fox.



    Paris Hilton holding a knife scared


    SO much pet care. Plus, you’d have to manage all that property. She owns islands. PLURAL. And one bad financial decision and boom, she’s Nick Cage. And Amurrca has to sit through Wicker Man 2, the bees are back.

    Daily Tasks Include: Managing Excel sheets, Updating finances, and being hotttttt



    I sometimes wonder what it was like to have been on the Titanic and make the conscious decision to stay on the ship as it was sinking. I imagine the fine people in camp Romney are having to make the same decision right now. 10 years from now they’ll look back at all this and laugh; like the rest of Amurrca is doing right now.

    Daily Tasks Include: Drowning your sorrows, sending out job applications, apologizing to everyone you made fun of for working on the Kerry campaign 8 years ago.



    Creepy video aside, she is the culmination of everyone who has been on this list so far, a spoiled rich girl who doesn’t act anymore and uses her free time to ruin your childhood memories of Freaky Friday. Plus she’s like one night at Palihouse away from going all River Phoenix on us. Although it would give you a lifetime of stories, the stress may shorten your own lifetime as well.

    Daily Tasks Include: WHAAAAT!? Shut up!

    What celeb would you hate to work for? Let me know in the comments below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli


    Check Out 8 Disney Girls Who Have Changed the Most!

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    I have been arguing forever that as twitter becomes more ubiquitous over time, eventually it will so corrupt our ability to communicate that no one will be able to talk without stopping after 120 characters. Apparently I was wrong

    letter count
    "I have no retweets. All is darkness."

    The website Mashable reported that a college professor at the University of Michigan recently released a study that suggests not only that students who use Twitter are more engaged and have higher grades, but that Twitter itself is becoming an entirely new "literary practice." I don't actually know what that means, but it sounds very important.

    twitter smart and handsome
    Need more proof that Twitter makes you smarter? If you think about it,technically, all this man does is Tweet.

    Professor Christina Greenhow is taking this phenomenon so seriously she's actually teaching a class requiring students to have Twitter so they can use it in class. Imagine a teacher wanting to tweet in class?

    serious general
    "Shouldn't Jenny not be tweeting about how much she likes Gwen Stefani's earrings in class?" It's OK. It's making her smarter."

    Twitter is now responsible for the Green Revolution in Iran, the Arab Spring, Occupy, and making kids better at school. What can't Twitter do, you might ask? Nothing. Soon Twitter will be responsible for finding intelligent life on Mars, ending all war, making you a peanut butter sandwich so it's already ready when you get up in the morning, and pleasing your wife physically when you have to work late.

    once upon a time cast
    Absolute photographic proof that Twitter makes you a better person.

    How much smarter are you since you started using Twitter? Let us know in the comments below!


    Check out other celebrities who have tweeted at the President!

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    Whenever a movie becomes a huge hit you can immediately expect a sequel. But you can also expect some movie studio you’ve never heard of to quickly release a knockoff with a similar name and plot but without the special effects, production values, or ability of its cast to remember their lines.



    dvd rip-off transmorphers movie poster


    If movie knockoffs had their own Oscars, well, fist they’d be called the “Mockars” or “Academic Awards.” Then they would give “Best Picture” to “Transmorphers,” which takes the idea of the Transformers and then ditches all the Autobots, makes the robots be unable to resemble anything but scenery, and moves all of humanity underground, effectively creating the movie “The Decepticons Win and Pretend to Be Mountains While Mankind Cowers and Eats Dirt.”


    Up/What’s Up: Balloon to the Rescue!

    dvd knockoff whats up balloon poster


    Imagine Pixar’s “Up” if instead of an emotional, exciting story of an elderly man missing his true love and a small boy needing a father figure you had the tale of scientist who finds a magical stone that turns his house into a balloon so he could start chasing monsters. It would be as if “Finding Nemo” was about a clownfish who loses almost all of his children and so decides to hunt vampires on the coral reef. But whatever “What’s Up” lacks in originality, sensible plot, or endearing characters, it almost makes up for with a lengthy and unexplained hopscotch game on the Great Wall of China.


    40-Year-Old Virgin/18-Year-Old Virgin

    dvd knockoff 18 year virgin poster


    The original “40-Year-Old Virgin” is a funny, heartwarming movie about a lonely man who makes friends, meets that special someone, and finally grows up. The “18-Year-Old Virgin” is about an attractive girl who can’t seem to get laid before graduation, a plot that only makes sense if she goes to school at a monastery, a music academy for the castrati, or attends classes online. It’s just yet another in a long line of cinematic masterpieces by Asylum, a production company that has given the world such beloved classics as “Snakes on a Train,” “30,000 Leagues Under the Sea,” Almighty Thor” and “Titanic II.”


    Iron Man/Metal Man

    dvd knockoff metal man poster


    What if “Iron Man” has saved it’s most exciting, explosive battles for parking lots, front lawns of the studio’s unsuspecting neighbors, and the producer’s apartment living room? And what if instead of letting the hero take off his crimefighting suit, you made his life a living hell by trapping him forever inside cheap armor, making it look like someone accidentally hot-glued a homemade Halloween costume to their skin? Well, then you would have a superhero movie that may be the first chapter towards its own “Avengers” film, no doubt to be called “Heroes Get-together’ or “Metal Man, Norse Guy, Captain Patriot, Angry Green Monster, and the Other Two.”


    Kung-Fu Panda/Chop Kick Panda

    dvd knockoff chop kick panda poster


    Pixar isn’t the only animation house to be ransacked for ideas, as seen by this movie that has been defended on IMDB with the comment “Pandas aren’t copyrighted.” (Well, neither are people, so obviously that commenter won’t mind should his identity ever be stolen.) In this apparently legally acceptable film a fat panda named “Lu” learns martial arts and fights alongside other animals against an evil tiger…then probably DreamWorks’ attorneys…to prove that no animal is owned by a studio, no idea is owned by its creator, and no movie can be made that it can’t be copied right down to its cover art in the hopes of confusing grandparents during holiday DVD shopping time.


    Star Wars/The Man Who Saved the World

    dvd knockoff Turkish Star Wars image


    Also known as “Turkish Star Wars,” “The Man Who Saved the World” not only steals plot elements but also actual footage from Lucas. And from the Soviet space program. And the soundtracks to “Battletstar Galactica” and “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” The end result is like a six-year-old who altered his home movie to prove his birthday party featured Bane taking over Gotham City. The film opens with our hero crashing his ship into a desert planet. There he confronts an evil wizard who uses a special force—and clips of X-Wing fighters, TIE fighters, and the Millennium Falcon—to attack an Earth that protects itself with a giant shield of human brain waves, effectively making the good guys the Death Star. Then everyone is attacked by zombies, skeletons on horseback, a robot with a police siren on its head, and college football mascots as people get into kung fu fights and repeatedly punch rocks for a movie that has the narrative logic of a small child telling a story while under the influence of 42 bowls of Cocoa Puffs and a 102-degree fever.


    What movies do you plan on making low budget rip offs of? Let us know in the comments below!


    Check Out 18 Honest Movie Posters!

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    It's always weird to see the face behind the voice of your favorite cartoon characters. Especially when you find out it's a celebrity. Some can be pretty obvious and then there are the completely WTF mind-blowing ones. Or maybe they're just a little bit whaaa???  I mean I don't wanna overshoot the surprise factor. Here's a look at 8 surprising celebrity voices behind your some of your favorite cartoons.


    Neil Patrick Harris / Prince Gumball

     cartoon voices celebrities  cartoon voices celebrities


    Is there anything Neil Patrick Harris can't do?  I'm serious...WHAT CAN'T HE DO??  I don't know another actor who could go from playing alpha male lothario Barney Stinson to the the gender-swapped version of Princess Bubblegum and seem completely legit in both roles. I guess he can really SUIT UP! Even if that suit is a hot pink velveteen puff-sleeved shirt, violet boots and matching tiara.


    Mark Hamill / Invader Zim

     cartoon voices celebrities


    Zim is now voiced by Richard Steven Horvitz, but did you know that he was originally voiced by MARK FRIGGIN" HAMILL!?! That's right Luke Skywalker himself. It kind of seems appropriate casting to me. Unfortunately Invader Zim's creator felt like his voice was too recognizable and eventually went with the lesser known Horvitz. I guess it should come as no surprise that the son of Darth Vader would have an unmistakable voice. I say that because I have trouble separating reality from fiction.


    Alec Baldwin / Dennis

     cartoon voices celebrities


    These days Alec is most famous for playing Liz Lemon's nemesis on 30 Rock, Head of NBC, Jack Donaghy. But before that he was the voice of Dennis, a hitman hired by Sheldon J. Plankton to kill Spongebob and Patrick. Luckily Dennis was taken down by David Hasselhoff. Because as Hasselhoff likes to say, 'You don't Hassle the Hoff!" Get it? It's a 'clever' play on his name. I think the Hoff has a drinking problem.


    Flea / Donnie Thornberry

     cartoon voices celebrities


    This is actually perfect casting. Who better to play the feral wild child Donnie Thornberry than the seemingly feral, wild-childlike bass player for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Flea?  As far as I know Flea was not raised by orangutans, although he does act simian-esque when he plays in concert. So there's that...


    Bruce Willis / Spike The Dog

     cartoon voices celebrities


    Spike finally gains his voice in Rugrats Gone Wild, after meeting parseltongue (or whatever you call it with dogs) Eliza Thornberry. And that voice is Bruce Willis'. Because, why? Because I'm guessing Tom Hanks was unavailable.


    George Clooney/ Dr. Gouache

     cartoon voices celebrities


    Clooney made his South Park debut as Sparky the gay dog. Because he's completely secure about his sexuality, yo. His next appearance was in the first South Park movie as Dr. Gouache, where he had the honor of killing Kenny after he accidentally replaced his heart with a baked potato. None of which stopped him from being bashed mercilessly in Team America as just another Hollywood liberal. Trey and Matt are heartless! Like seriously I think they have baked potatoes in their chests.


    Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) / Reuben from Chowder

     cartoon voices celebrities  cartoon voices celebrities

    (source) (source)

    Paul Reubens does good character!   I'm really grateful he survived his fapping scandal and now has a successful career doing cartoon voices. Talk about your comebacks! In your face masturbation police!


    Vin Diesel / The Iron Giant

     cartoon voices celebrities


    But I love the Iron Giant and am not really a fan of  Vin Diesel's robotic acting style. This is bad. Like 'BOOM! Right in the childhood' bad

    Which one are you most surprised by? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out  10 Cartoon Characters You Didn't Know Were Voiced By Cute Girls!

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    I never played any sports in school. I don't feel that it was because I was so weak I had to carry all of my books around in a red wagon. That's true, but I think it was more because my school didn't offer any sports that I would be interested in. Football? Baseball? Basketball? No thanks. Those games have been around forever. I want to play something fresh. Some people might say that a lot of alternative sports aren't played in school because you can't play them professionally and make a living. I say that these sports would be more popular if high schools adopted them first and then they got popular from there. Here are real sports that your school should play.


    Video Games

    life magazine competitive gaming photo


    Playing video games as a sport has been around since the 80's. So why hasn't this sport been adopted in to the main stream? It's because for a long time it was considered to be a past time of nerds and social outcasts. In the past ten years, gaming has become very mainstream. Now you just need to petition your local school board to make this a legitimate sport wherever you live. If your school board says no then you got to take it all the way to the Supreme Court or the President or something. It's about time this happened.


    Corn Hole

    corn hole sign


    This is not as gross as it sounds. It's a really simple, fun, and addictive bean bag game. It's really similar to a lot of games that you probably play on your iPhone except, you know, real. Plus, you can really freak people out when you tell them that you're on your school's corn hole team.


    Extreme Pencil Fighting

    pencil fight


    This sport has been going on since about 1995. It basically just involves trying to break each other's pencils by hitting them together. You're in a building that like totally filled with pencils anyway that no one wants to use because you can pretty much do all of your homework on the computer now. Why not use them for something that people will actually enjoy?


    Ninja Warrior

    ninja warrior cat


    There are a lot of shows with insane obstacle courses, but this one actually has some class. It takes some pretty extreme physical ability to conquer this competition. I think putting a permanent Ninja Warrior course on every campus will be the real way to solve America's obesity epidemic.


    Competitive Eating

    guy in front of hot dgos


    Competitive eating has gained a lot of respect in the last few years as a legitimate sport. There are hundreds of competitions around the world. And to be honest, kids all over America are already training for this and they don't even know. Now the fat kids of America will finally stopped being looked down upon just for liking food a whole whole bunch. Instead of walking around the halls getting dirty looks, they'll be carried around by 7 or 8 people in triumph like the kings and queens that they are. I know that I would have been on the Varsity squad if we had a Pizza Team.


    Thumb Wrestling

    thumb wrestling ring


    Not many people know this, but thumb wrestling is actually the world's oldest sport. There were recently discovered cave drawings in France that showed epic thumb wars that lasted for hundreds of years. Even today, most modern international disputes are solved with thumb wrestling. I personally think that instead of Presidential debates, we should just have them compete in a thumb wrestling competition. If it was good enough for cave men then it should be good enough for us.


    Air Sex

    air sex competitor


    Yes. This is a real thing. It was, of course, invented in Japan where everything cool was invented. It was brought to America by way of the Alamo Drafthouse and now tours the country. It's pretty much the same as diving or gymnastics. You perform your routine and then get judged by a panel of experts. The winner is everyone in the audience.



    chang from community playing paintball


    Paintball rules. It's plain and simple. A lot of people think that paintball is too dangerous to be played at school. I say it's more dangerous when you're forced to go play out in the middle of the woods like me and my friends had to do. What if I had gotten attacked by a bear or some hillbillies and killed. At least, maybe then my school would have finally opened the Zach Ames Memorial Paintballatorium like I always dreamed about.


    What real sport do you want to play at your school? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!


    Check Out 10 Fake Sports I Wish Were Real Sports!

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    Monster Energy drink tastes like someone sprayed a bunch of batteries with apple juice and then melted it all down and shoved it in a can. It's also got enough caffeine to give a killer whale a hernia. And now, according to the FDA, they might actually kill you.

    monster kill drink
    The fact that these creatures burst out of Monster when you open the can may have something to do with it.

    The New York Times is reporting 5 cases of death related to Monster Energy Drinks between 2009 and 2012. Generally the reports indicate that the drinks are essentially suspects in a rash of unlikely heart failures around the time the drinks were imbibed. Monster energy drink claims that they have heard of no deaths related to their drinks. But then it's hard to trust a company that makes their drinks out of monsters.

    main ingredient
    When you drink Monster energy drink, this is who you're drinking.

    It's hard to believe that anything bad could happen drinking drinks made by a company that makes such drinks as "Monster: Rehab," "Monster: Assault," and "Monster: Heavy Metal." Other drinks the company plans on marketing include "Monster: War Without End," "Monster: Crimes Against Humanity," and "Monster: XXXtreme ToTAL GenOCIDE now WITH LIME"

    monster butt load
    To be fair to Monster, they've really gone to a lot of trouble to make the can look like it's filled with things that can kill you.

    Generally speaking, according the NY Times article, FDA reports usually are mere indicators of a larger trend. Meaning that five deaths in an FDA report means chances are there are a much larger number of unreported cases out there. So it is a risk to consume Monster, or any other energy drink with enough caffeine in it to make a cow fart it's own organs out. However, though Monster may have a low percentage chance of killing you, there was an FDA report last year that drinking Monster energy drink has a 100% chance of making you really good at moto cross. So it might be worth the risk.

    moto cross
    This man had never even been on a motorcycle the day before, and all he had had was a dixie cup full of "Monster:Khaos."

    What's your favorite thing about filling a bathtub full of Monster: Assault and taking a bath in it? Let us know in the comments below!


    Check out 8 types of monsters who love little children!

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    With the main Smosh channel, SmoshGames, Lunchtime w/Smosh, Ian Is Bored, and Shut Up! Cartoons, Ian and Anthony are BUSY. But there is always time to help out others, right? Well not really, but they try anyway! Here are some of the Smosh appearances you might not have heard of!


    Chasing with Steve Aoki

    "Chasing with Steve Aoki" is a reality show where three teams of mega-fans compete against each other for a VIP night out with superstar DJ Steve Aoki. Besides jumping through cake and crowd surfing in a raft, contestants also run into Anthony and Ian in not one but TWO episodes. Ian and Anthony live through this one! The series premieres today, check it out HERE!


    Red Vs. Blue

    smosh cameo

    Last summer, Ian and Anthony played two unnamed soldiers in the 9th season Red Vs. Blue episode “Number One.” They were, of course, killed.


    The Annoying Orange

    smosh cameo

    In 2010, Ian and Anthony appeared as bananas in the Annoying Orange episode “The Exploding Orange.” They were, or course, killed.


    Agents Of Secret Stuff

    smosh cameo

    In handsome fellow YouTuber Ryan Higa’s action comedy short in 2010, “Agents Of Secret Stuff,” Anthony appeared as a character named Bryson, and Ian was a character named, ah, Pervert.

    smosh cameo



    Brag Call

    smosh cameo

    YouTuber Julian Smith invited Smosh over for a hot tub party, but Anthony had to go and ruin it.


    Who Are You with Deepak Chopra

    smosh cameo deepak

    You might have known that Deepak Chopra appeared on Ian Is Bored, but did you know that SMOSH returned the favor and appeared in an episode of Deepak’s YouTube series, WHO ARE YOU? If you ever wanted to hear Ian and Anthony talk about the meaning of life, this was your chance. Deepak is an internationally known author, thinker, and spiritual guru, and Smosh is, well, Smosh, so this is will always be the strangest collaboration.

    There are a few other not-well-known Smosh cameos... can you name them?

    Chasing with Steve Aoki premieres today! Check it out HERE!

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