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    It's always fun to do a little internet research on the origin of popular TV shows and see all the various changes that went into finally nailing a hit formula. Especially when you have a million other things to do that you're avoiding. But then you can write an article about it so it kind of had a point! Here's a looksie at the original names Of 10 popular TV shows!

     

    Hannah Montana

    original names tv shows hannah montana

    (source)

    Almost called: Alexis Texas

    So I can't find this out for sure...but I'm thinking this name change may have had something to do with the fact that there is a p0rn star named Alexis Texas? Probably a good idea. I mean when you think Miley Cyrus the last thing that comes to mind is 'professional adult film star'. She's totally amateur.

     

    Lost

    original names tv shows lost

    Almost called: Nowhere

    Good call, Lost creators! Great way of avoiding the inevitable 'jokey review' of  'Well, that went NOWHERE!" after the controversial series finale. Luckily, I was too LOST in the emotion of the final episode to notice all the gaping plot holes you left us with. Mmmmhmm.

     

    That's So Raven!

    original names tv shows thats so raven

    (source)

    Almost called: The Future is on Me, Absolutely Psychic!

    So this name change happened after actress Raven-Symone was cast. I'm happy this name change happened, not because the other ones are that horrible, but because I love to say 'That's so, Desi!' for instance, whenever I see someone eating a huge plate of tacos or cereal in a mixing bowl.

     

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    original names tv shows lost

    Almost called: Slayer

    I guess this could've worked...for a reality show about the ins and outs of life on the road with thrash metal gods SLAYER! Which I would totally watch. Especially now that they're all old and probably trying to recapture their youth.

     

    Even Stevens

    original names tv shows even stevens

    (source)

    Almost called: Spivey's Kid Brother

    So originally the Stevens were the Spiveys. This would've been a terrible name. You know what else is terrible? That Shia LaBeouf got all douchey. Someone needs to put that clip of Beans farting in Louis' face on an endless loop on YouTube. I would watch at least 10 minutes of that.

     

    Friends

    original names tv shows firends

    (source)

    Almost called: Six of One; Across the Hall

    Okay confession...I'm not a fan of Friends. In fact, I kind of hate it. Do I like lose my girl card or something? But I'm woman enough to admit Friends is far superior to the other options. If only they had changed the theme song as well. For real, hearing that song makes me want to stab a pillow.

     

    That '70s Show

    original names tv shows 70s show

    (source)

    Almost called: Teenage Wasteland; The Kids Are Alright; Feelin' All Right 

    Apparently after The Who wouldn't give up the rights to Teenage Wasteland or The Kids Are Alright, producers went with the completely boring Feelin' All Right. Of all the changes on the list, I think this one really saved the show from tanking.  That and Mila Kunis' hotness.

     

    Married…with Children

    original names tv shows married children

    (source)

    Almost called: Not the Cosby Show

    I actually think this name is kind of hilarious! I mean when you think Married...With Children you definitely don't think heartwarming or profound life lessons. They were trashy and treated each other like crap, but ultimately they were a family and when it came down to they loved each other.When they weren't insulting each other. So exactly like my family! This explains why I never related to The Cosby Show.

     

    iCarly

    original names tv shows icarly

    (source)

    Almost called: iSam, iJosie

    The original name iSam was nixed after the producers found out the URL was already taken. Then they bought the URL iJosie but never really liked that. And finally we got iCarly and BFF Sam, a nod to the original choice. Can you imagine HOW DIFFERENT this show would've been if it was called iSomeothername??? Yeah not much. Carly is a super-cute name though.

     

     

    It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

    original names tv shows always sunny philadelphia

    (source)

    Almost called: Jerks

    I love Jerks! I mean what better title for a show about people who make Kitten Mittens and exploit a dumpster baby. Well, maybe jerks isn't quite horrible enough.

    Any that I missed? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out Crappy Original Names Of 10 Famous Bands!


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    You're on Facebook. I'm on Facebook. We're all on Facebook. Some of us are better at being on it than others, though. Wanna know why? 'Cause we're modest. We have class. We keep our love lives private. We don't post about it on Facebook like hussies and tramps. Be like us. Don't talk about the crap these dummies are talking about. HAVE SOME DIGNITY, YOU ANIMAL.

     

    Jumping the Gun

    relationship things you should never talk about on facebook new relationship

    (source)

    I know you just met Trent, and he's SOOOO dreamy, but maybe you shouldn't be making a Facebook event for your wedding date just yet. Talking about how OMG YOU'RE SOOOO IN LOVE with some dude or chick you've only known for two months makes you look crazier than that Kony guy. And besides, don't you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce? And 100% of life ends in death? So just calm down a little bit there, pardner.

     

    Wanting a Way Out

    relationship things you should never talk about on facebook resenting partner

    (source)

    There are literally millions of people on this planet who desire nothing more than the tender embrace of a life partner – hell, some people are so desperate for a companion, they purchase one. If you're one of the lucky ones who doesn't have to buy a Russian broad online, maybe you should drink a tall glass of Hold on a Second Juice (NOTE: Not a real product…yet) before you complain to all your friends about how much you don't want to be with your significant other. I mean, no one's putting a damn gun to your head and making you kiss Denise every day, y'know what I mean?

     

    Don't Go (Down) There, Girlfriend

    relationship things you should never talk about on facebook genitals

    (source)

    Posting about what's going on downstairs, good OR bad, is just poor form. No one wants to hear about your period, your STDs, or how you are or aren't "gettin' some." Do I look like your gynecologist? (Hopefully not, unless she's a super-hot babe.) This goes double for any posts about your partner's junk. Do you really think Denise is gonna wanna slob on your knob after you let the whole world know her Aunt Flo's in town?

     

    Breaking Up Isn't Hard to Do

    relationship things you should never talk about on facebook cheating

    (source)

    Jerkoffs break up with people via email, but the truly heartless break up with people in a public forum. At least in a crowded restaurant, the dumped crying girl still gets to eat desert. Online, she's met with nothing but scorn, mockery and sympathy from her aunt Lisa. Kids, don't be a coward and dump someone via Facebook…nut up, be a kind-hearted hero, and do it via text message.

     

    Cheaters Never Prosper

    relationship things you should never talk about on facebook cheating

    (source)

    The only thing stupider than cheating on your partner is bragging about it on the internet. What are you, autistic? Did you really think Denise wouldn't find out you felt up her friend Tina? They're both on your damn friend list, Jeremy!

     

    Have you ever gone from “single” to “in a relationship”? Let me know in the comments!

     

    Check out 20 Totally Embarrassing Accidental Facebook Statuses!


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    There are tons of games that feature creepy or scary characters. Not all of them are so terrifying that they permanently burn a hole in your brain so that you have to see them every night while you sleep. I love horror so it takes a truly horrific character to keep me up at night with every light possible on in my apartment. Here are video game characters that haunt my nightmares.

     

    Dr. Salvador (Resident Evil 4)

    dr salvador chainsawing leon

    (source)

    There is no scarier moment in gaming than when Dr. Salvador is running straight for you wildly swinging his chainsaw for the first time. The anxiety of trying to kill him as he charges makes me want to pull my hair out. It's almost a relief for him to finally catch you and cut you in half with his chainsaw. I'm not really sure where he got his medical degree, but I think using a chainsaw for surgeries should get you disbarred.

     

    Pint Sized Slasher (Fallout 3)

    pint sized slasher

    (source)

    The Pint Sized Slasher is a character in the Tranquility Lane virtual reality simulation. In it, you have to dress like him and then proceed to kill everyone in sight. I'm terrified of creepy little kids that want to murder you. The only thing scarier than a little kid serial killer is a little kid serial killer who always wears a creepy clown mask.

     

    Voldo (Soulcalibur)

    voldo spider walk

    (source)

    Soulcalibur has a lot of really insane characters so it really says something that Voldo stands out above them all. He's a blind, mute contortionist who also happens to be completely insane. One of his go to moves is to spiderwalk like Linda Blair in the exorcist. There is a very good chance that Voldo is possessed by a demon and not one of the good kinds.

     

    Daniel Lamb (Manhunt 2)

    daniel lamb ax murder

    (source)

    This character gets in to your head. In Manhunt 2, you play as Daniel Lamb, an escaped mental patient. The reason this guy invades my nightmares is that the Wii version of this game had some of the most brutal violence I've ever seen in a video game. They took advantage of the Wii motion controls and you have to act out every kill. It's rare when I don't finish a game because it makes me feel too bad about what I'm doing, but Manhunt 2 is that rare exception. I'm pretty sure that if you complete the game then an e-mail is sent to your local crazy house to let them know that you need to get picked up.

     

    Sackboy (Little Big Planet)

    sackboy

    (source)

    This is the only character on this list that some people actually consider cute. I think he looks like the little brother of Oogie Boogie from A Nightmare Before Christmas. If you pull down the zipper on his front, he is definitely filled with bugs. HOW'S THAT FOR CUTE!?!?!?!

     

    Little Sister (Bioshock)

    little sister

    (source)

    Little Sisters are little girls who have a gross sea slug implanted in their bellies so that they produce ADAM, the stem cells that give you all of those sweet powers. If they weren't creepy enough, they feed on the dead bodies of splicers to get more ADAM. The game gives you the option of either killing them and getting all of their ADAM or saving them and only getting some of it. I say, KILL THEM ALL! Their glowing eyes freak me out.

     

    Headcrab (Half-Life)

    headcrab

    (source)

    Headcrabs are the gross little crab things from Half-Life. They want to jump on your head, suck out you brain, and turn you into a zombie. They're not so bad if you only have to fight a few of them. It's when a whole swarm is heading towards you that you know they're going to wind up in a dream. The zombies they create aren't any less creepy. Their long, disgusting fingers know how to reach right in to my soul.

     

    Which video game characters haunt your nightmares? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

     

    Check Out The 8 SCARIEST Pokemon!


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    The Boy Scouts are finally coming around to modernizing a bit.


    boy scoutsies
    However, some of their modernizing went... too far.
    (source)

     

    Yes, the CBC reports that the Boy Scouts now have a "Video Game" badge. The badge rewards little scoutlings (they're called scoutlings, right?) ages 7-10 not for playing video games, but for having a video game regimen that properly places video games after chores and homework.


    dudes playing video games in college
    This little a**hole clearly isn't putting his homework first.
    (source)

    While that badge sounds boring as hell to get there are other more interesting video game badges to get. Other Boy Scout video game badges include getting a badge for getting a prostitute to marry you in Grand Theft Auto IV, figuring out how to get every character you're supposed to assassinate so sad they take their own life in Assassin's Creed, and going online right after playing Tomb Raider and not trying to find nude Lara Croft pics.


    lara croft
    I call best man!
    (source)

    One can only assume the Boy Scouts decide to create a video games badge after having finally given up and admitted that nature has more or less been replaced by an endless sea of malls and TGIFriday's. And that the closest most kids get to nature is from behind a 3D character with a chain gun as he kills aliens in a weird futuristic space jungle.


    nature place
    Ah, I have fine memories of I and my fellow boy scouts camping here. This is where I got my three-point-turn merit badge.
    (source)

    What Boy Scout badges do you want most? Let us know in the comments below!

     


    Check out what a backwards piece of crap Chuck Norris is!

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    They ruined lives. They destroyed civilizations. One of them just flat out ate people. But sometimes when you remove a villain from their natural element you might just find they have what it takes to be the hero another story needed all along…

     

    Darth Vader

    villains darth vader headshot

    (source)

    New Story:“Mary Poppins”

    Heroic Action: Darth Vader’s first order of business was to always serve his master. Unfortunately, his last employer wasn’t exactly the head of Habitat for Humanity. But if he were to serve as a nanny to the two Banks children in “Mary Poppins”—who want nothing more than their dad’s love and attention—Darth would do everything in his power from reading minds to lightsaber duels to just chocking anyone without lifting a finger to make sure the entire family lived happily ever after.

     

    Lord Voldemort

    villains lord voldemort sneer

    (source)

    New Story:“Peanuts”

    Heroic Action: As Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort was always rather friendless and the odd kid out. But as the equally outcast (and now equally bald) Charlie Brown, he could use his immense powers to make sure that not only did Charlie win every baseball game and finally get his own dog to respect him, but also that all the kids in the neighborhood would let him do as he pleases, especially since apparently there are no adults in the “Peanuts” neighborhood to stop him.

     

    Loki

    villains loki the avengers

    (source)

    New Story:“Transformers: Dark of the Moon”

    Heroic Action: What if when Loki attacks with wave after wave of Chitauri he arrives not in New York City but rather Chicago just as it is under siege by Decepticons? With his massive alien army, Loki could easily prevent the giant robots from taking over Earth without ever having to call in the Avengers (who couldn’t come anyway because of copyright infringement and the fact most of them stay in New York because they just bought that pricier MetroCard). Of course, who would then stop Loki from taking over the planet would have to be addressed in the sequel that hopefully would involve no Transformers.

     

    The Joker

    villains dark knight joker

    (source)

    New Story:“Oz the Great and Powerful”

    Heroic Action: Much like he seemed to come out of nowhere, overthrew a city’s evil element (only so he could run his own crime syndicate) and wound up ostensibly controlling Gotham in “The Dark Knight,” The Joker could achieve the very same effect in “Oz.” He could just as easily “magically” land in Oz, defeat the Wicked Witch, and assume leadership of the Emerald City. This would then serve as the prequel to “The Wizard of Oz,” in which Dorothy arrives to find Munchkinland run by clown-faced assassins and that the Scarecrow was set on fire with a huge pile of cash long ago.

     

    Gollum

    villains gollum-lord-ring

    (source)

    New Story:“King Arthur and His Knights of the Round Table”

    Heroic Action: A tragic figure consumed with forever searching for a lost possession, Gollum’s crippling obsessive-compulsive nature would come in handy in finding the coveted Holy Grail for King Arthur long before any of his knights could. However, whether Gollum would just gladly hand over the grail or rename it “Precious II” and make a run for it is anyone’s guess.

     

    Jaws

    villains jaws shark attack

    (source)

    New Story:“Shark Week”

    Heroic Action: Okay, maybe he won’t come off looking like the hero. But every time the Great White of “Jaws” would remove a limb it would be in the educational context of “This is what sharks are supposed to do,” especially if you keep pointing a camera at them while taunting them from inside an underwater cage.

    Can you think of any other villains who could be hereos? Let us know in the comments!

    Check Out 6 Villains Who Proved To Be Good Guys!


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    Spring Break is a really fun way to let loose and have fun with all of your best friends. For a lot of people, it's the first time they get to experience what true freedom feels like. Just remember that you want to have fun, and there are a ton of people that want to ruin your fun. They must be avoided at all costs. Here are the worst people to encounter during Spring Break.

     

    The Overplanner

    stressed out cat

    (source)

    It's important to have some kind of plan when you go on vacation. If you don't then all of your conversations will sounds like this. "What do you want to do?" "I don't know. What do YOU want to do?" The problem with planning is that sometimes people go overboard and plan way too much. This is supposed to be a relaxing vacation. It's no fun to have to rush from one thing to the next just so you can say that you did everything and then end up more exhausted than before the vacation.

     

    Locals

    angry shop owner

    (source)

    The Locals of any nice beach community pretty much hate everyone that comes to their town for Spring Break. They have good reason to. For a few weeks every year, a bunch of high school and college students swarm their town, trash the place, and then take off. The locals are going to do everything in their power to make sure you have a bad time because they don't want you to come back next year. What they don't realize is that their economy is dependent on the patronage of Spring Breakers. Suck on that, locals!

     

    The Chicken

    guy holding bags

    (source)

    It's important to include all of your friends that want to go. Some people want to go, but then when they get there are too scared to have any fun. We are at an amusement park. RIDE SOME RIDES! I don't want to have to feel bad because you sit there on a bench getting sun burned while the rest of us are having a blast whipping the loop-de-loops at 50 g's. The only good thing about having this person in your group is that you have someone to hold all of your stuff.

     

    Jersey Shore Wannabes

    orange skin blow out dude

    (source)

    There are certain people that thrive off of getting in to conflicts. These people are called assholes aka Jersey Shore Wannabes. They can easily be spotted because they have bright orange skin and their hair looks like a Super Saiyan. If you get within 50 feet of them then just expect that you'll be getting in to a fist fight.

     

    Your Parents

    parents on the beach

    (source)

    You're growing up and that is really hard for your parents to deal with. They just can't let go. That's why they decided to come with you on your Spring Break trip. It sucks for you, but it double sucks for all of your friends. No one wants to hang out with your parents and you definitely don't want your parents hanging around your friends. It's going to be hard to hit on your number one crush after your parents just told them that story about you pooping your pants in 6th grade.

     

    Psycho Hillbilly Murderers

    hillbillies from wrestling

    (source)

    There is a reason there are so many movies about psycho hillbilly murderers that kill Spring Breakers. It's because they're real. If you encounter these hillbillies then it's probably too late for you because you've already fallen in to their trap. What I suggest is that in exchange for letting you stay alive, you offer to marry one of them. Over the next few months of planning your wedding, you have to gain their trust and make them believe that you have converted to their side. On your wedding day, take off when they stop paying attention for a minute to put a tuxedo on their pig.

     

    The Beach Police

    beach police cars

    (source)

    Spring Break is for having fun and being stupid. Just don't do something so stupid that you get arrested. Just because you're on a beach doesn't mean that laws don't apply to you. It's way more fun to watch other people getting hand cuffed than it is to get hand cuffed. The only good thing about getting arrested is now you won't have to pay for any more nights of your hotel room since you have a free place to crash.

     

    Where are you going for Spring Break? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

     

    Check Out Super Cheap-Ass Spring Break Ideas!


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    After last week's incredibly successful Veronica Mars Kickstarter, which funded a movie based on the long-canceled CW show and set Kickstarter records, fans of cult TV, movie, and video game franchises have discovered a new way to make their voices heard. If they speak in the only language entertainment companies understand, cold hard CASH, they can influence their decisions. Although, I have to ask: How do you think that makes Veronica Mars feel, huh? The damn thing comes back after being canceled for seven years and the first thing you can think of is what comes next? How do you act on Christmas morning? How about you say "thank you" for the present you just opened before ravenously tearing into the next one, you petulant child? But now that I've chastised those who are looking ahead to other geek franchises they want revived by Kickstarter, I'd like to present my list of the other geek franchises I want revived by Kickstarter.

     

    Battletoads

    battletoads kickstarter

    (source)

    The reason to Kickstart a new Battletoads game is simple: It was really really HARD. The only people who ever got through the game's surfing level were those of us with big brothers. And this is an important message to send to gaming companies right now. The new Tomb Raider is incredibly good, but it doesn't have any of the older Tomb Raider's challenging, obtuse puzzles. Games are getting easier, and if we don't prove that there's still a market for hard games, we're on a path to a Zelda game where small keys are all over the ground and when you finally face Gannondorf he just cries and offers you a hand-written apology.

     

    The Golden Compass

    golden compass kickstarter

    (source)

    Since no movie studio is going to throw good money after bad, the failure of the first film in this series makes it certain that the franchise will never be resurrected. UNLESS THE FANS DEMAND IT. And here's why we should demand it — despite the fact that the first movie was awful, in the hands of a good director, the sequels to this movie will be AWESOME. They would feature such RAD SH*T as a KNIFE that cuts through REALITY, a POLAR BEAR wearing ARMOR EATING HIS FRIEND out of respect, and an INTELLIGENT CRITIQUE of RELIGIOUS CULTURE.

     

    Freaks and Geeks

    freaks and geeks

    (source)

    Freaks and Geeks was, no more and no less, a great show. We can use Kickstarter to remind Hollywood that, sometimes, that's enough. And movie studios quite often need to be reminded that quality is important. The movie executive In invited to my house last Thanksgiving just brought a poster of green bean casserole and spent the whole evening saying it was a "can't miss dish" for "the whole family".

     

    Killer Instinct

    fulgore killer instinct

    (source)

    Almost the exact opposite of Freaks and Geeks, Killer Instinct is a good example of pure nonsense selling a game. Sometimes studios need to be reminded that pure nonsense is fun too. I mean, this game featured a ROBOT fighting a GARGOYLE. And it's announcer couldn't say "Combo Breaker" without having a stroke. Nothing made sense. Why didn't the robot or the gargoyle ever help him?!?

     

    Star Fox

    star fox kickstarter

    (source)

    Look, no way is Nintendo going to make a Star Fox game if we don't Kickstart it. There's no way Nintendo is making ANYTHING besides Mario games and spinoffs unless we kickstart them. If we don't force them into a new Star Fox game our world will look like the begininng of Wall-E except instead of Trash the streets will be lined with piles and piles of Mario All-Star MMA and Luigi's Mansion Golf.

     

    Firefly

    firefly kickstarter

    (source)

    I watched the entire Firefly series AND the movie that came after it, and I honest to God don't remember a goddamn thing. So why would I hope for a Firefly Kickstarter? Because I NEED THE FIREFLY PEOPLE TO SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Everywhere I go, it's "Oh Firefly was the BEST show." "Oh, have you seen Firefly?" "Firefly was canceled WAY too soon!" "Oh I can't believe what happened to Firefly!" "How can we get FIREFLY back on the air?"

    Like, do these guys have friends in their life that care about them? Then why aren't those friends intervening? If Firefly people would take their energy spent complaining about Firefly and put it into, say, getting an engineering degree, WE WOULD ALREADY BE LIVING IN A WORLD AS TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED AS FIREFLY.

     

    Which franchise do you think most deserves your Kickstarter money? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     

    Check out What Link From Legend Of Zelda Should Put On His Kickstarter Page!


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    It was a pretty awesome story. A teenage boy driving with some chicks told police he was shot in the groin by two ninjas who jumped out of a van wielding semi-automatic weapons.


    military shooing zombie
    Ninjas pretty much live to shoot people in the groin. It is their ultimate attack.
    (source)

    The Chicago Tribune reported today that this is all a cruel hoax. Police became suspicious of the boy's story when quote, "Every single part of it sounded like a bunch of bull****." Then they went to check out the scene and there was no evidence of ninja foul play at all. Then the hospital confirmed that the gunshot wound trajectory indicated that the boy had clearly shot himself in the groin. It was looking less and less like ninjas with machine guns were involved here.

    ninja versus gun
    And more and more like this son of a bitch was to blame.
    (source)

    What then, was the real story here? Well, it turns out the kid had been driving around with two chicks and showing off his gun when, like an a**hole, he shot himself in the dick.


    dick shot
    Hey sexy lady, can I buy you a drink? You ever been with a guy who shot himself right square in the dick?
    (source)

    The police are busy figuring out what to charge the kid with, although if you ask me, shooting yourself in the dick with your own gun in front of two chicks you are trying to impress is punishment enough. Also, the fact that he was awesome enough to make up a story about ninjas with machine guns to cover it up earns him bonus points so I would go ahead and categorize this one as time served.


    hot destroy pockets
    The next time he shoots himself in the groin, he plans to make up a story about how furries descended from the sky, bit off his dick, then used it to make a crown for their king.
    (source)

    Why do you like shooting at your penis so much? Let us know in the comments below!

     


    Check Out Fictional Weapons That Wouldn't Work In Real Life!

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    I've played tons and tons of Metal Gear, but once I realized how infrequently I'm assigned missions to infiltrate enemy bases, I started to wonder if it might be a waste of time. But there is ABSOLUTELY a reason to play stealth video games — they'll teach you to get out of these incredibly tense situations. I hope you're prepared.

     

    Accidentally getting off the elevator on the wrong floor

    tense stealth elevator

    (source)

    Everyone else in the elevator is going to think you're an idiot if you get back in, but what if someone else is getting out on that floor? This is, of course, the nightmare scenario, where you must take advantage of every nook and entryway to try and disappear from sight. If your mission is unsuccessful, everyone in the office building will know how dumb you are, your reputation as a human misfire will spread, you'll never get into a relationship, and your dog won't recover from his car accident, and the new Arrested Development will suck, and if you haven't been to college you never will and if you have been to college your degree will have to be returned.

     

    Easter egg hunts

    tense stealth easter egg

    (source)

    If you become a shadow, an idea, a myth, you're likely to collect more Easter eggs.

     

    When breaking out of prison

    tense stealth prison escape

    (source)

    Whatever your reason for wanting to break out of prison — maybe you were wrongly convicted of your wife's murder. Maybe you embezzled from your company. Maybe you were rightly convicted of your wife's murder — you'll be better at it if you've played Splinter Cell.

     

    Watching movies that have sex scenes with your parents

    tense stealth movie with parents

    (source)

    It's cool that you and your dad have the kind of relationship where you can hang out and watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall together, but no one is cool enough with their parents to sit comfortably through a sex scene together. Hopefully you've put in enough time playing stealth video games to escape so your father will only find an empty seat next to him when he looks over awkwardly out of the corner of his eye. Otherwise, the only way your father will ever again look at you will be awkwardly out of the corner of his eye.

     

    Your ex's wedding

    tense stealth wedding

    (source)

    Seeing someone you used to love get married can be emotional, sure, but it can be awkward as well, so you'll want to avoid detection. Especially from your ex's new life partner, since they're sure to ask why you came. That can be a tricky question to answer, especially since you probably don't even know YOURSELF why you came.

     

    Bank robberies

    tense stealth bank robbery

    (source)

    If you find yourself taken hostage at the bank by armed robbers, any knowledge you have in terms of sneaking away will be valuable. You'll at least do better than the guy who played a bunch of Mortal Kombat and tries to hit the robbers with a flying bicycle kick, because that guy is definitely getting shot.

     

    How have you used stealth skills to just only barely get by in day-to-day society? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     

    Check out How Stealth Video Game Characters Handle Being Discovered!


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    If you're like me you just shove your face full of whatever tastes good with absolutely no regard for the consequences of my actions. Sometimes I do make an effort to eat healthy and buy things that are organic and 'all natural'. But 'all natural' isn't exactly as appealing as it may sound! Here's 10 disgusting food ingredients that are made from super gross animal and bug parts and juices. Yeah, I said juices. Be prepared to cry, vegetarians!

     

    Carmine

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it is: Ground up red beetles

    Have you ever eaten anything pink or red? Then you've eaten the carmine-filled abdomen of a bug that was killed by immersion in hot water, or exposure to heat, and then dried and ground up to make things look cherry and strawberry. So basically the two best Starburst flavors are beetle guts. Still better than lemon!

     

    Castoreum

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is:  anal glad secretions and urine from a beaver

    This ingredient is commonly found in vanilla ice cream and raspberry flavored foods. I guess vanilla does sound more appealing than anal juice. Glad I've always been a chocolate lover. Please don't tell me that's made from dehydrated armadillo poop.

     

    Isinglass

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: Dried fish bladders

    This ingredient gives beer it's appealing golden hue. It's kind of strange to think of your bladder being full of bladders.  Also who's job is it to extract fish bladders? Great, now I'm gonna go down an internet research wormhole. See you in a day or so.

     

    Gelatin

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: Boiled down pig skin (46%), bovine hide (29.4%) and pork and cattle bones (23.1%).

    So if you get raspberry flavored, you're hitting the gross food ingredient trifecta: gelatin, castoreum and carmine. Mmmm pig skin, ground up beetle belly and anal juice. Thanks, mom!

     

    Lanolin

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: An oiley secretion found in sheep's wool

    Lanolin is commonly used to soften chewing gum. Chew on that for awhile! And then laugh to yourself every time you see someone obnoxiously smacking away on some Bubble Yum. Look at their faces as they savor sheep secretions. Yummy, juicy sheep secretions.

     

    Shortening (in Hostess products)

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: The shortening in Hostess products contain one or more of the following: partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed and canola oil, and BEEF FAT.

    Maybe it's a good thing these products are going away? I like my desserts beef-free. I also like them to go 'bad' after a day or two, not that they ever last that long...BUT STILL!

     

    L-Cyesteine

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: An amino acid made from human hair or duck feathers

    Do you like mass-produced bread products? Who doesn't? You're basically eating hair and feathers. Well not really...but still!  It's in there! Maybe I'll jump on the gluten-free bandwagon after all. Are there gluten-free Italian subs and pizza that taste as good as the real thing? *crickets* 

     

    Rennet

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: Calf stomach

    Enzymes produced from calf stomach are used to make cheese. Why is it that rennet is gross but eating dairy that came from a cow's teets isn't? I guess it's just one of life's little mysteries, folks. 

     

    Calcium triphosphate

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: Bone char

    Bone char is used to filter and discolor sugar. So basically every granule of  delicious sugar we eat has touched the charred remains of 'animals'. I'm adding unnecessary quotation marks to heighten the horror of it all.

     

    Shellac

    gross ingredients in food

    (source)

    What it really is: The refined secretions of Kerria lacca insects

    Basically any candy that has a shiny outer shell on it is shellacked with bug secretions. Think of that the next time you ask for sprinkles on your anal juice cream cone.

    Were you surprised by any of these? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

     

    Check Out 8 Fictional Foods I Wanna Eat!


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    Bad news kids; you are not going to be right about everything. I know that right now, during your fits of screaming that end with you slamming at least one door (you can do two if you’re lucky enough to have a bathroom attached to your room), you know you’ll be vindicated on every single thing you’ve ever said. But you won’t. You’re wrong, and your parents are right, at least about some stuff. Here is a list of 7 Thing Your Parents Will Ultimately Be Right About:

     

    Go Outside

    your parents are right

    (source)

    Guys, outside of the social element of going outside, there’s a very basic reason not just sit in your house and play video games. The sun has vitamins in it, and if you don’t go out in the sun, you will get rickets. Is that what you want? Rickets? Go outside, kid!

     

    Eating Better

    worst people to wait behind

    (source)

    Our culture has a bad habit of shaming people who are bigger than the so-called “norm”, but beyond the fallacies of judging people for their weight, your parents are right about the garbage you eat. Whether or not your metabolism will stop you from putting ‘em on, you will still suffer the health consequences of your terrible food choices. And by the time you start to show the consequences of eating garbage (metaphorically, garbage would actually be healthier than what some of us eat) you’re so old and set in your ways it’s incredibly difficult to change your ways.

     

    Spending Time Talking To Each Other

    your parents are right

    (source)

    Talking to your family is important! Turn off the iPads, the PS3s, the books (stupid books) and have a conversation with each other. Maybe your dumb brother actually has a good story about school (doubtful, but back me up here guys).

     

    Turning Your Music Down

    your parents are right

    (source)

    WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN’T HEAR YOU BECAUE I IGNORED THE WARNINGS ABOUT WHAT LISTENING TO LOUD MUSIC WOULD DO TO MY HEARING. SOMEONE HELP ME TURN ON MY COCHLEAR IMPLANT…

     

    Your Effort Level

    your parents are right

    (source)

    Try hard in school. Your parents are always saying it, and you’re always ignoring it, but you should try hard. If you don’t get into a good school, it’s hard to get a job in the upper-echelon of your field, and then it’s hard not to die in a gutter.

    Being Nice To Your Elders

    your parents are right

    (source)

    They might know important stuff! Like… a locker code, or… forget it, let’s move on from this one.

     

    The End Of The World

    your parents are right

    (source)

    My new mothers and fathers from my family of the high-ordained moon-buddies are totally right about the world ending in 2015. That is why we now must feast… FEAST!

     

    WHAT SHOULD WE FEAST ON THE INFANTS WILL WEEP AS THE ENGAGE OUR SLAUGHTER. Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out The Worst Things Parents Can Say!


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    I was rewatching Toy Story 3 the other day, because @danborrelli has feelings too, and it occurred to me that all of the toys from these 3 movies were based off of classic 70s toys. A barrel of monkeys, a cowboy, the bookworm, etc. So I started thinking back to when I was a kid and wondered what toys were totally left out of this trilogy. So I made a list! I also left out the reoccurring internet joke about Andy’s mom’s "toy". God internet you ruin so much childhood on a daily basis…

    6. POGS

    magic 8 ball pog collection

    (source)

    There’s NO way Andy would have grown up Pogless. 0% chance. And incorporating Pogs into the movie as some sort of Toy Story version of the paintings in Harry Potter would have been awesome! They could have spoken solely in riddles, voiced by every cast member from every NBC sitcom. It would have been fantastic. I’m writing a letter…

     

    5. MAGIC 8 BALL

    magic 8 ball pic

    (source)

    How awesome would it have been if Woody had some weird Aviator-like obsession where he had to consult a magic 8-ball before making any major decision. We could have had an entirely different outcome. Instead of rescuing Buzz in the first movie, he might have ended up just staying inside watching The Wonder Years on Netflix.

    EDITOR NOTE: There WAS an 8-Ball in Toy Story. Get it together, Borrelli!

    magic 8 ball pic

    (source)

     

    4. OPTIMUS PRIME

    Optimus Prime drawing

    (source)

    Oh, there’s a really mean teddy bear terrorizing you and your friends? That sounds SOOOO awful for every toy involved. Except Optimus #($&ing Prime! These movies would have lasted 10 seconds. We meet the toys, they face a problem, OP delivers a bunch of bullets. #Disney

     

    3. BEANIE BABIES

    Beanie Baby Collection

    (source)

    Andy’s sister totally would have had a massive collection of these sitting at the foot of her canopy bed. A small, mindless army that could have been a rival brigade to the young alien race that inhabited the Toy Story universe. Every loveable character needs a rival, and this would have been an epic battle. Bears vs. Aliens, by Sir Michael Bay. Mark it.

     

    2. GAME BOY

    Nintendo Game Boy pic

    (source)

    A highly intuitive supercomputer that the group could have used while hatching their plans. The Game Boy would be the Rosetta Stone of the toy universe. And just as everything came to a head in the climax, he would give his own life, for the safety of his friends. For this computer had finally learned how to love…

     

    1. THAT BALANCING BIRD THING FROM THE 90S

    balancing bird pic

    (source)

    Things things were awesome. And one of them would have been a great companion to the core group. Of course it couldn’t do much, pretty much, just balance and stuff… But it could have provided sarcastic, witty one-liners. Maybe be voiced by Martin Short or something. I’ll add it to my letter…

     

     

    What toy would you add to the movies? Let me know in the comments below or by screaming at me @danborrelli

     

    Check Out These Amazing Harry Potter Motivators!


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    Because the internet is at least seventy percent selfish d-bags, "gallon smashing" has become a big deal on YouTube. If you haven't yet seen anyone gallon smash, it's a prank where a kid — probably an adolescent white male whose father is distant and whose mother never told him anything he did was wrong — goes to a grocery store and spikes jugs of milk or juice on the ground, exploding their contents all over the place and pretending to slip when some nice fellow customer tries to help them up.

    Although, the lessons these gallon smashers are learning in terms of preying on helpless citizens to make their own lives feel less hollow will certainly serve them well if they decide to go into finance.



    Gallon smashing is a potential 201 class next semester at Harvard Business School.

    But as the fad has caught on, teens are finding themselves being arrested for gallon smashing. Four teens in Mississippi were arrested for disorderly conduct after gallon smashing in a Walmart, while a teen who smashed some gallons in Butte, Montana was charged with mischief and theft. So these kids are being arrested for copying a YouTube fad. I mean, if you're going to get arrested, at least be arrested for something original. There's nothing worse than going to jail for a crime that we've all seen before.


    guy in jail
    Dude, murder's been around since, like, the ancient Greeks. YAWN.
    (source)

    Here's the thing. All comedy has a target. There's always a butt of the joke. When we think about that in the context of gallon smashing, who are the laughs coming at the expense of? Old ladies. Minimum wage-earning employees. Helpful citizens. And what did these people do to earn our disdain? Entered a grocery store. So congratulations YouTubers. You're laughing at helpful people who have the audacity to go grocery shopping.


    family grocery shopping
    Let's tear these a**holes to to shreds.
    (source)

    Now, I've been pretty harsh on gallon smashing here, but I think we can all agree that one truly horrible thing has come out of it. Gallon smashing is a topic that is serious enough topic for local newspapers to write about, but not so serious that those newspapers think they can "have a little fun with it". That means every lazy local journalist is literally writing the EXACT SAME OPENING PARAGRAPH.


    newsroom laughing at joke
    "And then we'll say that the kids getting arrested are 'crying over spilled milk!'"
    (source)

    Have you gone gallon smashing? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out Youtuber Charles Ross Arrested for Giving Strangers Wedgies!

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    When I was but four days old, I ran into a burning building and saved the lives of dozens of orphaned kittens. I bathed each and every one of them with my infant tongue and adopted them as my own, raising them to adulthood. They and their descendants remain my loyal servants to this day. But most heroes are not like me, and have to get through adolescence before they start beating baddies. I know, for I watched them grow at a loving but safe distance. Here's what your favorite video game heroes were like as teens!

     

    Kratos

    teen vg heroes

    (source)

    Kratos doesn't like to talk about it, but he once had a serious weight problem. Trust me, the dude was pissed off WAY before Ares tricked him into killing his family. How would YOU feel if you got picked last in dodgeball despite being half-god? He was really sensitive about it, too: if you called him fat, he'd cut off your head and jam it into your spurting neck hole.

     

    Master Chief

    teen vg heroes

    (source)

    John-117 is, was, and always has been too cool for school. See him shreddin' that axe? That's because MC don't play no rhythm guitar. Nah, homie. MC's a lead man. The kind of man whose uptight teacher hates him for never coming to class, but who gives him an A+ when he saves Spartan High's honor in the Battle of the Bands versus those darned Covenant. Even as a teenager, Master Chief would swaddle you in his warm charisma and sweet riffs until your will was putty in his hands and you would love him for it.

     

    Sonic

    teen vg heroes

    (source)

    It's best we don't talk too much about Sonic's teen years. Let's just say this: meth is bad and hedgehogs are never born blue.

     

    Marcus Fenix

    teen vg heroes

    (source)

    I know what you're thinking: with a build like that, Marcus (better known as "that Gears of War guy who looks and sounds exactly like the other ones but is the main one I guess") must have been a mega-jock. WRONG. Like Hugh Jackman before him, this bad boy was a musical theater prodigy. To this day he still remembers most of his tap training. Listen closely next time you hear him crush an alien skull with his feet- you just might recognize "Singin' in the Rain"!

     

    Ryu

    teen vg heroes

    (source)

    From the ages of 15-17 Ryu was sad all the time and no one knew why. He had this big crush on Chun-Li, who was dating his buddy Ken back then. Chun-Li tried to get Ken to talk to him about his problems, but Ken was 15 so what did he know? He just told Ryu to "lighten up," which totally didn't help. Anyway, it turned out Ryu's dad was dying or something. Wait. Maybe his parents were getting divorced? Hang on, maybe I'm thinking of someone else. Ryu was definitely a bummer though.

     

    Lara Croft

    teen vg heroes

    (source)

    Teen Lara Croft had no personality whatsoever, unless you count "having a chest people like staring at" as a personality. Good thing that changed!

     

    Are you the one true savior and messiah, come to rescue us from ourselves? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check out What Kratos Will Be Like After He Takes Anger Management Classes!


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    There is a primal urge in all humans to collect things. I don't know why we need to have stuff, but we do. You have to be really careful about what you collect, because there are a lot of really dumb things that you can own. You want a collection that's going to be worth something some day or at least has some sort of cultural importance like books. If you have books then at least people will think that you're smart despite that fact that you've never read anything in your life. Here are the worst things to start collecting.

     

    Taxidermy

    bad taxidermy

    (source)

    Taxidermy is the art of stuffing the skin of dead animals to make creepy skin statues. There's no reason you should ever own any stuffed animals unless you're a hunter and live in an abaondoned old farm house. The worst thing about taxidermy is that there is a lot of really bad amateur taxidermy that barely looks like the animal that it is supposedly made out of. There is no faster way to scare away a potential mate than to say, "Would you like to see my collection of dead animals?"

     

    Classic Video Games

    classic game collection

    (source)

    Owning classic video games may seem like a good idea. Unlike most of the things on this list, it's something that you can actually use. You probably think that if you buy a bunch of old games then you'll play them all the time. It's just not going to happen. Most old games just aren't very fun by today's standards and any of them that are fun can probably be found in one of the many on-line stores that are offered by current generation consoles. The only reason to start collecting old games is if you are just really in to blowing on stuff and then yelling at your TV because Silver Surfer on NES is impossibly hard.

     

    Celebrity Autographs

    regis autograph

    (source)

    There's a weird business model for past their prime celebrities where they sell autographs. If you've ever been to a comic book convention then you've seen the rows and rows geriatric actors who were in one episode of Buck Rogers. The only reason to collect celebrity autographs is to remind yourself why you never tried to become an actor.

     

    New Action Figures

    action figures

    (source)

    There was a time when collecting action figures was actually a good idea. No one thought that they'd be worth anything so everyone ripped open the boxes and played with them until they fell apart. In the 90's old action figures became crazy valuable. This resulted in a new generation of people keeping their action figures in mint condition in the boxes. That's why they aren't worth anything any more. There are just too many of them on the market. In today's world, action figures have gotten insanely expensive because toy companies know that single 40 year old dues will shell out huge amounts of money for that fleeting sense of nostalgia from owning a toy from some obscure cartoon from their childhood.

     

    Swords

    swords on a wall

    (source)

    The idea of owning swords is way cooler than the reality of owning swords. There are swords that are worth a lot of money, but I doubt you're going to be buying any full tang hand folded steel katanas from Japan. You're buying some dull polished aluminum crap from some hillbilly at a flea market. The only reason to own swords is if a zombie apocalypse suddenly breaks out. It's going to really suck for you when your cheap swords break on the first day of the apocalypse.

     

    Empty Booze Bottles

    tons of booze bottles

    (source)

    For some reason, a lot of people start collecting empty booze bottles when they first start drinking. They think it's cool to let everyone know that they like to party. What people really think is, "This person has a drinking problem." Take all of your old booze bottles and go to the recycling center. Then you'll get some money for more booze you disgusting booze hound.

     

    Blu-Ray Movies

    bluray collection

    (source)

    If you are in to collecting Blu-Ray movies, you should have a conversation with someone with a massive DVD or VHS or BETA or LaserDisc collection. There will always be an amazing new video format on the horizon, and you've totally got to upgrade all of your movies or you're not a real film buff. Then you haven't take all of your old movies to a used movie store and sell them for maybe 5% of what you paid for them. Unless it's something that you know you're going to watch over and over then just rent or stream it.

     

    Pressed Pennies

    pressed pennies

    (source)

    You've seen these machines at just about any amusement park in the country. For only one dollar and a penny, these machines will press a logo in to a penny that you get to take home and keep forever. These are supposed to be a reminder of everywhere that you've visited. Really they're a reminder of how bad you are at spending money. Technically, defacing money is illegal so I think that anyone who presses a penny should have to go to jail.

     

    Ironic Art

    robocop unicorn painting

    (source)

    I know a lot of people that collect the worst art they can possibly find. Whether it's cat statues, ugly family photos, or unicorn paintings, they want their house covered in the worst art that has ever been created. You don't want your house to look like an art gallery that only a crazy old cat lady would curate.

     

    What dumb stuff do you collect? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

     

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    For every product made there is a cheaper, illegal knockoff version available. But when it comes to video games the level with which some people will try to convince you an Etch-a-Sketch is really an iPad for the colorblind is astounding. And it’s that very commitment to outright deception that has resulted in these blatant rip-offs bound to make someone very upset when they unwrap their gift…

     

    WiWi

    video game knockoff wiwi console controllers

    (source)

    How do you up the ante on a popular game console that already sounds like a cross between a plural pronoun and a body function? With a Chinese clone of the "Wii" that basically says, "When you think Mario Kart, think urine." Alas, you can’t use "Mario Kart" or any Wii games on this because it’s actually a 20-bit game system with enough processing power to let you play an illegal version of "John Madden Football ’91." The system also comes with a WiWimote and something called a WiWipad (which sounds suspiciously like the "wee-wee pads" used to housebreak puppies) but no WiWi nunchuck, which would mean even if the system did offer "WiWi Boxing" you’d spend most of the game just trying to slap your opponent with one hand.

     

    PCP Station

    video game knockoff PCP station game advance

    (source)

    A knockoff of the Sony PSP with a name that practically promises severe hallucinations and extreme paranoia (and features a second name—"Game Advance"—in case you were in the market for a Nintendo handheld unit from 2001), the PCP comes with five games (two of which don’t actually exist). It’s the perfect way to spend an afternoon playing such not-quite classics as "Thunderbolt Airplane" (a flight simulator that may not feature a plane), "Super Mary" (think "Super Mario" but with gender reversal or a very Catholic character), "Nonesuch Fly Racing" (with no details if this is about planes, cars, or house insets), "Street Overlord" (maybe a feudal "Street Fighter"), and everybody’s favorite "Chanticleer Hegemony" (which, if taken literally, would mean a game about rooster dominance).

     

    X-Game 360

    video game knockoff x game 360

    (source)

    There are countless Xbox 360 clones, from the PX-3600 to the X-80000 to probably a mislabeled Microsoft Windows XP to even something called "BATTMAN" with the cast of the movie "Batman & Robin" on the box (thereby ensuring dual copyright infringement and scathing reviews). But the X-Game 360 is perhaps one of the best (by which we mean "startling") knockoffs around because in addition to resembling a Babycakes Cake Pop Maker complete with a light zapper, the console is in reality a Mexican 8-bit NES emulator, meaning at least your parents can relive the joy of playing a subtitled "Duck Hunt."

     

    Game Child

    video game knockoff lcd game child

    (source)

    No doubt someone’s gender-neutral answer to Game Boy, the Game Child was a handled game cartridge unit that did not allow for any game cartridges. Instead, where one would normally insert a cartridge there was an empty container in which perhaps you could store loose change or a list of your now dashed childhood hopes and wishes should you have gotten this for Christmas in 1989. In lieu of game cartridges, however, you instead got a single LCD game in which you stopped people from dumping oil on your land by shooting at them with a weapon that resembled a surface-to-air metal detector. The game ended when you hurled the entire unit against your bedroom wall and cried yourself to sleep, dreaming about next holiday season.

     

    Polystation 3

    video game knockoff mini polystation 3

    (source)

    Any plans on playing "God of War: Ascension" will immediately end the moment you see the "Z" on the console. Or realize that the unit is no bigger than a Kindle wrapped in a plastic clamshell. Or notice that this video game console isn’t a console at all but rather an unwieldy handheld device with its own equally unwieldy remote and a pop-out two-inch screen that lets you endure such games as "Soccer" (minus the FIFA seal of approval probably because of the square ball), "Formula 1" (a racing game that lets you relive Atari’s "Pole Position"), "Submarine Invasion" (which may be a land-locked game), and "Space Guardian" (the game of babysitting large swaths of inky black emptiness).

     

    Angry Farm

    video game knockoff angry farm home screen

    (source)

    Not every blatant video game knockoff is a console or available only in stores that sell partially unwrapped candy and DVD copies of "Teenager Transformed Japanese Mercenary Tortoises." This shockingly obvious rip-off of "Angry Birds"—with foxes instead of pigs and product theft instead of creativity—is available right now for the Blackberry. The game even calls out its true origins in its very own marketing copy, which reads "The animals are armed with a catapult and they fly through the air like furious birds." So if you were thinking of making and marketing your own version of "Jetpack Joyride" called "Jetpack Drive-By," the door has already been opened for you.

     

    Are you perpetrating a scam right now? Let us know in the comments below!

     

    Check Out These Funny Video Game Glitches!


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    Kanye West is just the best. His girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, is pregnant, and the latest reports indicate that he's leaning towards naming the baby North West. Like, the cardinal direction. As in "go North West on Spring street to get out of downtown."


    kanye west kim kardashian north west
    "Hey girl, let's name that baby the direction I'm lookin' right now."
    (source)

    Every website reporting on it says that Kim Kardashian wouldn't allow the baby to be called North West as her family begins ALL their names with a "K". But is that really a tradition? Is a K, like, on their family crest or something? Why do "K"s matter to the Kardashians? They're not goddamn Marvel characters.


    peter parker betty brant
    "Hello Peter Parker! I'm Betsy Brandt! This is my piece of paper, Nigel Notesabunch."
    (source)

    Kanye West is someone who just goes with his GUT, you know? He does what he think is right and, clearly, doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks. And while it's easy to make fun of the name "North West", I actually think that insanely high level of self-confidence would make Kanye West a great leader. In fact, I would seriously elect him to a position of power. Maybe not, like, President, but at least state senator.


    kanye weird secretary
    Kanye's potential chief of staff.
    (source)

    Although, if he's to live past 40, Kanye West needs one dude whose ONLY JOB is to hang out, nod along with everything Kanye West does, but when it gets past a certain level of stupidity, just put up a hand and shake his head. Just tell him "no". Now, Kanye might whine. He might fight. He might pout. But this guy, this Gatekeeper of Ego, will earn his salary by simply holding strong. He will NOT let Kanye file a birth certificate naming his child North West. He will NOT let Kanye get on stage at award shows when he doesn't win. And he will NOT allow Kanye to build giant gold statues of himself in his front yard.


    giant buddah statue
    "Yo man let's get one of those but of me and also that shoots pudding out it mouth."
    (source)

    What other cardinal directions should Kanye West consider naming his child? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out Celebrities Walking Other Celebrities!

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    These celebrities heard you like celebrities so they decided to impersonate other celebrities while being celebrities for you. Ouch, my brain. Can someone impersonate some Advil?

     

    Leonardo DiCaprio Does Jack Nicholson

    celeb impression

    (source)

     

    Paul Rudd Does Robert DeNiro

     

    Matt Damon Does Mathew McConaughey

     

    Elisha Cuthbert Does Renee Zellweger and Ellen

     

    Maya Rudolph Does Gwen Stefani

     

    Bradley Cooper Does Chistopher Walken

     

    Tom Hiddleston Does Owen Wilson and Chris Evans

     

    Kevin Spacey Does Everyone

     

    Drake Does Lil Wayne

     

    James Franco Does Justin Bieber

     

    Which celeb did it best? Let me know in the comments!

    Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and I’ll show you my impression of Steve Buscemi.

    Check out the best of the Drunken Baby meme!


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    Since Japan seems to be on a mission to alienate me from their culture, the latest trend is for women to wear panties over their face. Yes, "panties" as in the undergarment, and yes, "their face" as in the front of their head.


    japan panty faces girls
    (source)

    japan panty faces
    Where are they putting their glasses? On their genitals? I hope it's not their genitals.
    (source)

    The trend began with the announcement of a superhero movie called Hentai Kamen. Based on a popular manga series, Hentai Kamen is a superhero whose powers are honest to god activated by wearing his sex worker mother's panties over his face.


    hk superhero panty face
    Who is this guy's arch-enemy? Commander Basic Human Decency?
    (source)

    Hey, Japan? You don't have to dress like your favorite superhero in day-to-day life just because you're excited about their upcoming movie. I mean, you didn't see anyone in America dressing up as Batman and going out in every day life when we were all so excited about The Dark Knight Rises, did you?

    Okay, so at least ONE GUY dressed up as Batman and went out in public.


    batman costume in gym
    In fairness, his parents did just die.
    (source)

    So here we are — girls in Japan, regular girls with regular lives, are walking around with panties on their face. So Japan, can I just talk to you for a second? Like, what are you doing? Do you want your young women to be capable of getting jobs? Because you can't get a job with panties on your face.

    Unless these panty-faced women are CEOs. But even then, business is global now, Japan. Your CEOs have to deal with people from rational countries in the world all the time. There is officially no reason for this panty face thing to be going on. In fact, I'm starting to realize there is only one logical explanation to all this: The entire country of Japan is a prank being pulled on me.


    japan is weird
    Of course! It's the only way to make sense of Japan's nonstop stream of nonsense!
    (source)

    What do you think Japan is even UP to? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out 14 Incredibly WTF Anime GIFs!


    0 0

    It's always funny and strange to find clips on YouTube and see well known actors before they were famous in really low-budget movies or commercials. It's even stranger though to realize that you actually did see them in a huge movie in a bit role or supporting part years before they became A-listers.It's like realizing you and your sweetheart went to the same summer camp when you were kids and trying to remember if they made an impression on you way back when. Here's 10 famous actors you probably saw in movies way before they were famous.

     

    Megan Fox--Bad Boys II

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw megan fox

    (source)

    At the age of 15 (!) Megan played 'Stars and Stripes Bikini Kid Dancing Under Waterfall' in the Will Smith hit. Interestingly enough, this film was also helmed by Transformers director, Michael Bay. I guess she really made an impression! Megan's really come a long way since playing a scantily-clad sex object extra. Now she's a scantily clad sex object lead. Oh yeah and a mother and a healer. We can't forget that!

     

    Aaron Paul--Mission: Impossible III

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw aaron paul

    (source)

    From screw up brother to screw up who's kind of  becoming not so screwed up, I'd say Paul is moving in the right direction. I mean no mission is too impossible for Paul's Breaking Bad character, Jesse Pinkman. See the great train heist episode. If that's not enough proof, I have 3 words for you 'YEAH BITCH! MAGNETS!

     

    Mischa Barton--The Sixth Sense

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw mischa barton

    (source)

    She played a creepy ghost child years before she played the rich and troubled Marissa on The OC. Season 4 would've been so much better if Mischa went back to her ghost roots and haunted Ryan and Taylor. Am I the only one who hated Rylor or Tayan or whatever they were called? I just called them so effing annoying. 

     

    Ryan Gosling---Remember the Titans

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw ryan gosling

    (source)

    Gosling had a supporting role in this inspirational football drama. Now he stars in my dreams every night as my devoted boyfriend. And some other movies you may have heard of.

     

    Michelle Williams--Species

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw michelle williams

    (source)

    In Species,  Michelle played the younger version of the lead character Sil, a human/alien hybrid monster. Now she pretty much stars in movies that make you snot cry. I'd advise her to try something new, but I can't really picture her in a rom-com opposite Ashton Kutcher. 

     

    Jake Gyllenhaal--City Slickers

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw jake gyllenhaal

    (source)

    Jake played Billy Crystal's son in in this cowboy comedy. Judging by this photo, I'm guess he never had an awkward phase. Apropos of nothing, I think he and Michelle Williams should get married. It would just warm my cold black heart to see those two together. 

     

    Jaime Pressly--Can't Hardly Wait

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw jaime pressly

    (source)

    Jaime played 'girlfriend # 1'  in this popular teen sex comedy. Although sometimes she's credited as 'pretty girl, ugly face meme'. I wish my 'ugly face' was that pretty.

     

    Alexander Skarsgard--Zoolander

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw alexander skarsgard

    (source)

    OMG. I'm dying over this one. I'm a total Team Eric kind of girl and now I guess I'm on Team Meekus too. I have to go watch this one again just to see the impossible...Eric Northman act a fool. Well, for a reason other than Sookie.

     

    Katherine Heigl--Bride of Chucky

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw katehrine heigl

    (source)

    Katherine played Jade, the woman whose body Chucky wants to use to bring his main lady Tiffany back to human form. I actually enjoy this movie way more than any of Heigl's rom-coms. What can I say? I'm a fan of unconventional love stories.

     

    Ryan Reynolds--Sabrina the Teenage Witch

    before they were famous actors in movies you saw ryan reynolds

    (source)

    Okay technically it's a tele-movie, but I'm including it because OMFG look at Ryan Reynolds!?!? He played Sabrina's love interest, Crunchy Yellow Hair, I mean Seth. Informal survey: Did he get a nose job??  Tell me your unprofessional opinion on the matter in the comments!

     

    Were you surprised by any of these? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out 10 Embarrassing Commercials With Celebs (Before They Were Famous)!


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