- RSS Channel Showcase 4749601
- RSS Channel Showcase 8611027
- RSS Channel Showcase 5498488
- RSS Channel Showcase 3552037
Articles on this Page
- 02/27/13--11:55: _Special Needs Teen ...
- 02/27/13--13:26: _10 Best Fictional D...
- 02/27/13--14:44: _8 Things To Look Ou...
- 02/27/13--15:57: _5 Movie Stars Embar...
- 02/27/13--18:25: _6 Movie Monsters Th...
- 02/28/13--11:24: _ Beiber's Ugly Outf...
- 02/28/13--12:49: _What's More Rewardi...
- 02/28/13--14:03: _The World's Worst T...
- 02/28/13--15:22: _6 Superpowers That ...
- 02/28/13--18:04: _How To Spot A Fake ...
- 03/01/13--13:43: _10 Scariest Girls I...
- 03/01/13--14:50: _5 CRAZY Fan Theorie...
- 03/03/13--13:30: _6 Internet Trends T...
- 03/04/13--11:30: _Fresh Prince Theme ...
- 03/04/13--12:44: _The 6 Most Unappeti...
- 03/04/13--16:18: _Smosh Uncensored Su...
- 03/04/13--17:06: _7 Ways The 90s Were...
- 03/05/13--11:08: _Real 'Batman' Turns...
- 03/05/13--12:38: _5 Ways Sims College...
- 03/05/13--13:49: _9 Video Games Masco...
- 02/27/13--11:55: Special Needs Teen Scores Basket In Final Game With Opponent's Help
- 02/27/13--13:26: 10 Best Fictional Dinosaurs Of All Time
- 02/27/13--14:44: 8 Things To Look Out For In Your First Roommate
- 02/27/13--15:57: 5 Movie Stars Embarrassing Sitcom Pasts
- 02/27/13--18:25: 6 Movie Monsters That Could Easily Be Defeated In Real Life
- 02/28/13--11:24: Beiber's Ugly Outfit Makes Internet Go Crazy
- 02/28/13--14:03: The World's Worst Tattoo Is Fixed!
- 02/28/13--15:22: 6 Superpowers That Will Be Real In Your Lifetime
- 02/28/13--18:04: How To Spot A Fake Nerd
- 03/01/13--13:43: 10 Scariest Girls In Horror Movies
- 03/01/13--14:50: 5 CRAZY Fan Theories About Spongebob Squarepants
- 03/03/13--13:30: 6 Internet Trends That Make Me Ill
- 03/04/13--11:30: Fresh Prince Theme Locks Down Schools
- 03/04/13--12:44: The 6 Most Unappetizing Food Mascots
- 03/04/13--16:18: Smosh Uncensored Survey
- 03/04/13--17:06: 7 Ways The 90s Were A Simpler, Better Time
- 03/05/13--11:08: Real 'Batman' Turns In Wanted Fugitive In England
- 03/05/13--12:38: 5 Ways Sims College Is Better Than Real College
- 03/05/13--13:49: 9 Video Games Mascots I Wish Had Been A Bigger Success
Too many people I know wander through their lives in almost a coma, thinking about their next paycheck or how little they want to go to work, if they even think anything at all. Wouldn't it be great if they had something in their lives they really loved? Be it writing, art, gardening, or even dog fighting, all of us would do well to find something to love with our whole hearts.
WAIT. NO. Not dig fighting. Did I say dog fighting? Love something else for Christ's sake.
One person who has more than found their love is Mitchell Marcus, a student at El Paso Texas' Coronado High School — this guy LOVES basketball. While a developmental disability kept him from a spot on the basketball team, the Coronado Thunderbirds, Marcus was still able to get involved, becoming the team manager.
Essentially the Agent Coulson to the coach's Nick Fury.
But then, during the final game of the season, Marcus got his chance to play. Coach Peter Morales told him to suit up, and actually played him in the final moments of the game. Morales said he was going to put Marcus in regardless of the score, and was even willing to lose the game to the Thunderbird's most heated rival, FRANKLIN High School. (I have no idea if Franklin is actually a heated rival or not.)
So Mitchell went into the game, and his teammates got him the ball time after time, giving Mitchell numerous chances to make a shot. He missed them all. Was this story destined to end with the hero in defeat, through no fault of his own, with a bitter loss and no valuable lesson learned? Was this going to be like the SECOND season of Friday Night Lights?
I don't care how embarrassing it would have been for Marcus. NOTHING could be worse
than the second season of Friday Night Lights.
But then, in the final seconds of the game, with Franklin in possession of the ball, Jonathon Montanez, a player for the other team, passed Marcus the ball, giving him one final shot. And because the universe is good, Marcus did it -- he made the shot. And the crowd went wild.
This just proves that, if you love something enough, it'll find a way to prove it loves you back.
Just HOW inspired are you by Mitchell Marcus' story? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out Man Eats Denny's Entire 'Hobbit' Menu... in 20 Minutes!
My entire list-making career has led me to this very moment. DINOSAURS. No matter how many feathers they put on them or how many attempts to deny their existence despite giant pieces of evidence to the contrary, dinosaurs are what made our planet cool. Now all we have going for us is Jennifer Lawrence and marmosets, which is pretty dang good come to think of it.
10. “Nessie” The Loch Ness Monster (And Other Cryptids)
If I’ve learned anything from a channel that once taught me history, Nessie is not only the lynchpin of Scottish tourism, she’s also a test of the lengths people will go to believe the fantastic is possible. And I totally support that. Science is the great killjoy. Nessie for president!
9. Raptor Jesus
Yay, look upon the works of Raptor Jesus and rejoice! For the lord did send down his only raptor son to teach us compassion and the tastiness of herbivores. One day, Raptor Jesus will return and fight Human Jesus. Why do you think the Pope quit? He’d be in the splash zone. BEWARE THE VELOCIRAPTURE!
8. Dino, Flintstones
Did you ever wonder about how every other dinosaur on the Flintstones is an oppressed indentured servant but all Dino has to do is pretend to be a dog and he’s set for life? That’s kind of my job plan right now. See ya later suckers! I mean WOOF you later (nailed it).
7. Cera, The Land Before Time
Sure she’s kind of a brat and maybe a little bit racist but this is my list and she was always my favorite because triceratops’ were always my favorite kind of dinosaur. My list, my rules…oh NOW I get why she’s my favorite. Beat it long necks!
6. Denver The Last Dinosaur, Denver The Last Dinosaur
5. Reptar, Rugrats
If anyone ever said they didn’t yearn for a Reptar bar in their youth is a dirty, dirty liar. Or super duper young. Either way, get off my lawn, Reptar rules!
4. Rex, Toy Story Franchise
Rex represents the towering irrational fear within us all. He is us and we are him; plastic and yet vulnerable, comic and yet tragically short armed. Also he’s voiced by the “inconceivable” actor from The Princess Bride, which is the actual Chicken Soup for the Soul.
I don’t know why everyone is so down on nuclear power. If it creates all these giant, mutant beings it seems like something we should be looking into.
2. Raptors, Jurassic Park
Dinosaurs existing in our world would be terrifying. What Jurassic Park did to make them exponentially more terrifying was to make them super intelligent as well. It’s one thing to have the dumb reptilian monster chase you, it’s another to have him open doors and lure you into his Bond villain-like traps.
1. Yoshi, Super Mario Franchise
You’ve been reading Smosh Pit for how long? Of course Yoshi is the number one pick! He’s one part transportation, two parts weapon and an all around solid individual with an excellent sneaker collection.
Do our lists match up? Did I miss your favorite? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and share your dino-love in 140 characters or less.
Bad news everybody; unless your parents are fabulously wealthy, or they aren’t but you just end up living with them until you perish in some sort of sad accident (and this option is much worse than what we’re about to talk about), you are going to have roommates. But I’m here to help you navigate the minefield that is living with other people. I know, we’re very helpful here at Smosh. In order to help with this, I’ve compiled some research (and by that, I mean ‘Had roommates’) and think I have managed to come up with the 8 things to look out for in your first roommate:
Too Clean/Not Clean Enough
With these two qualities, you really want a roommate who is a happy medium between them. If they’re too clean, you’re going to end up getting a lot of icy stares because of some dirty dishes in the sink while your roommate vacuums themselves out the front door. If they’re really dirty? Well, then there’s a good chance they’re going to have a good friend who goes by the name “Cockroach”. You know, like the bugs that can survive the apocalypse.
Really Bad Taste In Music
Now, I don’t mean bad taste like Dave Mathews Band, or KoRn. That happens when people have a hard time leaving college behind. No, I’m talking about people who listen to things like the Macarena. On repeat. THE MACARENA. People who love music that has been parodied in movies like “Alvin and the Chipmunks” will likely end up sonically driving you insane.
Does Not Have A Job
They better have this, or at least rich parents. Because, if not, guess what? You better get used to paying all the rent (also, sometimes you luck out and move in with someone who already has a TV).
Doesn’t Own Anything Helpful
After my last relationship ended, I moved in with some friends, and about a week in one of them informed me they did not own a broom. A BROOM. The most ancient of cleaning tools, and they did not own one. Since then, I have had to buy things like an iron, a bucket, dish towels. You want people who can contribute their fair share of the necessary house hold items, and not just shrug their shoulders and say “Oh, do we need that?”
Is A Total Creep
Because creeps be creepy. Guard both your stuff, and your sexual innocence if you live with a real sexual weirdo.
Eats Your Food
Yeah, the first time they’re just hungry and didn’t have time to grab something. But after months? They are mooches. For God’s sake, it’s not the apocalypse, there is food everywhere. 7 – Eleven sells food, and they’re awful.
This is really bad, because what are you going to do? Not only does a significant other end up spending a lot of time at their partner’s apartment, but they’re essentially immune to criticism because your roommate loves them, like a total chump. Also, sometimes you’ll end up hearing them… y’know. Thin walls are awful.
Always Covered in Blood
This means there are two situations; it’s their own blood, and they’re going to need you to give them some of your own precious (and some might say, delicious) blood so they don’t die. OR it’s someone else’s blood, and they are a raving psychopath, here to bring their terrible wrath onto the planet. Or maybe just your apartment building.
Where you irritated by Anne Hathaway at the Oscars? Does that question have anything to do with this article? Let us know in the comments!
Sure we know them now as total A-list big time movie stars, but a lot of these ladies got their starts yukking it up on some pretty cheesy sitcoms. Here's a look at five movie stars who got their starts working with laugh tracks. Thank goodness too, or there might not have been anyone laughing.
Jennifer Lawrence- The Bill Engvall Show
Oscar Winner (!!!!) Jennifer Lawrence may be an award-winning movie star these days, but her big break came playing the pretty teen daughter of a family counselor on this TBS show. TBS? Explains why I never heard of it. If television was the Hunger Games, TBS's original programming would be the tributes who die running for the cornucopia the minute the games start. Or something like that. Luckily, for those of us out of the TBS loop, a Jennifer Lawrence uber-fan with a lot of time on their hands compiled all of her best clips into this video:
Emma Stone--The Suit Life Of Zack And Cody
Emma Stone is a much-admired beauty now, but she once played a dog! I mean she was literally the voice of a dog on Suite Life. She played London Tipton's dog Ivana. Her big moment on the show was humping Maddie's dog Scamp and having his puppies. It's all so 16 and Pregnant only with dogs. I would totally watch that show btw so get to work MTV. Here's Emma as Ivana in an incredibly crappy quality clip.
Mila Kunis--Unhappily Ever After
Sure she became a star on a sitcom, but she was a child actor for years before she got her role on That 70s Show. Here's the stunning actress on the total turd Married With Children rip-off Unhappily Ever After. Her big scene involves teaching a boy how to pick-up ladies. And then the boy impresses Mila's character with his big snake. Yeeeeah...edgy.
Zooey Deschanel-- Veronica's Closet
Zooey played a Plain Jane with dreams of being a model, on this comedy set in the fashion world. Guess what? She goes from nottie to hottie! SO FRIGGIN' SHOCKING! You did not see that coming, did you? Now she's a hottie pretending to be a nottie on the New Girl. Full circle, people. Here she is being, you guessed it...ADORKABLE!
Megan Fox--The Help
If there's one thing Megan Fox is famous for it's her comedy chops! And by 'comedy chops' I mean her body. But she did get her start on a comedy playing the spoiled wealthy daughter on The Help. The Help shouldn't be confused with the movie of the same name. The movie The Help is a heartwarming story about race relations during the turbulent times of the Civil Rights Era. The TV show is a piece of crap that plays on racial and economic stereotypes for laughs and gets not a one! Very different! I'm glad Fox is now eschewing crappy TV shows to star in crappy movies! JK! Love you Megan! Even though you describe yourself as a mother, lover, and a healer!!
Which one were you most surprised by? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
Why watch townsfolk, armies, even international coalitions try to defeat some hideous monster when you can easily defeat the creature with some common sense and tools you can find around your house?
What is it: The giant, carnivorous plant in “Little Shop of Horrors” that keeps demanding human sacrifices without growing even one damn tomato or strawberry in return.
How to defeat it: Kill it the same way anybody kills any other plant—by assuming someone else is watering and caring for it; Keep pruning it a little each day until all that’s left is a stem and the teeth that should have been a signal not to purchase this plant in the first place; Spray Ortho Weed Killer
What is it: The main villain of the “Child’s Play” movies, created when a serial killer transferred his soul into a copy of the real “My Buddy” dolls that were very popular in the 80’s and perhaps resulted in far more homicides then that toy’s commercials let on.
How to defeat it: Re-gift doll for some kid’s birthday party; Give to little brother who will almost immediately take off all its clothes, remove its head, and then lose it completely; Keep anything he could use as a weapon at least three feet above ground and then send the Roomba after him.
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
What is it: The 100-foot tall walking marshmallow shape the demon Gozer assumed in “Ghostbusters,” because M&M Guys hadn’t been created yet and the Trix Rabbit would have made his attack look like an Easter parade sponsored by illegal growth hormones.
How to defeat it: Have everyone start squishing and stretching his marshmallow feet until he either falls down or can’t pull himself apart from 100 New Yorkers; Give a bunch of little kids marshmallow shooters then point at Stay Puft and say, “There’s your ammo.”; Just wait until he gets stuck to two cars while walking down the busy New York City street, which will then inadvertently cause him to roller skate right into the Harlem River.
What is it: An evil little creature who stalked Jennifer Anniston in her first movie role and who wants to reclaim his stolen pot of gold, perhaps his bowl of cereal, and maybe his Smurf berries should the mythology get really fuzzy.
How to defeat it: Create a rainbow using cheap prisms that leads to a trap or at least a deep enough sinkhole; Elect him Grand Marshall of the St. Patrick’s Day parade and make sure the floats go far out of town; Lower his defenses with several rounds of Guinness and then give him his damn gold already.
What is it: A giant, fire-breathing creature that initially was a metaphor for the horrors of nuclear war, then a hero who fought other huge monsters, then finally a bumbling rubber lizard who had a thing for chasing green-screened Japanese people and tripping over power lines made possible by a Erector Set add-ons.
How to defeat it: Lead Godzilla to your city’s most reflective skyscraper so he will spend all his time getting into a fight with his own mirror image; Construct a large, rolled-up newspaper out of previous papers and whack him on the head every time he does something wrong until he learns; Install a lot more power lines
What is it: The undead who either move slowly (“The Night of the Living Dead”) run quickly (“28 Days Later”) or start to feel love again (“Warm Bodies”), usually while trapping you inside a house, mall or maybe poorly chosen Redbox machine.
How to defeat them: Unless you find the cause quickly (“Everybody! Stop eating McDonald’s Fish McNuggets!”) and nip it in the bud, you can’t really defeat several million zombies easily. Your best bet is to simply find a group of people you like enough to hide out with for weeks on end but don’t like so much that you’ll be heartbroken when they’re picked off one by one. Also, bring a deck of cards, first for poker and then eventually for solitaire.
How easily defeated are you? Let us know about it in the comments!
Yesterday, Justin Bieber did a thing worse than he's ever done before. No, he didn't eat his roommates leftover Thai food. No, he didn't pay with a ten, get back change for a twenty, and not say anything. No, he didn't put out a hit on an important United States congressman. It was FAR worse. Yesterday, Justin Bieber wore a really stupid outfit.
Hey Justin, I like your hat. Did Lakiutu drop it on you from his cloud in Level 4-1?
Yes, having chosen the most ludicrous of outfits, Justin Bieber set foot in the world yesterday like nothing was wrong. And the internet JUMPED on it. Reddit took out it's knives while LOST's writer Damon Lindelof spent nine hours tweeting about it. And maybe they should have! I mean, have you seen the PANTS? Look at his stupid PANTS!
It looks like you killed a leopard from Narnia you sick f*ck.
Usually I'd feel weird about attacking someone's fashion choices like this. I mean, we should all be true to ourselves, right? We should follow our bliss and put whatever makes us feel comfortable and confident on our bodies.
But this outfit is coming purely from Bieber's id -- the part of his brain that is pure animal, that just wants to eat and bang and attack those it perceives as a threat. That's not to say that the id is all bad. It has some good qualities.
Without the id, we'd never eat ANY candy.
The point is, a healthy person balances the id with the ego, the part of the brain that assesses reality. Since reality SO CLEARLY tells us these clothes make Bieber look like an idiot, it's fair to say that Justin Bieber's MIND is not being built effectively. And when we stop and think about it, of course his mind isn't being built effectively!
Justin Bieber has been around so many managers and agents who don't say "no" to him that he's unable to tell the difference between what's a good idea in his mind and what's a good idea in reality. And someone needs to teach him that difference before it's too late.
"What? I thought it'd be dope to kill a dude!"
What would you wear if you were a teen billionaire? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out What's In Bieber's Basement!?
For years, I would spend every morning weeping in bed for hours, desperately trying to come up with a single reason to get up. (Most of the time it was having to pee.) Though all my friends kept telling me, "Even though we don't exist we think you should get help," I knew there had to be something out there. Finally, I found them. The two greatest things a man can do with his life: make out with a girl, or capture every Pokemon. But I can only have one. Which should it be? Read on and find out!
Making out with a girl: To make out with a girl, you must first get one to like you. Per girl, this takes anywhere between a couple of hours and your entire life, depending on how likable you are. ("Likable" is a polite way of saying "attractive.")
Capturing every Pokemon:To capture every Pokemon, you must first make one weak enough to be caught in a Pokeball. Per Pokemon, this takes anywhere between seconds and hours, depending on rarity, capture rate, and in-game events. The problem? You need 649 out of 649 Pokemon, and only one out of 3.5 billion girls. WINNER: Girls.
Girls 1, Pokemon 0.
Feeling Of Accomplishment
Making out with a girl: Great. You feel like you've done everything you've ever wanted to do, except for several other things you now want to do but don't think you're allowed to.
Capturing every Pokemon:Perfect! Everything is done forever (until X and Y come out). WINNER: Pokemon.
Girls 1, Pokemon 1.
Making out with a girl: Finding a real cutie pie and lockin' lips with her can put butterflies in your stomach for DAYS! Kissing someone you're not attracted to just because you're lonely ain't bad either.
Capturing every Pokemon:After the hundreds of hours you've poured into five generations of games, there's no feeling on the planet quite like checking box number 649 out of 649. The only downside? You will quickly realize your life is empty. WINNER: Girls.
Girls 2, Pokemon 1.
What About If You DON'T Do It?
Making out with a girl: You are probably a perfectly normal person who just happens not to be attracted to women. If you ARE into girls, but never make out with one, you will feel real sad all the time because girls are nice and a lot of people kiss them so why not you?
Capturing every Pokemon: Most people will never capture every Pokemon and are okay with it. If that's really one of your goals in life, not completing it will probably eat away at you for awhile until you realize how big the world is. WINNER: Girls.
Girls 3, Pokemon 1.
Making out with a girl: A solid makeout sesh can lead to lots of things-- a relationship, stuff you should be learning from your parents instead of this website, and the feeling that you are not alone in this enormous, mean world. Stick around after the makeout! Sometimes girls like the fact that you're alive.
Capturing every Pokemon: Capturing every Pokemon leads to only one thing-- telling people that you captured every Pokemon. Video games are fun and all, but Pokemon can't love you back. Don't get too focused on them. You might miss out on every beautiful thing. WINNER: Girls.
Girls 4, Pokemon 1.
Go make out with someone, everybody! Feel warm and good! Tell us about it in the comments!
We've all seen it — the legendary portrait tattoo of a beautiful bride that was anything but. Seemingly circulating the internet since we were all on dial up, this tattoo is THE poster child for cringe-worthy ink.
No matter how bad your life is, at least you've never made a mistake like this.
Well, the infamous tattoo was recently presented to Scott Versago, a tattoo artist from Akron, Ohio. The man was looking to have it fixed. "I'm sure you've all seen it a million times online, as had I," Versago said. "I couldn't believe my eyes when this guy walked in and showed me this project. I think my jaw literally hit the floor." And OF COURSE it did, because this is the biggest challenge for any tattoo artist could ever be presented. It's like having Daenerys Targarian walk into your clinic on your first day as a veterinarian.
"He just won't stop nipping!"
While working on the tattoo correction, Versago heard the story of the tattoo. Apparently, the man in the tattoo had lost his wife in a fire shortly after they were married. He got the tattoo shortly after to memorialize her, and obviously, the results were less than favorable. There hasn't been a more disrespectful tribute to a dead person since Marlon Brando was put posthumously into Superman Returns.
Although, it was pretty disrespectful to put ANY actor into Superman Returns.
And so, Versago fixed the tattoo, and even gifted the entire thing to the gentleman who had lived so long with the atrocious tattoo. The result is gorgeous, and provides a happy ending to one of the internet's longest running cringe-inducers.
Let's hope we someday get the same kind of closure from Leroy Jenkins.
Do you finally have hope that your terrible portrait tattoo can be saved? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out these Badly Drawn Tattoos!
If you've always been upset that puberty came and went (helloooo bacne!) and you didn't get those mutant abilities you were promised, put down that radioactive spider and listen. Science is moving us ever closer to real life super powers, some of which wont even be used for evil! Here are 6 super powers that are happening in our lifetime. Try not to SNIKT your pants.
There are already amazing advancements in implants that can allow control over robotic limbs and software that can use eye movement to communicate written language, but new advancements would prove to be far less invasive and more readily available.
The size and weight of a temporary tattoo, scientists are developing a device that when placed directly on the skin can use brain waves in conjunction with electric signals and tiny solar panels to allow the user to move linked objects with their mind. When placed on the throat it can also allow for wireless, silent communication through monitoring the throats muscle movement.
Cheating on tests just got even easier!
Although there are imperfect cloaking devices out there already there has yet to be a functional prototype that can fully work with movement and complex dimensional objects to be entirely convincing. But we're not too far off from taking the invisibility cloak down to the shrieking shack (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN). It's pretty complex stuff but it's just on the horizonÉI think.
If you think there are doping controversies in sports now, wait til you get a load of the new super soldier serums coming to a ballpark near you. Muscle disease specialists at Ohio State University have been studying myostatin, the protein that regulates and curbs muscle growth. Another protein, follistatin was shown to be a subatomic c#$^ blocker of myostatin, stopping key development in the muscle. Researchers artificially injected the follistatin gene into the thigh muscles of six macaque monkeys which lead to15 percent muscle growth in the area as a result and one monkey experienced an incredible 78 percent increase in strength.
I'm positive that nothing can go wrong with creating super strong monkeys in a lab. Definitely not a problem.
While Spider Man and his arachnid ilk take all the credit, science has looked to the gecko for not only their car insurance premiums but their wall crawling attributes as well. The military are refining a suit known as a Z man suit that can see its wearer scale sheer surfaces with a load up to 660 pounds. Other private sectors have matched these results using vacuum like systems, but with far less cool costume possibilities.
No word yet on adamantium claws, but Wolverine's actual mutant power is getting the real life application treatment. Using the part of old living tissues called the extracellular matrix tissue has been shown to re-grow giving people with severe muscle injuries new hope for a more complete recovery. Now if only they can re-grow the human/mutant heart, ÒJEEeeAAN!Ó.
Iron Man's Suit
The problem with Iron Man's suit for realistic interpretations is that unlike Tony Stark we've yet to come up with a powerful yet portable enough power source. But recent exoskeleton innovation has made huge strides in allowing those who could not walk before to use their minds literally over the matter.
But it's all fun and games until you realize the company that created these marvels is called CYBERDYNE. That's the future folks, it's apes v robots and I for one welcome them both.
Which super power listed would you most want? Let me know in the comments!
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter for truth, justice and the internet way!
In the past few years, it has become cool to be a nerd. I'm tired of people stealing my culture. These people have no personaility of their own. They pretend to be nerdy so that they have some sort of endearing quality about them. The truth is that they are terrible people. Fake nerds should be called out by real nerds just like in Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. It's time to stand up for yourself and take back the culture that is rightfully yours. This is how to spot a fake nerd.
They Bought Their Batman Costume At A Store
My favorite thing about nerd culture is how people make such awesome costumes. Real nerds spend days or weeks making their costume just right from scratch. It's really fun for people in the cosplay community to show up to cons fully decked out like their favorite character. Then there are other people who show up to cons dressed in a lame Batman costume that they bought on sale at a Big Lots. They're only there becuase they want to see some famous people and try to hit on the booth babes. The worst part is that they don't even know which Batman they are.
They Think Salacious Crumb Is The Name Of A New Bakery
A good knowledge of Star Wars is required for any decent nerd. The only exception to this rule is if you are a Star Trek nerd. Fake nerds are generally pretty good at pretending to know about Star Wars. They'll be the first ones to yell, "It's a trap!" in a crowded party. They probably don't know what "It's a trap!" means, but they know it's a thing. The way to catch this nerd is to tell them that you just heard about an awesome new bakery called Salacious Crumb. If they don't get that it's a Star Wars reference immediately then THEY LIVE IN A HOUSE OF LIES!
Their Nerd Obsession Is Fantasy Football
Fantasy football is fun. I play fantasy football. It's pretty much the only reason that I have any idea who any of the players are in the NFL. There are people that consider themselves nerds because they are really in to fantasy football and play in like 5 leagues. The fantasy part doesn't overpower the football part. Being really in to football does not make you a nerd. Calling yourself a fantasy football nerd is the same as calling yourself a bully nerd. "I'm just like really, really in to beating up kids for their lunch money. I'm such a nerd."
They Don't Know The Names Of The Characters On Their Clothes
There should be a rule that when you buy nerdy t-shirts that you have to be able to name the people on the shirt. Why would someone even want to wear a shirt with a bunch of people they don't know on it? It's because they recognize them enough to know that it's something nerdy and they want people to think that they're really cool for wearing a bunch of obscure references. This one is easy to spot because they keep refering the The Justice League as "The Avengers." DUH! WRONG COMICS UNIVERSE, IDIOT!
They Don't Own Any Dice With More Than 6 Sides
One of the staples of any nerd gamer is a good set of polyhedral dice. Dungeons and Dragons has been around for a long time so most fake nerds will claim to have played it. Sometimes they will agree to come play on a campaign because they tink it will up their nerd cred. This is the person at the game that is having to borrow other people's dice and books the entire game because they "forgot" them at home. If you're going to come in to my territory, at least have the decency to be kind of prepared.
Their Nerd Glasses Are Non-Prescription
This is the biggest crime any fake nerd could commit. There really are people who wear fake nerd glasses because they like the way it makes them look. I don't wear glasses because I think it's fashionable. I wear glasses because my eyes are terrible. I earned these things. If you are wearing fake glasses, that is the nerd equivalent to wearing black face. It should never be done by anyone.
What are some other ways to spot a fake nerd? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
The debate rages on about who the scariest horror movie villain is. You often hear names of scary dudes. I'm here to throw my opinion in the mix that women in horror movies are way scarier than dudes. You expect dudes to be awful monsters, but when a lady makes a heel turn that really freaks me out. Here are the scariest girls in horror movies.
Samara (The Ring)
There's a lot of build up in this movie around what Samara actually looks like. We see her several times, but her face is obscured. When we finally get to see her face after she crawls out of the TV, I nearly died of fright. The freakiest thing about Samara is that she's played by the same girl that played the little sister in Donnie Darko. Maybe Samara got pushed down that well because she showed a lack of commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Regan MacNeil (The Exorcist)
When The Exorcist came out, it was one of the scariest movies ever made. It's probably been ten years since I saw this movie and I still have nightmares about Regan's spinning head. If you didn't think it was scary enough, they added back in an extra scene that wasn't in the original that shows Regan spider walking down the stairs. This movie is the gold standard that all other exorcism movies are judged by. Actually, maybe it'd be more accurate to say this movie is the pea green standard.
Carrie White (Carrie)
Carrie White spends most of her life being bullied by her peers and abused by her mother, so it’s no surprise when she eventually snaps. However, since Carrie has telekinetic powers, her revenge is a little more bloody and flaming than normal. Carrie serves as a cautionary tale against bullying, especially against people with supernatural powers.
Asami Yamazaki (Audition)
The turn that Asami makes in Audition is one of the most frightening I've ever seen. The first half of Audition plays out like a kind of lame romantic comedy. A widower's friend sets up a casting call for a fake movie so that they can audition girls to be his new wife. Things start to get a little weird when Asami sits by the phone for four days waiting for a call back. Then things get really weird when it turns out she keeps a tongue less dude as her pet dog. You know what? Everyone has their quirks. If you can't put up with a little nail biting or snoring or man-dogs then I think you deserve to be single.
Claire Weir (Event Horizon)
There are a lot of pretty horrifying things that go down in Event Horizon. It's honestly one of my favorite horror movies. There is one scene that might be my all time favorite horror scene. It takes place like halfway through the movie while they are inspecting the Event Horizon ship. When Dr. Weir is crawling in the green tunnels and his dead wife shows up, it takes everything I have in me to not run out of the room and go cuddle with all of my stuffed Pokémon.
The Blair Witch (The Blair Witch Project)
This is the only woman on this list who wasn't actually played by any actor. During the Blair Witch Project, you never actually get to see the Blair Witch. When this movie came out, the horror genre had become kind of boring. I thought everything that horror had to offer had already been done. This sparked the entire genre of found footage horror movies that still scares people senseless today. I thought about making a found footage movie about my life, but the only horrific thing in it would be how much I love to eat McDonald's and play video games.
Santanico Pandemonium (From Dusk Til Dawn)
Santanico kicks off one of the craziest battles in horror movie history. She doesn't get a lot of screen time, but her time on screen is well spent. She's the star exotic dancer at the vampire run Titty Twister strip club. She's goes from doing a sexy dance to transforming in to a horrific reptilian vampire in about two seconds. I think this might have been the most confused my boner has ever been while watching a movie.
Annie Wilkes (Misery)
People always look down on Annie Wilkes because she's "crazy" and she "smashed her favorite author's ankles and forced him to write a book," but I just think she's the ultimate fan girl. I can't think of any higher praise that I could receive than to have one of you Smoshers kidnap me and force me to write funny lists about Pokémon.
Julie Walker (Return Of The Living Dead 3)
The Return Of The Living Dead movies are pretty silly for the most part. Somehow for the third one, they came up with one of the creepiest monsters I've seen. Julie Walker is a recently turned zombie who discovers that if she jams jagged metal in her skin, it keeps her from wanting to eat her boyfriend. By the end of the movie, she looks like a walking pin cushion except more bitey. This movie also has the honor of being the only movie I've ever seen with a zombie love scene.
Nell Sweetzer (The Last Exorcism 2)
If you thought The Last Exorcism was scary, it gets even crazier in the second one. I don't want to spoil any of the surprises, but the demon that possessed Nell in the first one is back and is pretty mad about that whole exorcism thing. When you go see this, bring a date because you're going to need someone to grab on to while you're both scared out of your pants.
Do you think you know a scarier girl from a horror movie? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
SpongeBob Squarepants is not only one of the most popular cartoons of all time, it has to be one of the strangest concepts to ever be given the greenlight. I mean kudos to the creators for even having the nerve to pitch a cartoon about a sea sponge, much less having it get the thumbs up. But fans aren't just gonna accept that it's nothing but an innocent albeit wacky cartoon! Here's 5 of the craziest fan theories about SpongeBob Squarepants!
Each of the main character represent one of the seven deadly sins
The Theory: Courtesy of Bulbagarden.net, The main characters are all actually representations of the Seven Deadly Sins. Patrick: Sloth, Squidward: Wrath, Mr. Krabs: Greed, Sandy: Pride, Plankton: Envy Gary: Gluttony and SpongeBob: Lust.
Why it could be true: Other than the SpongeBob one, these all fit to a T. People have tried explaining the lust one as SpongeBob's lust for life! Um okay. I still like this one, because the other ones are so friggin' awesome. I look forward to the David Fincher directed episode where Pearl's head is discovered in a box. This is going to have a happy ending.
It's all about drugs!
The Theory: According to SmokeOwT a member of a stoner internet group (duh!), all of the main characters are actually drug addicts. SpongeBob is on meth, Patrick is a stoner (SmokeOwT would know!), Squidward is on heroin, Mr. Krabs is on coke and Sandy Cheeks is an alcoholic because 'she ruins every episode she's in'. I'm just putting out my own theory that SmokeOwT might have some issues he's dealing with based on that last example.
Why it could be true: Okay, I'll bite, this one could work. I would add to this premise that the whole show looks like an acid trip and WHAT IS IN THOSE KRABBY CAKES!?! I guess Mr. Krabs is kind of like the coked-up drug Kingpin, Bikini Bottom's own Scarface? Does this mean in a future episode, SpongeBob will lose all of his dignity and his teeth? Or maybe the creators were just stoned when they came up with it? I never thought someone with the user name SmokeOwT would provide me with so much to ponder.
No...It's all about 'inappropriate' things!
The Theory: This comes to us courtesy of the Conspiracy Theories blog, but if you have a dirty mind, you've probably thought the same thing all ready, SpongeBob is just a bunch of naughty euphemisms rolled up into a children's cartoon. And hey a lot of religious groups have protested the show for 'promoting the gay agenda', so maybe they're onto something? But then again they think that about almost everything.
Why it could be true: A sponge is a contraceptive that catches sperm, SpongeBob is a sponge that catches jellyfish. But WAIT! There's more! Sandy cheeks in Bikini Bottom? Krabs? SpongeBob is an absorbent item in a Bikini Bottom? O.M.G. So millions of kids are snuggling up every night to a glorified tampon? Well played, SpongeBob creators, well played. As a dirty mind savant, I'm hoping this one is true.
The Strange creatures who inhabit Bikini Bottom are the result of nuclear testing
The Theory: According to Redditor Capmaster: "The existence of SpongeBob and his strange friends is the result of radiation from nuclear arms testing that was performed on the Bikini Atoll in the late 40's and early 50's." Whoa. I probably would've done much better in history if my teacher's had used cartoons as teaching tools.
Why it could be true: According to the official Nickelodeon IMDB synopsis of SpongeBob Squarepants, Bikini Bottom is located underneath the Bikini Atoll. And as the video clip above shows, the area is still prone to mushroom clouds detonations. So yeah, it kind of makes perfect sense. The inhabitants of Bikini Bottom have been exposed to radiation which has turned them into mutant freaks. It's only a matter of time before Pearl rises from the sea and attempts to destroy Tokyo.
SpongeBob is actually the most gifted person in the world
The Theory: Redditor thewhiterabbit1 came up with this one. According to him, "SpongeBob Squarepants is arguably the most gifted, yet underachieving, creature shown on TV". Okay, thewhiterabbit1, you've got some 'splaining to do!
Why it could be true: Here's some of the evidence that thewhiterabbit1 lays out for us: "In the episode Artist Unknown, he manages (without any formal training) to create what is later evaluated as a brilliant statue. He does this with one stroke of his hand. In Band Geeks he helps teach and pull together Squidward's band overnight. They create a performance so spectacular that it makes Squilliam faint. In just about every endeavor he attempts, he is incredibly successful; he even pioneered several art forms, such as bubble blowing. His only significant problem seems to be an overactive imagination and an undying optimism in others, both of which tend to get him into trouble." Okay, I'm convinced! I agree with this theory 100%, SpongeBob is an unrecognized prodigy. And I have the authority to confirm this theory in my official capacity as the President of The Gifted Underachiever Society.
Do you have any crazy SpongeBob Theories? Tell me what they are @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
The internet is like a middle schooler who bases her entire self-worth on whether or not she wore the same headband today that everyone else is wearing. But the vast web space contains so many more headbands to watch out than those found in the confines of the sixth grade hallway. And they often squeeze your head too tightly. Here are some internet trends that are making me ill.
Contributing To Fads Because One Can
Let’s talk about the Harlem Shake for a minute. There were WAY too many response videos. Before people are allowed to upload, YouTube should make them answer a series of questions along the lines of “Are you sure?” “Does this contribute anything to society?” “Would YOU want to watch this?”
Definitive Opinions On Celebrities
All week, it’s been “Anne Hathaway sux, Jennifer Lawrence is my bestie!!!” I’m sure Anne has some redeeming qualities. And Jennifer? Ugh. She’s so successful at such a young age. Who can be best friends with that?
Jumping The Gun On Starting Currents Events Memes
Before the 2012 vice-presidential debate was even over, there was an entire tumblr devoted to the “Binders Full Of Women” meme. We’re either going to collectively put The Daily Show writers out of business or implode from everyone trying to promote their own jokes. (For the record, I came up with a “Put A Ring On It” reference independently. You can ask the ten friends I emailed.)
Come on... you can think of something original to say. Or at least an affirming opinion with a subject/verb included.
“I Did This With The Beautiful And Talented [Insert Name Here]”
This is more about you and how selfless you are to allot your friends introductory phrases. More importantly, if you keep the company of beautiful and talented people, you must be beautiful and talented yourself. (Plus, 99% of the time, the friend being called “beautiful” knows “beautiful” isn’t her thing, so it’s just patronizing.)
Cool Things Being Taken Over By People Who Want To Make Money
Stuff on the internet is so much cooler when people are just starting to catch on, and site/app creators do it for the love of the game. Remember Facebook before Sponsored posts? Or YouTube before pre-roll ads? Or… hold on… I guess it’s good that Smosh makes money. I’m a hypocrite. Maybe the thing that’s really irksome here is the need for money at all. Down with money; up with coolness!
What other internet trends make you ill? Let us know in the comments!
Typically when you think of school shootings and what music the shooters listen to you think of Death Metal. Aggressive, angry, bleak, fast music that pumps them up for a killing spree. This, of course, is a stereotype, there are plenty of death metal kids who aren't school shooters at all, it's important not to go by stereotypes. However, it is true that everyone who listens to death metal is a virgin, and that when they walk by a crucifix the crucifix melts.
They're just like you and me, except that they will always be virgins.
But not all school shootings involve death metal. Some involve an even more ominous kind of music:
Yeah Fresh Prince, we are looking at you.
Yes, the Washington Post is reporting that all of the schools in Pennsylvania County were put on lock down when a receptionist called a student, got his voice mail, and misunderstood the lyric, "shooting some b-ball outside of the school," to be, "shooting some people outside of the school."
Calm down Will, I don't like jocks either but this isn't the way to solve your problems!
If the woman had just taken a moment, instead of overreacting, she would have heard the whole song and known that the boy's plan was to shoot up the school, move to Bel Air, California with his aunt and uncle, shoot up everyone there, and crown himself prince, enslaving any and all of those who survive.
He will not rest until we are all his slaves.
How do you plan to resist the Fresh Prince's tyrannical rule? Let us know in the comments below!
Check out 18 hilarious test answers!
Sure, food mascots can be annoying. (“Chuck E. Cheese” encouraging kids to cut loose while wearing so much skateboard safety equipment that even your mom thought he should live a little.) And they can definitely be creepy. (“The Burger King” and his dead-eyed stare as he slowly approaches you, sometimes through your window.) But it takes a certain type of mascot to not only make its own food unappealing but also make the very idea of ever eating again impossible.
What are “spongmonkeys”? Well, they would appear to be what happens when you crossbreed a batter-fried gerbil with a loofah sponge. Then repeatedly punched out its teeth. And then yanked the eyes right out of Steve Buscemi’s head at the very moment the actor realized the true horror of your actions. After that, adding adorable hats and a guitar seemed like an afterthought since people were thinking less about subs and more about if Quiznos had put out enough traps to catch these things before they got into the sandwich toppings.
Slim Jim Guy
Basically daring people to eat the equivalent of an escaped mental patient on the manic upswing of his psychosis, each “Slim Jim Guy” commercial followed their human beef jerky as he plopped inside someone’s stomach. There he would battle with stomach acid, beat up other food, perhaps worry about imminent defecation, and claw at your intestinal lining before shouting his slogan “Eat me!” at which point view viewers were punching their own stomachs in the hopes of killing whatever little people were inside them.
Del Taco’s The Beast
Imagine if “Teen Wolf” had dropped out of high school, hit the bong and costume jewelry hard, and was played by the winner of the “Paul Giamatti Look-a like” contest. You’d have a mascot Del Taco wanted you to equate with your raging appetite but instead served as a warning of what happens if you travel in time from the 1970’s only to have your DNA accidentally mix with a partially shaved gorilla.
What’s the best way to promote a tamarind and chili-flavored lollipop? The good people of Palerindas clearly decided it’s with a mascot that illustrates what their treat will resemble once it works its way through your colon and out your rectum. (As you can see, the commercial jingle practically writes itself). Add to that the image of the very jolly fecal matter pointing to its own bum with anticipation and you quickly get the idea the ad campaign is a never-ending cycle of personal waste management that usually requires at least 40 bowls of bran to accomplish.
The Original Ronald McDonald
Before he started appearing alongside little kids on playgrounds or in their homes without adult supervision, “Ronald McDonald” was really high-octane nightmare fuel. Wearing a costume that seems hastily put together after waking up drunk in the dumpster behind the restaurant and a grin that says “The Joker fell face-first into the fry vat,” this original version of the clown bears little resemblance to the one families now know and have restraining orders against and more like if Pennywise from Stephen King’s “It” had to get a job after school.
Le Cochon Prodigue Pig
Advertising has a long history of animals practically pleading with consumers to either eat them or their fellow creatures, perhaps due to suicidal tendencies or simply wanting to get rid of annoying roommates. But this vintage poster for Le Cochon Prodigue sausage takes it to an absolutely horrifying level as a pig happily slices himself up in what could only be a scene from “Babe” if directed by Rob Zombie. Perhaps it harkens back to a time when people had so little regard for animals that they would show a chicken shoving a rod up its own butt to advertise kebabs. Or perhaps a time when ad campaigns were assigned to the most disturbed person in the office. Whatever the reason, this might very well be the most unappealing mascot you will see until a horse walks viewers through the process of how meatballs are made for Ikea.
Which food mascot do you find the least appealing? Let us know in the comments!
In the name of science, please answer the questions below about a project we are thinking of calling “Smosh Uncensored.” If you have any other thoughts, let us know in the comments. Thanks everyone. You are literally the best!
You can tell we're serious because of this picture of science.
The 90’s...rocked! (Cue butt rock-esque shredding guitar solo.) Seriously, though, they did. Way harder than this decade rocks, at least. And do you wanna know why they rocked? ‘Cause they weren’t so damn “extreme”. Everything nowadays, from feminine protection products to basic cable TV shows, has to be fast and dirty in order to keep up with people’s dwindling attention spans. Things in the 90’s, however, didn’t have to debase themselves in this fashion. Indeed, the 90’s were a simpler time. A better time. For the following reasons.
I’m (No Longer) Lovin’ It
The stars of fast food ads were still dudes in creepy foam rubber costumes instead of racially ambiguous twenty-somethings that, when they aren’t dancing on rooftops, are giggling amongst themselves whilst dipping things into buffalo sauce. I hate enthusiastic young adults, but I will buy literally anything an anthropomorphic hamburger sells to me.
It was fashionable for chicks to wear overalls, dude. Overalls! Fashion was hella unisex. Today, Juicy Couture tracksuits are considered a modest alternative to booty shorts.
Crystal Pepsi was the choice of a new generation...and it was CLEAR, to boot. I mean, is there anything purer than CLEAR? No way, Jose. And it tasted great! Crisp. Clear. Refreshing. Crystal Pepsi: You’ve Never Seen a Taste Like This.
T.G.I.S. (Thank God It’s Scripted)
Reality TV didn't exist, which meant legitimately awesome crap like ABC’s Friday night T.G.I.F lineup was on instead of The Real Housewives of Duluth. It also meant that the only Kardashian people knew about was Robert, Kim’s lawyer dad who helped OJ Simpson get away with murder. God, I resent the fact that I can spell “Kardashian” without having to look it up.
Hang Up and Live
People read things like books and looked into each others’ eyes when they were talking, instead of giving themselves carpal tunnel syndrome by playing Angry Birds on their damn phone every waking hour of every day. Ah, books...remember those? Whatever happened to those?
The Dude Could Blow
We were all SUPER tickled by the fact that our president played the saxophone. I mean, how adorable was that?
I didn't have to work for a living on account of being a child, and I didn't have to look cute 'cause I wasn't a "woman" yet. Which means I could just sit around, watch TV, eat Pringles and not get my period. Ah, glory days...
How do you romanticize the past? Let me know in the comments!
In the late night hours, he stalks. His cape fluttering like thin clouds grey with dark rain. Waiting, his muscles tense, his hands gripping the concrete of the edge roof so hard it cracks. His fury, his desire to bury crime under the weight of its own filth, coursing through his veins. Criminals beware. He is... the Batman.
Little Known Bat Fact: His favorite Pokemon is Poliwhirl.
BBC News reports that he is no longer just a figment of our collective imagination. He is real. In England, at the Trafalgar House Police Station, a costumed crime fighter dressed in full Batman regalia brought in a KNOWN criminal to the police station, said, "I've caught this one for you," and vanished back into the night.
He could have picked a more intimidating Batman costume.
It's exciting to know that Batman is finally real, but what can we expect from the Batman in the future? Logic dictates that we can expect him to go through all the permutations he has been through in his storied career. So, the likely course of events from here on out for this new Batman is that he will continue to protect Trafalgar from crime for many years, random psychotics will rise in response to him and bring the city even more pain than there was before he existed, and in his old age he will become jaded with the inefficacy of his quest to stop crime and look for the root of the problem, decide that the root of the problem is the crooks in the government, murder congress, and build himself Kryptonite powered robot arms to fight Superman.
Hopefully you've all read Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns" so you can get that joke.
This is the first time someone dressed as Batman has brought in an actual captured criminal. It's pretty exciting. Will others rise up, put on 70's era Batman costumes and start exacting vigilante justice on our streets? This is almost as exciting as the time that guy dressed as Magneto went around a couple of years ago savagely murdering benevolent mutants with his magnet powers.
Here's the actual video of the incident. As you can tell, Batman's gym membership has clearly expired.
What do you plan to do when you are Batman? Let us know in the comments below!
Check out 8 ways Superman isn't so Super!
The Sims 3: University Life is about to drop and personally I couldn’t be more excited to get my hands on it. I mean what could be better than having the college experience without all the social and academic hassles of college IRL, am I right? Here’s a look at 5 ways Sims College is better than real college.
Less majors to choose from
I don’t know about you, but it took me forever to decide on my major. Communications? Business? Whatever major that will enable me to design video games? GAH! Making decisions as an adult is hard! But at Sims University, there is a perfectly reasonable amount of choices. You will pick one. No pressure. Your mom will be proud. Until she finds out it’s just your virtual degree.
Streak with no real world consequences
Am I the only one who feels like I’m 99% there when it comes to streaking but am still unable to take the plunge? I’ve got cold feet when it comes to having a cold every other body part. Luckily, streaking is one of the many interactions you can do at Sims University. While your Sim can get arrested for streaking, you’re not left footing the ticket! Although it still makes me a little nervous to get all naked. Maybe I’m not really 99% there after all. Perhaps I’ll go for the Socially Awkward trait instead. Why go too far outside of my comfort zone?
You actually can throw the best parties ever!
Most college parties for me had cheap beer, stale chips and unwanted acoustic guitar concerts. When you are living in the Sims world, you can have the coolest parties on campus, and if anything gets destroyed, it’s merely virtual. And if you want to take the party to the NEXT LEVEL, check out the Partaeus Maximus statue, which allows you to throw everything from raging toga parties to intriguing masquerades. Your guests will be talking about your soirees for days!
Even kissing is better in the virtual university setting! Kissing interactions at Sims University include, the ‘Heat of the Moment kiss’, the ‘Juiced kiss’ and the ‘Cinnamon kiss’. Real college kisses include the ‘End of the night and you’re the only one left’ kiss, the ‘Sauced kiss’ and the ‘Fire Hot Cheetos kiss’. This choice is a total no brainer!
If you get expelled from Sims University, you still become an ‘Adult’
Yes, there is still academic probation and even expulsion at Sims University. But if that happens you still become an ‘adult’. Your ‘young adult’ age will just have a big X through it and you won’t get some of the benefits a college degree will bring you. IRL if you get kicked out of college, you will most likely move back to your parents house and end up staying there way past your dependent due date. Parents approaching retirement shouldn’t be microwaving their grown children Hot Pockets while they’re having a marathon gaming session. Trust me!
What are some other ways Sims U is better than real college? Let us know in the comments!
Creating a mascot is hard. Knowing what people will respond to, and then want to continue to spend money on, is a total crapshoot. Many successful mascots had very little thought put into them. Mario is based on the landlord for the offices Nintendo was located in. Pac-man? Based on a pizza with a slice missing. But some mascots tossed to the wayside didn't’t deserve such a cruel fate. Which ones? THANKS FOR ASKING AND SETTING UP THIS ARTICLE! Here are 9 Video Games Mascots I Wish Had Been A Bigger Success:
A happy caveboy with a giant head, Bonk was a part of the long run of 2d side-scrollers that were made during the early nineties. So what made him so special? The games he starred in weren’t garbage; they were actually pretty good. Also, with the rough time the Turbo-Grafx-16 had in the system market, it seemed nice to throw a bone to one of their flagship games.
Chocobos? Moogles? Oh no, those guys have nothing when it comes to the weird, terrible grammar-having things from the cult classic RPG Earthbound. Mr Saturn was frequently represented in promotional items like key chains and plushies, but the game never sold that well, so Mr Saturn just never got the spin-off games/cartoons that they deserved (they don’t really have a gender).
A lot of attempts at creating a new video game mascot failed because they never really tried that hard to come up with anything unique. Lizards, cats, spacemen, who cares? Crash Bandicoot is great because someone sat down and went “What is the least-known animal we can think of?” And this was an era before you could just Google “animals you’ve never heard of”. While Crash Bandicoot had a long run on the PS1 (three games and a cart racer), Sony just let him go as they moved onto the PS2. Anyone who’s been dumped knows that’s a rough way to be treated…
They were bad! And dudes! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?! No, but seriously, Billy & Jimmy Dragon called, they want their shtick back.
PaRappa the Rapper
He’s a 2D dog who raps the way your Dad would rap if you gave him some time and a bunch of 80’s rap albums for research. There was an unofficial sequel with UmJammer Lammy, but rock and roll is almost too easy to grasp for out of touch game designers, so it lacked the bizarre charm of a video game about rap made by people who seemed familiar with rap only up to “Rap lyrics rhyme”.The game did end up getting a sequel, and spawned a lot of merchandise inside of Japan, but where’s the love, North America?
Not only were Worms cute cartoon characters who also shoot rocket launchers, holy hand grenades (Monty Python reference, you nerds), and exploding, but as a turn based strategy game it required a lot of on your feet planning to try to stay ahead of your friends and not let them get the drop on you. Smart game mascots deserve credit, too!
Another game that got a sequel, and appeared in some ensemble games, but not only were the Viewtiful Joe games amazing, he was a really awesome mascot. Where most games look like they’re made by the same generic 3D animation program, VJ had a really great cell-shaded comic book style, as well as a lot of cheesy voice-over.
I don’t care how many games Battletoads ended up encompassing, THEY DESERVED MORE! Such a weird design choice (right down to the self-conscious sunglasses they wore) combined with incredibly difficult games, Battletoads would be just the kind of old-school game we could use these days. They definitely deserved at least as much success as Earthworm Jim. Why no cartoon for them?
LOL J/K BUBSY IS THE WORST! A perfect example of someone creating a mascot by just throwing darts at a few stock images pinned to the wall and then looking at what he hit and saying “Okay, one word name, he’s a cat, and it’s a platformer.” Also starred in Bubsy 3d, widely regarded as maybe the worst game ever on Earth.
What mascots do you wish were more popular? Let us know in the comments!