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    It’s safe to say all of us are fans of stuff. Is anyone not? If so, please stop reading this article (we have already gotten a precious page view out of you, YOU FOOL!) For the rest of us, we all know what we like, and we support those things to varying degrees. As a Toronto Raptors fan, I own a Toronto Raptors hat. Also, a decade’s worth of shame and embarrassment, but that wasn’t really a choice I made, it just came with the territory. Nothing seems to inspire as much rapid fandom as certain musical acts. These people go beyond just “liking what they like”, and move more into the territory of just “liking what I like, with the passion of a thousand stars going super nova”. After much research (that’s what I call watching television and getting into arguments with people) I believe I have discovered the 7 Bands Whose Fans Are A Little TOO Fanatical:

     

    Insane Clown Posse

    fans that are too fanatical

    (source)

    It’s not just that ICP fans have a specific name for themselves (“Juggalos”), and wear clown make-up, and spend a week every year at a gathering of said Juggalos that makes them seem so rabidly fanatical. No, it’s their total and complete humorlessness about everything they are fans of. Dressing up like clowns and drinking Faygo (the world’s worst soda) would be bad enough, but your inability to laugh at the lyrics “F-n magnets, how do they work?” show that you’re in way too deep.

     

    KISS

    >fans that are too fanatical

    (source)

    Kind of like ICP for the over forty subset, KISS concerts always involve a lot of black and white make-up, and dressing in space armor. But what makes KISS fans so rabid is the fact that KISS may actually be the worst band on Earth. For a musical group that inspired so much outrage and terror from God fearing parents through the 70s and 80s, their actual music is so lacking in edge the average Beach Boys fan woud listen to it and say “What’s this lame garbage?”

     

    Rush

    >fans that are too fanatical

    (source)

    A few weeks ago I made a casual joke about Geddy Lee sounding terrible for a lead singer, and since then there have been three attempts on my life. I am now in the witness protection program, which is why this is being published under the pseudonym “Ron Mexico”.

     

    TOOL

    >fans that are too fanatical

    (source)

    You know who really doesn’t like TOOL fans? Maynard James Keenan, TOOL’s lead singer, and someone who interacts with his fans as little as possible. I’ve been to a TOOL concert, and I have to say, I get where he’s coming from. Greasy hair and bad mustaches as far as the eye can see.

     

    Chris Brown

    >fans that are too fanatical

    (source)

    You can be the most casual fan of Chris Brown and that is still too fanatical. Let’s maybe move past allowing musicians to get away with horrible behavior, and at least hold them to 66% of the accountability we hold regular schmoes to?

    Justin Bieber

    fans that are too fanatical

     

    I made fun of Justin Bieber in a tweet, and had three attempts on my life since last Tuesday. I am now in the witness protection program, and that is why I’m writing this under the pseudonym “Metta World Peace”.

    Any Band Teenage Girls Are Into

    >fans that are too fanatical

    (source)

    Justin Bieber segues into this category very well. To start, young lady, do we need all the screaming and the yelling? Go back and watch footage of the Beatles walking off the plane into America. There isn’t that much screaming while Godzilla destroys Tokyo. Second, please stop driving mainstream musical tastes. Have you heard some of the garbage on the radio? HOW IS KATY PERRY SO BAD AT MUSIC YET STILL MAKING SAID MUSIC?!

     

    Can everyone please cool out? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out These Amazing Pieces Of Smosh Fan Art!


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    When you play enough video games, you understand certain tropes — shooting a red barrel will cause an explosion, white boxes with red crosses will refill your health, and sometimes you need enough stars to open a door. It's so clear to us, but can you imagine coming into video games with a beginner's mind? None of this stuff would make any SENSE. And some games are worse at being welcoming to non-gamers than others. Here are the video games that make the least sense to people who don't play video games —

     

    Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

    ocarina zelda

    (source)

    You see, Zelda is deceptive — at first it seems like a fairly standard world. You play as a little boy — granted, one with elf ears — who runs around a forest with his friends. But then you go meet a TALKING TREE who SWALLOWS YOU and you play a level INSIDE HIS STOMACH. If you've never played video games before, you will probably assume you're having a psychotic break at this point, that the Great Deku Tree is a metaphor for the abandonment issues or your Oedipus conflict or one of your other countless psychological disorders. Man, you're really f*cked up.

     

    LittleBigPlanet

    little big planet sack boy

    (source)

    Honest to God, what is a Sackboy? There is nothing like him in ours or any other world. Sackboy is the kind of thing you might envision while you're on a Native American spirit quest or the first time you try LSD and you're really scared.

     

    Twisted Metal

    twisted metal sweet tooth

    (source)

    The biggest hurdle to understanding Twisted Metal is this notion that a clown could ever be legally licensed to drive. Wait, that's a thing? Clowns CAN drive? You mean to tell me that a clown can get into ANY vehicle and just be ANYWHERE? We're not safe ANYWHERE.

     

    Everything on 3DS

    playing 3DS

    (source)

    Imagine the reaction from non-gamers picking up a 3DS. "What the hell is this? Games are POPPING up at me! It's really aggressive!" Also, the circle pad is neither a joystick NOR a directional pad and they have NO idea what to do with that. There are so many 3DSs thrown away because people thought they were buying some sort of kitchen device to tenderize meat or a really really small Samsung phone.

     

    Street Fighter X Tekken

    street fighter x tekken

    (source)

    Even if — and it's a big "if" — a non-gamer could get by the green electricity monster fighting racist yoga instructor madness of the Street Fighter universe, they'd still have to get over the complete incomprehensibility of the Tekken universe too. Also fifty percent of the words in this title are not words.

     

    Mass Effect

    mass effect

    (source)

    Mass Effect barely makes sense to ME — I was halfway through Mass Effect before I learned how to equip armor. If you want to get into the head of a non-gamer, unable to grasp the basic interface of the task they're trying to accomplish, try eating a dish of alfredo chicken lasagna using a live sea bass as a fork.

     

    What video games do you think would seem nonsensical to someone who's never played video games? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     

    Check out How Stealth Video Game Characters Handle Being Discovered!


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    Musicians love putting stars in their videos, mostly because it makes them look cool by association. But the celeb cameos in these clips are just bizarre.

     

    Zach Galifianakis in Kanye West’s “Can’t Tell Me Nothin’”

    Zach Galifianakis, pre-The Hangover franchise, drives tractors and competently lip syncs alongside pal Will Oldham (a.k.a. Bonnie Prince Billy) in this truly odd video, which was shot on location at Galifianakis' farm in North Carolina. Kanye gave Galifianakis complete creative control – creative control that resulted in scenes like him menacingly revving a chainsaw with the sentence "I Heart Turd!" written on his face.

     

    Shia LaBeouf in Sigur Rós’s “Fjögur Píanó”

    LaBeouf strips down to LaBUFF (see what I did there?) in this tedious, “artsy” video from the tedious, “artsy” Icelandic band Sigur Rós. The outrageously self-indulgent eight and a half minute epic features LaBeouf "emoting" (by which I mean to say getting teary eyed), showing his ding-dong off whilst wearing a furry vest, performing a synchronized dance with a topless chick, and sensually licking one of those lollipops with bugs inside of it. The YouTube clip attached is also entitled “Fjögur Píanó” – it, however, is just 11 seconds of footage from Team Fortress 2. The clip in question is way cooler than the Sigur Rós video, though, because it features 100% less ding-dong. (Looking at ding-dongs makes Baby Jesus cry, after all. And when Baby Jesus cries, I cry...OK?!)

     

    Kim Basinger in Tom Petty's "Mary Jane's Last Dance"

    In 1994’s MTV Video Music Award (!!!) winning clip, Basinger plays a corpse Petty (a morgue assistant) wants to, uh, get freaky with. Watching his gloved hand caress her lips as she lays on the slab is genuinely disturbing, especially given the fact that Petty naturally looks like a serial killer. After manhandling her mouth, he takes her home, gussies her up and dances with her. Wait – you didn't think "last dance with Mary Jane" was a pot reference, did you? It's about something way less disturbing...making it with a dead chick!

     

    Tons o’ Folks in Vampire Weekend's "Giving Up the Gun"

    Remember when Vampire Weekend released a second album? Me neither. Anyway, their video for "Giving Up the Gun", one of the singles from that album, is a star-studded, noggin-scratching affair. In it, RZA (weird) officiates a tennis competition. Lil Jon (way weird) is the main competitor’s coach; he helps her battle a wacky cast of characters that include Jake Gyllenhaal, Joe Jonas and a samurai (like, super friggin’ weird). Jonas looks all Richie Tenenbaumed out, Lil Jon wears a W.C. Fields-esque straw hat, and the whole kooky thing is intercut with footage of the band performing the song (which, to the surprise of no one, sounds like all their other songs).

     

    Robert Downey Jr. in Elton John's "I Want Love"

    The whole video is just RobDown (I call him RobDown) wandering the halls of a huge, empty, ornate house, smolderingly peering into the camera and lip synchin' his lil’ heart out. It’s one long, continuous shot, and it took 16 takes to get it right. (RobDown’s such a hard little worker!) RobDown looks totes hot, though, on account of the fact that the video was shot before he grew that dumbass goatee of his.

     

    Chevy Chase in Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al"

    I don’t think I’m being out of line when I say that Chevy Chase’s appearance in this video is the original super weird celebrity music video cameo. The video generates major LOLs for two reasons: because the Chevster is over a foot taller than Simon, and because he poorly pretends to play the trumpet. Ironically, Chevy Chase actually is a musician – he was the drummer for a band that eventually became Steely Dan. Did I just totally blow your mind? Or do you even care? Probably the latter, right? You’re making the right choice.

     

    A Buttload of People in Jaime Foxx's "Blame It"

    Multiple famous folks came out of the woodwork to appear in this movie-like video for Foxx’s disgustingly catchy tribute to the joys of autotune and alcoholism. A ridiculous mixture of A-listers (Ron Howard, Forest Whitaker, Jake Gyllenhaal, Samuel L. Jackson), B-listers (Cedric the Entertainer, Mos Def) and unranked-listers (Tatyana Ali, Bill Bellamy, that chick named LeToya who got kicked out of Destiny's Child) party in a red room filled with babes. It looks as awkward as it sounds.

     

    Pamela Anderson in Lit’s “Miserable”

    Wanna know what happens in this video? The members of Lit (‘member them?) play their mid-tempo rock on Pamela Anderson's ass, then get eaten by her. She's wearing super dated platform shoes, has a "The Rachel"-esque hairstyle and is sporting WAY too much eyeshadow. Ah, 1999...it was a simpler time, folks.

     

    Remember when Ben Affleck rubbed Jennifer Lopez’s butt in her “Jenny From the Block” video? That was pretty funny, right? Agree with me in the comments!

     

    Check Out The 10 Craziest Music Videos From the 90’s!


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    In my opinion, the best thing the internet has brought about is the ability to suss out the truth of urban legends. Yes yes, it's also provided a voice for citizens living under oppressive regimes and brought ways to communicate and help our fellow man from across the globe, but urban legends are really really cool. I used to have no place to search for information about secret levels in Star Fox 64 or upcoming Beanie Baby retirements. Thank GOD for the internet, or the part of my brain that craves the answer to mysteries might start going to some pretty weird lengths.


    archaeologist search
    I traveled far and wide, but if you look closely, you can see the rare
    1st edition of Luigi's mansion where Luigi hangs himself.

    (source)

    But some of the funnest urban myths are those about lost episodes of television shows. How would we ever know if there was a secret story told about some of our favorite characters that was deemed too crass, too shocking, or even better, too haunted, to be aired on television? One myth that had been floating around the internet for years was that Dexter's Laboratory had produced an episode so obscene that Cartoon Network refused to air it. But now, thanks to Adult Swim, the legend has been confirmed! "Dexter's Rude Removal", an episode where one of Dexter's experiments causes he and Dee Dee to be split into a rude version and a nice version of themselves, went up on Adult Swim's website. And it's... you know. Fine.


    dexter rude
    I haven't been this let down by an urban myth since the Bigfoot we kept spotting
    around our neighborhood turned out to be the guy who drove the book mobile
    trying to get kids to read more about the wilderness.

    (source)

    And despite the fact that this episode is pretty one-note, the fun of finding a lost episode of anything is exciting. What other urban myths about TV shows might turn out to be true? Might Fox one day release the long-rumored episode of The Simpsons where Bart dies? I mean, I get that the episode is haunted, and that everyone who sees it has ends up either insane or dead, but honestly, that makes me want to watch it all the more.


    lost simpsons episode
    I need SOME sort of excitement since Breaking Bad is on hiatus.
    (source)

    You can watch the episode if you want, but maybe, you know, don't? Listen, no one wanted to find this episode more than me, but here's what I've learned: The he moment you watch it, everything you've built up in your mind — the MYSTERY of the lost episode, the sense that it was so DANGEROUS, so CORRUPTING, that something HORRIFIC must occur in it — will be lost forever. Man, have you ever even watched J.J. Abrams' Ted Talk about mystery boxes? Sometimes the magic is in NOT knowing.

    Anyway, here's the episode. You do whatever you want. Watch it and make your life a little less exciting. Who am I, your grandmother? I don't have any responsibility to preserve the magic of your life. But if you do watch it, just remember this moment when you die alone in an undecorated hospital room instead of in an outer space pirate battle because your life lacks imagination.


    Was "Dexter's Rude Removal" worthy of its urban legend status? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out 7 Ways Ghosts Can Haunt You With Technology!

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    It’s not enough for a character to be popular in their own video game series. In order to make the truly big bucks they have to conquer all media platforms, from games to movies to toys to comic books and perhaps even to daytime TV talk shows. But who really has what it takes to be the next "Oprah" and not settle to be the next "Anderson"…

     

    Luigi

    video game talk show super Mario luigi

    (source)

    Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Leads a fascinatingly bizarre life which makes for great stories (if they were not all in fact self-medicated hallucinations); Unlike his busier (and far more expensive) brother Mario, Luigi has the free time to host both a TV show and maybe even focus on that forgotten plumbing business that must now be on brink of bankruptcy; Waluigi could guest host for a week of evil and cheating.

    What Kind of Talk Show: One that will give away thousands of dollars—and result in numerous concussions—thanks to the coin boxes floating over audience members’ heads.

     

    Master Chief

    video game talk show master chief halo

    (source)

    Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Faceless and almost dead silent are rarely qualities one looks for in a TV personality—unless it frightens the crap out of guests so much they confess to just about anything; Being am enhanced supersoldier will help him stay calm and collected during cooking segments or contact with visiting zoo animals; Removal of helmet could be saved for Sweeps Week.

    What Kind of Talk Show: One that will have a high number of visits from very religious aliens, perhaps limiting its appeal in more liberal markets.

     

    Lara Croft

    video game talk show lara croft fighting

    (source)

    Why She Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Aristocratic upbringing, commanding presence, and startling athleticism will prove crucial not only when grilling world leaders but also dancing with them after her opening monologue; No-nonsense attire either says "Take me seriously" or "I may take your life during the commercial break"; Audience members could win valuable prizes that were almost certainly stolen and quite possibly evil.

    What Kind of Talk Show: One in which half the audience will dress up like her and the other half will just stare at her (not always at eye-level).

     

    Kirby

    video game talk show Kirby angry inhale

    (source)

    Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Can handle a reluctant or unwilling interview subject by simply swallowing them and copying their personality; Ability to ingest and spit out anything could make for a fun way to introduce surprise guests; Is so adorable audience will be enthralled even when he’s just floating slowly around the studio for a full hour.

    What Kind of Talk Show: One that will routinely focus on gastrointestinal issues due to host’s bizarre eating habits.

     

    Big Daddy

    video game talk show bioshock big daddy

    (source)

    Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Very protective of female guests; Series of low-pitched Godzilla grunts during interviews can be taken as signs of Big Daddy’s agreement, difference of opinion, or indication he is about to use his rivet gun; Lack of free will could lead to easier contract renegotiations.

    What Kind of Talk Show: One in which audience leaves the studio before start of show because they don’t want to be submerged underwater.

     

    Pong Paddle

    video game talk show pong paddle ball

    (source)

    Why It Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Has been around so long it’s seen everything (though not literally due to absence of eyeballs); A lifetime spent in a permanent black void makes it particularly well informed to discuss such topics as social alienation and depression; Lack of any sex characteristics could prevent it from being just a woman’s show, a guy’s show, or a success.

    What Kind of Talk Show: One in which the host and its clone keep tossing back and forth what appears to be a box, maybe a head, or perhaps their own baby.


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    When it comes to studying, sometimes even the sincerest of intentions (“I wrote it in my assignment notebook!”) are thwarted by the sheer monotony of sitting at your desk in your bedroom. If you find yourself kicking and screaming as you place your sad water glass down on that same sad water ring, it might be time to consider some alternatives. The best places to study:

     

    In The Bath

    study places bath girl

    (source)

    The bathtub is a relaxing, underrated vessel of mental health… that can also double as a place to drown. You won’t fall asleep reading when you’re up to your shoulders in hot water!

     

    Lying Horizontally Across Your Bed

    study places bed kids

    (source)

    All the perks of being in bed without the “sleepy-time!” association of lying on your pillow. You’ll feel like you’re in some kind of Moroccan lounge, but you’ll still be able to use your parents’ wifi.

     

    An Individual Study Cubby In The Library

    study places individual cubby

    (source)

    This is for like, the Navy SEALs of studying. If you can get yourself to hang out in one of those solitary confinement chambers for longer than an hour, you can do anything. Including your trig homework, which you’ll be completely LASERED in on because there’s literally nowhere else to look.

     

    A Place Where They Sell Fonuts

    study places fonut shop

    (source)

    Studying and food totally go together, but unfortunately, so do studying and weight gain. You want to study in a coffee shop/bakery-type atmosphere, but if you’re going to do that, make it a coffee shop/bakery that sells crappy food. Have you ever had a fonut? It looks like a donut but is gluten-free, so it tastes like not-donut. You won’t want to buy one.

     

    With Cat

    Because the above will happen. You can totes write an essay using only the letters TYUIOPHJKLBN and M. Plus, you’ll feel loved, so maybe you won’t be so stressed about studying.

     

    A Funeral Home

    study places funeral parlor

    (source)

    It’s nice and quiet, and you’ll want to finish quickly so you can leave ASAP. Also, you’ll be reminded of your own mortality, which will deter you from spending hours cruising Facebook before starting on your Spanish workbook questions. Or maybe you can get a ghost to do your homework for you; you don’t know what would be fun for them.

     

    Where else would you guys recommend as good places to study? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out Things You’re Really Doing When You Should Be Studying For Finals !


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    Ever since 1968, when a car accident gave Alfred David a slight limp, his friends have called him "Mister Penguin." Because friends like to have a little laugh at each other's expense, right? Its all in good fun! The fun little nickname given to him by his pals won't have any life-altering consequences, right?


    david penguin collection
    Oh.
    (source)

    You see, David did what anyone would do when confronted with adversity - he adapted to it and made it his own. Beginning a seemingly endless collection of collection of penguin merchandise and even donning a penguin suit that he thinks actually makes him a penguin, Alfred David has begun a new life as Brussels' "Mousier Penguin".


    davis penguin
    (source)

    David has such a kinship with penguins he even said his life's dream is to be buried in Antarctica with all the penguins.

    And I totally understand that! I mean, my life's dream has to do with where I'm going to DIE too. I want to be buried under a tree in a beautiful forest. Yes sir, the only goal I have in life is to die somewhere nice.


    sleeping on couch
    Nothing I want to accomplish while I'm ALIVE, no sir!
    (source)

    Of course, there's a dark side to David's penguin fascination. His wife left him when he told her he wanted to legally change his name to "Mr. Penguin". as all wives do when their husbands declare their intent to legally change their names to "Mr. Penguin".


    danny devito penguin
    But, he got to meet Danny DeVito, who PLAYED The Penguin, so, you know. Life balances out.
    (source)

    See, guys, THIS is why you don't make fun of your friends' shortcomings! Sure, the first time some guy pointed out his limp and called him Mr. Penguin, David might have laughed about it. But that remark cut him to the core. That one jovial nickname so influenced Alfred David that he felt the need to define himself by it. And it cost him his wife. It cost him his his dignity. And that isn't fair to him.

    So let's all make an effort, okay? Let's stop subtly mocking our friends for their imperfections. Because it might be having a greater impact than we think.


    forest whitaker
    You hear that Forest Whitaker? I'm done making fun of you for your weird eye.
    You can come over to my house again if you want.

    (source)

    What animal are you going to become creepily obsessed with in your old age? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out This Man Is Turning Himself Into A Human Reptile!

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    So another Facebook study was done and this time it was all about Facebook envy.  Apparently every time someone posts vacation photos or statuses about their fantastic job or love life, people get jealous , yo. Then comes the bitter loneliness and misery. Hmmm....glad I waste all my time on Twitter now.

    facebook study lonely envy

    (source) 

    The researchers at two German Universities found that one in three people felt worse after visiting the site and more dissatisfied with their lives. "We were surprised by how many people have a negative experience from Facebook... envy can leave them feeling lonely, frustrated or angry," researcher Hanna Krasnova from Berlin's Humboldt University told Reuters. PRO TIP: Most people on Facebook are either exaggerating or out and out lying!! Save your hate and jealousy for people who really do have better lives than you!

    facebook study lonely envy

    (source) 

    Vacation photos were the biggest cause of resentment, over half of the users studied got totally jealous of those feet by the shore pics. Social interaction was the second most common cause of envy, users couldn't help but  comparing how many likes, comments and birthday greetings they got compared to their friends. OMG these people in the study are friggin annoying as hell. [Quickly goes to see how many likes and comments I have compared to my friends]

    facebook study lonely envy

    (source) 

    Of course then all of these feelings of jealous and misery, led the users in the study to go brag on Facebook about how great their lives were. And so the circle continues. It's like the circle of life only less Lion King-y and beautiful and more everything that's wrong with this world.

    facebook study lonely envy

    (source) 

    What do you think of the study? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out 20 Totally Embarrassing Accidental Facebook Statuses!


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    Well this week saw the release of the long-rumored dirty episode of Dexter's Laboratory, Dexter's Rude Removal. But the truth is Dexter's Laboratory was pretty dirty all along. Here's a look at 8 pretty adult jokes that maybe you didn't get as a kid. Unless you were like me. I was like the Doogie Howser of dirty minds.

     

    Chubby Cheese

    dexter's laboratory adult jokes

    (source) 

    This is an Urban Dictionary treasure trove. Dexter furiously beats at a weasel in a game of Whack the Weasel? At a place called Chubby Cheese? Ummm...nothing inappropriate here kids, please move along...

     

    Filet Of Soul

    What exactly is meant by Dad's private bathroom time? I guess we can always hope he's talking about a morning dump and not anything morning wood related. Those are some horrible options.

     

    Nuclear Confusion

    dexter's laboratory adult jokes

    (source) 

    Ummm...pretty obvious. If you didn't get this one, you were probably a sheltered home-schooled kid. It must be nice to have had an innocent childhood.

     

    Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip

    Parents grunting. Hearing the words' it's not going to fit.' Welcome to my childhood. Only it wasn't a game of Twister.

     

    Dee Dee and the Man

    dexter's laboratory adult jokes

    (source) 

    Dee Dee is fired and Dexter must hire a replacement. So clearly he hires the person who is most qualified....a busty blonde. Look for a sequence where the busty one asks what each button does while stroking Dexter's head, leading him to have to take a cold shower. Also when Dexter asks her to dance she says,  "Okay, but it's fifty bucks extra!"  I guess it is possible to leave the pole behind! 

     

    Dial M For Monkey

    This episode was banned because it's so chockfull of  of inappropriate innuendo. There's the insulting gay stereotype character, The Silver Spooner. Krunk gets Drunk. And a suggestive hot dog eating moment. No wonder it was banned. Also, now I can never eat hot dogs in public again. Sorry Costco!

     

    Decode of Honor

    dexter's laboratory adult jokes

    (source) 

    Dexter and Dee-Dee are excited when they get some decoder rings out of a box. Cut to Dexter and Dee-Dee arguing about each other's fan club, Dee-Dee says 'Oh Dexter, your club is for big I D K S C!' Which is an anagram for well...I'm sure you can figure it out! 

     

    Dexter Is Dirty

    dexter's laboratory adult jokes

    (source) 

    When Dexter decides he no longer wants to bathe, he laminates himself. But being laminated makes you hella slippery and at one point Dexter slides right towards a container labeled 'Waste Spooge'. Ewwww. Thank goodness he was wearing protection!

    Did you know this show was so dirty? Let me know what you think @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out  Long-Lost 'Dirty' Episode of Dexter's Laboratory Uncovered!


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    Since BIRTH, we've been told that Mario is the good guy. The HERO. But have you ever even questioned that assumption? Or were you too busy being a SHEEPLE, using your iPHONE and VOTING FOR PRESIDENT OBAMA? Because as it turns out, Mario is actually one of history's great villains. Don't believe me? Well let me open your eyes to the TRUTH!

     

    He throws parties where people fight to the death

    mario party ball minigame

    (source)

    You know what we call people who invite their best friends over to play games where they can literally roll a ball off a cliff to their doom? Murderers. Those kinds of people are called murderers. And they are just the worst. The only difference between Mario and the Jigsaw killer is that the Jigsaw killer wouldn't be caught dead dressing up like a goddamn bumblebee.

     

    Captured Donkey Kong

    mario donkey kong capture

    (source)

    Would you call someone who abducted and imprisoned your father a good guy? Of course not. Unless the guy who abducted and imprisoned your father was a sheriff and your father was, like, CLEARLY guilty. Then you would be the villain for climbing vines to save him and also eating fruit to get points for some reason.

     

    Lied about being a doctor

    dr mario pills

    (source)

    Yeah, like a plumber from BROOKLYN really went to MEDICAL SCHOOL. How many people do you think Mario has killed with his fake medical opinion? "Hmm, tuberculosis can be tricky. My advice? Eat a leaf and fly into the clouds."

     

    He shoots FIRE out of his HANDS

    mario fireball

    (source)

    So, when Mario finds certain types of flowers, he gains a psionic ability to create fire, and he uses it to burn smiling turtles to death? What could be more villainous than that? Mario, this isn't kill-or-be-killed, okay? You're not in the Hunger Games.

    I mean, I get that if Mario touches them, he dies. But that's the same thing that happens to me if I put a fork in an electrical socket, and you don't see me burning down every restaurant or power plant I run across.

     

    He punches Yoshi in the back of the head to activate his tongue

    mario yoshi punch

    (source)

    Next time you have a Yoshi in Super Mario World, watch closely when you press the Y button. You're going to notice that Yoshi doesn't just stick out his tongue himself. No, Mario PUNCHES that poor baby dinosaur in the back of the skull. The only thing non-villains punch are hungry bears and racists. And if you punch a racist bear? Well, how do you think Barack Obama got to be president?

     

    What villainous things have YOU witnessed Mario do? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     

    Check out The Undiagnosed Mental Diseases of Video Game Characters!


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    You probably don’t know what a toxic friend is because you’re not as smart as I am. So I’ll tell you because I care about you. A toxic friend, not to be confused with a “frenemy” because that term is awful, is a person who forces you to become the sidekick to their selfish melodrama. You tell a toxic friend about the successes in your life, they make you feel like you don’t deserve them. You make plans that they never intend on keeping (since they always find something better). And the more trash they talk about people you know the more you start to realize they probably do the same to you when you’re not around. For more examples on what I mean, why don’t you read this list about TV’s most toxic friends, because it’s not like you have anything better to do, knowing you.

     

    Cordelia Chase, Buffy/Angel

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    Cordy eventually grew out of feeling like she needed to compete with her fellow man. She did this by ascending into a higher being thus making the competition moot. What did Buffy ever do? Get bangs? Die twice? Whatever.

     

    Angelica Pickles, Rugrats

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    Most of the babies have to tolerate Angelica because she’s family. But Susie Carmichael is a glutton for her punishment. And it’s not just a childish competitive streak; in Grown Up the undermining continues.

     

    Walter “Heisenberg” White, Breaking Bad

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    When Walt’s loyalty to Jesse is tested, time and time again, he sticks by him. But, until that time, he’s constantly calling him out on his failures or reminding him of his worthlessness. Plus, you know, Jane. Not cool yo.

     

    Ash Ketchum, Pokémon

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    What kind of friend puts you in a ball so that you can fight other enslaved creatures to the death?! Pika-Stockholm Syndrome anyone?

     

    Sandy, Daria

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    As president of The Fashion Club, Sandy coordinates all her outfits with her blatant loathing of the slightly cuter and more popular Quinn Morgendorfer.

     

    Chloe, Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    Surely a show that centered around a diabolically mean, shamelessly self-centered, unapologetically pro-sex, female character like Chloe, it was not long for this world. Chloe was a toxic friend like a fox often helping everyone around her through the power of being an agent of narcissistic chaos. RIP B, you were too weird and wonderful for this world (and ABC’s Disneyfied audience).

     

    Damon Salvatore, The Vampire Diaries

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    With evil, charming, obsessive, handsome, violent, vampire friends like Damon, who needs enemies?

     

    Nancy Botwin, Weeds

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    Like so many iced coffees through a straw, Nancy Botwin spent the entire run of Weeds ruining the lives of the people around her. She strung along her poor smitten brother-in-law for eight seasons (and many leaps in time) as well as undercut her own son’s chances at happiness and normalcy.

     

    Bender Bending Rodriguez, Futurama

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    Let me tell you about Fry’s robot friend. Bender looks out for Bender. And when Bender isn’t looking out for Bender he’s looking out for booze and robo broads. Which I guess you could make the case is also looking out for Bender. It’s like a Bender inside a Bender. Benderception!

     

    The Doctor, Doctor Who

    toxic tv friends

    (source)

    Put down the torches fellow Who fans. I’m not besmirching the good Doctor’s character. But when you’re riding shotgun on the TARDIS your needs (like living) go by the wibbly wobbly wayside. Not only does the Doctor admittedly lie, he also puts people in harms way as much as saves them. Not to mention the whole, “killing your entire, admittedly sort of bonkers, race”. But don’t worry, he’s sorry, he’s so sorry so it’s more or less OK.

     

    Any TV toxic friend sound like one in your life? Name names in the comments!

    Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or you’re going to get FAT! JK – KISSES I LOVVVVE YOU…bitch.

    Check out the best of the Drunken Baby meme!


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    Parents – can’t live with ‘em, can’t – wait, we have to live with ‘em. While we recognize that they’re usually well meaning and have dedicated their lives to our happiness, they do know how to push our buttons. For those of us who feel like a human game controller (buttons pushed a lot? eh?), let’s commiserate over the worst things parents can say.

     

    “You’re Acting Like A Real [Insert Negative Noun Here]”

    parents say female dog

    (source)

    Just call us a bitch. Telling us we’re "acting like" one just serves to show how the parent is more mature because he/she had the wherewithal not to call us names directly. SO ANNOYING, ughhhh!

     

    "I'm Disappointed In You"

    parents say sad kid

    (source)

    A classic for a reason. Disappointment comes from outside sources: not doing as well on a test as you'd like; cracking in your student council speech (forever staining you with the nickname Joh-AHUH-nathan)... We have enough adversity in our lives; disappointment is not something we want to inspire in our own family members.

     

    “Put Your Phone Away”

    parents say phone down

    (source)

    ”Parents just don’t understand” is an understatement. Our phones are our lifelines: to information, to our schedules, to people we’d rather talk to in that moment. Making us put the device down is counterproductive. That’s when we’re going to mentally check out – as we dwell on how many Snapchats we’ll have to catch up on later.

     

    “You Don’t See Your Sister [A Verb That You Just Did] Around Town!”

    parents say train tracks

    (source)

    Not only is it embarrassing for a new friend to know your parents think they’re worth the vested interest, but it potentially endangers your ability to go hang out at the train tracks (or gas station?) freely. You can pick your friends and you can pick your privacy settings, but you can’t pick your friends’ privacy settings.

     

    “I’m Taking You Off The Family Plan.”

    Noooo! Don’t they know how expensive data plans can be? Unless you have a room where you store your gold coins, you’re going to want to hold on to that family Verizon plan as long as you can. Maybe get your own kids in on it one day; you know, for the sake of tradition. Please???

     

    What else do you hate when parents say? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out 20 Hilariously Awkward Parent Texts !


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  • 01/27/13--11:39: Wendy's Drive Thru Rap
  • 0 0

    Have you been on Facebook in the last few days? First of all, unless you're a great-grandmother or a Loch Ness Monster, of course you have. But second of all, did you get an email from Facebook itself, informing you that you have some legal options? And if so, were you upset that your New Message notification wasn't from a friend? And hey, why don't you ever get messages from your real-life friends? Do they not like you? Are they going to come to your birthday party? Are you going to have to invite Facebook's LEGAL TEAM to your birthday party?


    facebook legal notice
    Does this mean they're a "Maybe"?
    (source)

    Besides being an indication of your rampant unpopularity, this legal notice is actually more than spam. Facebook is legitimately looking to settle a lawsuit over "Sponsored Stories", an advertising technique that uses user's profiles without their consent to sell marketing content to other Facebook users.


    facebook sponsored story
    See? This is what Banksy WARNED us about!
    (source)

    So what does it mean if you got the notice and are a part of this Facebook lawsuit? Well, Facebook is putting up 20 million dollars, and you're entitled to... ten of them.

    That's right — Facebook might owe you ten dollars. And even that isn't guaranteed — since roughly 100 million people had Sponsored Stories made about them, Facebook can really only afford to pay out 2 million of them. Besides all that, I can't imagine it'll be easy to claim the money, either. I can't even change my privacy settings on Facebook, let alone navigate their legal proceedings.


    chipotle
    But I say it's worth it if Facebook buys you a single Chipotle burrito.
    (source)

    Let me tell you guys, I am deeply troubled by this story. Not because of Facebook's privacy violations. Not because of Facebook's half-hearted attempt to atone. But because I didn't get the email! What, I wasn't GOOD ENOUGH for a Sponsored Story? My Facebook pictures are FUN, okay? They paint a picture of a life of FUN and MERRIMENT, all right?


    profile p[icture
    Just LOOK at my super fun profile picture and tell me it isn't valuable to advertisers!

    Are you going to try to GET YOURS (ten dollar class action settlement from Facebook)? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out the 20 Biggest Idiots On Facebook!

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    Listen – just because you vacuum your carpets once every four months doesn’t mean your house is clean. No sirree. Actually, your living quarters are positively crawling with crud – and the filthiest parts are the ones you least expect. You don’t even know how disgusting you are, you schmuck.

     

    Your Microwave

    most disgusting parts of your house microwave

    (source)

    Unless you suffer from OCD (y’know, the mental disorder that makes folks scrub floors until they can see their own harried reflections in the linoleum), the likelihood of the inside of your microwave being caked in decades worth of frozen burrito splatter is 99.99%. Because if you’re eating crap like frozen burritos in the first place, you probably don’t care about anything, let alone the cleanliness of your microwave.

     

    Your Shower

    most disgusting parts of your house shower

    (source)

    While your microwave is caked in burrito goo, your filthy-ass shower is coated in years worth of Axe body wash residue. Now, the ladies love the Axe...that’s why you score so much huggin’ and kissin’. But y’know what the ladies don’t love? Bathing in their own filth. Get some Scrubbing Bubbles up in there ASAP, pardner, if you ever plan on bringing a babe into your fetid man cave.

     

    Your Bedsheets

    most disgusting parts of your house bedsheets

    (source)

    Seriously. When's the last time you washed 'em? BE REAL WITH ME, BRO. Look me in the eye. Look me in the eye! Exactly. You can’t. Do you know how many dead skin cells you’ve been rolling around in for the past six months? It’s like sleeping in a damn ball pit, albeit with much smaller balls!

     

    Your Fan

    most disgusting parts of your house top of fan

    (source)

    Stop reading this and take a look at the top of your ceiling fan. Better yet, don’t. ‘Cause I don’t want to be held liable for what happens when you do. Realizing that an inch-thick patina of dust pours over you like a snowstorm of filth every time you flip a switch is enough to trigger a complete and utter mental breakdown.

     

    Your Toothbrush

    most disgusting parts of your house toothbrush

    (source)

    Pssh. Dentists say you should replace your toothbrush every three months – there’s no way in hell you do that, though. You’re lucky if you replace it once every three years. Do you have any idea how filthy your mouth is? Your filthy, dirty little mouth...

     

    Your Pets’ Areas

    most disgusting parts of your house pet areas

    (source)

    As we all know, animals are filthy, despicable creatures with no dignity or respect for cleanliness. That being said, anywhere your pets eat and/or defecate is a minefield of trash and sickness. Your Teacup Yorkie “Ms. Diva” might look cute, but there’s nothin’ cute about toxocariasis (the disease you can contract from her dookie).

     

    Your Keyboard

    most disgusting parts of your house computer keyboard

    (source)

    You type on it (after touching God knows what), you sneeze particles of mucus onto it, you (depending on what you're looking at online) get, uh, other stuff on it. It’s blanketed in Cheeto dust. If you were to pick it up and shake it, a living creature might fall out.

     

    Your Sponge

    most disgusting parts of your house sponge

    (source)

    Kitchen sponges are totally disgusting – teeming with germs, they can hold up to 250,000 bacteria per one square inch. You might say they’re really good at sponging...up microbes! (I’m sorry; I’ll show myself out.)

     

    Really, though...how the hell do you live with yourself? Let me know in the comments!

     

    Check Out 24 Best Funny Roommate Notes!


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    I don't know why it's so hard to accept the fact that celebrities are short.  Maybe it's because they surround themselves with even shorter hanger-oners and always wear 6 inch platform heels? Here's 10 singers that would probably make you say 'DAYUM! They're short!"  in your head if you ever met them in person. Don't say it out loud. Celebrities have feelings too.

     

    Lady Gaga

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 1"

    It's hard to tell when she always has 8 inches of bow made from her own hair or a stuffed Kermit the frog doll on top of her head! But now everything makes sense. Her outrageous behavior is making up for a height inferiority complex. Kind of like d-bag guys who drive Hummers are making up for their penis inferiority complex.

     

    Christina Aguilera

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 1"

    No wonder Cee Lo looked like such a giant on The Voice! Only someone as tiny as Aguilera could make a 5' 6" man seem tall, dark and handsome. Yeah, what? So, I find Cee Lo handsome...I'm crazy like that!

     

    Kelly Clarkson

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 3"

    I ain't gonna lie. I love me some Kelly Clarkson. The fact that she's so petite makes her even more adorable to me. She's like the Polly Pocket of singers.

     

    Avril Lavigne

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 1"

    Is anyone still an Avril Lavigne fan? That's like as extinct as the dodo bird or an Ashlee Simpson fan, amirite? So, yeah she's short and short on taste too. Exhibit A: her husband to be. Sorry, Nickelback fans! Unbelievably, they really do still exist.

     

    Lily Allen

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 2"

    Big mouths come in small packages or something like that.  I like Lily Allen and her big mouth. She gets into street fights. She's tiny but tough.

     

    Hilary Duff

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 2"

    Yeah, I'm gonna consider Hilary Duff a singer, even though I try to ignore her music career. What can I say? I much prefer her as an actress. She may be small, but it takes someone with big cajones to massacre The Who's classic rock anthem 'My Generation'. 

     

    Dolly Parton

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height:5' 0"

    Does anyone really notice Dolly Parton's height? I'm just saying...BOOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!

     

    Pink

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 4"

    I have to say I'm actually surprised by this one. I guess she has something to prove. And that something is that even though she's short,  she can still kick all of our asses.

     

    Shakira

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 2"

    Her belly-dancing has really distracted us all from the fact that she is muy pequeño. Her hips don't lie, but her 8 inch heels and mile high mound of hair make her height a lie! 

     

    Fergie

    short female singers

    (source) 

    Height: 5' 3"

    No wonder she still pisses herself! She's still practically child-sized. Sorry Fergie, I know you pissed yourself a long, long time ago, but it's the only remotely interesting thing about you to me, so I will forever hold it near and dear to my heart.  Hey at least we can both agree on tacos! They are deeeelicious.

    Which one were you surprised by? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out 10 Shockingly Short Celebrity Dudes!


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    Remember the video from a few months ago depicting an eagle snatching a baby? And then remember how the video turned out to be the work not of horrific baby-eating eagles but a bunch of LIARS (visual effects artists)?


    If there's one thing the internet needs, it's more authentic baby-being-eaten-by-animals vids.

    But our collective deception was, ultimately, for a good cause. The school where the video was created, the Centre NAD in Montreal, is starting a scholarship fund with revenue generated by the popular online video. This is the scholarship to go after if you're the type of person who watched Children of Men and thought "I could make a better digital baby than that". Although, I suspect the competition for the scholarship will be tough.


    children of men baby
    We're all the type of people who watched Children of Men
    and thought "I could make a better digital baby than that".

    (source)

    So why are the creators of the eagle video creating a scholarship fund instead of, say, two jets made of solid gold? You see, the makers of the video can't directly profit from the video, since it was created with an educational software license. Centre NAD was given a lower rate on the software so long as it was used in an educational context and not for profit. So remember this little parable the next time you're photoshopping Barack Obama into rad situations — if you use your school's computer, you probably can't make any money from it.


    obama meme
    Not quite the meal ticket you'd envisioned.
    (source)

    The money for the scholarship is coming from Google AdSense money because that video had over 41 million people thinking it was the real deal. So think for one second about being the student who gets that scholarship — you'll be at school because the entirety of the internet was duped. Your education will have come from CORRUPTION. From DECEPTION.


    bane dark knight rises
    "Your scholarship is built on a bed of LIES."
    (source)

    Are you, or is anyone you know, a CGI eagle? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out the best of the 'Vengeance Dad' meme!

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    Throughout history people have longed for something different than a cat, dog, or bird. They wanted pets that awed, pets that shocked, and pets that if given half the chance would happily devour their idiot owner.

     

    Ruling Bears

    animals pets bear on attack

    (source)

    Back in the day it seems it wasn’t enough for a world leader to illustrate his immense power. He also had to showcase his colossal insanity by trying to put a leash on an animal that’s more or less a walking wood-chipper, but for human flesh. Ivan the Terrible kept two pet bears that he would use to maul people who displeased him (when reportedly not just releasing them on the streets for giggles). Both Thomas Jefferson and Calvin Coolidge had pet bear cubs, though the cubs apparently grew frustrated with the divisiveness of politics and inability to pass any laws allowing them to rub provocatively against trees in public. And King Ptolemy II of Egypt had a white bear he made sure led every parade and that some scholars believe was actually a polar bear, despite the fact that Egypt is not exactly known for its ready supply of fresh seal meat.

     

    White House Alligators

    animals pets alligator leaving water

    (source)

    Long before the hosts’ actions on “Gator Boys” indicated it was only a matter of time before the series was renamed “Gator Boy” and then “Look At All Those Gators,” alligators were already spending quality time with not just regular folk but also Presidents of the United States. (And, to a lesser extent, the cabinet members who ran screaming in terror every time the pet whipped around the corner). The Marquis of Lafayette left his pet gator with John Quincy Adams (specifically, in the East Room bathtub) when he toured the U.S., thereby proving that guests should always stay at nearby hotels instead. And Herbert Hoover’s son Allan had two pet alligators that freely roamed the White House lawn as Secret Service watched and bet whether Allan was going to grow up to be a serial killer or a Batman villain.

     

    Pampered Primates

    animals pets ikea pet monkey

    (source)

    We all know of the monkey who was found left behind in an Ikea wearing a winter coat that was far too fashionable for someone considering a Billy bookcase. But primates have always been considered the ideal pet for those who have a give-or-take approach to their own facial features. Mother of three French kings Catherine de' Medici had a monkey who no doubt wondered when it would be his turn to rule (which could have resulted in a much smaller version of “Planet of the Apes” in which only the Eiffel Tower survives). The wife of England’s King Charles I also had a monkey, because why should France have been the only country of the verge of being ruled by shrieks and flung feces. And, of course, The Man with the Yellow Hat adopted Curious George, a monkey who for some reason didn’t have a tail (which might have been explained in a prequel children’s book that was deemed far too graphic for younger readers and so never printed).

     

    Housebroken Elephants

    animals pets elephant by river

    (source)

    By now it should be clear that rich and powerful people like to have exotic pets not only to symbolize their wealth but also to show they possess so much political clout that they can proclaim, “Let’s ride the pachyderms into battle!” without anyone saying, “Haha, good one.” Pope Leo X had a pet elephant named Hanno who could only understand Portuguese commands and sadly passed away because apparently people back then thought you could cure constipation with gold. Like Pope Leo X, Emperor Charlemagne also received his pet elephant—Abul Abbas—as a gift, although historical records conflict over whether it was an albino, died in battle or from pneumonia, existed at all, or perhaps was just two guys who got stuck inside a Halloween costume.

     

    Peter The Wild Boy

    animals pets peter the wild boy

    (source)

    In 1725 a small boy with no family was found naked, walking on all fours, eating grass, and grunting. Of course, “found” is a very nice way of saying he was actually hunted down, chased up a tree, and then captured after the tree was chopped down. The boy—who was unable to speak and had never been indoors—came to the attention of King George I, who was looking for a pet that wouldn’t result in high vet bills and yet still help maintain the royal crown’s reputation as “stone cold cruel bastards.” George I took the boy back to his castle, dressed him up in expensive clothes, and made him do tricks for royal visitors (when not having him beaten). Eventually, the royal family grew tired of Peter and actually had him sent off to a farm. King George I died of a stroke, but hopefully only after being run over by sixteen carriages and a war elephant.

     

    A Unicorn. Because At This Point Why The Hell Not.

    animals pets unicorn prancing field

    (source)

    Now, the first thing you should know is that this piece is based on a very recent news report—out of North Korea, the nation that told its citizens all the animals of the world openly sobbed upon hearing of the death of their leader Kim Jong-il (who was also praised for always bowling a perfect game). Second, this proof of a supposed former pet of King Tongmyong is based on the discovery late last year of an old rock featuring the words “Unicorn Lair.” Which of course means hundreds of years from now when archeologists unearth the remains of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, people will be left wondering how humanity lost both its magical powers and the recipe to butterbeer. (It should also be noted that North Korea went on to say that they always knew the unicorn was real because they always said it was real, a commitment to fact-checking that led the regime to actually believe an Onion news article saying their leader was voted “Sexiest Man Alive.”)

     

    Why do you like to stare at your dog until it bends its knee in acknowledgement of your power? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out 10 Deadly Animals Who Have Super Cute Babies!


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  • 01/29/13--13:37: 9 Best Celebrity Feuds
  • While everyone is frothing at the mouth at the prospect of an entire American Idol season filled with Minaj on Mariah action, let us look back at some of the best celebrity feuds in recent memory. Remember, celebrity feuds are just like our feuds - only ours don’t get retweeted and lead to new job opportunities. But everything else.

     

    Elton John v Madonna v Lady Gaga

    celebrity feuds

    (source)

    What Went Down: The Madonna comparisons have been made of Gaga since she began but things really came to a glittery head when she released, "Born This Way”. Depending on your loyalties the similarity between Gaga’s "Born This Way” and decades earlier Madonna hit "Express Yourself” are either passing or blatant plagiarism. Throw in protective celebumonster Elton John who already hated the "material girl” and you have the best theme for a Pride Parade float ever.

    He Said:"She's such a nightmare. Her career is over, I can tell you that."

    She Said (Madonna):"You wanna know something? I love her. I love her. I do love her. Imitation is the highest form of flattery…”

    She Said (Gaga):"I don’t even want to fight back because it’s more important to me to keep writing music. Because that’s really all I care about, is the music.”

    Who won: Gaga, taking the high road and then taking the chord progression from, "Ray of Light”. Kidding…maybe…we’ll see.

     

    Britney Spears v Christina Aguilera

    celebrity feuds

    (source)

    What Went Down: Once upon a time, Britney and Christina were young, beautiful and reasonably not insane. They were also bitter rivals, or so the press releases would have you believe, for America’s hearts and…let’s go with minds? Recently they were even competing as judges on rival competition shows making the feud fresh again. Everything old is new again I guess.

    She Said (Britney):"Christina Aguilera is truly talented.”

    She Said (Christina):"I just think at this point in the game it's extremely important to be supportive of fellow artists and especially females who get pitted against each other and torn apart."

    Who won: People who like perpetuating the female "catfight” myth (where women can’t be supportive of one another in similar fields) for money and/or publicity. Me-ow!

     

    Eminem v Mariah Carey

    celebrity feuds

    (source)

    What Went Down: Here’s a handy and informative timeline of the events.

    He Said:"Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?" also, pt.1 of like 10 tracks on the subject

    She Said: "I hung out with him, I spoke to him on the phone. I think I was probably with him a total of four times. And I don't consider that dating somebody."

    Who won: Neither? Both? Nick Cannon? It hurts when someone you’re clearly very into doesn’t even acknowledge there was ever anything there to be into. But, c’mon man, this is like Taylor Swift with a potty mouth. Mariah isn’t much better to keep stoking the flames with her digs at Em in her own work. At least this whole sh$%storm made Nick Cannon appear gallant.

     

    Taylor Swift v Kanye West

    celebrity feuds

    (source)

    What Went Down: Speaking of TayTay, who can forget the micnapping heard round the world? Well, if you did here it is again (and good luck with that head injury).

    He Said: "Yo, Taylor. I’m really happy for you, I’mm let you bla blab la bla yackity smackity”.

    She Said:"Boys are mean…wait that sounds like a great song”.

    Who won: MTV VMA’s and the publicity wizards who came up with this historic troll.

     

    Kings of Leon v Glee

    celebrity feuds

    (source)

    What Went Down: Glee creator Ryan Murphy wanted to use a Kings of Leon song on the show. The band said no. It got ugly from there.

    He Said: "They’re self-centered a(-)holes and they missed the big picture. They missed that a 7-year-old kid can see someone close to their age singing a Kings of Leon song, which will maybe make them want to join a glee club or pick up a musical instrument.”

    He Said (Nathan Followill):"Dear Ryan Murphy, let it go. See a therapist, get a manicure, buy a new bra. Zip your lip and focus on educating 7yr olds how to say a(-)hole.”

    Who won: Tie. Both men have since apologized; Murphy for the creative dispute and Followill for the vaguely homophobic comments. Neither party took any substantial hit and make more money than I will ever see in my lifetime.

     

    Courtney Love v Dave Grohl

    celebrity feuds

    (source)

    What Went Down: Oy. Where to begin. Former Nirvana drummer Grohl and Kurt Cobain’s widow Love have feuded legally and creatively over the legacy of the band since Cobain’s suicide. Recently Love accused Grohl of hooking up with her daughter Frances Bean. Also drugs are a hell of a drug.

    He Said:"There are a lot of people that I've been angry with in my life, but the one that's most noted is Courtney. So it's pretty obvious to me that those correlations are gonna pop up every now and again." 

    She Said:"Dave’s a piece of sh$* but he’s a good drummer. You can quote me on that.”

    Who won: Kurt.

     

    Chris Brown v Drake

    movie bullies

    (source)

    What Went Down: Allegedly Chris Brown sent Drake a bottle of champagne at a club and Drake, not having it, sent him back a note about sleeping with Rihanna. Then all hell broke loose with both entourages sustaining casualties.

    He Said (Drake): ALLEGEDLY " I’m $%^&*#@ the love of your life, deal with it.”

    He Said (Brown):"A lot of people wanna know about the whole situation with me, Drake and Meek Mill. At the end of the day, I’m me, they’re them. They rap, I sing. Totally different caliber…” Read more: http://globalgrind.com/style/chris-brown-big-sean-xxl-cover-interview-photos#ixzz2J8oyaatJ

    Who won: Neither. Criminal charges were mostly dropped but it certainly didn’t do either any favors.

     

    Kim Kardashian v Jon Hamm

    movie bullies

    (source)

    What Went Down: Actor and purveyor of fine meat Jon Hamm hammered Kim K a new one for no explicable reason other than zeitgeisty annoyance.

    He Said:"Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being an idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly."

    She Said:"We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, 'stupid,' is in my opinion careless.”

    Who won: Both win because they reportedly patched things over on the set of 30 Rock. But really, we all lose because Jon Hamm was preaching gospel.

     

    Lindsay Lohan v Hilary Duff

    celebrity feuds

    (source)

    What Went Down: In the early 2000s Lohan and Duff were poised in romantic battle for the heart of one Aaron Carter (or so gossip would have you believe). Duff claimed it was all Lindsay while Lindsay was busy filling the void within her with whatever was lying around.

    Who won: Duff. Carter and Lohan have seen better days. Also I miss Celebrity Deathmatch

    Which was the most epic feud? Any we missed? Let us known in the comments!

    Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or the Twitterverse will implode into a black hole of self-loathng and snark...faster than expected.

    Check out 20 Celebrity Images That Prove Time Travel Is Possible!


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    Guys, people get depressed. We’ve all been there, unless you’re some sort of magical creature who never feels despair, in which case please, share with us your secrets. But for those who are not such rarer-than-Unicorn like creatures, we need ways to cope with the sadness. Some of those ways actually feel pretty good in the moment, BUT WAIT! What initially feels good, may not, in fact, be healthy for you in the long run. What’s that, you want examples? SEEK AND YE’ SHALL RECEIVE! Here are Seven Things That Feel Good When You’re Sad (But Probably Aren’t Actually Helping):

     

    Listening To Sad Music

    unhelpful sad activities

    (source)

    The old standard! This is a classic example of something feeling good because it is so painful, to really sit (or, God forbid, lie down) and hammer your eardrums with the agonizing sadness of some indie band. PLEASE NOTE: The music has to be intentionally depressing, like Elliott Smith, and not the kind of depressing where it’s so bad you wish you were dead (cc: Black Eyed Peas)

     

    Talking About It With People ALL THE TIME

    >unhelpful sad activities

    (source)

    Sure, talking things through with people are a really good way to figure out how you actually feel and, hopefully, recon with your feelings and get past them. But talking about them with every single person you meet (“I’m sorry officer, was I speeding? You see, my girlfriend and I just broke up, so I’m feeling a little…) just because it feels good to rehash the details of your miserable existence doesn’t actually help you feel better, and it also makes everyone avoid you because they’re tired of having such depressing conversations whenever you’re around. Total friend killer.

     

    Eating Nothing But Metaphorical-Garbage

    >unhelpful sad activities

    (source)

    ”Eating your feelings” often leads to “Having to diet off your eaten feelings”, and in some cases “Getting diabetes from your feelings”.

     

    Staring Into Nothing

    >unhelpful sad activites

    (source)

    Do I really have to explain why sitting very still and gazing into the void is unhelpful? Well, if I do, here it is: It’s really, really creepy. Neither strangers, nor friends, want to walk into a room and just see someone sitting there, gazing at…? At least have the decency to put one of those magic eye things in front of you, so it looks like you might be trying to solve that.

     

    Drinking

    >unhelpful sad activites

    (source)

    If you don’t understand why this is a bad solution, you’re past any help a website mostly made up of pop-culture lists can provide you.

    Not Getting Out Of Bed

    >unhelpful sad activities

    Oh bed, you are as comforting as the gentle embrace of our Mother/Father (let’s admit it, we all have our favorite). There is a limit to how much good you can do, however, and it’s important we recognize those limitations. Not only is this a really unproductive way to live your life, it also is very easily combined with other depressing activities, such as listening to sad music, or cramming gummy bears down your gullet (or, in medical terms, your “Sad Hole”). Get up, see the sunshine! Seriously, go out in the sun, it has vitamins in it that you need.

     

    Never Going To Bed

    >unhelpful sad activities

    (source)

    I understand why this happens. Sleep is the one time you are fully not in control of your brain, and it’s free to dredge up whatever terrible pain your subconscious has hoarded away for the next time it wants to reduce you to a weepy mess. But you need sleep! Literally, you need sleep, you will die without it. There are a few now-deceased World of Warcraft bingers who are proof of that.

     

    Can’t we all just be happy? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out Whether Arty Teens Are More Likely To Be Depressed!


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