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    Everyone has a dream — for some, it's to play major league baseball. For others, it's to blast to outer space. For still others, it's to run a small business that functions as an anchor point for an entire community and keep small-town values alive in America.

    But for Erik Sprague, his dream is a little further off the beaten path. His dream is to become a reptile. And no, that isn't a metaphor for, like, an especially vicious Wall Street tycoon or something. This guy is literally on his way to becoming a REPTILE.


    human lizard
    Hey so this is what the devil looks like if you're pious and won't ever seen him.
    (source)

    Sprague has had head-to-toe tattoos to mimic a reptile's skin, Teflon implanted in his forehand to create reptile-esque ridges over his eyes, teeth filed to razor-sharp points, and even had his tongue cut right in half to simulate a lizard's forked tongue.

    human lizard
    (source)

    This guy has seriously crossed the fifty one percent threshold — he's more lizard than man now.


    killer croc arkham asylum
    Sprague's lizard transformation is so complete that if he were a boss in Arkham
    Asylum he'd be more likely to have a running-towards-the-camera boss fight
    than a one-punch-and-they're-out-cold-because-they're-fighting-BATMAN
    boss fight.

    (source)

    But despite his horrible visage, Sprague says his family is supportive of his career path, saying his family has been supportive and understand of the entire process. And that, for some reason, makes his whole situation feel right. We can all talk about being punk rock, ant-establishment hardasses who don't care WHAT society thinks of us, but it's ultimately REALLY hard to be your own, different self when even your blood relatives are against you. I'm glad the human lizard's parents are on his side.


    chewbacca costume
    Would that my family were as supportive of my desire
    to spend 24 hours a day in a Chewbacca costume.

    (source)

    This is all part of an extended art project Sprague's been working on — injecting something unique, surprising, and ultimately beautiful into the day-to-day lives of regular people. "All I have to do," Sprague says in a documentary about himself, "is walk outside my house and walk down the street and I immediately interject surrealism into the worlds of everyone who perceives me." The sentiment is actually kind of nice — Sprague makes himself into a living symbol of the infinite possibilities the universe holds for us. In fact, I'm certain those who observe him walking around at 80 percent reptile really will be changed. Just maybe not in the way he hopes.


    old couple happy
    "Hon, you may have cheated on me throughout our 34 years of
    marriage, but at least you're not 80 percent reptile, so I love you."

    (source)

    What animal will you be transforming yourself into by way of tattoos, piercings, and body modification? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out 6 People Not to Let Your Girlfriend Talk To!

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    You think it's hard to find a life partner? Try being a video game character. It is nearly impossible to meet another person to share your love with when you're always having to go off to kill giant monsters and save the world. A lot of video game characters have turned to Craigslist to try to meet someone outside of their usual circle of friends. Here are Craigslist personal ads by video game characters.

     

    Kratos

    kratos craigslist ad

     

    Alyx Vance

    alyx vance craigslist ad

     

    Mario

    mario craigslist ad

     

    Samus Aran

    samus craigslist ad

     

    Sub Zero

    sub zero craigslist ad

     

    The Prince Of All Cosmos

    katamari craigslist ad

     

    Master Chief

    master chief craigslist ad

     

    Snorlax

    snorlax craigslist ad

     

    What's the craziest thing you've seen on Craigslist? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

     

    Check Out 15 Ridiculous Craigslist Ads!


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  • 01/10/13--17:21: 6 Pre-Homework Rituals!
  • Everybody hates homework. Even people who like learning. So it’s natural that as a society we’ve learned some coping mechanisms to help alleviate the anguish of nightly not-fun tasks. Here are some pre-homework rituals everybody does.

     

    Combing Facebook For Fellow Sufferers

    hw rituals whiner dude

    (source)

    Sucky assignments can make you feel crazy. Six Calc problem sets in one night? Our cortices weren’t built for such nonsense! So you search Facebook for people complaining about the same assignment, hoping to validate your distress. Not only does misery love company, but maybe someone else will have offered a link to the answer key in the comments!

     

    Refreshing Your Email For The Zillionth Time

    hw rituals computer girl

    (source)

    Clicking the “reload” button on your email homepage serves to remind yourself that, though life may suck at the moment, someone loves you (even if it’s Lady Groupon herself). I think I remember reading something in psych class about how intermittent rewards (i.e. “you have 1 unread message”) make you work harder than a predictable stream. But then again, I probably was procrastinating so long that I had to skim the chapter, so, uh, no promises on the accuracy of that sentence.

     

    GChatting Someone You’re Supposed To Be Getting Over

    hw rituals just into

    (source)

    As long as you’re doing things you’re not supposed to be doing, why not be really bad? Pre-homework procrastination time provides the perfect venue for you to IM that dude who’s just not that into you. Waiting to see if he responds in a timely manner and in complete sentences (he won’t) is unfortunately way more fun than starting on some reading that will broaden your perspective on what you deserve out of life.

     

    YouTube Spiral To The Weird Stuff

    It begins with a friend emailing you a link to a five-minute video on what Mariah Carey said about Nicki Minaj, after which you’re like, this side bar looks fun! More diva! Ultimately you’ll discover some great new artists, great new drag artists, and what an alternate spelling of Nicki’s last name means to three French people.

     

    Reading Smosh! And Other Internet

    hw rituals smosh guys

    (source)

    You’ve gotta have your Smosh before you get down to business. It’s a great source for learning about the world and the way our youth perceives it. But then you also gotta have your friends’ Tumblrs and celeb Twitter accounts and your multi-page magazine articles that won’t let you rest until you’ve gotten to the end. By the time you get down to The Odyssey, your eyes have called it quits for the night.

     

    Exaggerating Basic Human Needs

    hw rituals katniss hunger

    (source)

    When you have work to do, your bladder shrinks, your appetite becomes insatiable, and you become more tired than you have ever been in your whole life. You convince your body that you’re in some version of The Hunger Games, and your physical needs must be met before you do anything else. Go ahead, treat yo’self until there’s no more toilet paper.

     

    What other pre-homework rituals do you guys have? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out People Robert Pattinson Should Go Out With Now!


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    So if you haven't been living under an internet rock lately, the ole violence IRL/ violent video games debate is back on! Although there is no scientific research to back up the belief that violent video games lead a gamer to commit violent crime, everyone pretty much believes it anyway. The latest group polled on the matter...parents. Gulp. And guess what kiddies? 75% of them think there's a connection. I would sleep with my copy of COD: Black Ops II under my pillow if I were you.

    violent video games

    (source) 

    89% of the parents polled think violence in video games is a problem. No doubt they've seen their gaming child throw an epic tantrum over something video game-related? That I believe. I mean I think we've all punched a hole in the wall after experiencing some lag time while playing a first person shooter game. AMIRITE?

    violent video games

    (source) 

    Which funnily enough reminds me of something... there have been studies that connect violent video games to an increase in aggression amongst users. So there's that. 

    violent video games

    (source) 

    Of course the fact that parents think that violence and violent video games are related, doesn't mean they'll actually do anything about it. Because they're like modern day parents and it's physically impossible for them to say no to their children. I mean hey, you are the parent. If you think something, even without scientific proof, you can still do something about it. I think they have the right to exist, but I also think parents have the right to see how they affect their children and act accordingly. It's like common sense, yo! I mean justifying my foul mouth with a first amendment argument never worked on my mom.

    violent video games

    (source) 

    What say you? Tell me what you think @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out 9 Scariest Video Games Of All Time!


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    There are many great Disney Channel cartoon characters. Phineas. Ferb. Kim Possible. Spinelli. This is not a list of those characters. This is a list of the ones that bug the hell out of you. Even if they're supposed to be annoying...do they have to be SO annoying? Here's 8 of the worst!

     

    Cousin Larry- Kim Possible

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    Larry is the stereotypical know-it-all, socially awkward, obsessive nerd. What's wrong with that you might be asking? If you're asking that question, you may be a Larry and are probably boring all your friends to death when you start bemoaning the cancelation of Firefly for the umpteenth time. Also this character cliche is just getting tired for me. We get it! His girlfriend is probably an Applejack fleshlight!

     

    Suga Mama- The Proud Family

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    Speaking of overdone character cliches... is there anything more overdone than the overbearing and crude old lady? It was maybe funny the first time a kabillion years ago. I understand. Old people can be hip and inappropriate! But forgive me if I don't die laughing at the sight of Betty White rapping Pu**y Money Weed. Okay, that might be kind of funny.

     

    Candace Flynn- Phineas and Ferb

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    Older sister from hell. Am I the only one tired of her constant tattle-telling? Plus the Valley girl accent needs to be retired for good. I live near the Valley. No one talks that way anymore. Note to Ashley Tisdale: Between this character and Sharpay you have really made a niche for yourself when it comes to playing grating characters. Please stop. You seem like a nice girl and I'm rooting for you because you always get compared to Vanessa Hudgens and that's not fair.

     

    All of the Characters- Fish Hooks

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    Spongebob is barely tolerable for me in a lot of ways. But I love him, because the writing is so strong and the show is funny as hell. So a Spongebob rip-off is just annoying. Especially one as pointless as this. If I had to pick my least fave BFF I'd go with Bea. She's like an animated Rachel Berry. Doesn't get more annoying than that.

     

    Squeak- Lilo & Stitch: The Series

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    Squeak was designed by Jumba Jookiba to annoy people with his non-stop talking. So I guess this experiment was a success? He is cute. Until he opens his mouth. Kind of like Snooki. Except she's not that cute I guess, so that comparison doesn't really work.

     

    Pacifica Northwest- Gravity Falls

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    This character is so punch-worthy I'm kind of surprised she isn't voiced by Ashley Tisdale. Maybe she's taking my advice about avoiding annoying characters? Which would be weird because I just gave it to her three entries ago.

     

    Bonkers D. Bobcat- Bonkers

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    With a name like Bonkers , how could he not be irritating? I would love nothing more than to see an anvil  come crashing down on his head. Bring him back just to make that happen. Thank you, cartoon Gods!

     

    Muriel Finster- Recess

    annoying disney channel cartoon characters

    (source) 

    She's the hardass playground teacher we all used to hate. Watching her just gives me hives thinking about those days. Like the time I forgot my homework in my locker and the yard lady wouldn't let me back in to get it  forcing me to call her an EFFING B. That didn't go over well. She actually pulled me by my ear to the principal's office. I admit I was wrong for calling her that, but she was wrong for acting like an effing b, amirite?

    What character do you find the most annoying? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out Freaky Disney Channel GIFs!


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    When fleshing out the world of a television show, music is a great shorthand to a character’s personality. And to make sure that personality isn’t too expensive, fictional bands are created to emulate bands the viewer can recognize. Sometimes they bleed into our world with disastrous results – looking at you Uncle Jesse Stamos. And some we just wish would. Here are the ten fictional bands we’d listen to on our soon to be outdated listening devices if we could.

     

    The Beets, Doug

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    I wonder if they ever caught Killer Tofu, last whereabouts somewhere around Portland, Oregon. You don’t suppose he has anything to do with this guy?

     

    Drive Shaft, Lost

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    Drive Shaft and their one very Oasis, very catchy hit, “You All Everybody” could have had a Billboard shelf life if not for the fact that it was dead the whole time.

     

    Frozen Embryos/Residue, My So Called Life

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    Here’s Jordan Catalano doing his best Layne Staley in a song about SPOILER ALERT his freaking car. His CAR! Angela Chase would do better to get into, I don’t know, jazz or something.

     

    Mystik Spiral, Daria

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    I entirely blame Trent and Mystik Spiral for conditioning me to crush on boys in horrible, horrible bands. But, years later, stick a guitar on a skinny boy with tattoos and a dream and I’ll work the merch table before you can say, “Sick, Sad, World”.

     

    Dingoes Ate My Baby, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    The Dingoes are unique on this list in that they were mostly comprised of a very real band, Four Star Mary. But some say their souls still live in the Bronze and if you watch on Netflix instant you can still hear their mournful, emo cries.

     

    Timmy And The Lords Of The Underworld, South Park

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    Punk Rock died when the first kid said, “Punks not dead”. And then Timmy came along, raised Punk from the dead, made it turn around and shovel dirt back into its grave and then plant bulbs for the spring. PUNK ROCK BOTANY! TIMMY!

     

    Dr. Teeth And The Electric Mayhem, The Muppet Show

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    I keep waiting for the reunion tour to be announced or for them to headline Coachella and every year I’m so disappointed. Someone needs to get their hand out of their a$$ and make this happen.

     

    Josie And The Pussycats, Josie And The Pussycats

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    Truth be told I’ve never seen any of the Pussycat’s groovy capers but they sound retro and fun.

    But, I used to love the hell out of the movie version with songs by Letters to Cleo. Free Rachel Leigh Cook!

     

    Dethklock, Metalocalypse

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    How come most metal sounds like Cookie Monster went to town on some Bath Salt Ginger Snaps and then ate a karaoke machine?

     

    Dr. Fünke’s 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution, Arrested Development

    cartoon bands

    (source)

    I don’t know why they never blue up. Badum-bum-chhh! Thank you, thank you, follow my twitter, tip your Smoshtress, I’m out.

     

    Which band do you think would make it in the real world? Let me know in the comments!

    Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or you’re never going to get signed to a major label.

    Check out the best of the Drunken Baby meme!


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    So I was watching a One Direction video the other day (sadly true), and I noticed a little something between some of the guys. Maybe not full on flirting, but SOMETHING was there. A stolen glance… a subtle lip bite…. a slight nipple tweaking. I checked around on the internet, and some other people noticed it too. (Some people also wrote stories about it, but I would skip those unless you are interested in stories about Zayn being pregnant. WHO’S THE FATHER? IS IT HARRY?) Here are some of the other suggestive One Direction moments that make you go “hummmmm….”

     

    This look

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    The eye contact. The smiling. The closeness. Are we about to witness a kiss? Did the camera there stop these two from sharing their real feelings? If so, nice job camera! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN ROMANCE?

     

    This hug

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    It’s natural to be on a bus and find yourself pushed close against your fellow passengers. But this bus is two stories, and seems to only be carrying the members of One Direction. Did they MEAN to get this close? Is there a meaning to this embrace?

     

    This whisper

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    What could Harry be saying here? “We have to be in the studio at 8?” “I’m jonesin’ for a hot pocket?” Or could it be “be in my room at 10 minutes.” Since this is one of the silent type GIFS, there’s no way to enhance the sound. The world will never know.

     

    This rub

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    At first Louis is like, WHO DARES TOUCH LOUIS TOMLINSON? Then he sees those supple manicured fingers, and knows it could only be Niall. It’s the kind of touch he’s grown to love, and he looks up and smiles. It’s gonna be a good day.

     

    This tweak

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    I know you sometimes have to grab onto the guy in front of you when you are riding on a motorcycle, but is it customary to give the driver a loving nipple tweak? Followed by some groping? Or is this a subtle expression of attraction?

     

    This wrestling

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    Bros will be bros. But will those bros go in for a kiss? Is that normal bro behavior? Or is it the behavior of two young men who have feelings for each other?

     

    This glance

    suggestive one direction moments crotch glance

    (source)

    Zayn is relaxed, happy, and smiling. He’s giving two thumbs up, the universal symbol for “AYYYYY!” But then he looks down. What if all the fame and fortune mean nothing? What if what would really make him happy is right in front of him, inside the shorts of his band mate Louis? The revelation seems to trouble Zayn.

     

    This kiss

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    This could just be some bros messing around for an interview, but take a look at Niall’s face. He’s not amused or even disgusted. It's ANGER. Like “how DARE you kiss me Zayn we are THROUGH!” Is there some history here?

     

    This crotch grab

    suggestive one direction moments

    (source)

    Louis straight up grabs Liam’s junk. Could it have a deeper meaning? Or just a weird handshake they do in Britain?

     

    What do you think? Am I just reading too much into these moments? Or is there ROMANCE there? Let us know in the comments or on twitter @carpetislava.

     

    Check out 10 Worst Things I Saw In The New One Direction Video!


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  • 01/12/13--11:12: Why Seth MacFarlane Rules
  • If you get to a certain level of success, there are always going to be some haters. Sure, Family Guy might not be the best show in the history of animation, but it's definitely not the worst. Sometimes when you judge a person, you need to seperate the art from the artist. Last week Megan took some serious heat for making her case that MacFarlane sucks. Here is why I think Seth MacFarlane rules. In your face, Megan K.!

     

    He's Worked Really Hard To Get Where He Is

    Seth MacFarlane has wanted to be an animator his entire life. Everything he has done has lead him to being the creator of his own show. Family Guy didn't just pop up out of no where. He worked on tons of shows before finally getting his own. He made the Family Guy pilot for only $50,000. That basically meant that he had to spend all day, every day for six months sitting in one spot and drawing. The last time I sat in one spot for six months and did one thing was when I finally beat Battletoads. Some would call that a waste of time. I REGRET NOTHING!

     

    He Told A Hitler Joke During The Oscar Nominations

    Seth and Emma Stone at Oscars

    (source)

    The Oscars are one of the stuffiest events in all of Hollywood. It's just a bunch of rich and famous people giving each other awards for being rich and famous. There's no way The Academy was going to be happy about him telling a Hitler joke at the nominations and he still did it anyway. Take that old people!

     

    He's Producing A Sequel To Cosmos Starring Neil deGrasse Tyson

    NdT looking adorable

    (source)

    Cosmos was a fantastic series by the great Carl Sagan. This sequel to Cosmos is going to be the first astronomy program to be aired on one of the big networks in a long time. Neil deGrasse Tyson and Carl Sagan's widow Ann Druyan had been trying to get the new Cosmos made for years with no success. With Seth's name attached to the project, they were finally able to get funding and a home for the show at Fox. It's going to be nice to finally get to see a science show that isn't about Nostradamus or how aliens gave technology to the Nazis.

     

    He Started Family Guy When He Was Only 24

    pothead dog

    (source)

    I know when I saw twenty four, I spent most of my days eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and taking naps. Seth was busy creating one of the most popular animated shows of all time. How come no one will pay me for taking the greatest nap of all time?

     

    He Is Sort Of Responsible For Futurama and Arrested Development Coming Back

    arrested development cast photo

    (source)

    Family Guy was the first show to be brought back after cancellation due to DVD sales, rerun ratings, and fan support. That indirectly created an environment where it was OK to renew awesome shows that were cancelled for no reason. The new Futurama epsiodes have been just as good or better than the show before it was cancelled. I'm really excited to see what the new Arrested Development episodes will be like. Hopefully, there's a talking dog and an evil baby genius.

     

    He Supports A Bunch Of Charities

    odd check donation

    (source)

    The thing about giving to charity is that it's not something you have to do. He supports tons of charities ranging from causes like helping children and cancer research. I really wish there was some sort of rule that he had to donate a dollar every time there was a cut away joke. Unfortunately, it would bankrupt him in about three episodes.

     

    He Employs A Ton Of People

    industrial revolution textile mill

    (source)

    A lot of people give him crap for running three similar shows at the same time. Those shows employ a huge writing staffs, production staffs, and animation staffs. Basically what I'm saying is that when we make it out of this recession, we need to start printing money with Seth's face on it.

     

    He Is Actually A Giant Robot Run By Stewie Griffin

    stewie shooting laser

    (source)

    It's true. Family Guy, American Dad, and The Cleveland Show are all just a ploy so Stewie can take over the world. I, for one, am excited about this bright new future with Seth MacFarlane bot as our glorious leader.

     

    Does Seth MacFarlane suck or rule? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

     

    Check Out Why Seth MacFarlane Sucks!


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    Abandon all hope all ye who aren’t an enormous theatre geek. For this here list is up to the rafters with some of the best musicals that have yet to get the Oscar bait film treatment. Side effects of this list include (but are not limited to): jazz hands, Fosse joints, dry mouth (from bursting out into song), erectile dysfunction and playbill.

     

    Wicked

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    To say Wicked is one of the most successful musicals of all time would imply that it’s only a musical. Wicked might as well be a religion for some musical theatre devotees and god help the person who finally (inevitably) puts it on screen. The latest rumor is that Stephen Daldry (Billy Elliot, The Hours) is in talks to direct but you never know. There might be a Paranormal Activity 28 before we see Elpheba defy gravity.

     

    Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    Allegedly production will start this spring for what will either be a feature or another series of shorts for the interwebs… BUT I WANT IT NOW! I refuse to be rational about this. Do you need another strike Whedon brothers? Because I will go Norma Rae on this shiz.

     

    The Book of Mormon

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    The beautiful thing about BOM is that it is one hundred percent pro-belief and does not discriminate against Mormons like protests would have you believe. Sure, they get a lot of jokes in, but it equally mocks every religion for their fantastical idiosyncrasies. But you can tell Trey and Matt fully endorse the life affirming nature of having hope, spreading kindness, and treating others with respect, the backbone of most religions. Also, the music is great and they talk about poop a lot. It’s the film musical this world needs AND wants.

     

    Cats

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    Yes, Cats. Stay with me here. Cats could be a great film musical IF they used the powers of CG to cast beloved Internet cats in the famous stage roles. Nobody would miss the choreography at all if Grumpy Cat was the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees or Lil Bub sang out, “Memories”. Otherwise…it would be a lot of this, the musical equivalent of your sad aunt’s puff paint sweatshirt.

     

    25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    Putnam, like You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown before it, relies a lot on the amusement of seeing full grown adults act like little children. I for one would love to see Sir Ian McKellen spell out words with his foot and then sing about having awkward erections. Haven’t we all?

     

    Avenue Q

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    Avenue Q could just stop at being a show about puppets with dirty mouths and be worth the money, but instead it’s a hilarious and poignant musical about who we are and how we treat one another in the modern age. It’s also about porn, racism, sexuality, post-collegiate terror, relationships and porn. My only hope is that if they ever film it is for the puppeteers to still be visible, I’m sure their agents would agree.

     

    Company

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    I think every High School and College theatre program in this country has done Company. They even kind of made it into a television show with the older brother from “7th Heaven” called “What About Brian?”. It’s a story about one perpetual bachelor and the many dysfunctional couples who love him but it’s also about figuring out who you are on your own and in relation to the company (eh? eh?) you keep. Also the songs are amazing because it’s written by Stephen motherlovin’ Sondheim. Up top theatre geeks!

     

    Into The Woods

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    OK, since I got some internet high fives, more Sondheim it is! With “Once Upon A Time” on TV, “Fables” on bookshelves and Snow White and other fairytales in theatres, there has never been a better time for Into The Woods to become the blockbuster film it will so clearly be. They can even take the Les Mis cast whole cloth, Hugh Jackman as The Big Bad Wolf anyone?

     

    The Black Rider

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    The Black Rider and the Casting of the Magic Bullets is the collaboration between three genius’ of their fields: Tom Waits (music/lyrics), William S. Burroughs (book), Robert Wilson (direction/design). It would be very cool if a horror movie director were to latch onto this and make it the film Sweeny Todd wishes it was (or rather, what I wish Sweeny Todd was, damn you Tim Burton and Johnny Depp aka Derpton!).

     

    Urinetown

    musicals to movies

    (source)

    Urinetown is the antidote to an earnest beyond melodrama film like Les Miserables. It’s breaking of the 4th wall to talk to the audience and topical subject matter like corporate greed makes it relevant now more than ever. I’d love to see how they would parody film conventions like they do with musical theatre ones.

     

    Which musical do you want to see on the big screen? Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments!

    Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or I will dance fight you in a Broadway Bro-down.

    Check out 8 Movie Quotes That Became Memes!


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    Toy Story was the groundbreaking movie that forever shifted the playing field of animation in the United States from 2D to 3D. Now, a couple people on the internet with a whole bunch of toys and a camera have gone and recreated it real-life style.


    live toy story
    Those who bought the limited release NC-17 version of Toy Story got to see a whole different set of toys.
    (source)

    CNET is reporting that Jonason Pauly and Jesse Perrotta took two and a half years and what appears to be a light kit designed for a horror movie and recreated the entire film more or less shot for shot. They spent a hell of a lot of time making a movie that was already made 15 years ago. Do you realize what they could have done with all that time? Do you have any idea how high of a level their World of Warcraft character could be right now?


    world of warcract
    A Live action Toy Story, or a level 99 Panda Monk... was it worth it?
    (source)

    The pair decided on a live action Toy Story after several failed attempts at a live action "Finding Nemo" where they couldn't get the fish to stay still long enough and, on the last attempt, their eleven year old son was torn clean in half by a Mako Shark.


    mako shark
    "Just stay still for a second while we get this shot. Billy, swim over to that shark and see if he wants an Aquafina, or something from craft services."
    (source)

    With the online popularity of their live action Toy Story only increasing, Jonason and Jesse are already gearing up for their sophomore effort: Live Action Wall-E. All they need they said, is a toy Wall-E, a toy E-va, and for there to be a full scale nuclear war that leaves the world's cities in ruins.

    What animated films would like to remake into live action? Let us know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


    Check out 20 badass versions of cartoon characters!

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    I’m a pretty grim guy, and I can find a good reason to dislike just about anything. Lately, I’ve decided to step up my game, and not just go after life’s petty annoyances. No no, I’ve decided to bring out the big guns, and go after bigger targets, like time, or the number zero (how can something be a number if it isn’t actually anything?) As a part of my ongoing quest to dislike everything, I would now like to share with you my Compelling Reasons To Hate Every Day Of The Week:

     

    Monday

    reasons to hate days of the week

    (source)

    Guys, is lasagna delicious? Yes. Then who are we to not listen to the other pieces of wisdom that came from the cartoon cat Garfield, such as “I hate Mondays”. That’s right, with that nugget on everything from posters, to t-shirts, to tattoos (I imagine), everyone hates Mondays. It almost feels cruel to keep beating up on it, but maybe if it wasn’t so damn hateable it wouldn’t be in this position.

     

    Tuesday

    reasons to hate every day of the week

    (source)

    Tuesday? I just don’t like Tuesday’s face.

     

    Wednesday

    reasons to hate every day of the week

    (source)

    Commonly known as “hump day”, Wednesday falls right in the middle of the common work week, and is a reminder of just how little you’ve gotten done by the time the week is half over. That’s depressing, and Wednesday is a total jerk for putting you through that.

     

    Thursday

    reasons to hate every day of the week

    (source)

    Another day whose name starts with a “T”? Come on, there are twenty six letters in the alphabet, you can’t share the wealth a little bit?

     

    Friday

    reasons to hate every day of the week

    (source)

    Sure, Friday is the start of the weekend, so it probably seems pretty bullet proof to hatred. Not so fast, Friday apologist! Friday sucks BECAUSE it’s the start of the weekend. Anyone who has lived even moderately close to a bar knows that Friday’s are horrible because people like to go out and get WAY too drunk, and then way back to their cars and talk WAY too loudly. Saturday at least has some people so hung over they need to take the night off, but Friday is such a tension reliever for so many, you really get the most amount of obnoxious people walking the streets at once.

     

    Saturday

    reasons to hate every day of the week

    (source)

    The only day that you probably don’t have to work, and also don’t have to work the day after. This leads to an insane amount of pressure to have an EPIC SATURDAY, BRO! Pressure causes anxiety, and anxiety is not something that leads to a particularly fun day, so “boo” to you, Saturday!

     

    Sunday

    reasons to hate every day of the week

    (source)

    Ugh, Sunday is the worst. An ideal Sunday would be spent just doing something relaxing, and taking it easy. But no, it’s your last day off, so you feel the need to make it count! Also, there’s a good chance someone in your life is putting pressure on you to waste some of your day at church, or a flea market. Sunday is never not a disappointment.

     

    So, what else guys? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out 7 People Who Really Hate The Holidaysses!


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    Sure we have 'It's Complicated' but that's just a little too all-encompassing for my taste. I think we need to know exactly what's so complicated. I also think I should be in charge of labeling your relationships, because I have a feeling most people don't know what the hell they're doing. I don't either but for some reason I'm able to see in others what I don't see in myself. Here's 6 more relationship status options I think Facebook needs to pony up.

     

    In A Fictional Relationship Because It's The Only Way I'll Ever Be In A Relationship

    relationship status Facebook

    (source) 

    This is for those that like to be married to their BFF....awwww so not cute!  And for all the people who are in fictional relationships with Bieber, Kate Upton and Niall. So basically for tweener girls and dudes who own stock in gym socks and hand lotion.

     

    In A Relationship With Someone All My Friends Hate

    relationship status Facebook

    (source) 

    I think we all have a friend with a scumbag mate. They'll come around one day we hope. All of Rihanna's friends just said 'Girl, you got that right!' Rihanna needs an 'In a Relationship With Someone the World Hates (except his dumbass fans)' option.

     

    In An On Again/Off Again Relationship

    relationship status Facebook

    (source) 

    The on again/off again is a total emotional drain. Just be careful when they break up the first time not to finally admit how relieved you are. Because when they get back together, and they will,  it is super awkward. I know from experience as someone with a big ass mouth that can't keep her opinions to herself.  One day my ex-friend will know that I was right. That will be a sweet, sweet victory for me and totally worth the loss of a great friendship.

     

    In A Relationship That's Superior To Yours

    relationship status Facebook

    (source) 

    Eff these people am I right?   They make me hate love. The best part of those relationships is when you see that 'so and so is now single' update come on your feed. When these people break up I always want to post this on their wall:

    relationship status Facebook

    (source) 

    But I don't because I'm only an a-hole in my head.

     

    In A Relationship Where We're Taking Things Too Fast

    relationship status Facebook

    (source) 

    This is for every girl who's like a Taylor Swift without the money and fame. Oh yeah and instead of moving too fast with a famous dude, you're planning future baby names with a guy you met a week ago, who already has two kids and works as a busboy at Chili's. And yet somehow it's still not as sad as when Taylor Swift does it.

     

    In The Friendzone

    relationship status Facebook

    (source) 

    Let's just make it official...amirite? Like not the official they want, but the best they'll ever get. So change that status and get that crying shoulder back to work! And while you're at it do something about those calluses on your BFF's feet.  She's got a date later this week.

    What relationship status would you like to see added? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out MORE Relationship Statuses Facebook Needs To Add!


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    Every January the giants of the tech industry converge on the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas to offer a preview of their upcoming wonders in hardware, software, and gadgetry. Of course, along for the ride are several other companies who show off the following…

     

    The Vibrating Fork

    ces product vibrating fork use

    (source)

    Wish there was a fork that made eating peas impossible or gave you an idea of what a mini-stroke would feel like during dinner? Introducing the Vibrating Fork, whose very name may get it banned from some stores. Designed to start shaking whenever a person is shoveling meals too fast into their food hole, this device was created to prevent digestive problems or obesity caused by eating very quickly. Unfortunately, what it doesn’t prevent is the shame of sitting in a restaurant and whipping out flatware that resembles a rectal thermometer with tines and won’t let you consume meat sauce without splattering everywhere because you just can’t wait to shovel two pounds of pasta in your mouth.

     

    Personalized 3-D Face Toy

    ces product personalized 3D face toy

    (source)

    Moms who have been longing to put a three-dimensional likeness of their tyke on a knock-off Tigger plush without caring just how much it resembles an interspecies-spawned Chucky doll, your time has come! Thanks to a company called Minime, you can now stare into the protruding button-nosed, dead-eyed gaze of your precious child from a toy doll, a smartphone case, or practically anything you wish to be scared of—or make you frightened of your very own offspring—for the rest of your life.

     

    iPotty

    ces product ipotty with ipad

    (source)

    A toilet-training device with its own iPad stand, the iPotty comes complete with several educational apps that promise to help your child disembowel their Gerbers and so are probably too disgusting to ever be seen by the human eye. The theory behind the gadget is that if your child is busy happily smearing God knows what on your iPad while they sit on the can (you didn’t think for 40 bucks the iPotty would come with its own iPad, did you?), the kid will be more apt to stay seated until what needs to get done gets done. The reality, however, is that children will load up on enough rice to get so constipated they spend six hours of alone time in the bathroom playing "Angry Birds."

     

    Winbot

    ces product winbot cleaning window

    (source)

    Sort of a Roomba for your windows (if your Roomba were to suddenly develop Spider-Man like climbing powers that would surely signal the start of Skynet), the Winbot moves around cleaning all the glass inside and out. What sounds like a high-tech squeegee, though, takes a turn for the worse when you find out it won’t work in the rain, snow, or any temperature under 40 degrees. In short, it’s a temperamental, whiny little robot that will probably spend most of its time slowly moving back and forth on your glass coffee table, watching Netflix streaming.

     

    Brainwave Cat Ears

    ces product brainwave cat ears

    (source)

    What if you’re not quite ready to lose your freaking mind and become a full-fledged furry but you still want to alert people to your moods like someone’s pet? Then slap on a pair of the Brainwave Cat Ears and watch as the headset reads your mind and responds to your every emotion, so long as you don’t have more than three of them. The ears perk up when you’re excited, wiggle when you’re really focused, and droop when you come to the sad conclusion that its stuff like this that’s preventing you from getting invited to parties.

     

    Sling Harness Video Game Controller

    ces product sling harness motion controller

    (source)

    No doubt believing people are tired of the physical freedom they get with a Wii remote or Xbox Kinect, the good people of Intellect Motion decided to focus on just the second part of their name and create a game controller that looks like a bungee jump for agoraphobics. Using a harness, several large rubber bands, LED sensors, and a complete inability to figure out when a drinking game has gone too far, the "Smotion" captures the player’s entire range of motion to help stimulate mental and physical prowess, especially when the cords snap and you’re flung straight through your living room window or you wind up hanging upside down from the ceiling so ensnared in knots your family decides it’s easier if the rest of them just move then to free you from your hell.

    Would you want any of these things? Let us know in the comments!

    Check Out 7 Movie Inventions That Should Be Real!


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    Tina Fey better watch her ass. Twitter style. Because Taylor Swift fans are out in full force since she made a quick, offhand joke about Taylor at the Golden Globes.


    tina fey golden
    Typical Taylor Swift fans stand ready for war.
    (source)

    Uproxxx reports that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did a bit where they were drunk and as part of the bit Tiny Fey said, "You know what Taylor Swift? You stay away from Michael J. Fox's son." A humorous little bon mot. A morsel of a joke. A joke that Taylor Swift fans weren't about to take lying down.

    taylor swift fan
    A typical Taylor Swift lies down to catch a few quick z's in a cupboard.
    (source)

    They got out their fingers and computers and started typing things on Twitter. Not nice things. Not nice things about Tina Fey.


    not sorry
    Nothing stings worse than unclear, confused, very random accusations about loneliness.
    (source)

    I don't know why Tina Fey felt the need to stick it to Taylor like that about her relationship with Michael J. Fox's son. Taylor is incredibly sweet to that boy. In fact, here is a picture of Taylor and her beau having fun at the beach:


    beach fun
    As usual, neither of them survived.
    (source)

    What will you do when Taylor comes for you? Let us know in the comments below!

     


    Check out Brains that Even Zombies Wouldn't Eat!

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    I was a young child once, and I had no concept of what was and was not humanly possible. That led to me coming up with all sorts of insane career plans, none of which I wanted more desperately than to be a robot. This was most likely because of my deep love of both Transformers and Robotech. I like Robots that become other robots, that’s not a crime! But now that I’m older, I’ve realized that, not only are such things impossible, but there’s also no guarantee that you would get to transform into something good. And with my luck, here are The Things I Would Probably Be Stuck Turning Into If I Were A Transformer:

     

    Refrigerator

    if I were a transformer

    (source)

    I just know all the other Transformers wouldn’t take me into battle, instead just using me to keep their soda cold. Robots don’t even drink soda! They’re just being cruel

     

    DVD Player

    if I were a transformer

    (source)

    This would be annoying, not only because you’d probably end up having to play a lot of terrible movies (Transformers are huge fans of the Transformers film series), but also because you are rapidly becoming an obsolete technology. Why do you think the Decepticon who turns into an 8-track player never gets any screen time?

     

    PT Cruiser

    if I were a transformer

    (source)

    Sure, you’d be a car. But you would be stuck as the ugliest car ever known to man. Also, your transmission would crap out around eighty thousand miles.

     

    Gun

    if I were a transformer

    (source)

    There’s a reason they changed Megatron from a gun into a cannon on the original cartoon series. Who wants to transform into something that has to be manually operated by someone else? Especially when everyone already has what you turn into. It always seemed like Starscream would shoot people with Megatron as a favor to Megatron, not out of any sense of usefulness.

     

    Tugboat

    if I were a transformer

    (source)

    I don’t recall too many robotic naval battles, let alone battles that required the towing of barges. Also, you’d probably end up looking way too hefty when you were in robot mode.

     

    Bandage

    if I were a transformer

    (source)

    ”Heal-o-tron! Transform, and wrap yourself around Shia LaBeouf’s boo-boo.” All the other Transformers laugh and high five, you slowly die inside.

     

    Anything With Testicles

    if I were a transformer

    (source)

    Did you guys see the second movie? I’m pretty sure you did, because it made almost all the money on Earth. Remember the senile old robot, who’s in the airforce museum, and for some reason has big, metal testicles? That is literally the worst thing you could be on Earth.

     

    Just how bad do you think those movies are? Let us know in the comments!

     

    Check Out The Funniest Transformers Gifs!


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    While all of your friends were back home sitting around playing video games, you went on a family vacation to a remote cabin in Canada. It should have been the trip of a lifetime. Instead, you got snowed in and spent the whole vacation playing Yahtzee with your parents. It's perfectly natural to want to have a good story so you maybe lie a little bit about getting a new girlfriend in Canada. The problem is that maintaining a fake relationship is going to take a lot of work on your end. You don't want to forever be known as the dude with the made up girlfriend. Here are ways to make your fake Canadian girlfriend seem real to your friends.

     

    Make A Facebook Profile For Her

    canada cat

    (source)

    If she isn't on the internet then she isn't real. Luckily, Facebook is a wonderful tool for creating fake people. Pretty much anyone can say that they are whoever from wherever and get away with it. Don't go too big with this. If you go too big, you'll get caught. Set the language as French and Instead of using a photo of some poor random girl, make the profile picture something artsy or an adorable cat. Finally, set the privacy settings as strict as possible and update both of your relationship statuses. If you need to post anything, make sure you translate it into French using a translator program. Your dumb friends will never know the difference.

     

    Come Up With A Good Backstory

    people sledding

    (source)

    You need a solid meet cute story or no one will believe you. You don't need to get overly elaborate. Maybe you guys met playing each other in Marvel vs. Capcom at a local arcade. Maybe you were both sledding on the same snowy hill. The important thing is to be vague and remember any specific details that you lie about so you don't get caught.

     

    Order Ketchup Chips Off The Internet

    ancient aliens ketchup chips

    (source)

    Ketchup flavored potato chips are disgusting, but they are also a staple to any Canadians diet. You probably can't find them in any stores where you live so have your "girlfriend" send them to you thorugh the mail. Technically, the internet is probably the closest thing to a girlfriend that you have so it's not even that much of a lie!

     

    Keep Accidentally Paying For Everything With Canadian Money

    canadian money

    (source)

    You most likely won't be able to pay for anything where you live with Canadian money, but you can make a big scene about it. This opens you up to say this phrase all the time, "Sorry. I just get confused cause my girlfriend is Canadian." Commitment is important in any strong lie. That's why you need to commit to this super hard.

     

    Overload On Canadian Pop Culture

    alpha flight cosplay

    (source)

    You need to read Alpha Flight comics while listening to Rush and wearing a hockey jersey all day every day. You must be able to quote every line from every Rick Moranis movie. These are basic requirements to date a Canadian citizen according to law and stuff.

     

    Make Everyone You Know Try Poutine

    poutine

    (source)

    Poutine is French Fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. It may sound kind of gross, but it's one of the most delightful things that you can put in your mouth. If there is one good thing that comes out of this horrible lie, it's that you and your friends get to eat poutine for the rest of your lives.

     

    Break Up With Her

    sad nerdy guy drawing

    (source)

    This has gone on way too long. You really need to stop. The fact that you haven't been found out yet is miraculous. Break up with her. Act sort of bummed for a week or so, and then you're in the clear. Congratulations! You have successfully pulled off having a fake Canadian girlfriend. Now that you're newly single, it's time to try to date a girl who is a person who exists. At the very least, you should build a robot girlfriend.

     

    Have I told you yet about my Canadian girlfriend? She's totally real. Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!

     

    Check Out Things You Shouldn't Include If You Build A Robot Girlfriend!


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    Kidz Bop. You either love them or you hate them. And if you love them you better be under the age of 5. 

    kidz bop lyrics

    (source) 

    The only time I enjoy a Kidz Bop song is when it's a wildly inappropriate cover. I find the dumb lyric changes highly amusing, especially because they are usually in songs that are full of other innuendo that goes untouched. Here's ten of the dumbest!

     

    Starships- Nicki Minaj

    Original lyric- Higher than a motherf*@ker!

    Edited Lyric- We’re Kidz Bop and we’re taking over!

    Wow, taking out that lyric did absolutely nothing to change the meaning of this song. What genius thought it was a good idea to cover Minaj's ode to getting wasted. I will admit it, however,  that this is the one time they improved upon the original. But that's not saying anything at all really. 

     

    California Gurls- Katy Perry

    Original lyric-The boys, break their necks, (and done) try'na creep a little sneak peek, at us! 

    Edited Lyric-  Boys break their necks, tryn’ to act a little crazy

    You know what's bad? Boys sneeking peeks at girls.  Instead let's imply that they may now be quadriplegics.  I'm also pretty disappointed that the whole Snoop Dogg rap was eliminated. Curious what the would've done with the no weenies line. Also sippin' my juice?? SMH.  These kidz probably think Lunchables are badass.

     

    Let It Rock- Kevin Rudolf

    Original lyric- But it broke his heart, so he stuck his middle finger to the world, to the world, to the world.

    Edited Lyric- But it broke his heart, so he raised his hand and waved it to the world, to the world, to the world.

    They waved to the world that broke their heart?? In your face, world!

     

    Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen

    Original lyric-I beg and borrow and steal

    Edited Lyric- I beg and borrow and feel

    "Stealing is bad. better change that line. Giving your number to strange guys...we're fine with that." --Kidz Bop Producer

     

    Born This Way- Lady Gaga

    Original lyric-A different lover is not a sin

    Edited Lyric-A different viewpoint is not a sin

    Ummmm....if that's the case Kidz Bop than why did you remove all reference to queens, blacks, whites, beiges,  Cholas and Orients? (Lady Gaga's words not mine)

     

    So What-P!nk

    Original lyric-And you're a tool

    Edited Lyric- And you're a fool

    Starting fights...fine. Death threats...fine. Tool? I don't think so. That's commonly used as a synonym for...fool. Huh?

     

    Never Again-Kelly Clarkson

    kidz bop lyrics

    (source) 

    Original lyric- I hope when you’re in bed with her, you think of me

    Edited Lyric- I hope when you’re out with her, you think of me.

    So no one saw anything wrong with a little girl singing a song from the perspective of a scorned lover? Glad they changed this lyric. I mean, I'm fine with an 8 year old being bitter and vindictive as long as there's no bed action.

     

    Tik Tok- Ke$ha

    Original lyric- Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack 'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back

    Edited Lyric-Before I leave, brush my teeth and then I go and pack 'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back

    Why even bother with this one? I mean where is she going for the night? Also why is fighting acceptable in So What but fighting is out in this Ke$ha classic. Yeah,  go ahead and barf, that's a 'thing'.

     

    Not Myself Tonight- Christina Aguilera

    Original lyric-And if you don't like it, f*@k you

    Edited Lyric-And if you don’t like it boo hoo

    Oh Kidz Bop! This is so dumb, I might actually prefer it to the original.  There's something kind of  Pee Wee Herman about it. 

     

    Glad You Came- The Wanted

    Original lyric- Hand you another drink / Drink it if you can.

    Edited Lyric- Hand you another dance / Dance it if you can

    So the drinking was the only thing disturbing about kidz singing this song? The came part is okay? Maybe you wanna change it to "Hey, what's your name?" or 'This song is lame" or something other than anything that involves kidz singing something that involves  'came'?

    What are some other funny Kidz Bop lyrics changes? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

    Check Out 7 Naughty Songs Cleaned Up For Radio Disney!


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    99.99% of stars that try their hand at singing do so completely out of vanity – that’s why 99.99% of them suck big time. (Yeah, that’s right...I SAID IT. Wanna make something of it?!) Not all warbling celebs are terrible, though. Some are, well, downright...good. (NOTE: By “good,” I mean, “comparatively good,” and by “comparatively good,” I mean, “mediocre.” But it’s like my momma always used to say...“Bein’ mediocre is better than sucking big time!”)

     

    Robert Downey Jr.

    His 2004 jazz/folk album “The Futurist” got pretty good reviews. Downey has a gravelly, Tom Waits-esque voice, and can play piano rather well. Ah, who am I kidding? I only put him on this list ‘cause he’s super hot. And he’s Iron Man, for God’s sakes! HE CAN DO NO WRONG.

     

    Taylor Momsen

    Taylor (or T-Moms, as I like to call her) is the lead singer and rhythm guitar player for The Pretty Reckless, a rock band that's pretty good at, y'know, rocking. Her deep, smoky voice and darkly sexy aesthetic is evocative of rock babes of yore like Lita Ford and Joan Jett (schwing!). Her band’s songs have been featured in TV shows (“Gossip Girl,” duh) and movies (the end credits of “Kick-Ass”), and they’ve toured with Evanescence and Marilyn Manson. If you like Hot Topic and hate your parents, chances are you’ll love The Pretty Reckless.

     

    Zooey Deschanel

    Zooey (or Z-Dabs, as I like to call her) has a unique, charming, childlike voice that’s utilized well in the popular alt-country duo She & Him. Z-Dabs and her musical partner, folkster M. Ward, have released three albums, one of which is all about the joys of Christmas. Quirky, right?!? PLUS, they were nominated for a Grammy! That’s hella legit! AND DOUBLE PLUS, she sang in a cotton ad! That’s hella legit-er! The touch..the feel...

     

    Toni Collette

    Toni, an Australian actress best known for her roles in “Little Miss Sunshine” and “The United States of Tara,” has performed (in a signing capacity) on Broadway, and her album "Beautiful Awkward Pictures” has a 4.7 out of 5 rating on Amazon.com. (HOT DAMN! THAT’S GOOD!) A 2006 Down Under tour with her band Toni Collette and the Finish completely sold out – them Aussies just can’t stop blasting her sick adult contemporary jams in their Priuses.

     

    Jada Pinkett Smith

    After being “discovered” by Sharon Osborne, Jada’s heavy metal band Wicked Wisdom played the second stage at Ozzfest – people were initially pissed about it, assuming Pinkett didn’t have the chops, but changed their tune (Heh. Get it? Tune?) after seeing the band shred live. They later went on to tour with Sevendust. Even if they were the worst band on Earth, they wouldn’t be worse than “Big Willie Style.”

     

    Katey Sagal

    Peg Bundy herself actually started in entertainment as a singer/songwriter. She worked as a backing vocalist for artists like Bob Dylan, Bette Midler, Kiss's Gene Simmons, and Olivia Newton John before making it big on the teevee [sic]. She's released two albums, both of which were well reviewed. And she sings pretty sweet covers on “Sons of Anarchy”.

     

    Wayne Brady

    Wayne (or W-Babs, as I like to call him) has sung in “Chicago”...on Broadway! His smooth collection of R&B jams, 2008’s “A Long Time Coming,” is a combination of self-penned tracks and covers like a slow-jam version of “Can’t Buy Me Love.” He specializes in (and excels at) making the kinda music your parents would “get freaky to” after drinking half a bottle of white zinfandel and watching “Love Actually”. (Allow me to formally apologize for putting that last visual in your head.)

     

    What’s your favorite Bruce Willis album – “The Return of Bruno,” or “If It Don't Kill You, It Just Makes You Stronger”? Let me know in the comments!

     

    Check Out The Worst Celebrity Musicians of All Time!


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    Outside of Brooklyn and satellite Brooklyns (Portland, Austin, parts of Los Angeles, PitchforkViceMcSweenLandia) there doesn’t seem to be a lot of room for instruments except the usual suspects and samples (another guitar? BARF!). And that’s one of them crying shames because there’s a lot of bitchin’ instruments and sounds prime to break free of their hipster cage. My hipster cage for the record is made out of vinyl, moustaches, the bones of hipster Ariel and a fixie bike. Surprisingly well insulated considering.

     

    Moog

    Muse probably uses Moogs but what if Taylor Swift Mooged it up? No, wait, Moog would probably break her heart and I’m not ready to hear her unicorn sparkled takedown. Why you gotta be so, Moog?

     

    Kazoo

    When I die I want an all kazoo salute, fireworks and to be buried with Ryan Gosling. As is tradition.

     

    Theremin

    You just know if Gandalf stopped smoking the pipeweed for one second and got his life together he’d rock the theremin in his mostly dwarf band, “Thorin Oakenshield and the Lonely Mountains”.

     

    Ehru

    The first band to employ a thrashing Chinese instrument the ehru to their line-up wins. What do they win? Joy. Tattooed on their lower back, in pig latin.

     

    Glass Harp

    I once walked in on my dad playing the glass harp at 10am on a weekday and crying. Only he wasn’t making music. And the glass harp was a stack of beer cans. And it was actually me.

     

    Glockenspiel

    “Hey baby, I play lead glockenspiel. Want to get out of here and pound some delicate strips of perfectly aligned metal?” Works every time.

     

    Corgis

    Cutest. Tour. EVER. Interestingly enough, they would not be the first to have, “belly rubs” included in their rider. That would be DMX.

     

    Tap Dancer Percussion

    Why more bands don’t employ spunky hot ladies to bounce around and make percussion with their feet is a question for the ages (hetero males aged 18-death that is).

     

    Which instrument do you want to hear used more? Any you would pay not to hear? Let me know in the comments!

    Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or I will play your heart and play for keeps.

    Check out 10 Fake Instruments I Want In My Marching Band!


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    YouTuber Charles Ross, seemingly known on the internet for his pranks like kissing strangers and his car-enhanced version of parkour called carkour, was arrested Sunday night while filming a new video.


    ross mugshot
    Not even YOUTUBERS are above the law. Not here in AMERICA.
    (source)

    So what was the internet star doing when he was arrested? Well, he was approaching moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 movie theater and giving them wedgies.


    wedgie
    Pictured: Comedy GOLD! Also sociopathy. Sociopathy is also pictured.
    (source)

    Ross reportedly went on a "wedgie spree" while his friend filmed the prank. One 20 year old who was wedgie'd reported Ross to the police, and he was subsequently arrested. Ross was in jail overnight and released the next day on 750 dollars bail.

    And hey, this is as good a time as any to wonder about this. When you pay bail money, is that just, like, a fine for committing a crime? What if you didn't do the crime and you're innocent? Do you just lose that money? And do you get anything else for your bail money? Is it just a cost to NOT be in jail?


    ross kiss
    And what does it say about Ross' "comedy" that I'm less interested in it than BAIL BONDS?
    (source)

    Because, to be honest, this guy NEEDED to get arrested. He has to learn that there are consequences to scaring people, to making them uncomfortable, to humiliating them. His videos aren't clever, or funny, or observant — they're just mean. And when the only consequences of embarrassing people on the street is YouTube stardom, then we've got an imbalance in the world — an imbalance that should unsettle us all.


    vader riding merry go round
    Right? Doesn't it weird us all out when villains are rewarded?
    (source)

    What pranks have you done that you deserved to be arrested for? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

     


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