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Articles on this Page
- 11/02/12--14:32: _8 MORE of the Worst...
- 11/02/12--17:15: _Real-Life Nyan Cat ...
- 11/02/12--18:43: _Video Game Characte...
- 11/03/12--09:21: _Taturday! Reality S...
- 11/03/12--13:12: _6 Mistakes Made in ...
- 11/03/12--14:44: _Caption The Photo, ...
- 11/04/12--12:23: _Very Famous Normall...
- 11/05/12--11:19: _Taylor Lautner Hate...
- 11/05/12--12:38: _5 Ways To Use Your ...
- 11/05/12--14:25: _8 Movie Quotes That...
- 11/05/12--17:07: _7 Directors That Sh...
- 11/06/12--11:19: _Harrison Ford May R...
- 11/06/12--12:34: _8 Great Places To Nap
- 11/06/12--13:55: _Here's What Happene...
- 11/06/12--15:18: _Other Franchises Fo...
- 11/06/12--17:45: _Why Werewolves Woul...
- 11/06/12--19:18: _21 Nerdy Coffee Tables
- 11/07/12--11:25: _Obama Reelected As ...
- 11/07/12--13:03: _Tiny Little Places ...
- 11/07/12--14:09: _Kids Show Character...
- 11/02/12--14:32: 8 MORE of the Worst Words in the English Language
- 11/02/12--17:15: Real-Life Nyan Cat Dies
- 11/02/12--18:43: Video Game Characters We Want to See in Wreck-It Ralph!
- 11/03/12--09:21: Taturday! Reality Stars!
- 11/03/12--13:12: 6 Mistakes Made in Every First-Time Relationship
- 11/03/12--14:44: Caption The Photo, WIN A SHIRT!
- 11/04/12--12:23: Very Famous Normally Serious People Being Silly
- 11/05/12--11:19: Taylor Lautner Hates Taking His Shirt Off?!?
- 11/05/12--12:38: 5 Ways To Use Your Leftover Candy
- 11/05/12--14:25: 8 Movie Quotes That Became Memes
- 11/05/12--17:07: 7 Directors That Should Helm The Next Star Wars Movie
- 11/06/12--11:19: Harrison Ford May Return As Han Solo In New Star Wars Film
- 11/06/12--12:34: 8 Great Places To Nap
- 11/06/12--15:18: Other Franchises For Disney To Buy And Continue
- 11/06/12--17:45: Why Werewolves Would Not Make Good Waiters
- 11/06/12--19:18: 21 Nerdy Coffee Tables
- 11/07/12--11:25: Obama Reelected As President
- 11/07/12--13:03: Tiny Little Places To Put Your iPad Mini!
- 11/07/12--14:09: Kids Show Characters That Desperately Need Your Help
The English language is filled with infuriatingly stupid words – with each day that passes, more are added. A few weeks ago, I documented eight of the worst offenders on this here website; in response, a butt-load of readers took it upon themselves to post their own most hated expressions in the comment section. As a result, I decided to compile eight MORE of the worst words in the English language...because YOU demanded it! (OK, so only, like, 30 people commented, most of which were spam bots...but can you please just give me this empty victory?)
As a rule, nine out of ten acronyms are insufferably stupid – LOL, OMG, and OU812 are perfect examples. Out of all the dumb-ass acronyms in existence, though, YOLO (You Only Live Once) takes the cake. I’m glad that people who say YOLO only live once; I’d hate for future generations to have to put up with decades more of their idiocy.
The verdict’s in – multiple Smosh readers with amusing usernames (“mandyclairexo” and “the smosh killjoy”) hate the word swag. mandyclairexo, the more passionate of the two, finds it "f***ing irritatin and overused." (Damn, mandyclairexo, that’s scathing!) Having been on the listening end of hundreds of substanceless rap songs, I’m inclined to agree. Bragging that you have swag is tantamount to bragging about how narcissistic you are – it makes you look like an egomaniacal dumbass (which, if you’re bragging about your nonexistent swag, you most certainly are).
”Same difference” is like “my bad” – a phrase that, when used, proves that you could care less about the person you’re talking to. Apparently, a crappy-looking English pop duo calls themselves "Same Difference," which makes me hate the phrase even more. The group was on the UK version of X-Factor; Simon Cowell described them as "potentially two of the most annoying people I've ever met." I DON’T BLAME HIM.
Delightfully monikered Smosh reader “petsinwinter” suggested this gem, a byproduct of Bieber fever. A better thing to call Justin Beiber fans than “Beliebers” would be “children” or “morons” or “Justin Bieber’s Mom.” Hate Beliebers as much as I do? Don’t fret! In less than a year, the Biebster will no doubt go the way of NKOTB (New Kids on the Block, duh).
Nice is one of the most pleasant words in existence – unfortunately, people abuse it so much that it’s lost all sense of meaning. How was the party? “It was nice.” What’s Veronica like? “She’s nice.” What do you think of this shirt? “It’s, um, nice.” Smosh reader Coolfiend274, who also despises the overuse of the word “nice,” hears what I’m screaming. And I’m screaming LOUDLY.
Belly. Ugh. It just sounds disgusting. And now it’s everywhere – tons of diet books written for second-grade reading levels advertising “flat belly” and “fat belly” cures fill shelves upon shelves at (equally disgusting) places like Wal-Mart and Books-a-Million. If you can come up with a more repugnant word than belly, let me know. I’m all ears.
”Gillian Binley,” a Smosh reader who kindly chose not to have a bizarre username, hates this word (she also hates the word belly – that’s how I know we’re soulmates). When it comes to using the word potty, children get a pass – after all, they’re stupid enough to crap their own pants and feel no remorse. When adults use it, though, I assume they also have crap in their pants.
It Is What it Is
Smosh reader Bubby4444 thinks the phrase “It is what it is” sucks. He’s not alone. USA Today named it 2004’s cliche of the year. And everyone knows USA Today is, like, USA’s newspaper. It’s infallible. It is...what it is.
What wack words did I miss? Let me know in the comments!
This is just the saddest news. Ugh. Marty, the real life inspiration for internet meme superstar Nyan cat, has died. His owner, Nyan Cat creator Christopher Torres, tweeted that Marty died yesterday at the age of 3, following a brief illness. Am I the only one already teary-eyed?
Marty had FIP a totally horrible cat disease. He was diagnosed only last week. "I was seriously hoping to nurse him back to health but FIP is pretty much a death sentence to most cats. There is no known cure," Torres said. Okay now I'm totally just crying my eyes out. Marty's brother also died from the disease.
Marty and his brother Buster, were adopted in 2010 and in April of 2011, Torres posted his now famous 8-bit animation of the poptart cat, inspired by Marty, on LOL-COMICS. It quickly took off but really went viral when YouTuber saraj00n combined the animation with Japanese Vocaloid song Nyanyanyanyanyanyanya. Marty was internet famous. He didn't let his internet fame go to his head though. Because he was chill like that.
Here's a pic of Marty as a kitten, in case you weren't crying hard enough yet.
Even though Marty is gone, his memory will surely live on. Nyan cat is internet royalty and always will be. RIP sweet kitty...imma go hug my kitties right now.
I insist that you check out Marty's full story told through Torres' tweets here. Don't forget a box of Kleenex. I'm totally not kidding.
It really is amazing how Disney was able to get so many beloved licensed video game characters in their new movie Wreck-It Ralph. We've gotten a sneak peak at some of them from the trailer. They include characters from Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and several classic games. They really haven't shown that many characters in the trailers though. I'm a little worried that some of my favorites won't show up. COME ON Disney! You've got the money! Just put everyone ever in. Here are video game characters that I want to see in Wreck-It Ralph.
Link (The Legend Of Zelda)
Excuuuuse me, Disney! How come Link isn't in this movie? Link is about as iconic as you can get when it comes to gaming. Link has had some of the most consistently awesome games for his entire run going back to the original Legend of Zelda. Nothing will make me happier than if the movie is resolved by Link helping Wreck-It Ralph find the Triforce. I will buy like 30 copies of it on DVD just to help sales as much as I can.
Pikachu and really any Pokemon would be perfect for a movie like this. Just have them walk around in the background and maybe spout their catch phrase like one time. I'm not asking for a lot of screen time. Just some acknowledgement to the fans like me that have spent over 500 hours playing these games.
John Madden (Madden Football)
I can never understand anything unless it is being explained to me by John Madden. I think they should have John Madden's voice calling play by play in every scene so we know what the heck is going on. If they don't do this, I don't know how anyone is going to be able to follow what is happening on screen.
Boxman (SMOSH's Boxman's Escape)
Boxman's Escape needs to be honored for what it is. It is by far the greatest game ever created of all time. To leave Boxman out is a slight against SMOSH that I find to be completely unacceptable!
Mr. Resetti (Animal Crossing)
Mr. Resetti's lectures about the importance of saving your game was one of my favorite things about Animal Crossing. Just throw him in one scene where he goes in to one of his famous tirades. It will only add about a half hour to the movie. Totally worth it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Disney! I know it's probably too late to add this in if it isn't there, but I think the addition of Mr. Resetti would be plenty of reason to make Wreck-It Ralph 2: Always Save Your Game.
Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy)
Cloud is arguably the best character from the best Final Fantasy game. The Final Fantasy series is one of the most important RPG series to all of video games. If that wasn't enough of a reason to include him then let me remind you of how he likes to travel. Chocobos. That's right. The chocobo race scene from Wreck-It Ralph would rival any racing scene in any movie.
Anyone From A First Person Shooter
Maybe I'm blind, but I didn't see one character from a first person shooter in the trailer. No Master Cheif? No Duke Nukem? No Gordon Freeman? The argument that they left them out because they come from games that are too violent is total BS. They included Mortal Kombat characters and those dudes rip out each other's spines through their butts. You can't get much more violent than that.
Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Kingdom Hearts is role playing game that includes many characters from the Disney Universe. It makes sense to me to include the main character if for no other reason than to give a nod to the devoted fans of this game. They probably own the rights to use Sora anyway so it doesn't make since that would omit him. Maybe it's a little too meta to include someone who's best friends are Goofy and Donald Duck.
What video game character do you want to see in Wreck-It Ralph? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
If there's one thing I know about reality stars, it's that their celebrity NEVER fades. They remain relevant FOREVER. So good job, reality star tattoo-getters. You're DEFINITELY doing something right.
Which one was the best? Let us know in the comments below!
There’s nothing as exciting, as amazing, as your first relationship. Except maybe your second relationship. Or your third relationship. In other words, you’re going to do this a few times until you find your perfect match, so you might as well address the most common relationship mistakes right from your very first one, especially if you…
Think Your First Relationship Is the Only Relationship You Will Ever Have
Have you ever seen a couple and thought, "How did those two wind up together?" or "What does she/her see in him/her?" or "Why am I wandering around town, secretly following and judging couples I don’t even know?" Well, sometimes people are so afraid of being alone that they will grab on to the first person who asks them out—or simply asks them for directions—with a white-knuckled grip and never, ever let go. Unfortunately, this prevents you from ever being able to find the person who might be right for you. Or find that it’s perfectly okay to be on your own. Or find that you were so focused on finding absolutely anyone to be with that you’ve been calling your partner by the wrong name for six years, and they haven’t corrected you because they’re afraid then you might leave them.
Expect the Other Person to Be a Mind Reader
It’s not uncommon to think, "If they really loved me they would know what I need without me having to tell them, especially if I stare right at them and make ‘woo-ooo-ooo’ noises as I use my hands to push my brainwaves towards them." But relationships can only survive on communication. That’s because the less you say to each other means the less you really get to know each other and so the more you have to wonder what the other person is thinking. Which would seem to be the perfect full circle back to your partner becoming a mind reader. Until you realize what he or she is thinking isn’t, "They need a backrub after a long, hard day" but rather "They’re angry at me, they’re clearly going to leave me, and now they’re staring at me going ‘woo-ooo-ooo’ because that’s some sort of death curse so I better flee this lunatic right now."
Try to Be Perfect for the Other Person
The very first time you’re in a relationship you may start to have some self-doubts like "Is he/she happy with me?" Or "Is he/she getting bored with me already?" Or "Maybe if I didn’t date a hermaphrodite I wouldn’t have to keep referring to them as he/she." And so you try to be the perfect partner so they will like you more and not tire of you. The problem is, trying to be "the perfect partner" usually means "doing everything the other person wants so they never have any reason to be upset with you." And that means your whole life starts to revolve entirely around someone else’s needs at the expense of your own hopes and goals. And THAT means you’re no longer someone’s partner, you’re his or her personal assistant. So best to be considerate of the other person’s feelings, make sure they are always considerate of yours, and if they ever ask you to change who you are inside just say "He/She can go drop dead!" mostly because that will confuse the hell out of them.
Do EVERYTHING Together
When you start a relationship—especially a first relationship—you want to spend as much time with the other person as possible. You want to see them every day. You want to do everything with them. You want to be so close so often that people start calling you by one of those combo names like "Brangelina" or "Homarge." But you mustn’t forget the age-old, homespun sayings "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "Just give me thirty damn seconds to go pee by myself and besides, everyone in the restaurant is watching you follow me into the restroom." That’s because way too much of a good thing can cause one to lose desire for it, people need time and space to collect their thoughts and do their own thing so they can be a happier, better partner, and most combo names sound so awful that a relationship might end just so neither of you has to hear something like, "Hey look! Here comes Mortina!"
Communicate Only Through Arguments
Here’s the thing—arguing can actually help relationships. I don’t mean the type of full-volume, all-out-lunacy arguing like "YOU CALL THAT AN AMPERSAND!!! THAT’S NOTHING BUT A SLOPPY 8!!!" I mean healthy arguments in which you openly discuss what is bothering you without raising your voice (since the louder you get the less you communicate), without blaming, and with the hope of finding a solution, not just proving yourself completely right and the other person completely wrong. However, if everything becomes a cause for arguing then that means the two of you have simply drawn battle lines, have started taking everything as a character slight or personal offense, and have realized you’re no longer being invited to dinner parties because no one wants to deal with the couple that screams over who can make the best damn swan with the host’s cloth napkins.
Feel like You’re a Failure at Relationships Because It Didn’t Work Out
When a relationship ends it isn’t because you’re not good at this or it was all your fault. Some people—some perfectly nice people—just aren’t meant to be together. In fact, the worst thing you can do is try to prolong something that clearly was not meant to be. So when a relationship ends (and all of them will until you find the one that doesn’t, and have faith that you will indeed find the one that works), try to glean some important lessons from the experience, give yourself some time to collect your thoughts rather than immediately date someone else, and don’t text your ex after 1 am, a few drinks, or while sitting in an idling car outside their house.
What mistakes did you make in your first relationship? Let us know in the comments!
Seriously? This has to be the freakiest photobomb ever! What the hell is going on here? Give us a funny caption for this incredibly weird picture and if we unscientifically pick yours as the best, you could win a FREE Smosh t-shirt. They're comfy!
If two people come up with the same caption, the first one to comment will be the winner. We will announce the winner Monday and suggestions received after 12:01 AM PST on 11/5/12 will not be considered. Good luck!
It’s hard to believe that the legendary figures we read about in textbooks or know from films of yesteryear (the best year according to my Mom) are actually people just like you and me. Only, I’m fairly sure they spend ½ the time I do on the internet. Except maybe Christopher Walken who I hear was a moderator on Cute Overload.
The Duke and Duchess of Windsor
Albert Einstein and Puppet Albert Einstein
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Al Pacino and Christopher Walken
Nancy Reagan and Mr. T
George W. Bush
Tsar Nicholas II
Any horrible dictator make you laugh? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!
Shocking. Stunning. This is probably the biggest news since Global Warming. It's certainly the most surprising thing to happen in the world of celebrity since Robert Pattinson came out last year and admitted he doesn't actually sparkle.
What's next? We're going to learn he can't fly??
Yes, E Online,the best possible place to go for news that couldn't matter less, is reporting that the one thing Taylor Lautner isn't going to miss about filming Twilight is taking his shirt off.
This scene, however, he did not mind.
Taylor says the two main reasons were that it's really cold where they filmed, so it was always uncomfortable, and he's always the only person out there with his shirt off so he feels singled out, and it sounds like a little bit dehumanized. He feels like he would rather keep his shirt on so they can focus on his unique acting talents, like being able to always seem just a little bit stupid, or his actually rather impressive ability to will himself to turn into a large golden wolf.
Taylor Lautner and Meryl Streep are the only current actors who are known to have the ability to turn themselves into wolves at will.
Unfortunately for Taylor Lautner, the list of films he's lined up post-Twilight sound like they might include a bit of shirtlessness, given such titles as: "The Shirtless Avenger" "No Shoes No Shirt No Service: The Joe "No Shirt" Pantalano Story, and Iron Man 4: The Unshirtening."
Taylor Launter: Picture Above 55 years from now in "The Shirtless Adventures Of Motorcyle Mort"
How any shirts do you think Taylor Lautner owns? Let us know in the comments below!
Check out Celebrites That Look Like Farm Animals!
Halloween’s over and chances are you or a cherubic loved one have a grip of a candy stash worthy of Costco. There comes a point in time where you look at your pile and must admit defeat. When that moment comes consider these ways to use your leftovers creatively or donate your candy to a worthy cause like those displaced by hurricane Sandy. What? Smosh has a heart! It even has a nougat center.
1. Get Crafty
I spent a couple month senior year of High School making Starburst bracelets for ravers and made $50. So don’t look at your old candy and think, “trash” think “sucker profit”. Here’s a great tutorial for wrapper jewelry: and another one to make Full Size candies into wallets to put all your cash :
2. Get Baking
There are an insane amount of ways to use candy in baking. I say cut out the middleman and just stick a bunch of candies on a stick of butter and gag on it whole. That recipe can be found on Martha Stewart Living. Other recipes can be found HERE.
3. Get OCD
Make sure to spray a sealant on your work or else you will have a giant teaming mass of ants. Actually, go with it and sell it to a Modern Art Museum where you will be hailed as a master of Ant Performance Art.
4. Get Your Sister
It’s why they call it, “Fun Size”.
5. Get Frozen
Eh, who has the time to do all this stuff? Just stick the candy (chocolate specifically) in your freezer and then your treat will time travel into your mouth months from now when you need it the most. Like when you’re stressed out from school or you’re really hiiii- Mom. How’s the momming? I’m just playing Assasin’s Creed 3. Totally not doing anything else…Reeses?
What do you do with the candy you can’t stomach to eat anymore? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!
Movie quote memes are some of the best memes ever! It's nice to see those memorable quotes from our favorite movies get a second life on the internet. Way better than your nerd cousin, who still wears his Vote for Pedro shirt, randomly saying 'I love lamp' all the time. That's no life for a memorable quote! Here's a look at 8 movie quotes that became memes.
One does not simply walk into Mordor / Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
Who knew Boromir was so flipping funny? Well, okay, he's pretty serious, but there's something magical when you take his serious warning about the perils the Fellowship will soon face and put an absurd spin on it. Example:
Plus Boromir is one of my 10 imaginary boyfriends. So I'm happy to see him anywhere and everywhere. He can simply walk into my heart any day. Awww!
This is Sparta! / 300
Why is this line so absurdly funny? Perhaps it's the scenery chewing delivery of King Leonidas? Or the epic Falcon Kick of the poor messenger? This is MADNESS! Plus you gotta love anything that pays tribute to Patrick Star...amirite? I can watch this a million times:
Draw me like one of your French girls/ Titanic
This meme quote is so ridiculous sounding that it's hard to believe that it was actually said in a real live Oscar-winning movie. James Cameron really is a terrible dialogue writer...but an awesome meme caption writer. It was tumblr user Meguhime who first captioned a seductive pug with the quote, instantly creating meme greatness. Soon seductive animals everywhere were begging to be sketched. Wait...why are there so many sexy beasts out there??
Well, that escalated quickly / Anchorman
This memorable quote took off as a meme, when it became the perfect button to anything to ever go off the rails on the internet. Which is almost everything. I can totally see why. I mean nothing diffuses an out of control comment war better than a smartass meme. FACT.
Do not want / Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Okay, technically this is a botched translation of a quote, but it is so awesome and hilarious that it must be included. Plus it's pretty hard to out-dumb Darth Vader's original quote when he finds out Padme has died, 'NOOOOOOOO!'. So kudos to you Do Not Want, kudos. The quote took off after blogger Jeremy Winston purchased a Chinese bootleg copy of the movie and then posted an epic play-by-play of the whacked out subtitles on his blog. In no time 'Do not want' was captioning everything from Broccoli Dog to Paris Hilton's hooha. For some reason the more obvious the better. Case in point:
We need to go deeper / Inception
Inception has led to some of the best memes OF ALL TIME! Strutting Leo? Inception Cat? But one of the best was the Inception multi-panes that used the line 'We must dig deeper'. Especially ones that star rapper Xzibit. He's like the inception of rappers. Plus he's really mastered that blank stare that everyone had on their face after seeing the movie.
What if I told you... / The Matrix
What if I told you, 'What if I told you..." was actually just a paraphrase of something Morpheus says when he tells Neo that he is living in the Matrix? Whoa. Is your mind blown? On a side note...Am I the only one who was disappointed when Neo didn't say 'Whoa!' after hearing Morpheus' speech?
You shall not pass / Lord Of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
There are many badass ways to defeat a Balrog Demon. Screaming at them 'You shall not pass!" has got to be the most badass of them all. Perhaps that's why the phrase took off like gang busters? The best part of this memes popularity is that it gives cool teachers a way to PWN lousy students without looking to d*ckish. Well, maybe a little bit d*ckish.
I get it. A lot of you people are upset about the very existence of another Star Wars movie. It's going to happen and there is nothing you or I can do about. We don't know anything about this movie yet, so it isn't really fair to say that they're ruining the franchise by making another movie. You need to drop that Bacta tank is half empty attitude. What if the next Star Wars is the greatest of the entire series? A great movie needs two things. The first is a great script. The second is a great director that can actually make a good movie. Here are directors that should helm the next Star Wars movie.
This guy has only made four movies, but all four movies have been great. Kick-Ass was one of the most original super hero stories to come out in a sea of super hero movies, and X-Men: First Class might be the best of the X-Men movies. He was supposed to direct the next X-Men movie, but it was announced just days before the Star Wars announcement that he would no longer be directing it. No reason was given. Could it be that he needed to free up his schedule to make room for Star Wars? I hope so.
One of the main reasons that I'm optimistic about how Disney will handle Star Wars is how well they have handled Marvel Universe. Joss Whedon has plenty of sci-fi experience since he created one of the most beloved sci-fi series to be on television: Firefly. If that's not enough, he wrote and directed a little movie called The Avengers. If that isn't enough street cred for you then you deserve to have another George Lucas Star Wars.
Edgar Wright has successfully dabbled in a number a genres. One that he hasn't quite had the chance to show his stuff in is Sci-Fi. He kind of got close with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, but that was more of a comic book movie than a sci-fi movie. Despite doing so many different genres, the one thing that all of Edgar Wright's movies have in common is that they are really fun to watch. Also, having Edgar Wright as a director pretty much guarantees a cameo by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost if not a bigger role. They're always a welcome addition to any movie.
This guy directed Harry Potter: The Prisoner Of Azkaban which is why he is pretty much credited with saving the entire Harry Potter series. That's what Star Wars needs right now. Help us Alfonso. You're our only hope.
You may know David Lynch as that guy who makes really weird movies. He would definitely be able to give the new Star Wars the harder edge that the kids seem to like so much these days. George Lucas offered him the job of directing Return Of The Jedi. If he hadn't turned it down to direct Dune, I think the Ewoks would have been a little less like Teddy bears and a little more like face eating nightmares with eyes.
David Fincher has directed more than enough great films to be in the running. He would be a great choice if for no other reason than he will be able to pull some great performances out of the actors. He's overdue for an Oscar win, and the Star Wars franchise hasn't been nominated for Best Picture or Best director since the first one. It'd be nice to finally see Star Wars get a win. He may not know as much about CGI as some of the other people on this list, but I think the people at Lucasfilm might be able to help out a little in that department.
The Terminator, Aliens, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and Avatar. These are some of the most important science fiction films ever made, and they were all directed by James Cameron. I know that James Cameron is pretty busy making the Avatar sequels, but maybe he'll take some time away from them if Disney will let him put some Na'vi in Star Wars. I can't wait until they come out with Star Wars Vs. Avatar vs. Aliens vs. Predator vs. Terminator vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash vs. Lion King. That'll be a really awesome movie.
Do you think you have a better idea for a director to helm the next Star Wars? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
Han Solo changed many a life in the 1970's. He convinced many young men that wearing a very small vest is a good idea. He made many young women decide for years that they could only be attracted to guys who hang out with giant space bears.
For awhile, this was the only way to attract women.
Web presence Inside Movies has reported that Harrison Ford is open to the idea of starring in the seventh movie in the franchise. Reprising his role as Han Solo. If Harrison plays Han it can safely be assumed that the story will be that Han is now living in a retirement tree cottage on Endor and spends his days yelling at Ewoks to "keep it down for chrissakes."
Han Solo, at 3 in the morning, wide awake and stewing about the fact that those blasted Ewoks are still partying.
Ford is not totally sold on the idea of being in another Star Wars as he apparently, does not really like Star Wars. He has said, “As a character he was not so interesting to me,” of Han Solo and spoken begrudgingly and rarely of the franchise, only acknowledging that he doesn't really get the popularity.
Star Wars Fan, Han Solo does not like you.
As if Star Wars fans learning that Han Solo thinks you're obsessive and weird about something that isn't very good wasn't enough, Entertainment Weekly also reports that Han Solo was actually supposed to die in Return Of The Jedi. Harrison Ford thought it made sense for Han to die to bring closure to the series, but that George Lucas scrapped that idea because he didn't think they wouldn't sell as many toys. Which is the exact same reason that Dora the Explorer continues not to be killed off in her hit series.
One day Dora. One day. The grim reaper comes for us all, in the end.
Why do you like dressing like Harrison Ford so much? Why do you like waiting in his bathroom for him to come home so much? Let us know in the comments below!
Check out 28 Badass Disney/Star Wars Mashups!
I love to nap. Hell – if I had my druthers, I’d be napping right now. As a matter of fact, I’m going to nap right after I finish writing this article. Yes, sir. I’m going to nap. Mmm. Yawn. Nap. Come nap with me. Let’s nap in one of these cool napping places.
I mean, duh. Hammocks were made for nappin’, bro. If you’re not unconscious (or nearly unconscious) in a hammock, you’re doing it wrong. Unless, of course, you’re testing a hammock out at Costco. Trust me – they don’t take kindly to people falling asleep in the merchandise. I found that lesson out the hard way.
Your Grandma’s Bed
Straight up, your grandma’s bed is “da bomb.” The mattress is really squishy, the pillows are soft, and it smells like her. Which, in my book, is the definition of comfort .(Assuming, of course, that you have tender feelings for your grandma.) ADDED BONUS: If you’re curious as to what your sleep number is, the likelihood of your grandma’s bed being able to tell you is incredibly high.
In a Car Trunk
Ah, car trunks. Quiet, isolated, insulated. Coffin like. Can you think of anything more zen? I can’t. Just make sure you let a trusted friend or family member know that you’re sleeping in one. Y’know, so you don’t suffocate.
Your Friend Dave’s Futon
Because, well, face it. There's no way in Hell you're in any shape to drive home. The only thing making this particular nap a great one is the fact that you’re passed out – under normal circumstances, you wouldn’t be able to sleep with Dave’s stinky-ass dog licking your face every thirty seconds.
The Emirates A380
Emirates, a.k.a. the most outrageously fancy airline in the world, knows how to treat their cash-flush customers. Every business class seat on their A380 plane turns into a full-length bed (as if the knowledge that you're rich enough to drop $5,000 on a flight to Dubai wouldn’t already have you resting easy). The butt-load of complimentary booze in your very own minibar, combined with 1,200 channels worth of entertainment, makes it even easier to drift away to Dreamland.
I mean...have you ever laid on padded satin? It’s like resting on a damn cloud! And imagine the shock on your loved ones' faces when they see you pop out...talk about a killer prank! You'll laff and laff and laff...until, of course, your parents get the bill for the funeral.
Sleeping in a waterbed is a delightful combination of feeling like you're living in the Swinging 70's and floating on a sea of comfort. Oh, and it’s safer than ACTUALLY sleeping on water. (Please, for the love of God, don’t sleep on real water. We can’t afford the lawsuit.)
The Ugliest Recliner You’ve Ever Seen
Recliners are like women – the uglier they look, the more comfortable they are. Which is why the Southwest-themed overstuffed maxipad in your granddad's den feels like a womb.
Where’s YOUR favorite place to go night-night? Let me know in the comments!
When I first heard that CBS greenlit a sitcom called, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” I was all:
At first I thought this sitcom would be about the wacky adventures of Nirvana in the Pacific Northwest before they made it:
And I was somewhat on board for a sec:
But then I realized I was more:
And it made me want to do this to my computer:
And to whoever greenlit the show:
When they didn’t ask Courtney for permission she was like:
And then probably.
Meanwhile Kurt was busy:
But then it was explained to me that it’s not a show about Nirvana at all:
It’s about slacker Gen-X parents and their 18 year old go-getter son. Which sounds a lot like an update of Family Ties:
A show about Hippie parents and their Go-Go 80s, time traveling son, Marty McFly:
But updated to the 90s. So obviously they are messing with the nostalgia of many childhoods besides mine:
And then I felt old:
Which made me do this:
…and then this:
I’m so old school scared!:
Honestly though, I just needed to get a hold of myself:
And realize that it will probably be cancelled:
And there was much rejoicing:
…until I remembered Courtney signed off on a Nirvana musical that’s coming to Broadway:
p.s. If this has to happen, give Kathleen Hanna all the royalties. She coined that phrase after all:
Do you think Kurt would have appreciated the kitsch value of having his biggest hit be the title of a sitcom? What do you think? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!
The big news coming out of “Tinseltown” (Hollywood, not the place they manufacture all the Christmas decorations) is, of course, their purchase of Lucasfilms and plans to release Star Wars Episode VII. This is all anyone wants to talk about (it’s true, there is not one single person discussing anything else, even Hurricane Sandy or the presidential election) and that’s too bad, because it’s ignoring some of the other potential franchises that are ripe to be snapped up by Disney and restarted. Here are 7 Other Franchises For Disney To Buy:
Francis Ford Coppola has said over and over that he made The Godfather to be about Family, and who loves family movies more than Disney? According to me, right now, right here in this article, no one! You could even have a great scene where Don Corleone appears in the clouds to reassure a nervous Michael that he can lead the family into it’s phase of legitimacy!
Rocky is trained for the biggest fight of his now 70-year career by… JIMINY CRICKET! And then he get’s disqualified from the match for using HGH.
While this franchise is still going on, I’m sure Disney would to have it, and they could make it appeal to even younger girls by… adding cartoon birds or something? Have the witch from Sleeping Beauty be the head vampire? They’d think of something. One thing I know for sure, the Beast and Belle are evidence that Disney would have no qualms with a relationship as emotionally abusive as Edward and Bella’s.
An already beloved-yet-controversial property, Disney would probably go the route of changing Shaft from a private dick who gets all the chicks, to a down home elderly man who loves sitting on porches, and doesn’t think segregation is that bad. Oh wait, they made that already? Yoh boy…
Jiminy Cricket would also be brought back for this property, where he sings “When you Death Wish Upon A Star” and then is shot in the face by Charles Bronson. And, yes, I am aware Charles Bronson is dead, Disney has the technology to bring corpses back to life. It’s why this project is a good fit.
Fast And The Furious
Imagine Vin Diesel, a living human who already seems a lot like a cartoon character, trying to rob a truck while driving one of the cars… from the movie CARS! It’s genius.
Lars Von Trier’s “Europe Trilogy”
Mickey goes blind, and then is hung when he’s falsely accused of murdering the man who stole the money for his son’s operation. And that’s the uplifting part of the trilogy!
Episode VII is going to be a nightmare, we can already tell, can’t we? Let us know in the comments!
I sure am steamed, loyal readers. Yesterday, after drinking about a dozen of daddy's grown up sodas, I wandered down to my local fine dining restaurant. I had planned on a relaxing evening of eating expensive lasagna by myself, complete with excellent service. But to my shock and dismay, my waiter was a WEREWOLF! Though I tried to ignore this, werewolves are terrible waiters. Don't believe me? Consider the evidence:
Werewolves Can't Touch Silverware
As you may know, a werewolf can only be killed by a silver bullet. This makes them extremely nervous around silver, and incapable of performing a waiter's duty to handle a diner's silverware. I first suspected my waiter was a werewolf when he said he "absolutely would not" sit across from me and feed me salad like my ex-girlfriend used to. What's the matter, Ryan? Afraid the salad fork will burn your skin?!
Hair + Food = Bad Combo
When my lasagna arrived, it was just coated in Ryan's werewolf hair. Werewolves are known to shed, so my request for a free order of lasagna was NOT as unreasonable as Ryan the Werewolf made it sound. The fact that I wanted to eat the lasagna I had already been served while the second order of lasagna was placed at the empty chair opposite mine shouldn't matter, and if you think it does, you are falling victim to Ryan's treacherous werewolf lies. Like I carefully explained to the restaurant manager, I didn't notice the thick matting of werewolf hair until I'd already accidentally swallowed it.
The Painful Transformation Process Makes Werewolves Cranky
Ryan started the evening as a polite young man, but grew increasingly pained and agitated throughout. No doubt this is because he was trying to prevent his giant, beastly wolf snout from shooting out of his face before I tipped him. By the end of the evening, his shouting was completely indecipherable, even when I wasn't sobbing.
Unlike Good Waiters, Werewolves Feel No Empathy
If Ryan had never been placed under the monstrous curse of lycanthropy, I'm sure he could've been a great waiter. Truly great waiters make menu recommendations based on the mood they detect at the table, and always know when you want another glass of wine. Sadly, Ryan did not even suggest ordering a Triple Chocolate Cake, which was Monica's favorite dessert. Eating it would have made me feel close to her again and easily clogged up my tears for at least an hour. Alas, since the rising wolf within blotted out everything human in his soul, Ryan wouldn't bring me a dessert menu.
They Deny That They Are Werewolves
When I was sure I had compiled enough evidence that my waiter was a werewolf, I did the only responsible thing: I screamed "WEREWOLF!!! THIS MAN IS A WEREWOLF!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" I hoped that my fellow diners would heed my warning and Ryan would break down and confirm that he was about to transform into a ravenous wolf-beast, thus sparing the lives of the whole dining room, but no such thing happened. Ryan alerted two large men-- the other members of his pack?-- and they dragged me out of the restaurant. I asked Ryan when he would admit that he has a problem, and all he said was, "Dan, this is really not healthy. You're in denial. Monica broke up with you a month ago. You need to stop coming here."
Good waiters are truthful and do not say hurtful things or have glinting, powerful fangs. Don't have a werewolf waiter and also don't ever date Monica Thompson because she'll break your heart.
What mythical beasts work in your favorite restaurants? Let us know in the comments!
We all own at least a few really nerdy coffee mugs. I feel that it is your duty as a nerd to make everything in your house match. How am I supposed to enjoy coffee out of my Pikachu shaped mug while sitting on my Pikachu shaped couch if I don't have a giant Pikachu head for a coffee table? Here are some nerdtacular coffee tables.
Which coffee table do you want in your living room? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!
After a long, grueling, ugly campaign, last night Barack Obama defeated Mitt Romney to win another four years as president of the United States. And since any president's first term is all about winning a second, president Obama can now talk about some things that may not have played well with voters, such as climate change and immigration reform.
Also the White House can finally reveal the odd Freaky Friday-esque
brain switch that Michelle Obama and Joe Biden have gone through.
It was a pretty convincing victory, with Obama winning at least 303 electoral votes to Romney's 206. Of the seven swing states that remained too close to call up until election day, governor Romney won only one, North Carolina. So when Ohio, Iowa, Nevada, Wisconsin, and Colorado came in for Obama too, there was a sort of piling on effect. Once Ohio was called, we got it, okay? Romney lost the election. The rest of the swing states didn't have to rub it in. I mean, how would YOU feel if you won only ONE swing state? I hope the rest of the swing states think long and hard about how they made governor Romney feel last night.
Just because you're pretty doesn't mean you can act like a d*ck, Colorado.
I have to say Obama won "at least" 303 electoral votes because we still don't know the results in Florida. And even after the debacle of the 2000 election, where we didn't know for WEEKS who won the state, it's clear that Florida still does not have its sh*t together. Hey Florida? I know you have a lot of alligators and zombies to deal with, but can you maybe sort yourself out? Voting should NOT be this difficult.
"I just drew a picture of a dog on mine. I hope that'll be okay."
One of the worst parts of the 2012 campaign was how small it felt. The Obama team felt that the soaring, emotional rhetoric of the 2008 campaign would have turned voters off this time, so Obama ran a pretty small, petty campaign, attacking governor Romney more than he sold his big ideas for the future of the nation.
But his acceptance speech last night? Man oh man. It became clear that Obama didn't want to play that game. Having secured reelection, the Obama of 2008 came out to deliver an acceptance speech. And what a speech it was — it reminded us that America is about inclusiveness, determination, the promise of a better tomorrow. That America is a country where we can get ahead, if we believe in the best in ourselves, and more importantly, the best in others. And most importantly, that America is a country where you can put a damn flag in your damn hair.
"It doesn't matter whether you're black or white or Hispanic or Asian or
Native American or young or old or rich or poor, able, disabled, gay or
straight, you can become a meme here in America if you're
willing to try."
Did you vote in this election? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
Check out President Obama Supports Gay Marriage!
The iPad is such has so many uses that you never know when you're going to need one. Because of that, if you're anything like me, you have six or seven iPads hidden all around your hosue so ou can grab one if you very suddenly need to watch a movie or take an impossibly stupid-looking photo of yourself in the mirror. And now with the iPad Mini, you can put it in even SMALLER crevasses, increasing your access to all your superflous iPads! Here are some teeny tiny little places you can store an iPad Mini:
Pocket of a mouse
It's true! The iPad Mini is so small you could put it in the pocket of a mouse! Granted, it would have to be a pretty big mouse — one that runs a children's arcade or teaches karate to giant turtles perhaps — but still, if Apple wants to say in an ad that the iPad Mini fits in the pocket of a mouse it wouldn't be a lie!
In the disk tray of your Xbox 360
Mobile gaming has come a long way since the launch of the iPad, so if you ever get the itch to play some dated console garbage like Halo 4 or Mass Effect, having an iPad Mini in that Xbox tray will remind you that you are no longer beholden to consoles or controllers, or even wires. You can game while you take a walk outside, on the bus to a ball game, maybe even somewhere that isn't your dark living room, brimming with old pizza boxes and empty Mountain Dew cans you filthy animal.
In the slipcase of a DVD boxset
You can cleverly disguise your hidden iPad Mini in an innocuous DVD box set, so anyone who might be LOOKING for your hidden iPads will glance right over it. The only downside is that you'll have to throw away the sets' DVDs, but come on. You weren't ever going to watch Friday Night LIghts, were you? It's time to give up the dream there, champ.
In a parallel dimesnion
The iPad Mini is so thin it can actually fit through the spaces BETWEEN molecules and enter parallel dimensions. Now, while that isn't necessarily true of the iPad Minis in OUR dimension, if there truly are infinite parallel universes, there is a universe where that IS true. And therefore, that universe-skipping iPad Mini has the potential to cross into OUR universe. That means if Apple wants to say in an ad that the iPad Mini can enter other dimensions it wouldn't be a lie! And therefore nothing ever is a lie!
Underneath an iPad that had 1/4 of it broken off
If you hide iPads UNDERNEATH OTHER iPADS, you can now store an iPad Mini underneath any full-size iPads that may have had 1/4 of them snapped off by Incrediuble Hulks. Oh, you don't have any iPads that've had 1/4th of themselves ripped of by Incredible Hulks? Well maybe there are some people who HAVE, genius. You don't know what The Avengers do with their iPads. THIS ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOU, NON-AVENGERS.
In a medium pizza box
Sure, you've kept an iPad in the fridge in a large pizza box for years, but now you can fit an iPad Mini in a medium pizza box, which leaves more room in your fridge for tupperware containers stuffed with spare internal hard drives or blu tooth headsets.
Hey, do you ever think you might have a technology-flavored hoarding problem?
Where are you going to stick your iPad Mini? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!
These kids show characters really need your help and all you do is laugh at them. Shame on you. How would you feel if someone just laughed at you every time you needed some help. I hope you feel as terrible as you are. Here are kids show characters that desperately need your help.
Oscar The Grouch (Sesame Street)
The people of Sesame Street seem to really care about each other's well being with one exception. Oscar The Grouch is so destitute that he lives in a trashcan and no one seems to care or want to help him. He once had a promising career on Wall Street, but then it all fell apart and now he lives on the streets. They better be careful cause every hobo carries a knife, and one of these days Oscar The Grouch is going cut someone up.
Zoboomafoo comes from the land of Zobooland. You may not know this, but the rain forest in Zobooland is being destroyed by like a million acres a minute or something. What are Zoboomafoo and all of his friends going to do if their homes get destroyed and replaced with office buildings? I guess they'll just have to get a telemarketing job selling fake car warranties to old people.
Gargoyles (Disney's Gargoyles)
There are only like six or so gargoyles left on the whole planet. That makes them one of the most endangered species to be alive today. We need to get them to start mating now! What puts gargoyles in the mood? Maybe I should Google that... OH GOD NO! MY EYES! I'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN!!!
Pig Pen (Peanuts)
This kid is filthy. How can the Peanuts gang worry about a great pumpkin or some dumb tree when their friend is so filthy that a cloud of gross follows him everywhere he goes. He's got so many infections that I'm pretty sure that Pig Pen will be ground zero for the Pandemic Apocalypse.
Watching LazyTown is pretty much like watching a drug induced nightmare. The only thing worse than having to watch LazyTown is having to live in it. Since she's the only one who looks normal in the series, we must assume that the entire series takes place in Stephanie's horrible hallucination. Someone please take this girl to rehab!
Rita And Runt (Animaniacs)
Rita and Runt might be one of the saddest cartoons to ever air. It's about two homeless animals that are trying to find someone to adopt them. Of course, it never quite turns out right and they are always once again left on the mean streets to fend for themselves. The only thing that could make this show sadder is if the theme song was composed by Sarah McLachlan.
Pokemon exist in a world where it is totally cool for people to fight their pets against each other for sport which is pretty barbaric by anyone's standards especially since some of them seem to be sentient beings. Unfortunately, no one wants to play a Pokemon game where all of the animals are just friends with each other. That's why Pokemon Snap never got a sequel.
Donnie (The Wild Thornberrys)
Donnie is the adopted child of the Thornberrys. Because he was raised by an orangutan, Donnie is feral and can't talk. Rather than put Donnie in a special school where he can be taught to talk and read and write and act like a person, the Thornberrys take him on dangerous adventures. I think he might have been better off with the orangutan.
Would you be willing to give just one dollar a day to help these kids show characters have a better life? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!